38 - Weird Symptoms

[00:00:03] Welcome to the Healing for Male Survivors podcast. This is a podcast for male survivors of sexual abuse and assault, whether as a child or as an adult. Know that you are not alone in the abuse was not your fault.

[00:00:19] My name is Mike Chapman, I'm a certified recovery life coach and also a survivor. Let's find hope and healing together.

[00:00:29] Welcome to the Healing for Male Survivors podcast. I'm your host Mike Chapman, so glad you could be here with us today.

[00:00:37] And today I have a topic I'd like to share about called weird symptoms.

[00:00:44] And this is something that since I started my recovery in 2019, or what I call my big recovery major recovery.

[00:00:57] I went online to different support groups and I noticed a theme. There's all these different weird symptoms that people had that you might not right away think of them as related to your abuse.

[00:01:13] But if you think about it, it's like, oh yeah that makes sense. So I've been collecting those and online, I know I have a bunch of them myself.

[00:01:27] And after posting this in different places, I've had all kinds of different comments people adding their own weird symptoms that they have decided to blame on the CSI on the abuse.

[00:01:42] And a lot of it's very normal to have these weird things going on. A lot of these more than one people have some of these things not everyone has all of them.

[00:01:53] So let me go through them and trigger warning.

[00:01:58] I normally don't do a verbal trickle warning, but yeah we might get a little bit gross. I don't know.

[00:02:03] We're going to be talking bluntly about abuse and those sensations. They're of that are causing weird symptoms.

[00:02:15] So the war probably more descriptive than some of our other episodes have done, so I wanted to give this verbal warning.

[00:02:23] In addition to the warning in the show notes and reminder, we are here with an audience. If you'd like to join us on future episodes, do free to do so.

[00:02:35] And we have a polar light consulting dot com slash live. And for those who are here, if you'd like to add your own comments or the things that we're at symptoms that you are experiencing yourself.

[00:02:47] You'll free to put those in the Q&A section and again, he is anonymous as you would likely only read your name on the air if you add it along with your question or comment.

[00:02:57] So to get started, yeah, these are the different symptoms that are caused or somehow related to the childhood sexual abuse. I experienced and they could even be called PTSD symptoms as well.

[00:03:14] First, raw tomatoes, especially cherry tomatoes, little small ones, somehow that explosion sensation in my mouth. It's just to not evolive but basically what happened with the oral abuse with that explosion that mouth feel very responsive and something about can't vote as well.

[00:03:37] I don't know, it's something about the smell and the texture of their melons. I like watermelons good. I like how any do. And he's very similar in size and texture to can a little bit something about the smell and texture majors are not don't know why but can a fear of drowning and fear of water going up my nose.

[00:04:02] I freak out whenever this happens. If I have plans on meeting in the water for a long time and I can turn about getting triggered, then I do where no plugs in that helps a lot.

[00:04:14] But especially it was much worse as a child. I was taken to so many lessons when I was five and the instructor put my head in the water to get it used to it and I really didn't want to and I said I didn't want to but she kind of forced my head under the water just to get used to it.

[00:04:37] But I freak and I went rain out and I took my mom now not going back. I mean, I just broke down if it's years.

[00:04:49] Huge response of being triggered. And so mom, no, not something that to swing lessons as much as I love playing in the pool was not going to do swing lessons if she was going to shove my head under the water like that.

[00:05:04] And yeah, that always stood out and now I understand one that I think anything going up my nose probably brings me back to some of that abuse when it was very difficult to breathe and stuff were getting up on those next.

[00:05:23] I like a messy bedroom but a clean house. So I think for my bedroom, it's almost like an early morning system for any late night and shooters so as a boy, I think I had Legos and that kind of thing.

[00:05:41] And yeah, that is safety for me. I obviously didn't work well. Obviously my father and my name is your worked around it. But yeah, I still something about having that work letter.

[00:06:00] It feels safer to me. Much better now, of course I have a dog. He's my work most of the time. So I think he gives me save now so I'm not as triggered as much but relatively new symptom is severe skin allergies that if I rub up against something especially a box especially in dusty box that I'll just break out and really severe hives.

[00:06:30] And since that 2017 about two years before I started the mega healing journey. I was seeing a therapist at that time to start eating with stuff and it has not a way I've got prescription medicine that helps the skin allergies now.

[00:06:47] I think it's a different kinds of medicine actually three medications. That last count that I get helps.

