1021. IJLMI: Into Late Bloomers

[00:00:00] So when you have a mentor, you got to show up in full humility, understanding that they know more than you, right? And like I said earlier, they may not be in your industry, but you wouldn't want them as a mentor unless they were successful in some way. So you got to show up in humility. The second thing is you got to show up with hunger. You got to be hungry to learn. If it's whatever to you, why should they press it, right? If you are dilly-dallying and you're lazy and you don't return phone calls, you don't initiate phone calls,

[00:00:30] you don't show up on time, you don't initiate going to be with them, it's not going to work out. If a person takes the time to mentor you, you need to show up with humility and you need to show up with hunger.

[00:00:44] What's up everybody? It's your girl, Lish Speaks, and welcome back to another episode of your favorite podcast, I'll Just Let Myself In. It's the podcast where we don't wait for an imaginary permission slip or some seat at an imaginary table.

[00:01:14] We let ourselves into our God-given doors, and we like to talk about things on this podcast that really do allow us to see ourselves differently, see our relationships differently, see our businesses differently. We do have a lot of entrepreneurs that listen and that watch, and my desire is always to encourage you to go ahead and take a step, not just to watch this or any other content for that matter,

[00:01:38] and feel good in the moment like you know more, but to actually be encouraged to take further steps. And I also like to talk about things that I feel like a lot of times we don't always get help with. We don't always get to talk about. And so today's episode is going to be about mentorship. But before we get to that, we got to do the best segment in podcast, and it's called What I'm Stepping In.

[00:02:04] It's where I share with you guys what I am wearing for the week, and today I have on something you've seen me wear before. It's a collab between New Balance and Ame Leon Dore. I love this shoe. It's the New Balance 550. Super comfortable. I put it on because it matches with what I got on today. And so I put on the New Balance, which are navy blue and white. They come with multiple laces, and it's just a comfortable shoe. I think the collab is amazing. They've collabed on several different models of the New Balance. And I think it's always fresh. It's always clean.

[00:02:34] And it's something that I feel like I can wear dressed up or dressed down, obviously, as much as you could dress a sneaker up. But really just something that I love. I think it screams, you know, classic vibes and not trying too hard, but also knowing that you care about how you look. So I love things like that. And you know what I say here. If you like them, go get you some. So in today's episode, I wanted to talk about mentorship because I really do feel like we're in a season as entrepreneurs where we need mentors more than ever.

[00:03:02] You all have heard me talk on the podcast before about the layoffs, the number of layoffs that black women have experienced over the last several months. You heard me talk about transition and different things that I feel like entrepreneurs go through. And these things can be made exponentially easier by having a mentor to walk you through.

[00:03:24] Now, I think it's important to talk about different types of mentors because I am of the belief that not every mentor you have needs to be somebody that you actually know. And I have gotten this idea from very successful people. I can't remember the first person I heard say this, but many successful people have said that a lot of their mentors came in the form of books, came in the form of documentaries, came in the forms of people that they watched on television.

[00:03:52] And so I've adopted that. And it's been probably one of the most transformative things of my life. But at the same time, there is no substitute for the IRL, mentorship or just guidance in your life. And I think there are a few things that as entrepreneurs, we get wrong about mentors. And so I want to dive into that a little bit today.

[00:04:18] I think the first thing that a mentor needs to be is someone that you are ready to learn from. I know in the past, I have felt like I needed a mentor who does exactly what I'm doing, who knows everything about my industry and who can help me get into doors. That is really a manager. That might be, if you're in the music industry, a booking agent or speaking industry, a booking agent. A mentor's role is not to get you into doors.

[00:04:47] A mentor's role is to help you know how to behave when you get through said doors, right? And so I have really, in the last several years, changed my perspective on who a mentor needs to be because people who may not know everything about the media industry have given me great insight on how to behave in any industry, right? They've given me great insight on how to pitch myself. They've given me great insight on building and using leverage.

[00:05:14] And I would have totally missed out on these people if I was only looking for mentors who were in my field. So I think that's a mistake that we make. It's something that's a really easy correction. I think another thing that mentors really are helpful with is that they help you see who you can become, right?

[00:05:35] The level of success that they may have or relationships that they may have or just the way they do things can really for you be a glimpse into the future that God might have for you. And on days when it's really hard, that is really helpful because it gives you hope and it helps you to see that there is a road ahead past what I'm going through.

