Understanding the Double Empathy Problem: Bridging Neurodivergent and Neurotypical Communication | Praise Podcast

Communication breakdowns between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals aren’t about empathy deficits; they’re about decoding differences. Tune in for more! 🎧

https://momo634.com/p/double-empathy-problem

#bible #inspiration #motivation #motivational #inspirational #MentalHealth #faith #anxiety #communication #neurodiverse #neurodivergent #neurodiverse #neurotypical #ocd #ocdawareness

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00:00:00 --> 00:00:03 Communication breakdowns between neurodivergent and

00:00:03 --> 00:00:05 neurotypical individuals aren't

00:00:05 --> 00:00:07 about empathy deficits.

00:00:07 --> 00:00:09 They're about decoding differences.

00:00:10 --> 00:00:11 Tune in for more.

00:00:14 --> 00:00:14 Hello,

00:00:15 --> 00:00:17 and welcome to Momo 634,

00:00:17 --> 00:00:21 a bite-sized podcast that's chock-full of inspiration,

00:00:21 --> 00:00:22 motivation,

00:00:23 --> 00:00:24 and positivity,

00:00:24 --> 00:00:27 straight from the intersection of faith and mental wellness.

00:00:28 --> 00:00:31 Please like, share, and subscribe.

00:00:32 --> 00:00:36 Momo 634, motivational moments just for today.

00:00:46 --> 00:00:50 Something happened recently during a conversation that frankly

00:00:50 --> 00:00:51 happens often,

00:00:51 --> 00:00:55 so I needed to find out if it had a name and what in the wide,

00:00:55 --> 00:00:58 wide world of sports to do about it.

00:00:59 --> 00:01:03 In typical OCD fashion, after all, it's OCD Awareness Month.

00:01:04 --> 00:01:08 I dove headfirst into a rabbit hole and came out with a name,

00:01:09 --> 00:01:09 some insights,

00:01:10 --> 00:01:12 and a few tips I'm excited to share with you.

00:01:13 --> 00:01:15 The first thing that reassured me,

00:01:16 --> 00:01:18 because OCD loves reassurance,

00:01:19 --> 00:01:24 is that this misalignment is common in mixed neurodivergent and

00:01:24 --> 00:01:24 neurotypical

00:01:25 --> 00:01:25 spaces.

00:01:26 --> 00:01:30 The dynamic I'm describing is miscommunication between people

00:01:30 --> 00:01:31 speaking different

00:01:31 --> 00:01:33 neurological languages.

00:01:34 --> 00:01:37 That's at the heart of the double empathy problem,

00:01:37 --> 00:01:39 a term coined by Dr.

00:01:39 --> 00:01:40 Damien Milton.

00:01:41 --> 00:01:45 It's not that neurodiverse people lack empathy.

00:01:45 --> 00:01:50 It's that both sides struggle to read each other accurately.

00:01:51 --> 00:01:56 And that shift from deficit to difference is a game changer.

00:01:57 --> 00:01:59 Let's say a neurodiverse person says,

00:02:00 --> 00:02:03 I thought you said you were going to clean out the garage today.

00:02:03 --> 00:02:04 What happened?

00:02:05 --> 00:02:10 No anger, no judgment, just genuine curiosity.

00:02:10 --> 00:02:15 But the neurotypical person hears criticism or confrontation.

00:02:16 --> 00:02:17 Cue the tension.

00:02:18 --> 00:02:20 It's not about bad intentions.

00:02:20 --> 00:02:23 It's about mismatched decoding.

00:02:24 --> 00:02:30 Neurodivergent folks often speak literally and rely on rule-based logic,

00:02:30 --> 00:02:33 both of which we understand about ourselves,

00:02:34 --> 00:02:36 but our conversational partners may not.

00:02:37 --> 00:02:41 Neurotypical people tend to read in between the lines,

00:02:41 --> 00:02:45 interpreting emotional subtext and social nuance.

00:02:46 --> 00:02:50 So what's meant as a straightforward question can come off as

00:02:50 --> 00:02:52 rude or insensitive

00:02:52 --> 00:02:54 with these parameters built in.

00:02:55 --> 00:02:58 This mismatch can lead to misunderstandings,

00:02:59 --> 00:02:59 hurt feelings,

00:03:00 --> 00:03:04 or even exclusion when all the neurodivergent person wants is

00:03:04 --> 00:03:06 simply to clarify or

00:03:06 --> 00:03:07 understand.

00:03:08 --> 00:03:13 OCD and anxiety can amplify the double empathy problem.