[00:06:55] But yeah, that's something that I have for sure. Yeah, this may sound gross but when I vomit if I had the flu or whatever when I vomit it's like I was purging a thousand demons out from the depths of my soul. It literally sounds like something out of a horror movie.

[00:07:17] And this has been true ever since I was little and I think I know I was given a lot of alcohol as a sedative.

[00:07:25] And I think it might be from that plus I mean any kind of stuff that lingered in my now or my throat or whatever from the abuse wanting to get all of that out.

[00:07:44] I'm sure it's related. So once that vomit reflex is stimulated then yeah, it's that same thing.

[00:07:57] Next is I have excessive drinking of beverage whether water, iced tea, whatever to calm anxiety.

[00:08:05] I noticed when I dissociated it helps me to stay focused to stay present. So I dissociate less though I know yeah, I would get sedated with beer and other alcohol.

[00:08:25] I'm assuming wine to sedate me so I wouldn't remember the abuse but then I don't know or sensation with ever yes.

[00:08:36] I'm going to run anxious drinking something helps and if I'm somewhere and I'm very anxious at a restaurant I will go through glass after glass after glass and a lot of social situations.

[00:08:48] In the past where a lot more anxiety written than they are now and I remember 20 25 30 years ago I would go through cup after cup after cup and it's like just leave the picture and leave it water picture for me because they would be working hard to try to keep my glass filled.

[00:09:10] It's going to be less now though anyway moving on free come leakage especially while telling my story or losing to the stories of others.

[00:09:22] It's called activating your calipers, gland, the COWPERS, gland and apparently that's common.

[00:09:32] I know a Druse podcast on erections talks about that and they call it a connection erection even if you don't necessarily get hard but that leakage is something about connection.

[00:09:50] But yeah and apparently that's very common to have a physiological reaction that you can't necessarily control but while you're hearing especially hearing two other people's stories of abuse.

[00:10:07] Yeah, your body somehow as a physiological response to that. Next is the smell of chlorine bleach on skin much more severe than just like a flowing pool that that smell.

[00:10:21] That's how it creates me as well. But I know that during the traffic in the little bit of memories that I have, yeah they would clean us off with some kind of strong bleach solution to get us ready to go home so that's very.

[00:10:39] And then that smell that stays on your hand,

[00:10:41] that smell of bleach.

[00:10:43] That's hard to get off.

[00:10:44] They have it just stays with you.

[00:10:47] Working in restaurants for a while when I was younger.

[00:10:49] And yeah, you get that smell of bleach on your hand.

[00:10:52] And it was very hard to get me to have.

[00:10:54] The next, during sex, I'm always quiet as a mouse.

[00:10:59] I do not make any sounds.

[00:11:01] My wife always thought that was weird.

[00:11:03] I do too.

[00:11:05] Don't know why, but yes, so always super quiet.

[00:11:08] Maybe that was trained into me.

[00:11:10] Don't know.

[00:11:11] But yeah, that's definitely something that I noticed

[00:11:15] that I think is weird that, yeah, obviously is related

[00:11:20] because probably they take one us talking

[00:11:25] when I was being shared.

[00:11:29] They didn't want us to make them lose.

[00:11:33] So yeah, it just, yeah,

[00:11:37] I tell you, comfortable making noise,

[00:11:41] stream sex, talking, anything like that.

[00:11:44] Very difficult for me to do.

[00:11:46] Had a comment in the Q&A section,

[00:11:49] one, audience member says,

[00:11:51] I can only sleep with a weighted blanket

[00:11:54] and a white noise going.

[00:11:56] Since I started the healing journey.

[00:11:59] And then they follow up, you have any sleep issues.

[00:12:03] Yes, my wife sleeps in a chair currently

[00:12:05] because of her own health issues.

[00:12:07] So I am alone in my bed for the most part.

[00:12:11] Usually, I don't have a lot of issues,

[00:12:14] but yeah, I will wake up,

[00:12:16] night terrors or sleep paralysis.

[00:12:21] We're unlike three quarters awake,

[00:12:24] but my body's stuck.

[00:12:27] I lose control.

[00:12:28] I'm not able to move any muscles

[00:12:31] as that sleep paralysis is a thing.

[00:12:33] Have had night terrors, severe night terrors,

[00:12:37] spring bloody murder.

[00:12:38] I know I was at a church manager treat.

[00:12:41] 20, some years ago, just green bloody murder.