[00:05:57] And then I think one of the last benefits that I'm going to talk about, but there's certainly more, of having a mentor is that they have been through what you're going through and it's not a big deal to them. There's nothing better than calling someone, and this can be in business, this can be in spiritual relationships, this can be in marriage. Calling someone that you got to tell what's going on and you're just shattered.

[00:06:24] You think it's just such a big deal and such a blow and whatever is not going right. And they don't sound phased at all. They're like, okay, not a big deal. Here's what you should do. What are you thinking of doing? Talking you through the process of helping you to solve your own problem. It's so reassuring because I know for me, it has helped me understand that what I'm going through is fine. It's going to be fine. I will be fine.

[00:06:52] The situation will be fine because this person who I trust and look up to has been through this and maybe even worse. And they're in a place now that I admire. So clearly it didn't break them, right? And so I think those are some of the reasons that mentors are really, really important. And in this day and age of the internet, making us believe that we can be completely self-made, that all we have to do is upload something and our whole lives can change, which has some merit of making us believe that we really don't need anybody to support us.

[00:07:23] Mentorship is something that I think people are really not taking full advantage of. And to be fair, I feel like some of the people who can be mentors are so burnt out, so frustrated. Some of them even, and I've heard them say this, is they are now adjusting to a new way of doing things, right? It's like we want them to mentor us in their career and our careers. And they're like, hey, by the way, I'm figuring out AI.

[00:07:50] I'm figuring out social media because some of the stuff that I was doing 20 years ago is no longer going to work. Now, there are tried and true core principles that they can teach you that are priceless, but they're also in a season of learning, right? And so there are parts on both sides that we have to really figure out and be able to benefit each other. And so there's some mentors that I have who are people that I do not know, right?

[00:08:17] People that I do not know personally, people that maybe I've been in the room with them or we've talked one or two times. I'm not calling them every week to get advice. I'm not running every situation I go through by them. But because of their either contribution in literature, their contribution via the media, whether that's podcast, preaching or just their content, and their contribution when it comes to the things that they've actually accomplished and documented.

[00:08:47] I call them mentors, right? They're mentors in my head. There are people whose lives I look up to. There are people who I might ask myself, what would this person do in this situation? And I know that might be cringe to some of y'all because y'all too cool for that, right? Y'all too cool to. But for me, I'm like, hmm, what would this person do right now? Would they get up and film? They would. Would they go to the gym? They would. Because I want the outcome of their ways. And this is something that is such a core conviction for me. I've made content about this.

[00:09:17] I share this with friends. We have to imitate the way people got to where they are, not just so much what they have, right? If you really want to be where somebody is or do what someone is doing, it is best to study and imitate their character. Because that is how they got there, right? If they have all the fly clothes, you can go buy the clothes.

[00:09:45] But if you don't have no way to make that money back, you're just going to be a broke fly person for a little while. For a little while because the clothes are going to go out of style and you're going to want more, right? Or if someone is really, really good at producing things, at executing things, right? You can say, well, I'm just going to go buy some cameras and do this and do the same thing as them. But if you don't study the history of how they got to where they are and look at their current habits, you won't be able to sustain it.

[00:10:11] So one of the things that I do with the people that I'm about to mention is that I really do look at what they do. I don't stalk them, obviously, but I look at the things that they share online. If they have recorded or written anything about their story, their trajectory, their history, I read it. I try to find the parallels for my life and my story. And then I ask myself, okay, what did this person do that I am not doing? What did this person do really well that I do poorly?

[00:10:39] What did this person do poorly that I do really well? Because it goes both ways. And I try to find a way to be mentored into success by learning from people's mistakes and from their wins. And so for me, you know, one of my mentors is someone who I've had the opportunity to interview. His name is Kevin, Kevin Fredericks, Kev On Stage. You guys have heard me talk about him several times.

[00:11:05] And he's a virtual mentor for me because I just watch his work ethic and everything that he does. And I often tell myself, Kev is busier than you, Lish. He's busier than you, right? He has children. He is in several productions at the same time, many of which he has written and produced and is overseeing. And he is getting up and walking every day. He's filming several things at the same time.

