Choose Your "Hard"

[00:00:00] dealing with trauma or difficulties is hard, but failing to do so comes with its own challenges.

[00:00:09] Tune in for more.

[00:00:11] Hello and welcome to MoMo634, the daily podcast chock full of faithful inspiration and motivation.

[00:00:23] MoMo634, motivational moments just for today.

[00:00:28] I'm going to take the rare step of issuing a trigger warning for this episode as the story I'm going to relate touches on very sensitive themes.

[00:00:57] A few weeks ago I introduced you to the story of a sibling set my husband and I had a hand in raising.

[00:01:04] That episode was focused primarily on the girl, now a woman.

[00:01:09] Today I want to talk about the son.

[00:01:12] As mentioned their home life was chaotic.

[00:01:16] It was clear from the beginning that he suffered from a few issues, a suspected learning disability and some sort of neurodivergent condition.

[00:01:26] While he was with us, he entered into counseling and was tested and received diagnoses so he could get accommodations at school.

[00:01:36] However, now that he was no longer fighting to survive in his home, a lot of his issues came to the fore.

[00:01:43] One day he grabbed a kitchen knife and threatened to hurt himself which immediately garnered him a psychiatric hold.

[00:01:53] He had to move into a halfway house for troubled teens as part of his transition.

[00:01:59] He did some job counseling things through them and got employment eventually, but he failed to follow through with everything else he needed once he was fully released.

[00:02:11] He wouldn't continue with counseling or church.

[00:02:14] He pushed people he loved away in anger and refused to speak to those he considered betrayers.

[00:02:22] So we had no choice but to have him leave our home after just one summer and go back to his family home.

[00:02:29] And because his sister felt unsafe around him, she came to live with us and would stay for over three years.

[00:02:38] As was his MO he would periodically reach out to us when he was in trouble, then disappear in anger for months when we suggested he needed to complete therapy.

[00:02:49] We always kept the lines of communication open and to this day he will reach out to us.

[00:02:55] He married young though we advised him to reconsider due to a number of issues, the least of which was his volatility.

[00:03:04] Sure enough, the marriage lasted only a few years and was pockmarked by domestic issues. By then they had a young daughter.

[00:03:15] Skip ahead to now. His daughter, now in college, has cut off all contact with him.

[00:03:21] His siblings don't want to deal with his volatile temper and how he still turns on those he considers not on his side.

[00:03:30] Throughout during calmer periods of lucidity we and his siblings have encouraged him to get help.

[00:03:39] In our last conversation, just last week I explained as I did 30 years ago when he came to us this continued pattern is costing him.

[00:03:50] Dealing with the trauma from the early physical, verbal and emotional abuse he suffered in his native country and that continued in his home once here is extremely painful and difficult.

[00:04:03] But as an adoptive mother who has had to be there step by step during my own children's trauma recovery, I know how necessary it is.

[00:04:14] Reliving it through therapy is agonizing but like a festering wound it must be lanced and drained before true healing can occur otherwise infection recurs or you die from sepsis.

[00:04:32] Failing to deal with trauma doesn't make it go away. It just kicks the can down the road and pulls more people into the wake of your destruction.

[00:04:44] Ancillary people like co-workers and acquaintances to family, friends, loved ones and intimate relationships like spouses that carries its own pain.

[00:04:58] There's a meme on social media that says choose your heart while offering two equally painful things one that continues the cycle and one on the path of healing.

[00:05:11] I've witnessed the healing that comes with dealing with your issues and I'm so incredibly proud of my kids for tackling it and breaking generational chains.

[00:05:24] Psalm 107 14 says he brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death and broke away their chains.

[00:05:33] John 8 36 says so if the sun sets you free, you will be free indeed.

[00:05:41] There's an expression that freedom is not free. In America it means that others died paving the way so that we could be free.

[00:05:52] If you are in bondage from past trauma there is also a cost. A cost to dealing with it and a cost to ignoring it.

[00:06:02] If you choose to deal with it at some point you will be able to walk free and live if not for you and I hope you do it for you.

[00:06:14] Do it for those around you who love you and want you to be whole.

[00:06:21] Our meme for today says fly free and soar.

[00:06:43] Follow along on social media or your favorite podcast platform.

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