In this episode of The Man Up Club Presents, host Celena Lena discusses self-discovery and personal growth in your 20s with guests Trayvon and Drew (Fruit). They explore societal pressures, particularly from social media, and the impact on young adults. Trayvon shares his proactive approach to career and personal aspirations, while Drew discusses balancing artistic passions with societal expectations. They emphasize the importance of individual paths, meaningful relationships, and coping with social pressures. The episode highlights the complexities of navigating life in your 20s, focusing on personal growth, friendships, and the influence of cultural and societal norms.
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[00:00:00] Welcome to another episode of The Man Up Club Presents. I am your host today, Selena, Lena, aka Sis from Sis and Low Bro. But I am the youth and program director of The Man Up Club. We're a nonprofit organization within the Twin Cities that helps mentor young black men between the ages of 13 and 24. And we teach on life skills, social skills, academic discipline and civic responsibility. All right.
[00:00:25] If that's something that you want to support, go ahead and go to www.themanupclub.org. Okay. Now, today we gonna get into it. I have two very special guests. One of them has been on here already. Trayvon, say what's up to the people.
[00:00:40] What's up?
[00:00:41] Okay. Trayvon is 23 years old. A couple things about him. Quick fact. Just give a quick fact about you, bro.
[00:00:48] A quick fact about me. I don't know. I guess. I mean, the last was like, okay, I grew up in church, I guess.
[00:00:59] Okay. Okay. Cool. Cool. Cool. Then our next guest on the show is Drew, aka Fruit. That's his artist name. And Drew is 25 years old. Say what's up, Drew.
[00:01:07] What's up, everybody? How y'all doing? I'm glad y'all stopped by.
[00:01:10] Yes. Do you want to go by Drew here or Fruit?
[00:01:13] We can go by Drew here. We talk about some real stuff. I'll go by my real name.
[00:01:18] Okay. So today's topic is talking about life in your 20s. So if you're listening to this and you in your 20s, you already know what's up, okay?
[00:01:29] This is the decade of discovery. What y'all think about that? Just off the top, like when you hear life in your 20s, what's your first thought? Go ahead.
[00:01:39] Figuring it out. That's my first thought. It kind of goes along with what you said, the decade of discovery.
[00:01:43] Like discovering how you work in the working world, not just world. Outside of being in school or high school or running the same routine every day, you have the freedom to make your own decisions.
[00:01:55] And that's where you really test like what kind of person you are and how you think about life in general.
[00:02:00] What about you, Trayvon? What's your first thought when it comes to your 20s?
[00:02:04] Yeah, I feel the same way. It's just figuring things out, you know, to prepare for your future.
[00:02:09] Because, you know, once you're in your 30s, that's when it gets a bit more serious.
[00:02:12] So, you know, gotta make those proper decisions now, you know what I mean?
[00:02:17] So you can set yourself up for the future.
[00:02:19] So the thing is, you said being in your 30s, like that's when you could be more serious.
[00:02:24] But with social media today, it's like it advances everything.
[00:02:30] You know what I mean?
[00:02:30] Like you got people who are 19 years old.
[00:02:35] Okay, I'll be more realistic.
[00:02:36] Like 20, 21 years old, they already got their own business.
[00:02:40] You know, they already making a whole bunch of bread off of, you know, running their own self-discovery mentorship program.
[00:02:49] Or they're getting into real estate, you know.
[00:02:53] And then you see a whole bunch of young people who are successful.
[00:02:57] They done bought a Benz, you know.
[00:03:00] Like, you know what I mean?
[00:03:02] Like we see on social media so many young people who's way under 30 that are killing it.
[00:03:08] And it kind of makes it feel like, oh, well, you should have your life all together when you're 20 now.
[00:03:16] Because these days, it's 2024.
[00:03:17] We're getting ready to go to 2025.
[00:03:19] It's like, there's like a pressure.
[00:03:24] You know what I'm saying?
[00:03:24] There's like a pressure to already have everything together financially, relationship-wise.
[00:03:30] I don't know about you guys.
[00:03:33] I'm going to let you guys speak because this is your platform.
[00:03:35] But when it comes to the females, it's like there's like this that girl syndrome where, you know what that is?
[00:03:42] Oh, no, I'll go into that.
[00:03:43] What is that?
[00:03:43] That girl syndrome is basically where you see on social media a certain type of female.
[00:03:49] The one who has her life together.
[00:03:51] The one who meal preps.
[00:03:52] The one who works out 5 a.m. every morning.
[00:03:55] The one who has her outfits color-coordinated every day.
[00:04:00] Basically, everything is order.
[00:04:02] Her finances is together.
[00:04:03] It's straight.
[00:04:04] So, I want to ask, like, as young men who are in your 20s, is there a certain image that you guys see on social media for people who are y'all's age?
[00:04:18] Specifically men.
[00:04:20] Definitely.
[00:04:21] I 100% see that.
[00:04:23] And especially, like, me being 25 and looking back at all, like, the 19-year-olds, the 20-year-olds who are, like, they, I mean, they just bought their first BMW.
[00:04:33] They just made their first six figures and stuff like that.
[00:04:36] Like, when I was 19 or when I was 18, 19, it was COVID.
[00:04:40] So, it was really, like, you know, you were either, like, sitting stuck inside or you were, like, trying to find a way to make money inside.