[00:11:32] He's creating daily content nonstop. You got to get on it. And it pushes me. It pushes me because I know that there are things that I'm leaving on the table that he wouldn't leave on the table. And he don't got to tell me that. I don't got to call him to say, Kev, what should I do about that? I know exactly what he would tell me to do. So, one, from the conversations that we've had, you know, one-on-one, but also just from watching him. And then, thirdly, from reading his book.

[00:12:00] His book, Successful Failure, which he came on my podcast to promote. If you haven't seen the episode, please go check it out. Really told the story of how he got to where he is. It told the story of him being told no several times. It told the story of him being told wait. It told the story of him being told this is not good enough. We don't like that. Losing out on deals. Making silly mistakes. Going through loss and grief.

[00:12:30] You know, figuring out things in marriage. These are lessons that I, Lord willing, will not have to learn, some of them, because I can say, okay, that's what he said he did wrong. Let me try to do that right. This is something that I'm really good at that he failed in, so I'll probably not go that route. These are things that have been really, really helpful for me. And then, the cool thing about social media, and this is what I want us to really, we are living, entrepreneurs, we are living in the best of times for entrepreneurs. Let me tell you why.

[00:12:59] Somebody in your industry is sharing in real time what they are doing to either become or remain successful. There's not one industry out there that you cannot find somebody online doing very well and look at what they do day to day, week to week, how they've built. Sharing the story is now, you have to do it. You can't, it's non-negotiable. So, founders are sharing.

[00:13:29] Founders are writing substacks. Founders have YouTubes. There is no excuse for me, let me speak to myself, not to know the playbook and how to run it up. And I think that some of us are so busy being inspired that we're not moving. I know this for myself. I'll speak about me. I can look at people and be like, man, that's so cool. That's so dope. I wish I could do.

[00:13:55] But then if you look at what you've done in the last eight hours, would that be anything that they would have been wasting their time on? You know, I've had to check myself. Like, what did you do with your day to day? What did you do with your day to day? You know, as many of you know, I am a full-time content creator, full-time podcaster, full-time media personality. And I'm always going after opportunities. But I'm also a wife.

[00:14:20] And so when my husband goes off to work, you know, I want to make sure that he's not coming in to me looking like yesterday, right? So obviously I got to make sure I'm good. I want to make sure the house is good. I want to make sure there's some food cooked. I want to make sure that if the laundry basket was full that I'm doing it and all the stuff. But one of the greatest gifts my husband gave to me in this season of our lives is to remind me that I am a creator first.

[00:14:44] You know, he said to me, listen, if it's between you filming and cooking, film. If it's between you doing the laundry and writing out your next several podcasts or working through a script or whatever you got going on, I'd rather you do that. You're a creator, right? I'm a grown man. I was eating and doing laundry before I met you. We'll figure it out. He's grateful that I do those things, but he doesn't want me to do those things in place of creating. But what do I do?

[00:15:14] I get in my head and I start productively procrastinating. You guys have heard me talk about this before. And so I'll tell myself, I'm going to film today, but let me first make sure I take out the chicken and let me throw a load in the laundry. Let me mop real quick. And then before I know it, there's hours that have gone by. Now I'm tired. Now I'm this and that. And I haven't done everything I said I was going to do creatively.

[00:15:36] And then when I look at the people that I look up to, the mentors that I have, I realize they put the creativity first. They got up earlier, stayed up later. They didn't make excuses. They didn't get to 1 million, 2 million followers. They didn't get to six-figure deals. They didn't get to being on multiple platforms by putting the laundry above filming. By putting, you know what I mean? And some of them are men, so the dynamic might be different in their household. But it might not be. Right?

[00:16:06] It's 2026. You know, some of the men are cooking and cleaning and doing all the things. But the point is you have to keep the main thing the main thing, especially if you're blessed enough to have a spouse that believes in you in that way. And from my conversations with Kevin from the book, you know, Melissa is that spouse for him. And so I told myself as I was listening to the audio of that book, like, man, I need to really take advantage of the fact that I have a spouse that gets it. The fact that I have a spouse that wants me to be everything I want to be and make sure.

