9 Traits to Cultivate a Fruitful Marriage: Kindness

[00:00:00] We're welcome again to the Trim the Wick podcast, I'm Dan and I'm Becky and we are so excited

[00:00:08] to be with you again today because we are continuing on our series of the nine traits

[00:00:16] to cultivate a fruitful marriage and each one of these different traits we've used in

[00:00:22] our marriage.

[00:00:23] You know, these are not things that you read in a book and you just go, oh, these are good

[00:00:28] things but these are actual things that you're going to be tested on.

[00:00:33] You're going to have to.

[00:00:34] There's fruit, it's fruit of the spirit and there's a process to that right?

[00:00:39] And all these things are how God reveals Himself to us, how the spirit works in us so

[00:00:46] in the same way, it's kind of how we're going to be working with each other and our

[00:00:53] marriage and our as husband and wife and how we deal with different things.

[00:00:57] So there is testing in all of this, it's not just like, oh, okay, we read the thing I love

[00:01:03] so now it's just, it's all going to be right here, right?

[00:01:05] Right, now I love you perfectly.

[00:01:07] Yeah, but no, we're going to have challenges today, we're going to have that self-blowness

[00:01:13] and that struggle of putting the other person before you, it's going to be challenged.

[00:01:18] Right, it is, it's that thing of truly bearing fruit of the spirit.

[00:01:23] We live in central Florida and there's a lot of orange groves around here and fruit doesn't

[00:01:28] just show up on the trees.

[00:01:29] Right.

[00:01:30] You know, there's a whole process, there has to be proper environment, there has to be

[00:01:34] the grove owners around here have to make sure that they're very careful around their

[00:01:38] trees because we've had pestilences come in and we've had disease come in and it attacks

[00:01:43] the trees and you have to nurture the trees, you have to nurture the environment and then

[00:01:47] as that fruit begins to show up, it's not just full grown on the tree.

[00:01:52] You know, it starts off as a little bud and then it comes into an orange blossom and

[00:01:56] then the blossom dies and falls off and then you have the eddy, bitty little tiny thing

[00:02:01] of an orange and then that little orange even once it starts being a fruit, it's not

[00:02:07] a fully developed, matured and ripened fruit for a long, long time.

[00:02:11] Yeah, and that's the same thing with this is that just because you're now aware

[00:02:17] of these things or you know these things or it's not like all of a sudden now you're

[00:02:23] going to have peace in your home just because you know, oh I need to have peace in my

[00:02:27] home.

[00:02:28] Right.

[00:02:29] Or I need to have patience so now all of a sudden I'm just going to have patience because

[00:02:33] now I know that I have to have patience in my marriage.

[00:02:36] Right.

[00:02:37] And it starts small but it's that every day feeding again, I love analogies you know this

[00:02:43] it's that every day of taking in the nutrients and taking it you know, and being vigilant

[00:02:49] about how we're cultivating things so that they can grow and aren't cut off of the tree

[00:02:55] in their infancy.

[00:02:56] Right.

[00:02:57] You know.

[00:02:58] Right well as we continue to go through so first of all thank you so much for being

[00:03:02] with us this week.

[00:03:03] We are just enjoying going through this series with you.

[00:03:07] Please let us know if you like what you're listening to give us a thumbs up.

[00:03:13] Give us a subscribe to the podcast.

[00:03:17] Also you can ask any questions or leave us some comments.

[00:03:21] You can email me at Dan at Matthew257.com and send your email questions or your comments

[00:03:31] and let us know how you're doing and let us know how you're putting these things into

[00:03:36] practice and some stories we love to hear testimony.

[00:03:40] One of the most powerful things I believe in the Christian world is our testimony.

[00:03:46] We kind of don't put enough weight and the testimony of the blessings and the victories

[00:03:52] that we go through and how God carries us through and gives us power and authority through

[00:03:57] these things that are just struggles every day.

[00:04:00] And so thank you so much for listening and we look forward to jumping into this week with

[00:04:07] you.

[00:04:08] So far we've gone over a couple so a hunt you want to give us a little recap of where

[00:04:13] we're at and what we've been talking about so far.

[00:04:15] Sure, so we've been basing this whole thing on Galatians chapter 5 starting in verse 22.

[00:04:22] It says but the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience and we are now up to kindness.

