9 Traits to Cultivate a Fruitful Marriage: Self Control

[00:00:00] Holy Spirit is our teacher in the same way that Jesus was the teacher to the disciples when he walked with them

[00:00:07] Right

[00:00:07] Holy Spirit is walking with us teaching us how to walk in righteousness and convicting us of righteousness

[00:00:15] showing us when our responses aren't righteous

[00:00:18] Well hello everyone and welcome back to the Trim the Wick podcast

[00:00:22] I'm Dan

[00:00:22] And I'm Becky

[00:00:24] And we are with you again this week

[00:00:26] We are so excited because this is the last of our nine part series

[00:00:31] It is, we made it to the last one

[00:00:33] We did and if you've not heard the first eight, you can go back and binge

[00:00:38] Please do

[00:00:39] Yes, and we encourage you to go back and if you're starting here go back to the beginning and listen to all of them because they're excellent

[00:00:48] They're really good

[00:00:49] Wow, patting ourselves on the back door

[00:00:51] You know, I just, you know if it wasn't good I don't know if we would even be bothered doing it

[00:00:56] It's like, hey, you know, it's that thing of, you know

[00:01:00] It's garbage, go listen

[00:01:02] It's like, it stinks, you should listen to it

[00:01:06] No, it's very good because it's based on the word of God, right?

[00:01:10] Right

[00:01:11] And then it's 33 years of learning how to walk that word out

[00:01:15] Yeah

[00:01:16] Well, and that's the thing is that, you know, we're not coming to you going

[00:01:20] These are things that we've learned in a book, you know, going to college or whatever

[00:01:24] Man, wouldn't it be nice if it was that easy?

[00:01:26] Yeah

[00:01:27] You just, you learn it, you don't have to test it out, you just get it right the first try

[00:01:31] I remember I had that one, I had that one professor of philosophy

[00:01:35] And I was so mad because he said we would have no tests

[00:01:41] We would have, nothing would be due through the whole year

[00:01:45] Except for the end of the year we would do an oral exam thing

[00:01:50] Uh-huh

[00:01:51] And but nobody knew what it was going to be about

[00:01:54] I mean, we knew it was philosophy obviously, but it was like

[00:01:58] Is this your philosophy to just try to make us mad and try to confuse us?

[00:02:02] Poor college students that don't know what we're doing

[00:02:05] Now you had to pay attention to everything

[00:02:07] Yeah

[00:02:08] Because it could have been anything

[00:02:09] Raise our hand and go, excuse me sir, is this going to be on the test?

[00:02:12] He would just look at it and say like, well there are no tests

[00:02:15] Except, so

[00:02:17] Except the test of life

[00:02:19] So, yeah

[00:02:21] Way to go down those tangent roads, but you know, squirrel

[00:02:26] Come with us

[00:02:27] Yeah

[00:02:28] It'll be fun

[00:02:29] But we've had a great time doing this list and going through these

[00:02:33] Because again, not only are these things that we believe it is in the word of God