[00:04:48] And it's all about your drive as an individual.
[00:04:50] But when you see somebody else who might have more drive than you, you start thinking down upon yourself.
[00:04:55] Like, why don't I have this drive?
[00:04:56] Or why don't I want to do the things this person wants to do?
[00:04:59] And that kind of, that pressure builds if you don't find an outlet for it or you don't find a way to work or you don't find a way to make yourself feel proud of yourself in your 20s because that could swallow you.
[00:05:08] And here's the thing.
[00:05:09] Like I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, you're an artist.
[00:05:12] You know, your artist name is Fruit.
[00:05:13] So, it's like, do you have any pressure being 25 and just wanting to make it in the industry?
[00:05:25] Yes, 100%.
[00:05:27] There's a lot of, especially these days, like, it kind of works both ways.
[00:05:30] Like, you see a lot of people, like, I was just talking about this the other day, how the artist Jelly Roll, how he, like, he is, like, big in country music now, but he started off, like, rapping.
[00:05:41] He's, like, 40-something years old, but he just, like, blew up.
[00:05:45] But the life he lived was insane going through his 20s and everything.
[00:05:48] He just didn't get the recognition like that.
[00:05:50] So, that gives me more faith and it helps me, like, relieve the pressures that there are artists like that.
[00:05:55] But when you see all these, like, 16, 17, 18-year-old kids who are out here getting, like, signing deals and doing millions of streams and stuff like that is definitely pressure.
[00:06:04] I feel like you're running out of time.
[00:06:06] Yeah.
[00:06:06] How do you cope with that?
[00:06:08] Like, how do you, yeah.
[00:06:10] Man, just, I find the reason why I do it.
[00:06:14] Like, as far as music, like, I do it regardless of the age I'm at.
[00:06:17] I'm probably going to make music.
[00:06:19] But it also, like, it pushes me further.
[00:06:21] Like, I try to turn that pressure into drive in order to succeed because, like, so maybe my, maybe I didn't blow up when I was 20, but I'm definitely going to blow up by the time I'm 30.
[00:06:31] You know what I mean?
[00:06:32] Mm-hmm.
[00:06:32] Mm-hmm.
[00:06:32] What about you, Trayvon?
[00:06:35] Are there pressures that you feel when it comes to your age and comparison?
[00:06:42] Or no?
[00:06:43] Um, I guess, like, I felt it at times.
[00:06:47] You know, like, I have, like, two best friends.
[00:06:50] One's a nurse, an RN already.
[00:06:53] And the other one, he got his best disagree when he was 20.
[00:06:55] So, like, just seeing, like, how successful they are is, like, dang, like, you know, there's a lot that I want to do.
[00:07:01] So, I guess, like, in comparison of, like, the people that I'm really close with, I wouldn't necessarily say, like, more of a social media type of thing.
[00:07:10] But, like, but whenever I look back at, like, my, like, the years, I'm like, what did I do this year?
[00:07:16] You know?
[00:07:16] And I can't say I didn't do anything.
[00:07:18] I actually grew.
[00:07:19] I learned something new.
[00:07:20] I actually did something.
[00:07:21] You know?
[00:07:22] So, it's like, I kind of view it from that type of lens.
[00:07:25] Like, you know, yeah, just the opportunity will present itself when it's the right time.
[00:07:30] So, that's kind of how I kind of view things.
[00:07:33] It's not like, well, I wish I had this.
[00:07:35] Like, what I really think about, because this is a thought that I've been, I just thought about recently.
[00:07:41] It's just that, like, when people say they want all this money, it's just like, what do you need it for?
[00:07:47] Like, I actually wrote down a budget, and I'm just like, how much does it cost for me to live the life I want to live?
[00:07:52] And it's not even that expensive.
[00:07:54] So, it's like, I don't need to be making six figures or anything like that.
[00:07:58] You know what I'm saying?
[00:07:58] I don't need to be making seven.
[00:07:59] So, it's like, my main thing, at least when it comes to getting success, is that I want to help people.
[00:08:05] That's it.
[00:08:06] All that extra money is going to go towards other people.
[00:08:09] You know what I mean?
[00:08:09] I only need so much for myself and for my future family that, you know, God will provide for me.
[00:08:15] So, it's like, that's kind of just how I view it as.
[00:08:17] So, it's like, right now, I'm just, I got to work on certain things and focus on that right now.
[00:08:22] You know, I admire that.
[00:08:24] I admire how realistic you come into life because what people can learn from what you just said is that you do not have to get caught up in what's popping on the internet.
[00:08:38] Because what's popping on the internet can warp your perception of where you're at.
[00:08:45] But it's hard to get away.
[00:08:47] It's hard to get away from that, though.
[00:08:49] So, I mean, but it sounds like, Trayvon, you got people in your life who are doing productive things and they're young, right?
[00:08:59] Because they're in their 20s, too, right?
[00:09:01] The people that you mentioned.
[00:09:02] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:09:03] Both of us are, both of my best friends, we're all the same age.
[00:09:06] Yeah, so it's like, it's more so, I like your perspective because you're looking at it like iron sharpens iron.
[00:09:13] As opposed to like, oh my gosh, they doing so much and I need to get my grind on.