[00:04:32] And we talked a little bit about kind of merging kindness and goodness together but the

[00:04:37] more we've looked at it, they are two separate entities.

[00:04:41] Right.

[00:04:42] Now if you just look up the definition of kindness, you get a Greek word that I'll never

[00:04:49] be able to pronounce but on most of things the definition right after that is goodness

[00:04:55] but if you keep going through the definitions, you actually see other things that keep

[00:05:02] popular.

[00:05:03] Right.

[00:05:04] There's this sense and it's it's Christotus right.

[00:05:08] Right.

[00:05:09] Christotus enough but there's this sense in that word.

[00:05:13] Preestote T's.

[00:05:15] You air the linguist.

[00:05:18] There's this sense in that word of it's not when we think of goodness, it's more goodness

[00:05:25] is an active thing right?

[00:05:27] It's a positive action word.

[00:05:31] I act in righteousness, I act in goodness.

[00:05:34] I do something good right?

[00:05:38] This word that's used for kindness has more of a sense of benevolent restraint or indulgence

[00:05:47] you know not it's put there's actually a an application of it of like postponing a

[00:05:55] payment or a penalty that's due right.

[00:05:58] So it's not so much one of actively doing something kind.

[00:06:03] So it's more of this sense of restraining oneself, not jumping out there with your first

[00:06:10] response, not doing what you have a rewrite to do right?

[00:06:14] If you're late on a payment or late on a debt I have every right to collect that debt

[00:06:18] from you.

[00:06:19] Correct.

[00:06:20] But I'm going to restrain that because of my kindness in order to give you an opportunity

[00:06:27] right?

[00:06:28] You know, and we see that you know again we've been talking a lot about how these words

[00:06:34] and these principles and these fruits that we're talking about we're not using necessarily

[00:06:39] webstress dictionary definitions or using God's definitions.

[00:06:42] And where we see this used I think to to its best illustration for what we're talking

[00:06:48] about is in Romans chapter two it's talking about God's righteous judgment.

[00:06:54] You know where we don't have an excuse, we have no excuse for judging somebody else because

[00:07:01] we stand rightfully in under the judgment of God.

[00:07:06] Right.

[00:07:07] But in verse four it reads or do you presume on the riches of his kindness?

[00:07:13] Okay, so his kindness, his restraint is rich there's a lot of it.

[00:07:18] And his forbearance and his patience not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead

[00:07:25] you to repentance.

[00:07:26] Right?

[00:07:27] So his restraint is meant to give you an opportunity right and the opportunity that he's

[00:07:35] giving you is the opportunity to turn away from the things that you are going towards

[00:07:40] and turn back to himself.

[00:07:43] And so when we bring that into the context of our marriage, our restraint towards one

[00:07:49] another, the rightful claims that we may have, the rightful responses that we may be perfectly

[00:07:56] entitled to, we're going to restrain ourselves a bit.

[00:08:01] We're going to exercise kindness in order to give the other an opportunity to turn away

[00:08:08] from something and back towards ourselves.

[00:08:12] It draws us together.

[00:08:15] That kindness turns us away from other things and draws us to each other.

[00:08:19] Right.

[00:08:20] Well I like what you're saying there as in the kindness, it's a thing that allows you

[00:08:25] to then step forward where if I'm being kind to you, it is allowing you now to do the

[00:08:33] right thing.

[00:08:34] So in kindness, I'm giving you a week, I'm giving you leniency, I'm giving you some time

[00:08:40] to pay your bill.

[00:08:41] And then that restores our relationship, right?

[00:08:44] It puts our relationship in right standing.

[00:08:45] Right because I think a lot of people get this idea that kindness just means that you're

[00:08:50] just doing nice things for people or in your husband and wife relationship, you're just

[00:08:57] being nice to each other.

[00:08:59] But it's a lot more than that.

[00:09:02] There is that restraint idea that, you hate to say it but it's that thing of well, I have

[00:09:09] every right to call you out on this.

[00:09:12] Right.

[00:09:14] I have every right to show you where you're wrong.

[00:09:18] I have every right to point at this and go, exhibit a, but because of the kindness, I then

[00:09:31] allow an away to allow you to step forward.

[00:09:36] So it's not always just this thing of, oh, I'm just being nice to you.