[00:16:37] Some mentorship of how I show up in my marriage just from reading the book and having the conversations that we've had. Another set of mentors that I have who I don't know are Tori Roberts and Sarah Jakes Roberts. They are mentors for me. If they put a book out, I'm reading it. Okay? If they put something on social media, I'm watching it. Tori Roberts has a leadership conference called The Calls, and I need to really make my way there because they really have helped me for years now.

[00:17:05] Now, spiritually, obviously, when it comes to sermons and preaching and different things like that. But his podcast, The Calls, Sarah's podcast, Woman Evolved, and just the content that they put out really helps me because when you are in ministry, which I have been in for most of my adult life, and you are an entrepreneur, it's different. Right? It's different. Like I said, love Kev, but Kev is like, listen, I'm a comedian. Y'all keep that ministry stuff to yourselves. I love the Lord. I love him. But I'm a comedian.

[00:17:35] And I think when it comes to Tori and Sarah, even way more so than me because they're in the public eye, there are just certain things you can't do. Right? There are funny jokes, pieces of content, things I want to make commentary on, but I'm always thinking about God and how I represent him. You know, there are things that I won't repost or things that I won't even like because I don't want to soil my witness. I don't want anybody seeing anything and going, let's like that.

[00:18:04] Let's repost that. And so as a content creator, that is something that you have to account for. So having two people who are in ministry, who know how to be relevant, who know how to be themselves, and who know how to get to the bag, right, and make things happen, is very, very encouraging for me.

[00:18:25] I believe that watching them, reading their books, ingesting their content has helped me to see what I can be. Going to Woman Evolve as media last year was so transformative for me because I got to see the excellence with which they carry out this conference. And listen, people have had think pieces upon think pieces. They're going to do it again this year, whatever.

[00:18:51] It is not easy to carry out a conference of that magnitude. And if you have been in the building, because a lot of people with the commentary ain't go, okay? But if you're in the building, you cannot help but to see how excellently things are ran and the true transformation that people are experiencing when they are at Woman Evolve. I'm sure the same is true for the Call Leadership Conference.

[00:19:16] And so I believe that through watching them, through listening to them, I've been able to be mentored in a way that's been really helpful. So those are my, you know, online mentors. Those are my internet mentors. There are others as well. But those three people really do stand out for me in terms of people that I look to pretty much on a daily basis just to see what they're doing. Again, like I said, I read their books. I watch their podcasts.

[00:19:43] I ingest their content because they really, really do inspire me. The next thing we're going to talk about is probably the most important because this is the in real life, you know, mentors. These are the people who actually know you. The people who are actually able to speak to you, who you can call and say, hey, I got this contract. What do you think? Hey, I got this opportunity. What do you think? Hey, this is what's going on in my relationship with my family. Hey, this is what's going on in my marriage. And here's how it's affecting the way I'm showing up. And these people I really do cherish.

[00:20:12] Now, let me say this before I even get started on in real life mentorship. There are two things that you got to come to the table with if you're going to have mentors in real life. See, when you have mentors online who don't know you, it doesn't really matter how you show up because you're not showing up for them. They showing up for you. But when you have mentors in real life, you got to show up in a certain way.

[00:20:38] And there are two things that you need to have if you're going to have a mentor and have a successful relationship with that mentor. The first one is humility. You got to have humility. You can't show up to the mentor acting like you the mentor, acting like you the birthday. They the birthday. It's not you. Okay? So when you have a mentor, you got to show up in full humility, understanding that they know more than you. Right?

[00:21:06] And like I said earlier, they may not be in your industry, but you wouldn't want them as a mentor unless they were successful in some way. So you got to show up in humility. The second thing is you got to show up with hunger. You got to be hungry to learn. If it's whatever to you, why should they press it? Right? If you are dilly-dallying and you're lazy and you don't return phone calls, you don't initiate phone calls, you don't show up on time, you don't initiate going to be with them, it's not going to work out.

[00:21:35] So if a person takes the time to mentor you, you need to show up with humility and you need to show up with hunger. You know, I think about one of my mentors who is really just, it's only God that this person is a mentor in my life. Because when I tell you we have nothing in common except Jesus. He is an older white male. And I spoke about him and his wife who passed a couple of episodes ago. But his name is Ron.