[00:09:20] I mean, it's a good type of motivation.
[00:09:22] It's not something that's like negative.
[00:09:25] You know?
[00:09:26] Yeah.
[00:09:26] So, yeah.
[00:09:28] The real difference that I've seen in between like the generations is like the technology available.
[00:09:34] Like you're saying, like how Instagram, social media, all that stuff, you see these people, like you see these 16-year-old kids living in mansions.
[00:09:40] Like it's crazy.
[00:09:42] But like me growing up, like the things I did to entertain myself as a kid was like play outside.
[00:09:48] Like go play basketball.
[00:09:50] Like that was what was important to me as a kid.
[00:09:52] Like the kids growing up now, the kids who are 7, 8, 9 years old in school watching Instagram reels about how people are on jet skis, not going to school, like don't have to work a day in their life because they already made that one play that got them so much money.
[00:10:05] Like that's their role models.
[00:10:07] So it kind of makes sense that all these kids are coming up 17, 18, 19 and they're doing so sad more than what we did at that age.
[00:10:15] Because I was worried about playing outside.
[00:10:18] I was worried about going to play soccer.
[00:10:19] I was worried about bowling with my friends.
[00:10:21] I was worried about like, you know what I mean?
[00:10:23] Hopping on black ops too, like after school because that was nurturing to my soul.
[00:10:29] So you're talking about the difference between, okay, we're all in the same general generation, right?
[00:10:36] Because I'm in my 20s too.
[00:10:37] But like people who are, okay, I have a younger brother.
[00:10:41] Shout out to Chris.
[00:10:42] He going to LSU, my brother CJ.
[00:10:44] But, you know, he's what?
[00:10:46] I think 19.
[00:10:49] Chris, don't kill me if I like him.
[00:10:51] You're wrong on your age.
[00:10:52] Chris, get on it.
[00:10:53] Chris, get on it.
[00:10:53] But there is a significant difference between the few years that we have between us and our younger siblings and even people who are younger than them.
[00:11:03] It's like, like you said, like they coming up and they watching that social media and they're not worried about, yeah, like simple things like playing outside.
[00:11:12] But I think at the end of the day, it comes down to you as an individual, right?
[00:11:19] I mean, is that something that you guys agree with when it comes to success and the age that you quote unquote make it or the age that you get serious about making a living or finding a career, etc?
[00:11:31] Yeah, I agree.
[00:11:33] Like, I don't think it.
[00:11:34] I think it comes down to the individual in some ways.
[00:11:36] Like one, like everybody's environment impacts who they become as a person.
[00:11:40] Everybody has to grow through the said weeds in their life in order to blossom like flower.
[00:11:45] But the thing that's like depends on the individual is like where their drive sits and what their goals are.
[00:11:52] Because like me, like I had like I've always had a tremendous amount of drive in my life, but it's never been drive towards like money.
[00:12:00] It's never been drive to like figure out like how I'm going to be stable in my 30s.
[00:12:05] Like I've had the drive to like be really good at soccer.
[00:12:08] I had the drive to like make really good music or I have the drive to like go get canes for lunch.
[00:12:13] You know what I mean?
[00:12:14] Like a very driven person.
[00:12:15] It's just not in the same ways that some people are.
[00:12:18] So I'm hearing that it's.
[00:12:20] It's it's it has to be based on your personal goals.
[00:12:24] It has to be based on what you want, not comparison of age to anyone else.
[00:12:28] 100 percent.
[00:12:29] We're definitely going to dive deeper into talking about life in your 20s.
[00:12:34] We are back with the Man Up Club presents and we just got an answer from Drew talking about life in your 20s.
[00:12:40] Before we step into that, I just want to plug the Man Up Club.
[00:12:43] If you guys do not know what the Man Up Club is, again, we're a nonprofit.
[00:12:48] True.
[00:12:49] We're a nonprofit organization who helps young black males.
[00:12:53] OK, between the ages of 13 and 24, the goals of the Man Up Club is to get them from to graduate from high school,
[00:12:59] get them to go on to a trade or to go to college and also to stop them from going into the prison pipeline.
[00:13:07] OK, so we're here to help with all of that.
[00:13:11] Now we're talking about life in your 20s, breaking it down.
[00:13:15] Drew, you had mentioned providing and finances and you even mentioned like love and relationships.
[00:13:22] What are some goals that you have when it comes to the next five years?
[00:13:31] Family wise, lifestyle wise.
[00:13:35] OK, wow.
[00:13:38] Wow.
[00:13:41] Goals that I have.
[00:13:42] I don't know.
[00:13:43] My goal, lifestyle wise, is crazy.
[00:13:49] I'm hoping to find somebody that I can like.
[00:13:51] I'm hoping to find my partner in life, like my team partner, like because I think like all the like the relationships and love and stuff like that is teamwork.
[00:13:59] And I'm hoping to find that.
[00:14:01] I'm hoping to find somebody I can work with.
[00:14:02] Well, it's like a good partner in this life, because when you get to the 25s or 26 to 27 to 28, it's like, dang, you're like if you're still like you're still by yourself, like you feel that like you feel that pressure weighing on you when you're by yourself at that age.
[00:14:18] And not just like, oh, I wish I could get a girlfriend.
[00:14:22] But like life is hard.