[00:09:40] It is almost a thing of I'm working with you so that we're now coming closer together

[00:09:47] being brought into repentance like it says with, you know, under God's situation but even

[00:09:53] with a husband and wife.

[00:09:54] This is where I think where so many couples do the, oh, I do everything.

[00:10:01] You know, I always give, I give, I give, I'm always kind to him but he will know you're

[00:10:07] not being kind.

[00:10:09] You're just being nice and you're just not pointing out the things that are bad or the

[00:10:14] things that's bugging you and so on.

[00:10:16] Well, an attitude matters, right?

[00:10:17] Because if you're doing, if you are actively saying or whether you're speaking it or

[00:10:26] not, if you're portraying it with your body language and the huffing and sighing that

[00:10:32] you go around the house with and those kinds of things, if you are constantly saying, oh,

[00:10:37] I'm the one that's doing it all.

[00:10:38] I'm the one that's bearing all of the burden.

[00:10:40] I'm the one that, then that's not kindness is it?

[00:10:44] That's, that is doing the thing but it's not restraining yourself.

[00:10:50] And so it actually people aren't stupid, especially spouses, you know each other pretty well.

[00:10:57] And you read those things, right?

[00:11:00] I can tell when you're annoyed with me.

[00:11:02] You can tell when I'm annoyed with you and just not speaking that is not the same as kindness.

[00:11:10] Right.

[00:11:11] Kindness means, you know what?

[00:11:12] I am annoyed with you and we both know it but I'm going to still act lovingly towards

[00:11:21] you and I'm going to in attitude treat you respectfully because there is that, you

[00:11:27] know, in that definition of benevolence, there is a respect there.

[00:11:33] There is a graciousness there.

[00:11:35] There is a continuing to offer you good things with the right attitude.

[00:11:44] It's not a sense of I'm going to be nice to you and make sure you know I'm being nice

[00:11:50] to you.

[00:11:51] Right.

[00:11:52] Right.

[00:11:53] I'm going to be truly kind to you.

[00:11:54] I'm going to restrain myself.

[00:11:56] I'm going to take my stinking attitude and my annoyance and I'm going to give it to the

[00:12:00] father and I'm going to let his spirit come in and even though I have every right to make

[00:12:07] a claim on your time or to make a demand from you, I'm not going to do that.

[00:12:12] Right.

[00:12:13] And again, you know one of the different level or different words that are used to define

[00:12:19] kindness.

[00:12:20] One of them is selflessness.

[00:12:23] You know and because that is a huge thing is and it goes again back to this loving one

[00:12:28] another, you know how all of these things build on each other.

[00:12:32] You're ultimately working together to have peace in the home right and to have a home

[00:12:38] that is a mirror of Christ in the church.

[00:12:42] If you are being kind or what you're calling being kind, being nice or whatever, just

[00:12:48] not going to point this out, there's not a selflessness to that.

[00:12:52] That is that grin and bear it thing that we were talking about with patients.

[00:12:56] Right.

[00:12:57] You know, and again, this is where I think definitions are so important and why we get

[00:13:02] hung up on things which like, well, if I'm being kind whatever but it's not me being

[00:13:09] kind, I'm not being selfless.

[00:13:12] I'm actually still being very selfish.

[00:13:16] Right.

[00:13:17] And I'm not looking for resolution.

[00:13:21] I just wanted to stop or I want this to be fixed or whatever.

[00:13:24] But I'm not looking to turn you back to me.

[00:13:27] Right.

[00:13:28] Right.

[00:13:29] Right.

[00:13:30] So we start losing that couple thing, that thing of all these things are supposed to draw

[00:13:36] you closer and closer together.

[00:13:38] The love draws you closer together.

[00:13:41] The peace draws you closer together in harmony.

[00:13:45] This thing with kindness and showing kindness to each other is not just so that one person

[00:13:51] wins the other person loses or the other person wins the other person loses.

[00:13:54] Right.

[00:13:55] Because there shouldn't be winning and losing.

[00:13:56] Exactly.

[00:13:57] It gets paid.

[00:13:58] And together just like we see with God's kindness towards us leads us to repentance, our

[00:14:05] kindness to each other will lead us to loving each other more, lifting each other's burdens

[00:14:11] more.

[00:14:12] Right.

[00:14:13] And also denying the world and denying the outside influences more.

[00:14:19] Right.