[00:12:45] I think it was one of the first streets I'd done

[00:12:47] with this church is out in the woods.

[00:12:50] We were in cabins, all that.

[00:12:53] Fresh testosterone and all those guys.

[00:12:56] It was a lot.

[00:12:58] And I think it made just overwhelmed my system

[00:12:59] and brought me back there to the abuse,

[00:13:02] which I didn't remember being traffic at that time.

[00:13:05] That was only 2019,

[00:13:07] but I'm assuming it was way to the bed.

[00:13:10] And just severe, dreaming,

[00:13:13] it's like, no, no, no, no,

[00:13:14] when they had to wake me up,

[00:13:15] I mean, this was about two, three and a morning,

[00:13:17] they had to wake me up and say, no, okay, Mike,

[00:13:20] it's okay, we're here, you're safe.

[00:13:22] Now, it's hard to tell because,

[00:13:27] I mean, I'm here with my dog,

[00:13:32] so I don't know if anything happens at night.

[00:13:36] I've used some of the sleep apps

[00:13:37] and will tell you occasionally,

[00:13:38] if you talk in your sleep, that kind of thing.

[00:13:41] Yeah, a white noise helps not always.

[00:13:44] I mean, I wipe always lip with a fan.

[00:13:46] So sometimes I keep a fan in here, sometimes not.

[00:13:50] Nothing specific, but I know that's very common to have sleep.

[00:13:53] It's you, some people have to have noise,

[00:13:55] some people have to apply it.

[00:13:56] I know lights when I'm trying to sleep.

[00:14:01] It's very triggering.

[00:14:03] I think men's are treated a couple years ago

[00:14:05] on the adventure map, someone came in while I went to bed

[00:14:08] relatively early compared with everyone else

[00:14:11] and someone came in and turned the lights on

[00:14:13] and I just got horrifically triggered.

[00:14:15] I was so mad and then,

[00:14:19] but the person was just getting stuff out of their bag

[00:14:22] or whatever and it was like no biggie

[00:14:24] but I would just so triggered

[00:14:28] and then realized, oh yeah, yeah,

[00:14:31] that was from me, these as well.

[00:14:33] That trying to sleep and not able to

[00:14:36] because all this stuff went on.

[00:14:39] That, yeah, it was hard to sleep.

[00:14:43] So do I currently have sleep issues?

[00:14:46] Jeers out.

[00:14:48] Yeah, it's because I do sleep alone with my dog.

[00:14:51] I know he has that dreams.

[00:14:53] I have that dreams sometimes.

[00:14:56] Less now that I've gone through so much healing,

[00:15:02] I know at night, sometimes that's when I will get

[00:15:06] my severe PTSD flashbacks, not even bad dreams.

[00:15:11] Full on flashbacks either as I was going to sleep

[00:15:14] or something like up in the middle of the night.

[00:15:17] Just severe as if I was experiencing

[00:15:20] the traffic diseases, those are really most part gone away.

[00:15:25] Thankfully, at least the major ones.

[00:15:28] There you go, great question and great comment.

[00:15:31] Thank you so much.

[00:15:33] Let me go back to my wrist.

[00:15:35] This is a big one.

[00:15:36] It freaks me out to have hair in my face

[00:15:39] for obvious reasons, or else X, the body here

[00:15:42] that would be around my face.

[00:15:45] So when we would sleep in the same bed,

[00:15:49] it's vaguely inspooning with my wife.

[00:15:51] Yeah, I'd always have to tilt my head back to keep

[00:15:54] because she had this a lot of hair

[00:15:55] to keep her head out of my face or her hair out of my face.

[00:16:01] Now, I know all this facial hair as well,

[00:16:03] which doesn't bother me however I went.

[00:16:07] I had to have a colonoscopy done

[00:16:10] and it was fine I'd had them before

[00:16:14] but the nurse or check or whatever

[00:16:16] was trying to put the nasal cannula in my nose

[00:16:20] and working around my mustache

[00:16:22] to the crappy job because he kept tickling

[00:16:25] and moving all the hairs,

[00:16:27] which horribly, horribly, horribly triggering.

[00:16:30] Just that little movement around my mustache area

[00:16:33] and it's like I wish I had the wear with all the sake.

[00:16:37] No, please hand it to me and let me do it myself.

[00:16:41] But I was already asvated

[00:16:43] and I think after that,

[00:16:45] that's when I started to have the notes

[00:16:47] to my providers saying, hey, I PTSD.