00:03:13 --> 00:03:14 Here's how.

00:03:14 --> 00:03:14 1.

00:03:16 --> 00:03:17 Literal and rule-based thinking.

00:03:18 --> 00:03:23 Many of us with OCD rely on these rigid internal rules to

00:03:23 --> 00:03:26 manage uncertainty and anxiety.

00:03:27 --> 00:03:29 When we question inconsistencies,

00:03:29 --> 00:03:33 it's usually driven by distress or a need for clarity,

00:03:33 --> 00:03:35 not judgment.

00:03:36 --> 00:03:40 Neurotypical folks may misread this as controlling or critical,

00:03:40 --> 00:03:42 which can escalate tensions.

00:03:43 --> 00:03:47 Two, difficulty expressing emotional distress.

00:03:48 --> 00:03:52 Those of us with OCD might feel intense anxiety or overwhelm,

00:03:53 --> 00:03:56 but express it in ways that aren't easily recognized,

00:03:56 --> 00:04:01 like asking repetitive questions or focusing on rules instead of saying,

00:04:02 --> 00:04:02 I'm struggling.

00:04:03 --> 00:04:06 Three, hyper-awareness of social rules.

00:04:07 --> 00:04:12 OCD involves obsessions with morality, correctness, or social norms.

00:04:13 --> 00:04:16 When we point out a perceived violation,

00:04:16 --> 00:04:19 it's usually to calm internal anxiety,

00:04:20 --> 00:04:22 not to shame or correct others.

00:04:24 --> 00:04:26 Neurotypical responses may include defensiveness,

00:04:27 --> 00:04:29 creating a loop of misunderstanding.

00:04:30 --> 00:04:32 So we face some unique challenges.

00:04:33 --> 00:04:35 Social cognition gaps.

00:04:35 --> 00:04:40 OCD can subtly affect our ability to read others' thoughts or intentions,

00:04:41 --> 00:04:44 especially when compulsions override social nuance.

00:04:45 --> 00:04:47 This relates to theory of mind,

00:04:48 --> 00:04:52 which is the ability to recognize that others may think or feel

00:04:52 --> 00:04:53 differently than we

00:04:53 --> 00:04:53 do.

00:04:54 --> 00:04:55 Empathy misfires.

00:04:56 --> 00:05:01 Neurotypical folks may struggle to empathize with OCD-driven behaviors,

00:05:02 --> 00:05:04 like repeated questioning or checking,

00:05:05 --> 00:05:08 while we may misread neurotypical emotional cues as

00:05:09 --> 00:05:11 inconsistent or illogical.

00:05:12 --> 00:05:13 So how do we bridge the gap?

00:05:14 --> 00:05:17 Whether you're neurodivergent or neurotypical,

00:05:18 --> 00:05:22 here are a few ways to reduce friction and build understanding.

00:05:22 --> 00:05:26 If you're neurodivergent, preface questions with intent.

00:05:27 --> 00:05:32 I'm genuinely curious, or I'm trying to understand, not criticize.

00:05:33 --> 00:05:37 Practice self-compassion when communication misfires.

00:05:37 --> 00:05:40 Your need for clarity is valid.

00:05:41 --> 00:05:45 If you're neurotypical, pause before reacting.

00:05:45 --> 00:05:49 Ask yourself, could this be a literal question?

00:05:50 --> 00:05:54 Assume the default comes from anxiety or curiosity,

00:05:55 --> 00:05:57 not anger or criticism.

00:05:58 --> 00:05:58 For all.

00:05:59 --> 00:06:01 Use clarifying questions.

00:06:02 --> 00:06:04 Can you tell me more about what you meant?

00:06:05 --> 00:06:08 Remember James 119,

00:06:08 --> 00:06:10 which admonishes us to be quick to listen,

00:06:11 --> 00:06:12 slow to speak,

00:06:12 --> 00:06:14 and slow to get angry.

00:06:15 --> 00:06:17 Empathy is a two-way street.

00:06:17 --> 00:06:23 When we endeavor to meet each other, we build bridges, not walls.

00:06:23 --> 00:06:26 Let's keep decoding with kindness.

00:06:27 --> 00:06:31 Have you experienced this dynamic as a neurodiverse person or

00:06:31 --> 00:06:33 neurotypical person?

00:06:33 --> 00:06:34 How did you navigate it?

00:06:35 --> 00:06:38 Drop your thoughts below and let's hear your story.

00:06:41 --> 00:06:42 Thanks for listening.

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