[00:14:23] And when you get to that point where you're balancing, like I mean, you like you start thinking about taxes.
[00:14:29] You start thinking about bills.
[00:14:30] You start thinking about mortgage payments.
[00:14:32] You start thinking about doctors.
[00:14:34] You start thinking about all this stuff.
[00:14:35] Your body starts to act up like when you're in your late 20s, early 30s.
[00:14:39] You go like you're going to run into all like everything you did in your college years is going to start affecting you.
[00:14:45] And that's like one thing where like nobody really wants to be alone for that.
[00:14:49] So I want to find like my partner to where I can actually work with somebody on that because it's good to have somebody to talk to in those situations.
[00:14:56] Another thing is I want to be in a house.
[00:14:59] I want to have a house.
[00:15:01] And I want to have like you were saying like properties like as far as like on the financial side, because I think in this age, like from 25 to 30, if you can build those like those methods of passive income for yourself, you take a lot of stress off of your wallet, which in turn takes a lot of stress off your mind.
[00:15:21] And so when if you can get to 30 with a clear head, you are insane.
[00:15:26] Like I commend you for that because you have worked to that point and going from 30 to 40, like everybody says everything has to happen in your 20s.
[00:15:34] But there's a lot of stuff that happens in your 30s and your 40s, too.
[00:15:37] So I think like taking like for me, these last five years of being in my 20s, like I really want to set those building blocks for myself to succeed going further in my life.
[00:15:48] What about you, Trayvon?
[00:15:49] What are some goals that you have within this decade?
[00:15:53] Within this decade?
[00:15:56] I guess.
[00:15:57] I guess.
[00:15:57] Yeah, I'll say the same thing.
[00:15:59] Like I would I would want to be married, you know, or want to find my my partner.
[00:16:07] Yeah.
[00:16:08] Own properties as well.
[00:16:10] I would like to be in like as far as like wrestling.
[00:16:14] I would like to be signed, you know, by then, you know, I like to be, you know, I like to do the things that are a bit more selfish as far as like my
[00:16:24] passions.
[00:16:25] I would like to get that done, you know, kind of already in there and pursuing that before, you know, getting married and having kids.
[00:16:32] So, you know, I would say like those are probably like I think those are probably like my probably like my top goals for the next five years other than like just taking care of me, making sure I'm a better version of myself.
[00:16:45] Something that I just learned from both of y'all's answers when it came to the answer of marriage.
[00:16:50] Both of you guys said that you want to be.
[00:16:53] Well, OK, actually, let me let me clarify first before I say that.
[00:16:57] Trayvon, you said you do want to be married before you're 30.
[00:17:00] Yeah, that would be a preference.
[00:17:02] What about you, Jew?
[00:17:03] I would like to get married after I'm 30.
[00:17:05] After?
[00:17:05] Yeah.
[00:17:06] After I'm 30.
[00:17:07] Not like if it happens before it happens before.
[00:17:09] But like when you think about 20s and setting the building blocks for your own life, like and you have to have those set before you bring somebody else on board, in my opinion.
[00:17:19] And my timeline, as far as my brain works, I know it's going to take me till I'm 30 to at least like feel comfortable with like somebody else, depending on my bank account, feeling like somebody like because like when you get married, you join so many things about your life.
[00:17:31] And I would rather be with somebody for I would rather be with somebody for six years and then get married, then meet somebody for one or two and then get married just so I can get married before 30.
[00:17:41] I feel that.
[00:17:42] I mean, yeah, I definitely feel that.
[00:17:44] I mean, even if we even if we end up having kids and we like 35 year olds with a newborn, like that's not that bad.
[00:17:50] You know what I mean?
[00:17:50] Yeah.
[00:17:51] That's not crazy.
[00:17:52] You know, y'all do know that when a female hits 35 and she's pregnant, it's considered a high risk pregnancy.
[00:17:59] Mm hmm.
[00:18:01] So, you know, we definitely we definitely got some some some time that we got to, you know, make things happen.
[00:18:08] Which that's what makes it hard because like like you really got to put you really got to determine like how important is a kid?
[00:18:15] Like how important is like that stuff?
[00:18:17] And like, do you want to do you want to start that process now or do you want to take the chance and maybe start it when you're 35?
[00:18:24] But like when it comes to like starting like starting having kids in your 30s, like.
[00:18:31] If you can't if you can't have a kid, that's the will of God, that's that's just will of God.
[00:18:35] We're meant to have a kid.
[00:18:36] You were meant to adopt really want to get it.
[00:18:38] And so like there's different options like me.
[00:18:40] I've always been a fan of adoption because like one, there's so much going on in this world.
[00:18:47] And to try to bring a new character onto this planet instead of helping one that's already here is something that I've always thought about.
[00:18:57] But at the same time, I do want to see a little mini me running around with my eyes, with my hair, like all that.
[00:19:03] Like I would love that.
[00:19:04] But that's a selfish.
[00:19:05] I feel like that's that's like a self-want for me.
[00:19:09] OK, that's interesting.
[00:19:10] That's interesting.
[00:19:11] See, I had to stop and ask that question to both of y'all when it comes to the marriage and age thing, because it's actually nice that you guys have different perspectives.
[00:19:19] But Trayvon, you just kind of opened my eyes a little bit.
