Thanksgiving

[00:00:17] Well, hello again and welcome back to the Trim the Wick podcast. I'm Dan.

[00:00:21] And I'm Becky.

[00:00:22] And it is Thanksgiving week, everyone.

[00:00:24] Hooray!

[00:00:25] We have officially hit the holiday season.

[00:00:29] We have.

[00:00:30] It's the holiday season.

[00:00:32] Da-da-da-da-da.

[00:00:33] Na-na-na.

[00:00:34] I don't know any of the rest of the words.

[00:00:35] Something with cheer and happiness and things like that.

[00:00:41] But we are going to talk about today, Thanksgiving.

[00:00:45] And you know what?

[00:00:47] Here's the thing is I feel like Thanksgiving always gets kind of a raw deal.

[00:00:51] It is.

[00:00:52] People are either really, really, really about Halloween and they go all into that

[00:00:57] or they skip Thanksgiving and go straight into Christmas.

[00:01:01] I mean, it's just.

[00:01:01] Yeah.

[00:01:02] Yeah.

[00:01:02] Maybe we should do.

[00:01:03] Well, I guess you already have Thanksgiving Day.

[00:01:05] I guess that's a party.

[00:01:06] I was going to say, could we have like Pilgrim Dress-Up Day?

[00:01:11] I guess they used to do that in schools before it became taboo to talk about pilgrims and stuff.

[00:01:18] But we should probably have Pilgrim Dress-Up Day and things like that.

[00:01:24] Just here at week at school where you are.

[00:01:26] Yeah.

[00:01:27] You go house to house and instead of getting candy, you get like dinner rolls and stuff.

[00:01:34] But no, we love Thanksgiving.

[00:01:36] Do we want turkey that many days out of the week though?

[00:01:39] You know what?

[00:01:40] I don't know.

[00:01:40] Think of the naps that would be had.

[00:01:42] Okay.

[00:01:42] So I'm going to say something here that I know it's just going to bring hate upon me,

[00:01:46] but that's okay.

[00:01:47] Is I'm not a big turkey person.

[00:01:50] Honestly, I would rather have Thanksgiving Day tamales or-

[00:01:54] Which we have done before.

[00:01:55] Yeah.

[00:01:56] Or Thanksgiving Day ham or whatever because turkey's great and I'm good with it for one

[00:02:04] meal, but I can't do the three, four days.

[00:02:07] My father, he loves the turkey sandwiches for the next three to four weeks and I just can't

[00:02:13] do that.

[00:02:14] I'm just not.

[00:02:14] It's not my thing.

[00:02:16] But one of the things is we're like, we love Thanksgiving.

[00:02:20] Thanksgiving.

[00:02:20] It's one of the few times a year that all of our grown adult children are prone to

[00:02:28] having the day off and we actually get to see them.

[00:02:31] Yeah.

[00:02:31] And not only that, it's really kind of for us, it's been one of the times where we've

[00:02:37] been blessed to have everyone together.

[00:02:39] We usually don't even have everyone together for Christmas.

[00:02:42] No.

[00:02:42] For Thanksgiving, it just seems to be like that's the day that we usually have your parents,

[00:02:48] my parents, all the kids are over.

[00:02:50] We know we've been blessed.

[00:02:52] Both Becky and I, we are in our 50s and we've been blessed that we have both our parents

[00:02:58] are still alive and healthy and doing well and we get to spend time with them.

[00:03:04] And so we know we are very blessed to have that.

[00:03:08] So Thanksgiving's kind of a cherished thing.

[00:03:11] We kind of love Thanksgiving.

[00:03:12] Yeah.

[00:03:13] I've never been able to identify with the dread that some people face going into family gathering

[00:03:22] type holidays.

[00:03:23] And again, we know we're blessed to have our families alive and with us still.

[00:03:29] We know that we are very blessed to not dread getting together.

[00:03:32] Yeah.

[00:03:33] And I understand for some folks, Thanksgiving time is a – it can be a horrible time because

[00:03:41] there's so much fighting in the family and stuff.

[00:03:44] And again, like I said, we feel very blessed because our parents, the in-laws, they actually

[00:03:51] all get along together.