[00:02:38] To help explain things to us and help us to understand

[00:02:41] But we do have history

[00:02:43] We do

[00:02:44] You know, 33 years of marriage where we've actually

[00:02:47] Did the opposite of putting these in practice

[00:02:49] And we've also put these in practice

[00:02:51] Right

[00:02:52] And we've seen where when you put these things in practice

[00:02:55] God blesses that

[00:02:56] He does

[00:02:57] And it also don't want to say makes it easy

[00:03:00] But on some points it makes it easy

[00:03:03] It smooths the road

[00:03:04] Yeah

[00:03:05] Understanding how to walk things out properly with one another

[00:03:09] Even when big obstacles come up

[00:03:12] They're not insurmountable

[00:03:14] Right

[00:03:15] Because you understand how to handle them appropriately

[00:03:18] Exactly

[00:03:19] Here's the thing is that we want to go through the list

[00:03:22] Because if you are just joining us for the first time

[00:03:25] We want to get you up to speed

[00:03:26] But we also want to give you a quick refresher

[00:03:28] This is coming from Ephesians 5, Becky

[00:03:31] Nope, it's not

[00:03:32] No

[00:03:33] It's coming from Galatians 5

[00:03:35] Oh my goodness

[00:03:36] This is coming from Galatians 5

[00:03:39] I totally wrote it wrong on my notes

[00:03:42] Ephesians 5 is a great passage though too

[00:03:44] Yep

[00:03:45] But that's not what we're doing

[00:03:47] Nope, let's do Galatians 5

[00:03:49] So in Galatians 5

[00:03:50] We've been going for the last 8 weeks

[00:03:52] And now our final 9th week

[00:03:54] We've been going through the fruits of the spirit

[00:03:57] And how they apply

[00:03:59] Live doubt in your marriage

[00:04:01] Galatians 5 starting in verse 22

[00:04:04] It says, but the fruit of the spirit

[00:04:06] Is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness

[00:04:14] Faithfulness, gentleness, self-control

[00:04:18] Against such things there is no law

[00:04:20] We've heard this passage spoken over

[00:04:23] So many times about how to act in the church

[00:04:25] Or how to act in your life

[00:04:27] And how that these are things that you act out

[00:04:31] Right

[00:04:32] That these are things that if you're a good Christian

[00:04:35] If you're a good believer

[00:04:37] You're gonna act these things out

[00:04:39] When actually these are a fruit of the spirit

[00:04:42] In other words, these are things that are gonna be an outgrowing

[00:04:45] Right

[00:04:46] From you

[00:04:47] And as you're closer to Christ

[00:04:49] As you allow the spirit to take over your life

[00:04:52] And to work in you

[00:04:54] These are the things that are gonna naturally just be produced

[00:04:57] Right

[00:04:58] Like a tree

[00:04:59] Like an apple tree

[00:05:00] You know, it's the fruit that's gonna naturally be produced

[00:05:03] And that's why at the beginning

[00:05:05] The very first week we went and talked about how

[00:05:08] What we're talking about is a Christian marriage here

[00:05:11] We're talking about a man and a woman and God

[00:05:14] Coming together in a covenant relationship

[00:05:16] Right

[00:05:17] And the Holy Spirit is a part of the husband and wife's life

[00:05:21] Right

[00:05:22] And the Holy Spirit is binding them together

[00:05:24] It's a...

[00:05:26] It is not a thing where it's two people that are just going off

[00:05:29] On their own tangents

[00:05:30] They fall in love and they let Elvis do the ceremony

[00:05:34] And now they're going wise and marriage

[00:05:38] Any good

[00:05:39] Right

[00:05:40] So we can't have the fruits of the spirit

[00:05:43] If the spirit isn't the one who's giving us nutrients

[00:05:47] Right

[00:05:48] And instruction

[00:05:49] And right, we have to...

[00:05:51] You can't live something that you're not living

[00:05:54] Right

[00:05:55] And that's...

[00:05:56] Verse 25 of that same chapter says

[00:05:59] If we live by the spirit

[00:06:01] Let us also keep in step with the spirit

[00:06:03] So this presumes that we are living by the spirit

[00:06:07] So, of necessity

[00:06:09] These things that we've been talking about take place

[00:06:11] In a marriage that is founded upon Jesus Christ

[00:06:16] Right

[00:06:17] The last one is self-control

[00:06:19] Self-control

[00:06:20] Self-control is interesting

[00:06:24] Because it's something that you always hear

[00:06:27] Oh, you know, we just control yourself

[00:06:29] It means just holding it together until you're not in public anymore

[00:06:32] We just control yourself

[00:06:33] Yeah

[00:06:34] You know, we...

[00:06:35] Put your hand down

[00:06:36] Don't you have self-control?

[00:06:38] Can't you just keep your hands to yourself?

[00:06:40] And that's kind of the thing that is what's taught

[00:06:43] Is that the self-control is sit down, shut up

[00:06:47] Right

[00:06:48] It's behaving outwardly in a way that doesn't impact anybody else

[00:06:52] Right

[00:06:53] And so I wanted to look at what does this word mean biblically

[00:06:57] And it is another Greek word that I will never be able to pronounce

[00:07:02] But it's en-kure-ti-ya

[00:07:05] Which is pretty close, I maybe think

[00:07:07] But the first definition of it is self-mastery

[00:07:11] And I love that phrase

[00:07:13] I love that connotation that you are a master

[00:07:19] Of yourself

[00:07:21] Okay, now I know you can look at this and say

[00:07:23] Well no, isn't Jesus my master?

[00:07:25] Or isn't, you know, God my master?

[00:07:27] Yes, yes

[00:07:28] But what we're talking about is just as a master

[00:07:33] Does something and has control to get the results

[00:07:39] You also have those same controls

[00:07:42] And what I thought of initially was a glassblower

[00:07:46] A master glassblower

[00:07:48] And they've gone to school, they've trained, they've worked

[00:07:52] They've gotten to the point where they are a master of that glass

[00:07:57] They understand every single detail involved in the process

[00:08:00] Yes, and they have, you know, they've learned what the glass can do

[00:08:05] They've learned how to work with the glass

[00:08:08] How to push it, how to not push it

[00:08:11] How to let it cool

[00:08:12] How to, you know, one of the most amazing things I think with glassblowers

[00:08:16] Is when they get it finalized

[00:08:19] And they know exactly how much water to put on it

[00:08:23] To break it off the pole and stuff like that

[00:08:25] That's mastery

[00:08:27] That's not just a sound shut up

[00:08:30] Of control, that's not controlling the glass

[00:08:34] That's having a mastery of what the glass is

[00:08:38] What the glass does, how do you work with it

[00:08:41] How do you make it do what needs to be done?