[00:19:21] I really thought that it's rare that young men think about an age that they want to get married.
[00:19:30] I mean, I know that it's probably crossed their mind, but it's just being a female, being a young woman.
[00:19:36] We be talking about that stuff a lot, you know, so it's good.
[00:19:41] Oh, dudes do too.
[00:19:42] Guys do too.
[00:19:43] Really?
[00:19:44] Yeah.
[00:19:44] 100%.
[00:19:45] It's like me and my friends, like me and my friends talk about it like we get home and we're like, wow,
[00:19:51] like there are people out here getting married.
[00:19:53] Like we're just sitting on the couch, like watching a football game.
[00:19:55] And it's like it's like, wow, did you hear so and so got married?
[00:19:58] It's like, dang.
[00:19:59] And like there's one person on the couch who goes, could it be me?
[00:20:02] Then there's another person on the couch who goes, could definitely be me.
[00:20:05] There's another person who's like, I already have a kid.
[00:20:07] What's up?
[00:20:08] Like it's it's so different for each guy that like when you get like at least a group of guy friends,
[00:20:13] like everybody's going to have their own opinion towards that.
[00:20:16] Yeah, I agree.
[00:20:17] Yeah, that's another thing about being in your 20s is that it's a crazy time.
[00:20:23] You seeing some people get married.
[00:20:26] You seeing some people having babies.
[00:20:28] You seeing some people barely making it.
[00:20:32] You seeing some people living in their mama's house.
[00:20:34] You seeing some people jumping from one career to another.
[00:20:40] You know, you see somebody who's financially not there yet.
[00:20:45] And then you see somebody who's financially balling.
[00:20:49] Yeah, successful, ready for anything.
[00:20:51] Right.
[00:20:51] So it's like there's a flexibility.
[00:20:54] You know, there's a flexibility about this decade.
[00:20:58] But actually, that's what that's what should be able to take some pressure off.
[00:21:03] It's like, OK, well, you know what?
[00:21:04] I'm a run my own path in my own race.
[00:21:08] But here's here's a question, though.
[00:21:10] Do you think that.
[00:21:13] There are certain.
[00:21:17] Rules.
[00:21:18] Well, maybe not rules.
[00:21:19] Do you think that there are certain marks in age that you should have a certain thing by?
[00:21:28] Yeah, but I don't know how to say it.
[00:21:31] What are what are those things like?
[00:21:32] OK, so, yeah.
[00:21:34] What is one thing or a few things where you're like.
[00:21:38] At this age, I should have this.
[00:21:41] Like you should have your own car by 22.
[00:21:44] For real.
[00:21:47] That like a car like for me, like my like that was one of my big goals.
[00:21:50] Like I'm not like I need it.
[00:21:52] Like I need my own car.
[00:21:53] Like that's step number one to be like for me and my mind.
[00:21:57] Step number one to being a man is having your own car.
[00:21:59] Do you have your own car?
[00:22:01] I do.
[00:22:01] OK.
[00:22:03] You can say that.
[00:22:06] But I'm also 25.
[00:22:08] Like I've had.
[00:22:09] Wait, when did you get your first car, though?
[00:22:10] That really.
[00:22:11] That's my for when I got my own first car was when I was 19.
[00:22:15] OK.
[00:22:16] And then I was young with it and then it got impounded because I was speeding.
[00:22:20] So that was bad.
[00:22:21] And so that I'd get another one when I was like 21.
[00:22:24] And then I've been to like four cars.
[00:22:26] It's been bad.
[00:22:27] So when when do you do you drive?
[00:22:29] Yeah.
[00:22:29] You got your own car.
[00:22:30] Yeah.
[00:22:31] When did you get your own first car?
[00:22:33] Well, I mean, I was a bit more privileged.
[00:22:35] My parents give me the car.
[00:22:37] So I had a car when I was 16 and then a car when I was 21.
[00:22:42] So I have a different one now.
[00:22:44] But yeah.
[00:22:45] Would you say that by a certain age you have to have a car?
[00:22:51] Not today.
[00:22:52] Yeah.
[00:22:52] I mean, with him saying that there's people I know that don't have cars.
[00:22:56] You know what I mean?
[00:22:57] That don't even have licenses.
[00:22:58] There's a whole bunch of people I know.
[00:22:59] Yeah, I know that's older.
[00:23:00] So, you know, I guess a certain age.
[00:23:04] Yeah, I would say like my main thing is whenever you want to be independent, that's when you should have it.
[00:23:11] Because I tell the people that's in my life, I'm all like, I don't mind living in a place with y'all.
[00:23:16] But I need y'all to do what I think four things.
[00:23:19] You have to graduate.
[00:23:20] You got to have your own car, your own job.
[00:23:24] Or you got to be like pursuing school or something like that.
[00:23:27] So it's like, and when it comes to being independent, you know what I mean?
[00:23:31] Like, yes, you need your car.
[00:23:33] But some people don't mind.
[00:23:35] They don't mind living at home until they're in their 30s.
[00:23:38] So it's like, it's really depending on like whenever you want to be independent, that's when you should get it.
[00:23:43] And it's a cultural thing too.
[00:23:45] Because I know like, especially like, I can't say too much because I'm not a part of this community.