[00:14:20] Because that idea of repentance, we're throwing that word around.

[00:14:23] And that word gives this picture of you're going in one direction and you literally turn

[00:14:30] around and come back.

[00:14:32] And when God's kindness towards us leads us to repentance, the idea there is that we're

[00:14:38] walking away from God and His kindness gives us space and incentive to turn around and

[00:14:48] walk back to Him.

[00:14:50] Right.

[00:14:51] And we see that in marriages, right.

[00:14:53] There are times when my goodness, we're coming up on 34 years, right?

[00:14:58] That's this week for us is 34 years.

[00:15:01] In the course of 34 years, there have been times on both of our parts where circumstances

[00:15:07] or frustrations or arguments have made us want to turn away not to other people but to

[00:15:14] other things.

[00:15:16] Let's go bury ourselves in work so we don't have to deal with this.

[00:15:20] You know, let's I know some of y'all out there will relate to this.

[00:15:25] Let's bury ourselves in angry house cleaning, right?

[00:15:29] Because I'm going to angry house clean so I don't have to talk to you and don't have

[00:15:33] to well, you could follow me around the kitchen while I'm slamming cabinets and I'm angry

[00:15:40] house cleaning and you can go listen, this is not an appropriate way to handle this frustration.

[00:15:44] We need to come together.

[00:15:45] We need to you could do that.

[00:15:47] You'd have every right but kindness restrains that doesn't stand in the middle of it and

[00:15:52] go you are acting a fool.

[00:15:54] Would you get over here?

[00:15:56] Kindness holds back a minute.

[00:15:59] Let's the emotional level come down.

[00:16:02] Let's the tempest calm a little bit.

[00:16:05] Let's write thinking come back into play and then gently goes hey, you want to come back

[00:16:11] over here.

[00:16:13] And brings it to a place where your partner, your spouse is willing to turn around and

[00:16:20] come back because you have there's a popular phrase going around right now but it describes

[00:16:27] it well.

[00:16:28] You have held space for them.

[00:16:30] You've said you know what?

[00:16:32] I'm not going to come invade where you're trying to run.

[00:16:36] I'm not going to grab onto you and demand.

[00:16:40] I'm going to hold space right here.

[00:16:42] I'm not going anywhere and I'm going to restrain myself and give you a space so that when you're

[00:16:48] ready to turn around and come back to me and then we can walk together, you're willing

[00:16:54] to.

[00:16:55] It's the picture of the father and the prodigal son.

[00:16:58] Yeah.

[00:16:59] Well one of the things of the definition is that kindness is also compassion.

[00:17:04] Yeah.

[00:17:05] It's understanding.

[00:17:06] It's understanding where that other person is and going you know what?

[00:17:09] I get it so I'm going to give them space and it is.

[00:17:13] It's that picture of the father allowing the prodigal to run and holding space and letting

[00:17:18] him come back.

[00:17:19] Yeah.

[00:17:20] I do think that a lot of marriages and a lot of people work really hard.

[00:17:24] I do think they do as a whole.

[00:17:28] But well nobody wants to go out there and go, our marriage is the one that failed.

[00:17:32] Yeah.

[00:17:33] Everybody's working at it.

[00:17:34] Now everyone agreed.

[00:17:36] I don't think people are getting married to get divorced.

[00:17:42] And I do think there are some that or whatever but that's not there there.

[00:17:47] But I think I know whole most people care about the person they're getting married to and

[00:17:52] really want it to work out.

[00:17:54] I think a lot of times it's more of, they don't know how.

[00:17:58] They've seen it done wrong in the past or they see it done wrong on media and everything

[00:18:03] else.

[00:18:04] And they have a hard time, quote unquote just doing it even though they're probably doing

[00:18:09] a lot and they're probably exhausted.

[00:18:13] And they both husbands and wives get to the point where it's like well I don't know what

[00:18:20] to do anymore.

[00:18:22] And I do think of that story when you're talking about the prodigal son and how understanding

[00:18:30] compassion and having compassion for a person.

[00:18:35] And again compassion is more than just I'm going to provide you everything you need or

[00:18:41] whatever.

[00:18:42] That's not necessarily compassion or compassion.

[00:18:44] That's not compassion or compassion.

[00:18:45] Exactly.