[00:08:43] So if we're to be masters of ourselves

[00:08:47] We really need the spirit helping us to see

[00:08:51] Because human beings have a very hard time

[00:08:55] Recognizing the fullness of who they actually are

[00:08:59] Right?

[00:09:00] Without the spirit showing me like the glassblower sees in the glass

[00:09:05] The glassblower knows the composition of that specific glass that he's working with

[00:09:10] There are different glasses

[00:09:12] Right, because you add different things to it

[00:09:14] It's going to react differently

[00:09:16] Even colors and things like that

[00:09:18] So the glassblower knows the exact composition of the glass that he's working with

[00:09:23] He knows the specifications that it has

[00:09:26] We as human beings have so many blind spots about ourselves

[00:09:31] We think that we're composed one way

[00:09:34] And I think God's very frequently going

[00:09:37] I created you, you might could ask

[00:09:39] Because I see some things that you don't see in you yet

[00:09:42] And so again this is where this fruit of self mastery

[00:09:47] Requires the work of the spirit in your life

[00:09:51] And requires you consulting with and listening to him

[00:09:55] So that he reveals things in you

[00:09:57] That you didn't even know were in you

[00:09:59] And that's not, I don't mean that necessarily in a negative aspect

[00:10:04] Yes, he will reveal the faults and the flaws

[00:10:07] And the things that you need to work on

[00:10:09] But he will also reveal to you capacities and strengths

[00:10:13] And things that you would never master and develop in yourself

[00:10:19] If it weren't for him going, hey, this is who I created you to be

[00:10:24] Self control, again like you were saying

[00:10:27] We think of it as putting constraints on

[00:10:29] And being behavioral modifications

[00:10:32] So that you fit in and don't disrupt

[00:10:34] Right

[00:10:35] It is mastering who you are so that you use your life

[00:10:40] In such a way that you meet the full potential

[00:10:42] That you were purposed for

[00:10:43] Right, again it is that Holy Spirit working in you

[00:10:46] Where it's not only discovering who you are

[00:10:49] Who God created you to be

[00:10:51] But it's also trimming those things away

[00:10:54] Right

[00:10:55] That you've picked up in your life

[00:10:57] We all have picked up bad habits

[00:10:59] And we all pick up bad things that will have negative effects on our lives