[00:23:49] But I know like my friends that grew up in the Latino community, like their families stick together for a very long time.
[00:23:54] Like a lot of, there's a lot of families that like, they're like the mom and the dad like encourage the child to stay in the house, to stay living at the house till they're 26, till they're 27, till they get married or something like that.
[00:24:07] Like that's just staple culture.
[00:24:08] Like I know there's other cultures like in like Eastern Europe and Western Asia where they're like, you like the whole, like we're having 12 people live in this house.
[00:24:18] You live with your grandma, like you live with your great grandma, like you could be 25, but you still live with your grandma.
[00:24:25] Your mom lives there, all your family lives there.
[00:24:27] Like that's part of the culture.
[00:24:29] And then same with like, as far as the cars go, like for me it was important because I signified like having a car and being able to drive as being independent.
[00:24:38] And that was something that was very important to me.
[00:24:40] But I know like one of my friends still don't have his license because he just doesn't feel the need to be driving a car.
[00:24:46] He's like, well, I spend the same amount on Uber as I would paying for a vehicle and paying for maintenance and all that stuff.
[00:24:51] So I don't necessarily need to have my license, which I respect him for.
[00:24:54] And that's just not something he finds important.
[00:24:56] What I find important is being able to do what I want on my own time.
[00:24:59] That's why I have my own car.
[00:25:00] No, that's real.
[00:25:01] And, you know, I like the fact that you pointed out that there is a cultural awareness when it comes to thinking about, quote unquote, where you should be, you know, because like you said, in certain cultures, you can be, you know, 29 years old and still live in your parents' house.
[00:25:19] But it's frowned upon if you move out.
[00:25:21] Yeah, right.
[00:25:22] So it's like being in your 20s as an American, it there is a pressure because it's like when you're 18 years old, it's like, OK, now you've grown.
[00:25:30] Get up out of my house, you know, but for a lot of people, that's not necessarily the case.
[00:25:35] Oh, yeah.
[00:25:35] America puts so much pressure on their kids.
[00:25:37] It's not even.
[00:25:38] Yeah.
[00:25:38] It's not even funny compared to a lot of other cultures in the world.
[00:25:41] Like America is different.
[00:25:42] For sure.
[00:25:43] And then another thing that we have not even dived deep into yet is friendships, not just relationships, but friendships.
[00:25:52] So we're going to get into that, too.
[00:25:54] What's up, y'all?
[00:25:55] We're back at the Man Up Club Presents podcast talking with Drew and Trayvon talking about
[00:25:59] the decade of your 20s, more well known as the decade of discovery.
[00:26:04] We've kind of mentioned things like relationships, social pressures, but now we're going to get into friendships.
[00:26:11] So when it comes to making friends during this age, what I notice being in my 20s is that I also have the experience of being in college, by the way.
[00:26:24] But the people in college have some of them have dwindled away, but some of them I've carried from college.
[00:26:33] And then there's some people that I've talked to since even middle school and high school.
[00:26:40] So the way I see it, if I'm still talking to you today, like as a friend and I call you my friend, you are basically considered somebody who I see myself continuing to talk to for the rest of my life.
[00:26:55] And it may not be on a regular basis, but it's like we're at the age now where you could talk to somebody one time, like let's say in January, and then we're still friends and I don't hear from them until March.
[00:27:10] But we catch back up like time was never lost.
[00:27:15] So talk about, you know, friendships, the importance of establishing certain friendships at this age, or maybe you've had a bad experience with friendships and there's lessons that you've learned in your 20s.
[00:27:30] I mean, I think college helps tremendously with the ability to have like have friends and make friends in your 20s because like one college is so hectic.
[00:27:39] Like when you're in college, like there's so many more things that you are supposed to be focused on rather than having friends.
[00:27:46] And but having friends in those scenarios is what makes college like enjoyable, fun, and it gives you that outlet in order to pursue like the goals that you are trying to, like your degree in whatever subject that may be.
[00:27:59] And the same goes for like life in general.
[00:28:01] Like my friends change, like they do change.
[00:28:05] Like I have specific friends that I have been friends with for all of my life.
[00:28:10] And then I continue to meet people where I'm like, oh, yep, like you're my brother or like, yep, like you're my sister for real.
[00:28:15] Like that's you meet those people.
[00:28:18] But at the same time, like there are people who are only supposed to be in your life for like a season, like people who are supposed to be there to help you through what you're working on in that moment.
[00:28:28] And I don't know, like I said, like you nothing ever happens unless it's supposed to happen.
[00:28:34] Like the universe, whatever higher power that we have, like it doesn't it's not going to waste time putting you in a room if it doesn't have to.
[00:28:41] Like it's got all this stuff to control.
[00:28:42] Like it just controlled that light changing.
[00:28:44] It just controlled the wind today.
[00:28:45] Like why are they concerned about who you met?
[00:28:47] And so I picture everybody I run into in life as a person that I should take as somebody I should meet because they were put in front of me for a reason.
[00:28:57] But some people are meant to go after you learn a lesson.
[00:28:59] Some people are supposed to be there with you while you continue to learn lessons because they're they were good with you and you guys are like learning partners in this life.
[00:29:06] So would you say that it's a mature mindset to have when you understand that, hey, being a young adult, you got to accept the fact that people are going to come and go?