[00:18:46] And you've seen over the years how people who've shown compassion other people actually

[00:18:51] do more harm than good when they just give them everything they want or whatever.

[00:18:56] But having true compassion is trying to understand where they're at.

[00:19:01] And in a way you're trying to lift them out.

[00:19:05] Right.

[00:19:06] And having compassion or kindness to someone there's a lot in the attitude.

[00:19:13] You know God had every right just to be vengeful and angry and wipe us off the face of the

[00:19:19] earth.

[00:19:20] Right.

[00:19:21] We rejected him.

[00:19:22] Right.

[00:19:23] He made a way to lift us out.

[00:19:26] He loved us enough and put in the things in place enough to where we now are able to

[00:19:33] choose because of his loving kindness to us to be left out.

[00:19:38] And I think because he restrained that judgment.

[00:19:40] Right.

[00:19:41] So I think as in with husbands and wives one of the need to start looking at is what am

[00:19:46] I what can I do to help lift my spouse up?

[00:19:51] What can I do to encourage them build them up strengthen them and you're going to do it

[00:19:59] through kindness?

[00:20:00] When you could offer judgment that's where I was going.

[00:20:03] You're going to offer restraint.

[00:20:05] Yeah.

[00:20:06] Which eventually as the spouse who's having kindness be stowed, you look up and you go

[00:20:13] oh wow and you begin to see your own error.

[00:20:16] Right.

[00:20:17] And you begin to turn around and go wow, you had every right to say something about

[00:20:24] that to make a demand of me to restore that.

[00:20:29] And you didn't.

[00:20:31] And so I'm more likely to come back with humility and into restoration.

[00:20:36] Yeah.

[00:20:37] Well, I always think this is like we've all had that boss that one boss that no matter what

[00:20:43] you do always just they're just going to point out everything you do wrong.

[00:20:47] Right.

[00:20:48] You know, they're just kind of you know, just as well as I do, you hate working for that

[00:20:51] person.

[00:20:52] Right.

[00:20:53] Um, I remember a boss I had that he said no matter how good anyone does, you always point

[00:20:58] out flaws to tell them they can be better.

[00:21:01] That doesn't necessarily inspire people to do better and be better does it?

[00:21:05] No.

[00:21:06] Well what I what I noticed was that inspired people to work outside the lines and to manipulate

[00:21:12] the system and to do things like that and to start cheating.

[00:21:16] And I think what we see sometimes in the marriage relationship is it starts turning into

[00:21:23] oh, don't tell your mother this.

[00:21:26] Right.

[00:21:27] Oh, don't tell your father.

[00:21:28] Well, I do this, but I would never tell.

[00:21:31] Right.

[00:21:32] And what happens is because everything you do is being judged and being pointed out,

[00:21:39] you then no longer want to show your spouse everything you do.

[00:21:45] There is no repentance.

[00:21:46] It doesn't turn you back towards each other.

[00:21:50] Right.

[00:21:51] It drives you away.

[00:21:52] There's no exactly there's no driving to each other.

[00:21:55] So that's not kindness at all.

[00:21:58] Right.

[00:21:59] And that's almost the exact opposite because what it actually is doing is driving you apart.

[00:22:06] And I think with all these things that we're seeing and we're talking about this cultivating

[00:22:11] through these fruits and having the Holy Spirit in the midst of that, the whole thing is to

[00:22:17] draw you closer together.

[00:22:21] Right.

[00:22:22] That everything in your marriage is a drawing you closer together bringing you tighter and

[00:22:28] tighter and tighter so that you are one.

[00:22:32] Right.

[00:22:33] That's what the scripture says that you were supposed to be one.

[00:22:37] The husband and wife are supposed to come together as one.

[00:22:41] And if there's a constant divide, if there's a constant thing of going running this way

[00:22:48] or that way away from each other, you're never going to become one.

[00:22:52] Now, if you learn early on in your relationship, that if I do misstep, if I am going in

[00:23:01] a direction that's away from my spouse and they get really nasty harsh and ugly about

[00:23:07] it, instead of approaching me with kindness and some restraint.

[00:23:11] And that doesn't mean that you don't say anything.

[00:23:14] It just means that what you do say and what you do do is driven by love and covered in

[00:23:21] restraint.

[00:23:22] I'm not going to blast you.