[00:11:06] Right

[00:11:07] And in turn have negative effects on our marriages

[00:11:09] Right

[00:11:10] The Holy Spirit will reveal those things to us

[00:11:14] And transform us

[00:11:16] Those are the things we're giving, being given mastery over

[00:11:21] You know, we're no longer a slave to sin

[00:11:24] Right

[00:11:25] You know, we're no longer a slave to those things

[00:11:27] Or one of the saddest things I hear is

[00:11:29] You know, I'm born that way

[00:11:31] My dad was angry this way

[00:11:33] And I'm just gonna be that way

[00:11:35] Because my mom, you know, she was a warrior

[00:11:38] I'm a warrior

[00:11:39] Right, it just runs in the family

[00:11:41] So this is who I'm gonna be

[00:11:43] Yeah, it just runs in the family

[00:11:44] It's a generational thing

[00:11:45] God breaks those generational curses

[00:11:47] He does

[00:11:48] And God can set you free of that

[00:11:51] And this is where that self-control

[00:11:55] When those things kind of rear their ugly head

[00:11:59] And you know it's ugly

[00:12:01] Yep, you can put it down

[00:12:03] What a statement of hope and encouragement that is

[00:12:06] Because how many people in our society today feel completely hopeless

[00:12:11] I can't overcome these things

[00:12:12] Oh yeah

[00:12:13] I see these things in myself

[00:12:14] I'm turning into the trait in my parent

[00:12:18] That I never ever wanted to be

[00:12:20] Right

[00:12:21] It did damage to me

[00:12:22] And I know I'm gonna do damage to my kids

[00:12:24] And there's nothing I can do

[00:12:26] I can't help it

[00:12:28] What encouragement and hope in the fact

[00:12:31] That with the Holy Spirit in you

[00:12:34] Revealing those things to you

[00:12:36] And making a new creation of you

[00:12:38] Giving you the mind of Christ

[00:12:40] To literally think the thoughts that Christ thinks

[00:12:43] Right

[00:12:44] You absolutely have it in you

[00:12:47] As a child of God

[00:12:49] To change the course of your life

[00:12:51] Right

[00:12:52] To master yourself

[00:12:54] So I was reading this article a while back

[00:12:57] And it was talking about Christian young people

[00:13:00] Under the age of 25

[00:13:02] And one of the reasons why they were

[00:13:05] Not wanting to get married

[00:13:07] And this is kids in the church

[00:13:09] Not wanting to get married

[00:13:10] It's because they didn't want to repeat

[00:13:12] The mistakes of their parents

[00:13:14] This is because there's this mentality out there

[00:13:17] That you're just gonna keep repeating these things

[00:13:20] You're just gonna keep living that life

[00:13:22] Over and over again

[00:13:24] Well, here's where the Holy Spirit steps in

[00:13:27] And says listen no

[00:13:29] You don't have to

[00:13:30] You can, number one

[00:13:32] Through the Spirit you can have your mind transformed

[00:13:35] Right

[00:13:36] You're already a new creature

[00:13:38] When you've come to Christ

[00:13:39] That's right

[00:13:40] So you can have your mind transformed daily

[00:13:42] Through the Spirit

[00:13:44] You also as you're living in him

[00:13:46] He can give you self control

[00:13:48] As a fruit

[00:13:49] And it's gonna help you to overcome these things

[00:13:53] So you don't have to live under who you are

[00:13:56] You can, we can have young people marry

[00:14:00] And have God-centered healthy good marriages

[00:14:05] And it doesn't matter what the line of destruction is

[00:14:08] In their family line before them

[00:14:10] Because now they've been born into a new family

[00:14:15] They've been born into the family of God

[00:14:17] And that family, that family's solid

[00:14:20] Yeah

[00:14:21] So let's talk a little bit about this

[00:14:23] Because from the perspective as

[00:14:26] Someone who's either a new Christian

[00:14:28] Or someone is understanding this for the first time

[00:14:31] That I can have self control in my life

[00:14:33] It's more than just not doing the deed

[00:14:37] Again, going back to some of the faithfulness

[00:14:40] And some of these other things

[00:14:41] Right

[00:14:42] It's so much more

[00:14:43] It's not just modifying your behavior on the outside

[00:14:45] But you're still in turmoil on the inside

[00:14:47] So let's talk about this a little bit on

[00:14:50] Because there are some things that you can do

[00:14:53] Again, we've talked about

[00:14:54] We don't expect that you just throw your hands up

[00:14:57] And go, okay, God do it

[00:14:59] Right

[00:15:00] You know, I'm not gonna do anything

[00:15:01] You gotta do it

[00:15:02] That there is cultivation that needs to happen

[00:15:05] There is watering and things that you get out of your life

[00:15:08] So let's talk about this on

[00:15:10] How to help you in your self control

[00:15:13] I get it almost sounds a weird statement

[00:15:15] But what are some things

[00:15:17] As we're talking about this

[00:15:18] Is you can start putting in place

[00:15:20] To trusting the spirit more

[00:15:22] And to assist you in self control

[00:15:25] Say like an anger issue

[00:15:27] Or something pops up

[00:15:29] You immediately go to anger

[00:15:31] One of those things is asking the spirit

[00:15:34] To start speaking to you about where that anger's rooted

[00:15:37] Right

[00:15:38] Because we don't just

[00:15:39] Anger's not this thing that just happens

[00:15:42] There's a root somewhere

[00:15:43] And it's usually in hurt

[00:15:45] Or it's usually in past feelings of insecurity

[00:15:49] We have all of these beliefs going on in our heads

[00:15:52] About who we are and about who other people are

[00:15:54] And how we relate to other people

[00:15:56] And when those beliefs get stepped on a little bit

[00:15:59] They can flash up as anger

[00:16:01] And so we need to understand, again

[00:16:03] Self mastery

[00:16:04] Let's go back to that glassblower

[00:16:06] He has studied

[00:16:07] He has studied the composition of the glass

[00:16:10] He has studied how much heat it can take

[00:16:13] How much water it needs

[00:16:15] How to shape it and bend it

[00:16:17] He knows his subject well

[00:16:19] If we are looking to master ourselves

[00:16:22] We need to know ourselves well

[00:16:25] And so in order to do that

[00:16:27] We have a pretty good grasp

[00:16:29] On what our life history has been

[00:16:31] Right

[00:16:32] And if we start seeing those patterns

[00:16:35] If our pattern is a pattern of anger

[00:16:37] We can start asking God to reveal to us

[00:16:40] And go, I see this pattern in my life

[00:16:43] And it flared up here

[00:16:44] And it flared up here

[00:16:45] And it flared up here

[00:16:47] And I don't want to keep walking that pattern out

[00:16:50] Where is this pattern rooted?

[00:16:52] Is there something that I need to surrender to you?

[00:16:55] Is there something I need to forgive in my past?