[00:16:50] We got to work through stuff,

[00:16:52] these are how you work with me.

[00:16:54] I was so by something so small

[00:16:56] and I never, I didn't think I would get triggered by that

[00:16:59] but yeah, something about all of that facial hair movement

[00:17:04] I was done and then when I'm triggered,

[00:17:09] I become compliant.

[00:17:10] That's my go-to.

[00:17:11] So it's like, do whatever you need to do

[00:17:13] just hurry up so I can get over it

[00:17:15] and I will not.

[00:17:16] It's like, okay, yeah, I'm fine.

[00:17:17] I'm fine, just get on with it.

[00:17:19] Even though I'm not fine.

[00:17:21] But I'm compliant and that's why now

[00:17:23] when I see medical providers,

[00:17:25] I have a nice little document saying, yes,

[00:17:28] when I get triggered, I'm compliant,

[00:17:30] asking me if I'm okay, we'll get a response saying yes

[00:17:33] when the answer is actually no.

[00:17:35] So instead, we have a system of communication

[00:17:38] of checking in, that's not.

[00:17:40] Are you okay with the yes or no answer?

[00:17:43] It requires me to give something a little more in depth

[00:17:47] for them to know that I am a B, okay?

[00:17:50] And that's been helpful when it's been utilized

[00:17:53] not every grider even days of tension.

[00:17:57] Some do, some don't.

[00:18:00] Anyway, yeah, medical triggers at the whole

[00:18:03] other topic.

[00:18:04] Anyway, my cats have learned early on.

[00:18:08] We only have one right now, but we've had several

[00:18:11] over the years.

[00:18:12] Don't touch daddy's legs while he's sleeping.

[00:18:14] So it's another trigger with sleeping.

[00:18:17] And they learn if I'm dead sleep and they're on,

[00:18:21] they touch my legs.

[00:18:23] My leg will fling them across the room

[00:18:26] and I'll wake up in the middle of the night here.

[00:18:29] Wayne, wait, what happened?

[00:18:31] Wait, is it cat clutching my leg?

[00:18:33] Did I just kick the cat across the room?

[00:18:35] Okay, well, the cat knows pretty soon.

[00:18:39] Don't touch daddy's legs when he's sleeping.

[00:18:41] Not a good thing.

[00:18:42] Yeah, they don't.

[00:18:43] They stay away from me.

[00:18:45] They'll be on my bed, but they know.

[00:18:47] Stay away from daddy's legs.

[00:18:49] Yeah, it's funny.

[00:18:51] While I'm driving large semi trucks, 18 wheelers,

[00:18:57] I know they're called different things across the country.

[00:18:59] But great big huge trucks.

[00:19:00] I only recently made the connection.

[00:19:02] Why that would be?

[00:19:03] And I think it's just this great big powerful object

[00:19:06] getting into my space and making me feel less safe,

[00:19:11] probably triggering when I first learned to drive,

[00:19:13] I would pass it track and I would like

[00:19:15] beer over into the shoulder

[00:19:18] and the drive it is you're like, no, we stay on the road.

[00:19:21] It's like, no, they're pretty big.

[00:19:23] I want to stay away from them.

[00:19:24] It's like, no, you're safe.

[00:19:26] And I'm okay, they still bother me.

[00:19:28] I don't like getting near them and I'll pass them as soon as possible.

[00:19:31] I mean, I can drive, I can function.

[00:19:33] But I don't like them because they're big, they're big

[00:19:36] and I mean, they can do damage.

[00:19:39] Yeah, now I get it more.

[00:19:40] Most recently, if you saw my spring story challenge

[00:19:45] earlier this year,

[00:19:48] the company of male voices.

[00:19:50] And that's from the Injrafic.

[00:19:52] And I've got a full, it's called

[00:19:55] Hasmumitorial Retreats, 20184.

[00:19:58] It is what I named it.

[00:20:00] It's part of the spring story challenge

[00:20:01] from this past spring.

[00:20:04] And I talked about how that was a huge trigger for me.

[00:20:08] When we went out for dinner,

[00:20:12] it was a restaurant and grew up against a wall.

[00:20:15] All those voices just triggered me severely.

[00:20:18] That evening.

[00:20:19] Anyway, I won't go into it in depth.

[00:20:22] They, I will not be that here.