[00:23:24] I'm going to make sure that my emotions are in check when I speak to you and of you because

[00:23:30] if you learn very early on that when I mess up, it's going to be met with harshness and

[00:23:35] nastiness, I'm not going to be inclined to turn to you in humility.

[00:23:40] Right.

[00:23:41] And say, I'm sorry.

[00:23:42] Yeah.

[00:23:43] You know, can we walk together again?

[00:23:45] Can we figure out how we walk together in this stuff?

[00:23:48] Again, if we look at God the Father as the perfect example of what kindness looks like,

[00:23:56] He has had great restraint throughout the scripture.

[00:23:59] You see humanity mess up.

[00:24:02] You see his children reject him.

[00:24:04] You see his chosen ones disobey him and he says, I'm going to give you an opportunity

[00:24:11] to come back to me.

[00:24:13] I'm going to give you another opportunity to come back to me.

[00:24:16] Now you're not coming back to me with your consequences.

[00:24:20] You're coming back to me, Jacob, with a lamp in your hip.

[00:24:25] You know, you're coming back to me, children of Israel after having done some wandering.

[00:24:31] You're coming back to me with consequences that you have been through and some of those

[00:24:38] consequences that you're going to live with.

[00:24:42] But I will receive you back because I want you to turn back to me.

[00:24:47] I love you.

[00:24:48] Right.

[00:24:49] I don't want you to face my judgment and wrath.

[00:24:51] I created you for companionship and for oneness, just like the marriage relationship was

[00:24:58] created for companionship and for oneness.

[00:25:00] We don't want it destroyed.

[00:25:02] No.

[00:25:03] And the other thing is that you also, like you were saying, we're not talking about it being

[00:25:08] completely dysfunctional.

[00:25:10] Right.

[00:25:11] We're not talking about a marriage that you don't let anything go by.

[00:25:16] That nothing's ever exposed or nothing when I say, let me put this way, that nothing's

[00:25:22] ever addressed.

[00:25:23] Right.

[00:25:24] No, you need to be addressed.

[00:25:25] You need to address this is where again, that patience, that love for one another because

[00:25:31] that is what's going to ultimately where you're going to be showing the kindness.

[00:25:37] And then when I see that you're showing kindness towards me, it opens me up and vice versa.

[00:25:44] You know, I think of so many times where we had disagreements or we would have a situation

[00:25:50] where I was kind of off the rails on something.

[00:25:53] And you, many times, would take the time to let me burn off or what I needed to do and then

[00:26:02] would come to me later, either later that night or the next day and say, hey, can we talk

[00:26:08] about this?

[00:26:09] Hey, can we get into this a little bit?

[00:26:11] Right.

[00:26:12] Sometimes I'm the type personality where sometimes I can just blow up whatever and you know,

[00:26:19] 10 minutes later, 15 minutes later.

[00:26:21] I'm not even thinking about it anymore but it's still a problem because there was an initial

[00:26:26] problem that caused the whole thing to begin with.

[00:26:28] Right.

[00:26:29] There's been an impact here.

[00:26:31] So it's got to be addressed.

[00:26:33] But allowing some time to go through and then bringing up in a way that's loving, that

[00:26:39] is addressing to solve it, not addressing to show that you were wrong.

[00:26:45] Right.

[00:26:46] Because when you're showing restraint in those times, when you're trying to be kind

[00:26:53] and draw your spouse back towards you, you need to lead with, listen, I understand

[00:27:00] that you wanted to pursue that thing.

[00:27:03] I understand that you made that appointment or that, or scheduled that thing.

[00:27:10] You didn't mean to impact what you impacted when you scheduled that but it did impact.

[00:27:14] Right.

[00:27:15] I understand that you have this viewpoint on something and it's something that's actually

[00:27:22] kind of drawing you away from me.

[00:27:24] Right.

[00:27:25] You don't see that yet.

[00:27:27] And so I'm going to show some restraint.

[00:27:30] When we address those things, it's always got to be.

[00:27:33] I feel like I'm repeating myself.

[00:27:35] It's always got to be with that viewpoint of compassion and going, I understand that

[00:27:41] you did not set out to harm me, hurt me or end up in a bad place yourself.

[00:27:47] You did not, that was never your intent.

[00:27:50] I'm not going to credit your heart with malice.

[00:27:53] Right?