[00:16:58] Is there something I need to forgive in myself?

[00:17:00] Is there something I need to trim away in myself?

[00:17:03] Right

[00:17:04] He's really, really good

[00:17:06] If we're sincerely asking those questions

[00:17:09] The Spirit is really good at teaching us

[00:17:12] You know, the scripture says that He will teach you

[00:17:15] All the things that you need to know

[00:17:17] To walk in faithfulness

[00:17:19] And Holy Spirit is our teacher

[00:17:21] In the same way that Jesus was the teacher

[00:17:23] To the disciples when He walked with them

[00:17:26] Holy Spirit is walking with us

[00:17:28] Teaching us how to walk in righteousness

[00:17:31] And convicting us of righteousness

[00:17:34] Showing us when our responses aren't righteous

[00:17:37] If we're flaring up in that anger

[00:17:39] So if we're asking Him and we're saying,

[00:17:41] Listen, I want to live a righteous life

[00:17:44] I want to live a holy life

[00:17:46] I want to live a life that is fruitful and good things

[00:17:49] I don't want to produce rotten fruit

[00:17:51] But I see this rotten fruit that's happening

[00:17:53] Would you please show me Spirit

[00:17:55] Where's the source of that?

[00:17:56] Yeah

[00:17:57] And what do I need to do?

[00:17:58] And He will show you

[00:17:59] He will show you through your reading

[00:18:02] In the Word

[00:18:03] He will show you if you're honest and open enough

[00:18:06] To talk to your spouse and go,

[00:18:08] Hey, I've seen this in myself

[00:18:11] Can you help me kind of isolate it

[00:18:14] And learn more about myself of where this is coming from?

[00:18:17] What do you see?

[00:18:18] Right

[00:18:19] Because again, we're talking about a marriage of believers

[00:18:21] Right?

[00:18:22] So your spouse has the Holy Spirit in them

[00:18:24] And may see some things

[00:18:26] That if you're willing to receive what they see

[00:18:30] It's going to help you root some of those things out of your life

[00:18:33] Here's one of the things is that

[00:18:35] You're not going to hear from us a checklist

[00:18:38] Of this is what if you do this, this, this and this

[00:18:41] You're going to have self-control

[00:18:42] There's not a formula to get it right

[00:18:44] Full proof every time?

[00:18:45] No

[00:18:46] Because the whole idea that

[00:18:49] What works for me doesn't work for you

[00:18:51] We are different people

[00:18:52] We are incredibly different people

[00:18:54] Even though we are one

[00:18:56] And we are probably more as one now

[00:18:59] Than we were 33 years ago

[00:19:01] Which I sure hope we are

[00:19:03] But we're still different

[00:19:04] God still treats us differently

[00:19:06] He loves us the same

[00:19:08] But we have different things

[00:19:10] But he knows what we're composed of

[00:19:12] Exactly

[00:19:13] Well, that was kind of the thing that I was getting into

[00:19:15] Is that he is the master over us

[00:19:17] Right

[00:19:18] He's the one

[00:19:19] Through the Holy Spirit

[00:19:21] He's the one who's going to tell us

[00:19:23] One of the things that

[00:19:25] We always want a formula

[00:19:27] That I need to have

[00:19:29] You know, this many people hold me accountable

[00:19:31] I got to have an accountability partner

[00:19:33] I got to have this

[00:19:34] Or I got to have that

[00:19:35] I got to read my scriptures every day

[00:19:38] And really what it is

[00:19:40] Is you need to trust and put faith in God

[00:19:43] Right

[00:19:44] And when you're in the moment

[00:19:45] Rely on that

[00:19:47] And go, okay God

[00:19:48] I trust you

[00:19:49] I want to hear from you

[00:19:51] To give me the self-control that I need

[00:19:53] For reconciliation

[00:19:55] Or for not sinning

[00:19:58] Because that's another issue

[00:20:00] Which we can talk about here in a second

[00:20:02] You know, because this also is a part of this

[00:20:05] Self-control thing

[00:20:06] Is the keeping us from sin as well

[00:20:08] Right, it's not just

[00:20:10] Handling conflict between us rightly

[00:20:12] Which, y'all, that's a teaser

[00:20:14] Stay tuned

[00:20:15] That's going to be the next series

[00:20:16] It's handling conflict in relationships

[00:20:18] But no, it's not just about

[00:20:21] Conflict in your marriage

[00:20:23] It's about righteousness in your marriage

[00:20:26] It's about treating one another rightly

[00:20:29] It's about walking truthfully

[00:20:32] In your marriage

[00:20:33] And not giving into those

[00:20:35] Those little lies that you think

[00:20:37] Might make your life easier

[00:20:39] They're not making your life any easier

[00:20:41] Lies are seeds of destruction

[00:20:43] And they will come to fruition

[00:20:45] So all of these things

[00:20:47] Mastering who you are

[00:20:50] In your marriage relationship

[00:20:52] Builds your marriage

[00:20:55] If you have two people who are going

[00:20:57] You know what?