[00:22:04] And by career, he's an attorney, he's a lawyer. But he is a spiritual man, an elder in the church, has been an elder in the church. A man who really understands the word of God. But also a man who understands business. And he is a mentor for both my husband and I. And when I have questions, whether it's about marriage or whether it's about business or whether it's about leveraging my position in ministry, because he understands that as well.

[00:22:33] He has been super helpful to me. But here's the thing, right? When I go to him for advice, I got to be ready to hear things I may not want to hear. And I got to be ready to answer questions that I may not want to answer. We were together recently. We went to breakfast. And he was talking to my husband and I and, you know, talking about our transition. Because, again, when you have a mentor in real life, if it's the right mentor, good mentors, they're holistic, right?

[00:23:00] You may be going to them for business, but they're going to want to know how you're doing in real life. You may be going to them for real life and for spiritual matters, but they're going to want to know how your business is going. Because they're wise enough to understand that all of that affects all of that, right? So we're sitting down. We're having breakfast. And, you know, he's talking to us about this transition and, you know, the new church that we're a part of and the move to New Jersey and whoop-dee-boo. And then he's like, so let me ask you guys something, you know? Who are you pouring into right now? Who are you mentoring?

[00:23:28] And in this new chapter of us moving, I got to be honest, I really ain't been mentoring nobody. Like, you know, when I was in full-time ministry in Atlanta, I had many people I was mentoring. I always had younger women in my life and interns and whoop-dee-boo. So, and now that I'm here, I'm like, I'm not mentoring nobody. He said something that was so helpful for me. He said, that's not going to work for you for very long. It's not who you are. You need to find somebody to pour into.

[00:23:55] You need to find somebody to teach what you know, whether that's spiritually, business, media, whatever, whatever. You need to find somebody to pour into. That is something that Sarah Jakes, Tori Roberts, or Kev on stage can never say to me. Even if we were talking one-on-one, because they don't know me. And they don't know that I am the type of person that needs to be giving to somebody. Even when I was in school, my teachers would make me like the helper. I was the class president several times. Because I'm the type of person that need to be doing something. I need to be doing something for other people.

[00:24:25] If not, I don't do well. Not for long. And so that was a very insightful thing. And then because of his many years in corporate and building things with other people, he was able to pour into my husband. He was able to ask us how the podcast is going and what we see this becoming and give us some insight and ideas. And this is why it's so important not to isolate or alienate people who are not directly in your line of business.

[00:24:55] Because if I was saying, well, he doesn't know anything about media. Yeah, he's never had a podcast or he's never done this or he's never worked in Christian hip-hop or he's not black or he's not a woman. I would be losing out on so much wisdom from this person. And so it is so important that when you're thinking of mentorship, you also think holistically. And you think of someone who really can get you as a person.

[00:25:21] So the second person in my life who is a mentor in real life is my older cousin. She's a business owner. She's a mom. She's a wife. And she's someone who just settles me. Her name is Kenya. And I count her as a mentor even though we're family because she is someone that I know I can go to and get very sound advice. Whether it be about, you know, proceeding in my marriage where my husband is, his career is taking off in a certain trajectory and I'm trying to find my way.

[00:25:51] Whether it be about, you know, what I'm doing in the business. She's someone who I can tell good news to without worrying about how it's going to affect her or anything like that. And this is so important for mentorship. It's hard to have a mentor if you don't feel hungry to talk to them. I desire talking to her when good things happen. I desire talking to her when hard things happen, right? To let her know, hey girl, this is what's going on.

[00:26:17] You know, recently I had some stuff happening and I was a little overwhelmed and I was like, girl, we got to talk. We got to talk. And we spoke. And after the conversation, I felt so much better because she's able to see me better than I see myself. But also exactly for who I am. I happen to have the privilege of being family with her so she understands my family dynamic. She's in a loving, healthy marriage.

[00:26:45] So she understands a loving, healthy marriage. She's married to a person who is a great businessman and does great business and takes care of business. And so we can relate when I'm telling her things that my husband has going on. And it's just important. And I think more importantly than any of that, we share the desire to have the life God has called us to have. Right? She has that desire for herself. She has that desire for me.

[00:27:13] And so when we're talking about things, even if it's not said explicitly, there's a constant call upward. There's a constant call to be the best version of ourselves. There's a constant call to make sure that we put God in what we're doing and that we rely on him and that we are not being anxious because we're not looking to him. And we have great conversations. We laugh. We joke. We share stories with each other. But there's a part of me that understands that she has lived beyond my years.