[00:29:18] You know, 100 percent.
[00:29:19] You can't you can't keep every single person in your life just the way you want it.
[00:29:22] It never works.
[00:29:23] And that's that sounds pessimistic.
[00:29:25] But it also I mean, it's realistic.
[00:29:28] Like there are people who are going to move across the country that you won't be able to see every day.
[00:29:32] But if like like if they're really meant to be in your life, you're going to find a way to see them.
[00:29:36] If not, then it's just it's just not going to work out.
[00:29:39] And you can't fret those things because it's going to hold you back as a person.
[00:29:43] I feel like.
[00:29:44] Yeah, you can agree with this or you can disagree.
[00:29:47] I actually have a different perspective.
[00:29:49] Oh, OK.
[00:29:50] No, like his perspective is true.
[00:29:53] It's just my experience is opposite, I guess.
[00:29:56] Like at least when it comes to friends, I haven't really made a bad friend.
[00:30:02] Like it just hasn't happened.
[00:30:04] I don't know.
[00:30:04] Like no one really like does something disrespectful or like, you know, lies on me or anything like that.
[00:30:11] Like I just know how to place people properly.
[00:30:13] And I just know that like what if we're going to go back to relationships, I just know when I'm married and I have kids, my friendships are going to look completely different.
[00:30:22] But I just know as far as like my friends that I have now, I don't mind inviting them to my wedding.
[00:30:28] They can come.
[00:30:29] And if they don't come, then that's it is what it is.
[00:30:31] It doesn't mean like we're still ain't cool.
[00:30:32] You know what I mean?
[00:30:33] Like, you know, we all have our own life to live.
[00:30:35] But, but yeah, but yeah, I wouldn't say like, like there would be like a falling out or anything like that.
[00:30:42] It's just like I'm very notorious.
[00:30:44] I don't block people's numbers.
[00:30:46] Like, you know what I mean?
[00:30:47] Like if you want my number hasn't changed.
[00:30:49] If you want to call me, you can call me.
[00:30:51] And I'd be like, oh, hey, yeah.
[00:30:52] How's it going?
[00:30:53] So I have no issues with anyone calling me, checking up on me or wanting to catch up or anything like that.
[00:30:58] And I do the same thing.
[00:30:59] If I'm in town, like, you know, if I go out of town, I have friends in L.A., I have friends in Atlanta.
[00:31:04] If I go out of town, guess who I'm going to call?
[00:31:06] Hey, I'm in town.
[00:31:07] You want to hang out?
[00:31:07] You know what I'm saying?
[00:31:08] So it's like, you know, so yeah.
[00:31:11] So I guess like, I don't know.
[00:31:12] I just haven't had the bad experiences.
[00:31:15] You know what I mean?
[00:31:15] Because I'm very particular who I pick as far as a friend.
[00:31:18] So, yeah, so that's what I say.
[00:31:21] And I don't think it attributes like what I was saying.
[00:31:23] I don't think if it came across as bad friends, I can see that.
[00:31:26] But that's not like bad friends don't usually happen.
[00:31:31] Like because if like bad things happen, is that person really your friend?
[00:31:35] Like that thing with the way you think about it, like with hindsight.
[00:31:39] But people can disappoint you, though.
[00:31:42] People can definitely disappoint you.
[00:31:43] And you can have a friend and y'all are really friends, though.
[00:31:48] But then all of a sudden, you know, maybe they want, I don't know, maybe they're jealous of your relationship.
[00:31:57] Or maybe they're jealous of what you have or the opportunities that you're getting.
[00:32:01] So then all of a sudden, their focus changes and then they start to treat you in a way that you wouldn't expect.
[00:32:07] Or people get into relationships and then they turn around and stab you in the back.
[00:32:12] Which is like, it's hard, especially at this age because like so many people base relationships or hold relationships to like such a high standard.
[00:32:21] Where like if you have like these like three group or like three core group of friends, whatever, blah, blah, blah.
[00:32:27] Like you live with them like that's your roommates.
[00:32:29] That's everybody that you love spending time with, love hanging out with.
[00:32:31] And then all of a sudden you get a girlfriend and you over at her house all the time or she over at your house all the time.
[00:32:36] And you're not spending as much time with them.
[00:32:37] Either they feel some sort of way or you feel some sort of way or she feels some sort of way because you still want to hang out with your friends.
[00:32:44] And it's just like people think people think that possessing somebody's energy is important, which like at one point you're just supposed to share it.
[00:32:52] Yeah, for sure.
[00:32:53] So, you know, there's we talked that we talked about the pressure individually being in your 20s, you know, comparing yourself to other people and the success that they make with their lives.
[00:33:06] And the success that you make with your own life.
[00:33:08] But what about comparison when it comes to friendships or maybe not comparison?
[00:33:14] What about when it comes to the pressures of having quality friendships?
[00:33:20] Like, let me ask you all a question.
[00:33:22] Do you have friends or friend groups that are not so serious about life or because, you know, Drew, you coming up on 25.
[00:33:31] Trayvon, you got really strict, not strict.
[00:33:35] You have really particular, you know, particular choices in the people that you choose.
[00:33:42] Like, are there people in your life that, you know, just kind of like go with the flow?
[00:33:47] You know, they don't got to be they don't got to be headed in a certain direction.