[00:20:25] Next, being in a car for long distances,

[00:20:30] that's a new one I'm just realizing

[00:20:32] that if yeah, we're driving anywhere,

[00:20:35] whether I'm behind the steering wheel or not,

[00:20:40] 15 minutes or more,

[00:20:41] I'm assuming this is also from being traffic

[00:20:43] and going to and from those venues being sedated,

[00:20:48] yeah, I get stirred up.

[00:20:50] I'm looking back.

[00:20:52] I used to commute like 35 minutes to work for like over 10 years.

[00:20:57] Yeah, I would retrip.

[00:21:00] I would get kind of activated and uncomfortable

[00:21:04] and antsy being in the car.

[00:21:06] And not a lot of traffic.

[00:21:09] We were out somewhat rural-ish area.

[00:21:12] So the freeway did not have a lot of cars.

[00:21:15] So there's not a lot of traffic

[00:21:16] that would cause me stress.

[00:21:19] But yes, yeah, I would get very antsy and I still do.

[00:21:23] And I think I noticed it because that retreat

[00:21:25] for the leaders of husband material

[00:21:27] was 12 hours away.

[00:21:29] And so I drove it.

[00:21:30] I got triggered even though I tried to distract,

[00:21:33] play podcasts, play music, whatever.

[00:21:36] It's very triggering.

[00:21:38] Let me check in with Q&A.

[00:21:40] The second person says they also have sleep issues

[00:21:42] and third one, I can't handle loose fitting clothing.

[00:21:48] I don't feel safe.

[00:21:50] I feel vulnerable and unprotected.

[00:21:52] So tight fitting clothing feels better for you.

[00:21:56] That makes sense.

[00:21:58] It's like a protection.

[00:22:01] And I know they have, well,

[00:22:02] you also specifically,

[00:22:03] this is the same person who mentioned the way to blanket.

[00:22:06] Yeah, I think that is something about

[00:22:09] they have compression blankets for like dogs

[00:22:13] when they get nervous.

[00:22:14] And you actually wrap them around.

[00:22:17] And it's calming, I think the way to blanket

[00:22:19] does the same thing.

[00:22:21] It helps to something physiological

[00:22:24] that they're doing research on it.

[00:22:26] But it's just like a big hug, a big warming hug

[00:22:30] that comes the nervous system down and you feel

[00:22:36] safe, you feel protected.

[00:22:39] Something about that releases those body chemicals.

[00:22:43] So you feel safe but interesting

[00:22:46] that when you have loose fitting clothes

[00:22:49] you feel I'm saying.

[00:22:52] Yeah, very interesting.

[00:22:53] Thank you for sharing that.

[00:22:55] Now I'm moving on to some of the other symptoms

[00:23:00] and these I don't have necessarily

[00:23:02] but I've heard online at different forums,

[00:23:07] other types of weird symptoms that folks have.

[00:23:12] Another one, food versions I mentioned a few fish and eggs

[00:23:17] but also anything unfamiliar or mushy,

[00:23:21] chemical sensitivities, that's another certain women's

[00:23:23] groupings, certain men's clone.

[00:23:26] Often whatever the scent the purple was wearing,

[00:23:30] I know my father, he wore old fives.

[00:23:34] I don't like musky sense on men but I do like your car,

[00:23:41] not war, that's my scent of choice and I've heard,

[00:23:45] oh yeah, don't wear that around me

[00:23:47] because that's triggering because it's what they're there

[00:23:50] for people who are as well.

[00:23:53] So yeah, different senses, different with a different

[00:23:58] sense smells from different clones and so

[00:24:02] what's the different sense?

[00:24:05] I'm sure you're hearing whistling.

[00:24:09] I sound of someone listening.

[00:24:11] The smell of baking bread, someone described it

[00:24:15] as that smell that yeasty smell is very similar

[00:24:18] to postquadal smells, great jelly, another food version.

[00:24:25] Songs associated with the time of the abuse.

[00:24:29] So if your abuse happened in the 80s, 80s music

[00:24:33] if it happened in the 60s, 60s music, that kind of thing.

[00:24:37] The smell of sour laundry,

[00:24:41] so long you're just sitting there for a while,

[00:24:45] a certain brand up to back of the product.

[00:24:48] So it was meatballs or leaky strike was my father's brand,

[00:24:53] but I don't know if I would be able to smell that in a line up

[00:24:58] to see if I'd be more triggering or not,

[00:25:01] but cigarettes now in general is a little bit triggering

[00:25:05] because my father was a heavy smoker.