[00:20:58] I am relying on your voice

[00:21:01] In my life to call out things in me

[00:21:04] Not just to call out things in correction

[00:21:06] But also to call forth

[00:21:09] Things in me that you see in me

[00:21:12] To bring to life

[00:21:14] And bring to shape

[00:21:16] Things that God has created in me

[00:21:19] But that I didn't realize were there

[00:21:21] If our marriages are looking at one another

[00:21:25] And helping one another have mastery over self

[00:21:28] Then in that way we grow more and more one

[00:21:32] Right

[00:21:33] Because I know that I can trust you

[00:21:35] Because you see me completely and fully

[00:21:38] And you're helping me to cut away the negative things

[00:21:42] And you're helping me to develop and grow

[00:21:45] Into the shape of who I'm meant to be

[00:21:47] In the context of a marriage

[00:21:50] Self mastery is something that I can

[00:21:54] Because you're one

[00:21:56] It is something you can help each other with

[00:21:59] Tremendously

[00:22:00] Right

[00:22:01] So as we're talking about self control

[00:22:03] I want to talk about the issue of habitual sin

[00:22:07] The issue of quote unquote

[00:22:09] Not being able to control myself

[00:22:12] In certain things

[00:22:14] It's destroying marriages all over

[00:22:16] Pornography, sexual sin, lying, cheating

[00:22:21] All these things

[00:22:22] These are things of lack of self control in people

[00:22:26] Right

[00:22:27] They are

[00:22:28] There are those guys and girls who are

[00:22:31] I'm just going to say it

[00:22:33] There's guys and girls out there that are just dogs

[00:22:35] And they don't really care

[00:22:37] Self control is not something they're interested in

[00:22:39] In exercising

[00:22:40] Exactly

[00:22:41] They don't care

[00:22:42] They're just going to go whatever the women's the wet

[00:22:44] Again, this is why in our context

[00:22:46] We're talking about a Christian marriage

[00:22:48] Someone who is a follower of Christ

[00:22:51] But they continue to fall into sin

[00:22:54] They're doing that I'm trying my best

[00:22:56] Mentality

[00:22:57] Right

[00:22:58] The idea of, well I prayed so much

[00:23:01] And I read so much and I did this

[00:23:04] The thing that I want to just address with that

[00:23:07] Is it's not so much that you've got to pray

[00:23:10] And read and have accountability partners

[00:23:13] All of those things are good

[00:23:14] Great tools

[00:23:15] Those are great tools and those are great helps

[00:23:17] And they will help you

[00:23:19] Deleting things off your phone

[00:23:21] All this stuff, it is a huge help

[00:23:24] But if you don't allow the Holy Spirit to change you

[00:23:28] If you do not start seeing yourself as the child of God that you are

[00:23:33] And that Jesus died on the cross for your sins

[00:23:36] As a payment for your sins

[00:23:38] All of that stuff is not going to matter

[00:23:40] Because at base, self-mastery begins

[00:23:44] With knowing your subject well, right?