[00:03:53] Yeah.

[00:03:53] And have fun together and we do stuff.

[00:03:56] And Thanksgiving for us has been this time where we really get to celebrate, be grateful

[00:04:02] for what God has given us and what God has done for us in the last year and the things

[00:04:09] in our lives.

[00:04:09] And we get to celebrate with our kids and our families.

[00:04:12] So we do get to celebrate and have that great time together.

[00:04:15] And I think one of the things is that this celebration or whatever that we have and our

[00:04:21] parents getting along and us getting along with our kids, there is some work there.

[00:04:26] There is.

[00:04:26] You know, it's not like it's just something that just happened or everybody gets along.

[00:04:32] You know, there is some preemptive grace.

[00:04:36] Yeah.

[00:04:37] You have to go in knowing that we are all different people and we do – we hold different

[00:04:41] values.

[00:04:42] We're pretty solid on the core values.

[00:04:45] Our entire family, again, blessed to have an entire family of believers.

[00:04:50] And so there is that commonality in Jesus Christ that really helps.

[00:04:54] Yes.

[00:04:55] But we don't see everything eye to eye.

[00:04:57] There is grace given for that.

[00:04:59] And there's some very different personalities.

[00:05:01] We've got some very introverted family members who are fine to visit for a little while and

[00:05:07] then they will be removing themselves to alone spaces for a while.

[00:05:12] And nobody takes offense to that.

[00:05:14] And nobody, you know, is like, well, why aren't you – no, we give you grace and freedom to

[00:05:20] be who you are and the loud and boisterous among us will be loud and boisterous.

[00:05:25] Right.

[00:05:25] Right.

[00:05:26] Well, and again, we look at our homes, how you grew up and how I grew up.

[00:05:32] We are a football family.

[00:05:35] So Thanksgiving was – the meal had to be at a certain time so that we could watch the

[00:05:40] Lions play, you know, and watch football.

[00:05:44] And you guys was more – I mean, you guys –

[00:05:48] We went over to my grandparents.

[00:05:50] It was more of a long, drawn-out-all-day-long thing meal and stuff like that where we did the

[00:05:55] meal and then it was football.

[00:05:57] You know, we ate and watched football at the same time.

[00:05:59] But the football game really became, you know, just as synonymous as the meal, you know, when

[00:06:06] it came to Thanksgiving.

[00:06:07] So when we all get together, it's kind of interesting because we do incorporate both.

[00:06:13] Yeah.

[00:06:13] Where we do have – we usually just set up the buffet.

[00:06:16] We usually don't have a full, like, this is the meal.

[00:06:21] Right.

[00:06:21] This is the time everybody sits around the table.

[00:06:24] It's usually a come-and-go buffet type thing.

[00:06:27] We'll have the game on in the background.

[00:06:30] But there's conversation happening everywhere and there's people disappearing into quiet

[00:06:35] spaces off the side.

[00:06:37] And there's – in more recent years, as the kids have gotten older and have their own

[00:06:42] things going on, they'll be here for a little while and then they'll maybe leave and go hang

[00:06:47] out with friends or, you know, their in-laws because we have those now.

[00:06:52] Yeah, I know.

[00:06:53] So –

[00:06:54] Well, and again, it's seeing people.

[00:06:58] Like, I keep saying this thing of grace, you know, there is a presumption of grace where

[00:07:03] you need to see people where they are, who they are, and everyone needs to kind of adapt

[00:07:11] to everyone.

[00:07:13] And we've seen that in our family that does it, I guess, fairly well because we've

[00:07:17] never had any issues.

[00:07:18] And I know that there are some folks that have to have the rigid Thanksgiving and, you

[00:07:24] know, that causes stress.

[00:07:25] And I'll be honest with you, for those who are in that situation where, you know, they

[00:07:30] can't kind of come and go, where it's got to be a rigid –

[00:07:33] Right, where there's a tradition there.

[00:07:35] Yeah.

[00:07:36] And there are families that have very set traditions.

[00:07:38] Hallmark card style Thanksgiving meal with the, you know, perfect turkey and stuff in

[00:07:44] the middle of the room.