[00:25:10] Vaseline, the sounds of sirens,

[00:25:14] I know my wife horrible trigger anytime she hears sirens

[00:25:18] and she has different promos and medical promos

[00:25:22] in the past, but yeah, those trigger her, I know,

[00:25:27] sounds of sirens or any novels and the triggering.

[00:25:31] Let me check in with you today.

[00:25:34] Another one says, musty mildiu abasemets

[00:25:39] are my number one worst trigger?

[00:25:42] So yeah, that musty mildi smell,

[00:25:45] that makes sense sounds like that's where a lot

[00:25:48] of the abuse would have happened.

[00:25:50] And that does make sense stuff.

[00:25:53] Yeah, they're done and hidden dark places

[00:25:56] away from others.

[00:25:58] Now allow those places would be musty and mildiu.

[00:26:02] And so yeah, that makes sense that that smell

[00:26:05] would be triggering for sure.

[00:26:08] Let's see what others we have.

[00:26:11] Certain types of bedding associated with abuse.

[00:26:14] So if it were to win an end or if it was cotton

[00:26:18] or if it was down, that was used.

[00:26:25] Any of that, let's sound a keys dangling.

[00:26:28] I remember what movie ET we have with air here keys

[00:26:32] have a thing in keys and that's in the theme

[00:26:37] of that movie is the guy that the keys and yeah,

[00:26:42] I could see, you know, that's associated

[00:26:46] with abuse that would be,

[00:26:49] I'll show them for sure.

[00:26:51] Certain loud noises.

[00:26:54] That's something I have to get used to here

[00:26:56] in our new home.

[00:26:57] We're near a marine base

[00:27:01] and they do lots of munitions testing so we are boom.

[00:27:04] Boom, almost like thunder in the distance

[00:27:07] and getting used to it now, let's take time

[00:27:10] and yeah, any of those lad noises

[00:27:13] but I think a lot of people

[00:27:15] get triggered by that as well.

[00:27:18] Boo's breath, a smell of alcohol on someone's breath.

[00:27:22] Ah yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

[00:27:24] Another person having my face covered.

[00:27:28] Yeah, I think that's similar to the hair

[00:27:31] on the face for me but yes.

[00:27:34] Another person said the smell of roses

[00:27:37] because they had a rose-sensitive perfume

[00:27:40] of their fur.

[00:27:43] It just makes sense.

[00:27:45] Next the sound of water being poured into a container,

[00:27:48] that's sound interesting.

[00:27:52] Another one I would become angry when I was sick.

[00:27:57] Yeah, it's good to notice those things.

[00:28:00] What triggers you?

[00:28:03] And why would you become angry when we get sick?

[00:28:06] But yeah, I might be related to your story.

[00:28:09] Another one eating, full bananas

[00:28:12] or any other ballet type foods

[00:28:15] that yeah, it could for sure bring back memories

[00:28:19] of what we used especially if you used with oral sex

[00:28:23] like I was.

[00:28:24] So anything like that, that makes sense.

[00:28:26] Not an issue for me.

[00:28:29] I don't know, maybe it's the opposite.

[00:28:31] I kind of enjoyed those kinds of foods.

[00:28:37] Ha ha ha.

[00:28:37] King-sized Snicker Far before they broken into two pieces.

[00:28:41] It was like one big, long Snicker's Barons wonderful.

[00:28:44] Yeah, it's now two pieces now.

[00:28:46] Found the what's with that?

[00:28:48] But yeah, but I could see why that would be triggering.

[00:28:52] Rejection, sensitive dysphoria,

[00:28:55] which means when we feel criticized by others,

[00:28:59] we automatically dissociate.

[00:29:01] Yeah, that kind of gets me as well

[00:29:03] if I get criticized yet on gone.

[00:29:05] I'm gone.

[00:29:07] Yeah, it's be very positive or yeah, overly critical.

[00:29:11] Yeah, my interesting.

[00:29:13] Have I not made that before?

[00:29:15] I don't know.

[00:29:16] But I'm looking at that and psyched out

[00:29:17] very much describes me.

[00:29:19] Hey goodness.

[00:29:20] Yeah, I do tend to dissociate a lot

[00:29:22] if I'm getting a lot of criticism,

[00:29:26] especially when there's no there,

[00:29:30] a sound of loud coffee.

[00:29:32] That's interesting.