[00:27:54] I'm going to credit your heart with possibly blindness to what you were doing with misplaced

[00:28:02] enthusiasm for something that you've got tangled up in.

[00:28:07] And now it's gotten way bigger than you ever expected it to.

[00:28:09] Right.

[00:28:10] I'm not going to credit your heart with malice.

[00:28:13] I'm going to credit your heart with misunderstanding or misplacement or ignorance.

[00:28:20] Right?

[00:28:21] Right.

[00:28:22] And if I can keep myself in check, if I can restrain myself and go, you know, no, no, no,

[00:28:27] my husband did not do this to hurt me.

[00:28:31] He did this because of misplaced thinking.

[00:28:34] And if I can approach it with that, then I can speak to you in such a way that gives

[00:28:40] you understanding and compassion to where I'm coming from.

[00:28:44] And so there's almost a mutual repentance in that, right?

[00:28:48] Right.

[00:28:49] A mutual turning away from, I'm turning away from my wrath and anger and judgment

[00:28:55] of you and you're turning away from whatever the thing is that's caused the rift and we're

[00:29:00] turning towards each other.

[00:29:01] Right.

[00:29:02] And then in that mutual place of repentance, we can find solutions.

[00:29:07] Right.

[00:29:08] Well, and I also think it's one of those things that stops resentment.

[00:29:12] Yes.

[00:29:13] Resentment can be such a poison, you know, in a relationship because once the resentment

[00:29:22] starts, it quickly leads to a bitterness, quickly leads to malice, quickly leads to

[00:29:29] all these things of, I got to get mine.

[00:29:32] Right.

[00:29:33] You know, it's downhill real fast because it starts going downhill and I truly believe

[00:29:37] that kindness is the antithesis of that.

[00:29:40] It kindness is the thing that would keep that from all happening because it is again not

[00:29:47] appointing out of wrongs.

[00:29:48] Right.

[00:29:49] It's not a purposeful, I'm trying to be right but it is lifting up.

[00:29:57] It is a compassionate, loving engagement to lift up and it will encourage.

[00:30:04] So one of the coolest things that I think that the fruit of kindness is it leads to what

[00:30:12] is going to be next week's thing which I believe kindness leads to goodness.

[00:30:17] Absolutely.

[00:30:18] And so we're going to see next week how this thing of kindness and putting that stuff

[00:30:26] in the action of what we were just talking about building each other out, lifting each

[00:30:30] other up but still dealing with the situation to bring that mutual togetherness leads

[00:30:37] to goodness.

[00:30:38] Yeah.

[00:30:39] And we're going to talk about that next week, that's what we're going to get into.

[00:30:43] So you're going to want to be here for that as well.

[00:30:46] Because it gets good, right?

[00:30:47] It does because because the goodness now starts turning into those action things when you

[00:30:54] start seeing couples and you're like, man that's just good.

[00:30:58] You look at that couple and that's good.

[00:31:01] And you really want to glean from that.

[00:31:04] There's always been couples.

[00:31:05] I know that you and I over the years we would look at and we'd be like man, that relationship

[00:31:11] is good.

[00:31:12] They're good to each other.

[00:31:14] Yeah.

[00:31:15] And so we're going to get into that next week.

[00:31:18] So again thank you guys so much for being with us this week.

[00:31:21] We had a great time talking about this.

[00:31:23] This is one of those interesting ones.

[00:31:25] It's one that's not so easily thought of.

[00:31:29] It's easy to gloss over right now.

[00:31:30] Be kind, be kind.

[00:31:32] Yeah.

[00:31:33] Just be kind.

[00:31:34] Yeah you just put your little fence board sign up on your wall and then your kitchen,

[00:31:38] you know that we're to be kind to one another.

[00:31:40] Right.

[00:31:41] And what that means is don't smack each other around and share things.

[00:31:44] Yeah.

[00:31:45] Right now.

[00:31:46] Yeah.

[00:31:47] Don't argue because mom and dad need to take a nap so don't argue and fight or the

[00:31:53] remote control or the game controller or whatever.

[00:31:55] It's a lot more than that.

[00:31:57] That's a lot more than that.

[00:31:58] So thank you guys for being with us.

[00:32:00] If you've made it this far, thank you, thank you, thank you.

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[00:34:52] Yep, okay well that's about it.

[00:34:55] All right, love you, bye bye.