[00:27:42] I understand that she understands life in a way that I don't. She's been through things that I haven't been through yet. She's over a decade, you know, older than me, and she lives her life in a way that I think to myself, okay, when I'm her age, I want to be like that. I want to look like that. I want to behave like that. I want to be loved like that. I want to show love like that. I want to have those things. And so I'm blessed enough to have that in my family. I understand that not everybody has an example like that in their family.

[00:28:10] But I have her, and she's someone that I really, really look to, you know, for in real life mentorship. And so those are two people in real life. And I have other people who, you know, help me spiritually and who, you know, I go to for things. But those are two people in real life that I can call with any situation, whether it be personal or professional, and I can get direction and I can get help. And I go to both those relationships with humility, with hunger at different times. You know, I don't make them chase me.

[00:28:40] If I need them, I'm reaching out to them. If I say we're going to talk at a certain time, we talk at that time unless they change the time. And I try to make sure to be very respectful of their opinions, their thoughts, and their advice. Yes, you don't have to take advice from everybody. But if someone's taking the time to talk to me and listen to me, because obviously I know I'm a yapper, and listen to my whole story and why I'm feeling the way that I'm feeling or why I'm doing the things that I'm doing,

[00:29:06] best believe I'm probably going to take some of the advice that they give me because I know that it's coming from a place that really wants to see me win. And so those are some of the things that really just do help me when it comes to having mentors and using mentors. You know, I want to encourage us to make sure that there is a real desire of us in this generation to learn from the people that came before us.

[00:29:34] I think so many people, information moves so fast now that it's very easy to like not look to our elders. I remember a rapper had a feature out, a very popular feature, and somebody asked her about the original song. And she was like, I actually have never heard it. And I was flabbergasted by that because I'm like, this is a huge hit.

[00:30:00] This person paved the way for this song to mean anything. The reason this is a hit is because of the nostalgia of this first song. And you mean to tell me you haven't gone back and listened to the first song? But this is the generation that we live in. This is the generation that we're a part of. Sometimes we don't value going back and listening to our elders. I think about even just my parents and being able to talk to them about certain things, being able to ask them certain questions and get guidance from them.

[00:30:29] My older sister, you know, people who have just done it a little bit longer than me, people who have just done it a little bit better than me, being able to talk with them. And so it's really important that we really value and cherish mentorship and that we also pay it forward. I talked about earlier how Ron asked me, you know, who am I mentoring? I think that that's an important question for us as well because we the aunties now. You know, we the ones. I'm 38. So I could be mentoring some people as well.

[00:30:58] And making sure that I'm paying that forward so that the people behind me understand that they can have hope, that they can have the things that I have, that they can have the things that they see in me that they admire, that is not out of touch and out of reach for them. And I just think that that's really important. So if you're looking for a mentor or desiring mentorship, I hope that this episode encourages you to go forth and find that mentor. And whether that mentor is someone that you just see online, that you just read their books,

[00:31:25] that you just, you know, ingest their content, that you just look up to from afar, or somebody that you actually know, somebody that you can actually speak to, and somebody that you can actually get in real life counsel from, I pray that this episode encourages you to go forth and get that mentorship. One of my favorite scriptures is in Proverbs 15, in verse 22, it says, without counsel, plans go awry. But in a multitude of counselors, they are established.

[00:31:53] Your plans and the success of them can be totally dependent upon how many advisors you let in. And we live in a very privileged time where you have access to so many people's stories, advice, and counsel. So it is easier than ever to have many advisors and many counselors. At this podcast, we encourage you to walk through your God-given doors.

[00:32:21] We encourage you to do the things that God has put on your heart and on your life to do. And I believe that will be much easier if you have some mentors helping you along the way. I hope that you enjoyed this episode. If you've listened on Holy Culture, we thank you so much for listening there on a Monday night, 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, channel 140 on Sirius XM Radio. If you're watching on their YouTube, we thank you for watching there. And if you're watching on my YouTube, we thank you for watching here.

[00:32:47] Make sure you subscribe and hit that notification bell so that you don't miss any of my coming uploads. And I will see you again back here, same time, same place next week. Peace.