[00:23:47] We've been saying this

[00:23:48] And if you don't understand that you

[00:23:51] What your identity is

[00:23:54] What you are actually composed of

[00:23:57] Who you are in Christ

[00:23:59] If you don't understand what your raw material is

[00:24:02] And that if you are in Christ

[00:24:04] Your raw material is holy and righteous

[00:24:08] If you trade that truth for the lie

[00:24:12] That you are whoever you were before you met Christ

[00:24:16] Then you're still going to be walking in the lie

[00:24:20] It's why that verse is in there

[00:24:22] That if we then live by the Spirit

[00:24:24] Let's keep in step with Him

[00:24:27] But you're right

[00:24:28] If you never understand

[00:24:30] If you think that your salvation

[00:24:32] And you're coming to Jesus Christ

[00:24:33] If you think that what He did for you

[00:24:35] Is wash you off on the outside

[00:24:37] And clean you up and make you presentable to other people

[00:24:40] Then you don't understand what He did

[00:24:43] Right

[00:24:44] You don't understand that when He says

[00:24:46] You're a new creation

[00:24:48] You aren't just getting a new set of clothes

[00:24:50] No, you are on a molecular level

[00:24:54] An entirely different person

[00:24:57] Right

[00:24:58] Because of who you are in Christ

[00:24:59] And because of that

[00:25:01] Because of that understanding of who you are in Christ

[00:25:04] Now you can begin to master

[00:25:08] Those things that once had mastery over you

[00:25:11] Yep, you read what Paul writes

[00:25:13] And Paul shares his struggles

[00:25:15] Of the things I don't want to do, I do

[00:25:18] And the things I do, I don't want to do

[00:25:21] But he ends that whole passage

[00:25:24] With it's then the power of Christ to overcome

[00:25:28] It is that I recognize that in my own power

[00:25:33] I cannot do this

[00:25:35] That's why you have to have the Holy Spirit working in you

[00:25:38] You have to have Christ as the preeminence in your life

[00:25:42] Right

[00:25:43] And the Lord of your life

[00:25:45] So that you can overcome

[00:25:49] Because you're not going to just

[00:25:50] You're not going to all of a sudden have self-control

[00:25:53] Because you did a bunch of stuff

[00:25:55] Right

[00:25:56] And again, I'm all for reading help books

[00:26:01] I'm all for doing devotionals

[00:26:03] I'm all for accountability partners

[00:26:06] And things like this

[00:26:08] These are not bad things

[00:26:10] But those things are not going to give you mastery

[00:26:14] Right

[00:26:15] It is only when you allow the Holy Spirit to work in you

[00:26:19] To change you, transform you

[00:26:21] And then you accept his truth as a truth

[00:26:24] You accept what he is doing

[00:26:26] You realize what he's doing

[00:26:28] And then you walk in that

[00:26:31] Right

[00:26:32] That's when you have full self-control

[00:26:34] Right, because the beautiful example, okay

[00:26:37] The disciples had just watched Jesus be crucified

[00:26:40] Right

[00:26:41] They had seen him risen

[00:26:43] They had seen him ascend

[00:26:44] And then they were told to wait, right

[00:26:46] They knew the truth

[00:26:47] Yeah

[00:26:48] They understood the truth

[00:26:49] They knew exactly who he was

[00:26:51] But they didn't yet understand who they were

[00:26:55] Right

[00:26:56] They knew that they had followed Jesus

[00:26:58] And that they believed what he said

[00:27:00] But they didn't understand that the ministry that he had had

[00:27:04] The life that he had lived was also the call on them

[00:27:08] And so they were waiting in the upper room

[00:27:11] And when Holy Spirit fell

[00:27:13] Right

[00:27:14] In that upper room

[00:27:15] And the tongues of flame rested on each one of them

[00:27:18] I love, I have a friend who I've done some ministry with

[00:27:22] And I love the way she puts it

[00:27:24] Because when she talks about Holy Spirit

[00:27:26] She says, listen, don't look at what somebody else is doing in the spirit

[00:27:30] Your flame has your name

[00:27:32] Yeah

[00:27:33] And so when Holy Spirit individually rested on each one of them

[00:27:39] And empowered them

[00:27:41] They began to understand in that moment who they were

[00:27:44] They received power, the scripture says

[00:27:47] Mm-hmm

[00:27:48] And the scripture says that we receive power

[00:27:52] When the Holy Spirit comes upon us

[00:27:54] So do the things

[00:27:56] Right, the disciples walked

[00:27:58] And they taught

[00:27:59] And they preached

[00:28:00] Mm-hmm

[00:28:01] And they healed

[00:28:02] And they did all the things

[00:28:04] But they did it because they understood

[00:28:06] Who they were because of who Jesus was

[00:28:09] And because they received and walked in

[00:28:13] The power of the spirit

[00:28:15] They had mastery over their lives to the point that they were getting

[00:28:19] Thrown in prison

[00:28:20] And they were singing

[00:28:21] They were getting martyred

[00:28:24] And their testimony lived on

[00:28:26] Their last words were not words of condemnation

[00:28:30] Their last words were the same as his last words were

[00:28:33] Right

[00:28:34] Father, forgive them

[00:28:35] That kind of self-mastery to turn away from who you have been

[00:28:40] I mean, they were a motley crew, right?

[00:28:42] Yeah

[00:28:43] They were tax collectors and rough fishermen

[00:28:46] And they were not the wisest of the wise

[00:28:49] Or the bravest of the brave

[00:28:51] But in Holy Spirit, they were able to master who they were

[00:28:55] Cut away the things that were awful in themselves

[00:28:59] Turn their backs on habitual sin

[00:29:02] And walk in the power and authority of who they were called to be

[00:29:07] What would your marriage be like

[00:29:10] If both of you are walking that way

[00:29:14] Right

[00:29:15] If you're helping each other, reinforcing each other in those things

[00:29:19] Power couple

[00:29:20] Yes, it's powerful

[00:29:22] The world is doing its best to tear apart marriages

[00:29:26] And to tear apart families

[00:29:28] The devil is working overtime to destroy families and destroy marriages