[00:29:34] Another trigger is a closed room with one exit.

[00:29:39] I know those who still deal with high provisions,

[00:29:42] that's huge having an exit available.

[00:29:47] Of the high provisions makes you want to make sure

[00:29:51] that you have exits that your near exits

[00:29:54] that you have in a skate plane

[00:29:57] that you're not in a room with two of you people.

[00:30:00] But yes, a closure with one exit only.

[00:30:05] Yeah, that would be triggering for sure.

[00:30:07] Another person said silence.

[00:30:11] Yes, if something is extremely high

[00:30:13] if that makes a quick sense, that would be triggering.

[00:30:17] Next is fruit that have certain skin like fabric on it.

[00:30:24] So, I mean, that's in peaches

[00:30:26] which has that peach, peesiness on the skin.

[00:30:30] And orange is have, yeah,

[00:30:34] and it almost feels like a skin texture

[00:30:37] on an orange that makes sense.

[00:30:40] Another one, anybody trying to put anything in my mouth

[00:30:44] like if my wife and like me taste something

[00:30:48] and by putting it forth near my face, fabric me out.

[00:30:53] That person said, and yeah,

[00:30:55] that makes sense.

[00:30:58] And then also, someone says a particular ethnic food

[00:31:02] always made me nauseous.

[00:31:05] And now I'm thinking that smelling these foods

[00:31:08] would be around the stain area as the abuse.

[00:31:12] So, you can exit the smell of that ethnic food

[00:31:16] to that location where he was abused.

[00:31:21] Now, the person says neck ties and seed belts.

[00:31:26] All those things that touch your neck can be triggering.

[00:31:31] And says yeah, I'm pretty sure somebody

[00:31:32] had to hold me down by my neck while being abused.

[00:31:38] That makes sense.

[00:31:39] I know, yeah, I don't like a lot of things.

[00:31:41] I hate super tight neck ties.

[00:31:44] I don't have a little loose,

[00:31:45] but I know for seed belts.

[00:31:47] You actually have, there's a little Bill Crow seed belt cover

[00:31:52] thing, you can buy, they have a mon Amazon.

[00:31:56] And they just go through on and they slide up and down

[00:31:58] and you can put it right where your neck is

[00:32:00] if it's the revenue against your neck.

[00:32:02] And that's helpful.

[00:32:04] My mom had those with just thought every car she owned.

[00:32:08] And yeah, I mean, it's good one as well,

[00:32:11] they're very handy.

[00:32:12] And now the patient says must he dampens?

[00:32:15] And another thing that same person says,

[00:32:19] sausages when they're being cooked on a barbecue

[00:32:22] and they curl up something about that movement.

[00:32:26] And possibly the shape also triggering.

[00:32:29] And yes, sausage has a quite a challenge.

[00:32:31] So that makes sense.

[00:32:33] Another person says when you're in a public restroom

[00:32:37] and you have the soap dispenser

[00:32:41] and the liquid soap squirts out,

[00:32:46] that's very visually triggering.

[00:32:48] And that makes very much sense for sure.

[00:32:52] Another person says baby oil

[00:32:55] and the feel and the smell is bothersome.

[00:33:02] And also don't like sitting with my bat

[00:33:05] to a door in a room with one exit.

[00:33:08] So yes, rooms with one exit on another one.

[00:33:11] They're in at me and give me the crease also.

[00:33:15] One said, yeah, my wife made me an egg salad sandwich

[00:33:19] and I tried to eat but completely gagged at it.

[00:33:24] And something about egg whites specifically,

[00:33:27] scrambled eggs are good if they have cheese.

[00:33:31] But something about eating those cooked egg whites

[00:33:35] might be a consistency thing that this person's very

[00:33:40] close by and have made the connection to his own CSA.

[00:33:45] Yeah, physical touch, especially in the mid range.

[00:33:49] Kind of like mid chest all the way down to the knees,

[00:33:52] anything that area, even if it's not necessarily sexual,

[00:33:57] but yeah, anything being touched in that area

[00:34:00] can be what is triggering.

[00:34:02] That makes a lot of sense.

[00:34:03] For sure.

[00:34:04] It's also hard to navigate sex when you have all

[00:34:10] of these triggers from the abuse.

[00:34:14] It's hard because yes, your partner may not know

[00:34:17] what may trigger me and you yourself mean not know

[00:34:22] what might be triggering.