[00:33:51] You know what I mean?
[00:33:52] Like, are there other people like that in your life or you're starting to become even more selective because you're trying to get to a certain place by 30?
[00:34:01] I was.
[00:34:02] Yeah.
[00:34:02] I don't know.
[00:34:03] I would say that, like, when you're younger, like, it doesn't really matter where somebody is trying to go.
[00:34:07] Like, as long as you like being around them.
[00:34:09] Like, for me, at least, like, if I like being around somebody, if I like if they're funny, if they're like jokes, like I like spending time with them.
[00:34:15] And then I end up caring about that person.
[00:34:16] But because I care about that person and the longer we stay friends, I want to see you reach for something.
[00:34:22] I want to see you go for something because then one, not only is it going to motivate me to go towards something, then I know that I'm like, I know I'm with somebody who has the capability to grow.
[00:34:33] But if that makes sense, where like now, like.
[00:34:37] As far as the amount of friends that I spend time with, it's not that many, like I'll talk to him on the phone, I'll call him like we talk, we catch up.
[00:34:44] But as far as like the people I spend my day with, it's usually people who are reaching for a goal similar to mine.
[00:34:50] And that's how that's how the friendship kind of maintains is like we both have a common goal.
[00:34:56] Therefore, we're both working towards the same thing.
[00:34:58] Therefore, we're both going to be working in the same environment, thinking the same things.
[00:35:01] We're going to be common people.
[00:35:03] And that's what I think friends are.
[00:35:04] It's somebody who thinks the same way you do.
[00:35:06] Yeah, it's.
[00:35:08] Or different enough to where you guys help each other grow.
[00:35:13] There's a common saying that's like, you know, birds of a feather flock together.
[00:35:16] And then there's also another saying that I'm sure you guys have heard before, but it goes a little something like, you know, look at your closest four or five people around you.
[00:35:26] Mm hmm.
[00:35:27] Mm hmm.
[00:35:54] Yeah, I would say so.
[00:35:55] But like, I guess what kind of diverges when you was asking the question about like the whole like me being selective of friends and I guess where they're at.
[00:36:05] Like, um, like just with me being like a man of God and especially having a relationship with God at a young age, it's like I view myself trying to like, although it is a friendship, also view it as like trying to be there for them and being a good example.
[00:36:20] So I would say like, and also just like my goals and the things that I want to do are always completely different than most people because I'm just not traditional.
[00:36:30] I don't go the traditional route.
[00:36:32] So since I don't go the traditional route, it's like my friends.
[00:36:37] I don't really have like that particular friend that's like, yeah, we yeah, we're going to go our own way.
[00:36:42] You know what I mean?
[00:36:42] So it's like, uh, but I guess like just to say, like when I look at my closest people, like, um, you know, like I said, my two best friends, one was about to go to graduate school next year.
[00:36:53] And then my other friend, uh, she's a nurse, uh, you know, uh, she's going to get some more schooling as well.
[00:37:00] And then, you know, as far as my other people, you know, they're working on themselves as well.
[00:37:04] So, uh, I just, I just view it as like, they're doing their own thing and you know, with them doing their own thing, like what you're saying earlier, like iron shoppings aren't like, I'm going to do my, I'm going to do what I want to do for myself.
[00:37:16] What I feel like I need to do instead of just like, you know, for both of them, they, like I said, they both went to school for certain things.
[00:37:22] So, um, yeah, so that's what I say.
[00:37:26] So we can't talk about the twenties without mentioning like the ups and downs of your twenties.
[00:37:35] And it's a rollercoaster in your twenties.
[00:37:37] I can't lie.
[00:37:38] Like at least in my experience, like my twenties has been a rollercoaster.
[00:37:41] Like each year of my twenties has been a different book.
[00:37:46] A different chapter.
[00:37:47] Different chapter.
[00:37:47] No, I'm, it's a different book.
[00:37:49] It's a whole different book because there is too much stuff that happens in your twenties to try to squeeze into one chapter.
[00:37:54] And if you don't look over all of it, then you're kind of missing some of the story.
[00:37:58] Like, like, like when I turned, like boom, when I turned 20, like I was living free, like, Ooh, I'm 20.
[00:38:04] I'm partying at college.
[00:38:05] I'm doing all this stuff.
[00:38:06] 21.
[00:38:06] I was depressed.
[00:38:07] 22.
[00:38:08] I was depressed.
[00:38:09] 23.
[00:38:10] I worked my way back up.
[00:38:11] 24.
[00:38:11] I was depressed.
[00:38:13] 25.
[00:38:14] I feel like through going through like those depressed, like I could get like deep, like very deep into that subject.
[00:38:19] But the point is like, you learn lessons in those times to where if you don't pay attention to those, it won't help you grow.
[00:38:26] You will stay in the same cycle.
[00:38:28] Like you have to learn what, why you're feeling depressed, why you're having these ups, why you're having these downs.
[00:38:34] And that's the part of twenties being the age of discovery for somebody is learning those tics.
[00:38:40] What itches your brain the right way to where it makes you feel like a good person when you're 25, when you're 26, when you're 27.
[00:38:46] And with that, you have it.
[00:38:48] Catch us on the next episode on Holy Culture Radio on Cyrus XM.
[00:38:52] Okay.