[00:29:34] But through the spirit, we are overcomers

[00:29:37] That's right

[00:29:38] And when the spirit is leading both the man and the woman

[00:29:41] It's amazing how strong that it's a cord that can't be broken

[00:29:46] As we finish up on this part

[00:29:48] I wanted to read a section here as we were talking about this

[00:29:52] Because we're talking about the battle basically between the flesh and the spirit

[00:29:56] And Romans chapter 8

[00:29:59] He says this, verse 5

[00:30:01] He says, for those who live according to the flesh

[00:30:04] And set their minds on the things of the flesh

[00:30:07] But for those who live according to the spirit

[00:30:10] Set their minds on the things of the spirit

[00:30:12] Right

[00:30:13] For to set your mind on the flesh is death

[00:30:16] But to set the mind of the spirit is life and peace

[00:30:20] For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God

[00:30:25] For it does not submit to God's law

[00:30:27] Indeed, it cannot

[00:30:29] Those who are in the flesh cannot please God

[00:30:34] You, however, are not in the flesh but in the spirit

[00:30:37] If in fact the spirit dwells in you

[00:30:40] Anyone who does not have the spirit of Christ does not belong to him

[00:30:45] But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead to sin

[00:30:49] The spirit is life because of righteousness

[00:30:54] And if the spirit raised Jesus from the dead and dwells in you

[00:30:59] He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead

[00:31:02] And also give life to your immortal bodies

[00:31:05] Through the spirit who dwells in you

[00:31:08] And that was Romans chapter 8

[00:31:10] Just talking about how we've got to live by the spirit

[00:31:13] And when it comes to our marriages

[00:31:16] We've got to live by the spirit

[00:31:18] And allow the fruit of the spirit to be displayed

[00:31:21] To each other, to our spouses

[00:31:23] Right

[00:31:24] To our children and in our homes

[00:31:26] And what a beautiful promise there

[00:31:28] If we do that

[00:31:29] Our homes will be places of life

[00:31:31] And peace

[00:31:32] And peace

[00:31:33] Isn't that what we all want?

[00:31:34] I would say that's kind of the call of the Christian home

[00:31:38] Well, we did it, babe

[00:31:41] We went through the nine traits

[00:31:43] To cultivate

[00:31:45] A fruitful marriage

[00:31:47] And we wanted just to encourage you to have those things displayed

[00:31:51] And grow in your life and your marriage

[00:31:54] To your spouse

[00:31:56] Let us know in the comments if you would

[00:31:58] Let us know if there was one particular fruit

[00:32:01] That really meant something to you

[00:32:03] That was an encouragement to you

[00:32:06] Or that was a conviction to you

[00:32:09] Let us know

[00:32:11] Because we encourage one another with these words

[00:32:14] We encourage one another with our testimonies

[00:32:17] So down there in the comments now

[00:32:19] It means you're going to have to go back and listen to all of them

[00:32:21] So you know which one

[00:32:22] But let us know which one of the nine was meaningful to you

[00:32:25] That's right

[00:32:26] And next week we are excited because we're getting ready to launch

[00:32:30] A whole bunch of stuff

[00:32:33] We are, we've got some changes coming

[00:32:35] We kind of teased that last week

[00:32:36] We've got some changes

[00:32:37] So we've got a little rebranding going

[00:32:40] To make it easier for you to get our stuff

[00:32:44] As in our podcast and the blogs that Becky's writing

[00:32:48] And stuff

[00:32:49] Next week we'll be sharing about all that

[00:32:52] And also we'll be starting a new series on

[00:32:56] Conflict resolution

[00:32:59] That's right

[00:33:00] The thing that every person deals with

[00:33:03] And we're not going to just talk about it in a marriage setting

[00:33:05] Right

[00:33:06] We're going to talk about how to deal with conflict

[00:33:09] Just in general

[00:33:11] And we're going to talk about it

[00:33:13] Even though we know

[00:33:14] Our listeners

[00:33:15] Our listeners have smooth sailing lives

[00:33:17] All their relationships are great

[00:33:19] They don't have arguments with anybody

[00:33:21] Right

[00:33:22] Yeah, you know

[00:33:23] Everybody just walks through life

[00:33:25] And when that person cuts you off in a red light

[00:33:27] You just say, oh bless you

[00:33:29] Bless you, you know

[00:33:31] If you're Southern you say bless your heart

[00:33:34] And it don't mean what you think it means

[00:33:37] So look forward to that

[00:33:39] I'll be starting next week

[00:33:41] And again

[00:33:42] Thank you so much for listening

[00:33:44] Like, subscribe, let somebody know

[00:33:46] We'll see you next week for

[00:33:48] We've got a problem

[00:33:50] See you next week, love you, bye-bye