[00:07:44] This is where that grace is going to just have to flow and have to understand in situations

[00:07:51] where, you know what, I might be the stronger brother here and I need to show more grace

[00:07:57] to my weaker brother or my weaker sister and love them even though they're completely opposite

[00:08:04] of me.

[00:08:05] You know, we're talking – it's a very easygoing, easy-flowing thing now, 33 years into our marriage.

[00:08:13] Right.

[00:08:14] Got to admit, when we were more newlywed, I had a whole lot of anxiety around, am I meeting

[00:08:23] expectations?

[00:08:24] Am I – you know, because when you do marry into another family, even if nobody's said

[00:08:30] anything about, will I expect to do this or expect to do that, sometimes your own internals,

[00:08:37] your own thought process goes, well, but I'm sure that they expect me to X, Y, Z.

[00:08:44] Right.

[00:08:44] I'm sure that they expect me to put on this big spread.

[00:08:48] I'm sure that they expect me to have the picture-perfect thing.

[00:08:51] I'm sure that they expect me to – and one of the things that our family has learned to

[00:08:55] do over the years that has helped us extend that grace to one another is that when we

[00:09:01] start having those kind of internal mental things going on –

[00:09:05] Yeah.

[00:09:05] – of I'm sure that you expect me to do this, we've gotten pretty good at being brave enough

[00:09:12] to go to each other and go, I feel like you expect me to do this.

[00:09:16] Do you really expect me to do this?

[00:09:17] And we have those conversations, and we've learned, okay, well, there is an expectation

[00:09:25] here, and expectations aren't always a bad thing.

[00:09:28] Right.

[00:09:29] Right?

[00:09:29] Sometimes it's just a, well, yeah, I kind of do have that expectation because that thing

[00:09:34] means a lot to me.

[00:09:35] Right.

[00:09:36] And if I understand that that thing means a lot to you, I'm a lot more inclined to go

[00:09:41] ahead and, yeah, I may have to go out of my way to make that happen, but we're going

[00:09:45] to do that because I care about you.

[00:09:47] Right.

[00:09:48] Or, oh my goodness, this expectation that I have of you is really throwing you into a

[00:09:55] tailspin because it makes you overwhelmed and makes you feel like you can't handle all the

[00:09:59] things.

[00:10:00] Let me just take that expectation off of you because I care about you.

[00:10:06] Yeah.

[00:10:06] And so I'm going to remove that expectation.

[00:10:08] And over the years, those kinds of conversations have really helped us find how to give grace.

[00:10:16] Yeah.

[00:10:17] And I think that's a big thing that a lot of couples, especially new marrieds, is that

[00:10:24] communication with your in-laws.

[00:10:26] Yeah.

[00:10:27] And with even your own parents.

[00:10:30] Communication is paramount.

[00:10:31] Yeah.

[00:10:32] I think of the John Maxwell quote where he says, everyone communicates, but very few

[00:10:38] people actually connect in their communication.

[00:10:41] Yeah.

[00:10:41] It's not just a thing of talking, but it's actually being able to understand this is something

[00:10:47] that means a lot to me.

[00:10:50] If we had, I'm going to just pick something random, but it's like, if Thanksgiving is not

[00:10:58] Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie, then make the effort to have a pumpkin pie.

[00:11:03] Go to the store, go to Publix, get the Publix pumpkin pie.

[00:11:05] You know, if you don't, if you can't bake it and you don't want to bake it or ask and say,

[00:11:12] hey, I know you love pumpkin pie and I know you love your pumpkin pie.

[00:11:18] Would you bring that?

[00:11:20] Bring that.

[00:11:21] Yeah.

[00:11:21] You know, I don't have to kill myself in trying to impress you with something that

[00:11:27] you already do well.

[00:11:29] Okay.

[00:11:30] So what's the one thing in our house, the one food item that came from your background and

[00:11:36] it is now a staple?

[00:11:38] Oh, spinach dip.

[00:11:39] Spinach dip.

[00:11:40] We got to have spinach dip and it's got to have the sourdough bread and your mom does

[00:11:43] an amazing job with it every single year.

[00:11:46] And I want her to bring it to every occasion.

[00:11:49] You know, oh, we're doing something special.

[00:11:51] Hey, mom, you want to make spinach dip?

[00:11:52] But I mean, that's that understanding and grace and it's communication.

[00:11:58] Right.

[00:11:59] To be able to say those things, you've got to be able to listen and speak so that you're

[00:12:08] able to provide what people want and people.

[00:12:12] Yeah.

[00:12:12] It's that thing of going, it's not a competition for your family's way growing up was right

[00:12:18] and my family's way growing up was right.

[00:12:21] We're not battling who gets to win here.

[00:12:25] Right.

[00:12:25] We're learning how to respect and honor one another's traditions, one another's tastes,

[00:12:33] one another's values on things that matter.

[00:12:37] Hi, I identify as one of the introverts in our family.

[00:12:41] And one of the things that overwhelms me is a lot of noise.

[00:12:45] Well, trying to have a conversation while football's on in the background is difficult

[00:12:51] for me.

[00:12:51] And it drove me crazy for a couple of years until we figured out that the football could

[00:12:58] be running in the background.

[00:12:59] And the people that enjoy the football could be happily enjoying the football.

[00:13:04] And some of us could drift off to a side room or outdoors and have quieter conversation.

[00:13:12] And it wasn't a bad thing.

[00:13:15] It's not a rude thing.

[00:13:18] It's just, we can all be who we are in the same space and drift in and out of the various

[00:13:26] activities that are going on without judgment, without annoyance and frustration at each other,

[00:13:35] without, well, but I want you over here doing this with me.

[00:13:39] No, I can give you grace and latitude to go enjoy what you enjoy.

[00:13:43] And we're still in the same space and we're still celebrating together.

[00:13:47] And nobody's making each other crazy.

[00:13:50] Right.

[00:13:50] So, yeah.

[00:13:52] Yeah.

[00:13:52] It's that thing of being aware of the people around you, being aware of the situation that's

[00:13:59] going on and that people are different and being able to communicate with each other.

[00:14:06] And sometimes that communication is, we're going to do, you know, you go in the other room.

[00:14:11] Yeah.

[00:14:11] You know, and let me hang out and we're going to be loud and cheer and have a great time

[00:14:16] watching the game.

[00:14:17] And we're going to, you know, all the officials are blind and everything else

[00:14:21] through the whole game.

[00:14:23] And you don't have to sit there and get all tense because it's such a high energy,

[00:14:29] a high stress environment that we enjoy.

[00:14:32] You can go and relax and we can still all be together and have a memorable time together.

[00:14:38] Right.

[00:14:38] And a time that is good and that we look back and go, that was fun.

[00:14:44] Well, you guys were separated the whole time.

[00:14:46] No, we were actually together the whole time.

[00:14:49] Yeah.

[00:14:49] But we were playing to each other's strengths and weaknesses and giving grace and loving.

[00:14:56] I hope you have a great Thanksgiving.

[00:14:59] Yes.

[00:15:00] And I know listening to this podcast is, you know, not going to change your world this,

[00:15:08] you know, this Thursday when you listen to this and you go to your Thanksgiving meal.

[00:15:14] But I hope this opens your eyes to some of the things that maybe you can do to be the

[00:15:19] bigger brother or bigger sister, show grace, mercy, have a better time.

[00:15:24] And maybe begin to build the communication in your family so that as your family grows

[00:15:31] through the years, Thanksgiving and Christmas and birthdays and whatever the big family days

[00:15:37] are in your home, become more and more and more of a cause for gratitude instead of a cause

[00:15:43] for dread.

[00:15:44] I think we're just going to leave it there.

[00:15:46] I know this is a little shorter podcast than normal, but it is a holiday week and we love

[00:15:51] you guys and we're so grateful that you listened to us here on the podcast.

[00:15:56] And we want to look forward to seeing you again next week as we head into the Christmas

[00:16:01] season.

[00:16:02] And we love-

[00:16:03] But have a wonderful time taking a break and counting your blessings this week.

[00:16:06] That's right.

[00:16:07] Be thankful for all things in Jesus' name.

[00:16:11] Amen.

[00:16:12] All right.

[00:16:12] We'll see you guys next week.

[00:16:14] Love you.

[00:16:14] Bye.