[00:34:23] So trying to communicate that with your partner

[00:34:26] and the kind of mind feel.

[00:34:31] So yeah, that's very difficult now again.

[00:34:33] Another one, the smell of anti-freeze

[00:34:37] leaking through the heating system of the vehicle.

[00:34:41] So yeah, that burnt smell of anti-freeze.

[00:34:44] I have smelled that before.

[00:34:46] This person finds it very triggering.

[00:34:50] The smell of leaves and wet earth in the woods

[00:34:54] sounds like whips were triggering.

[00:34:57] I know personally, I feel safer in the city

[00:35:01] or in a town or at least with houses nearby

[00:35:04] were kind of out in the country where we live now.

[00:35:07] But we have tons of vehicles,

[00:35:08] we have house after house after house

[00:35:10] and here particular area.

[00:35:12] But if I'm way out of the woods,

[00:35:14] or it's like one house and a lot of farmland

[00:35:17] or whatever, yeah, I do not feel safe.

[00:35:20] I feel let's see if we're in the city.

[00:35:24] And I got a lot of my views happen

[00:35:25] and the woods that campgrounds and such.

[00:35:29] Next, the sweaty smell of a man,

[00:35:33] she makes sense.

[00:35:34] Another, the sound of bagpipes,

[00:35:37] especially those playing amazing graves

[00:35:39] which seems to like that's a common song

[00:35:42] played on the bagpipes.

[00:35:44] Yeah, that's that, just written for this version.

[00:35:47] Something else, the Nilla on French toast.

[00:35:50] One mentioned that he used to wet the bag

[00:35:53] when he was a kid and many of all those smells

[00:35:56] with that, with the way in the bed,

[00:35:59] changing underwear, changing the sheets.

[00:36:03] That's a lot of shame involved in that.

[00:36:05] I'm sure that's no other degree.

[00:36:08] And yeah, I'm sure that could be related

[00:36:10] to the abuse of different things happen.

[00:36:13] Or happen by you or happen to you

[00:36:15] or happen near you a lot of those smells

[00:36:18] would be present and sure it would be

[00:36:21] by its triggering, that makes a lot of sense.

[00:36:23] One says, yeah, he never puts on a clone anymore

[00:36:26] because it finds it triggering just to wear a clone.

[00:36:30] Not even to smell it on someone else.

[00:36:33] Someone asks, how do you handle this love hate

[00:36:38] relationship with triggers?

[00:36:40] And yeah, you just identify them,

[00:36:43] learn to navigate them, like you'd say,

[00:36:46] no tomatoes please, speak up for your needs

[00:36:48] and communicate with others

[00:36:50] and navigate around it.

[00:36:53] And as you feel, you'll notice some of those triggers

[00:36:57] will lessen and be less severe or go away completely.

[00:37:01] I know I can tolerate tomatoes in more foods

[00:37:05] where it's a lot less of an issue.

[00:37:07] Yeah, communicating, communicating with your partner,

[00:37:09] communicating with others,

[00:37:12] and saying up for yourself and your needs

[00:37:15] and what you need to function.

[00:37:17] I think that's important.

[00:37:19] Another someone says, when I'm in a public place

[00:37:21] talking to someone, it's hard to keep eye contact

[00:37:24] because I want to make sure other people are not watching.

[00:37:28] Yeah, that goes to describing basically the high

[00:37:31] credentials and we don't even realize that we're doing it

[00:37:34] necessarily but yes, our body, our brain is trying

[00:37:37] to keep the safe because we feel not.

[00:37:40] Even though the danger is ending those lists

[00:37:45] you have what they call complex PTSD

[00:37:49] where it was again and again and again,

[00:37:53] over a long period of time

[00:37:55] that every time you reach that fight,

[00:37:58] fight, freeze, fawn, there's six S I believe

[00:38:01] and I got a whole other article on the six S S.

[00:38:04] But that's cortisol, brain chemicals being released

[00:38:07] in your body when that happens again and again

[00:38:12] day after day and a few days,

[00:38:14] your brain stops realizing that

[00:38:19] changes not there.

[00:38:21] That it just assumes, oh another day,

[00:38:23] hey we're in danger again.

[00:38:25] It doesn't know how to turn it off

[00:38:26] because it's been going every day, every day,

[00:38:30] danger danger danger and so

[00:38:32] you're constantly in that fight, freeze,

[00:38:37] fun all about constantly.

[00:38:40] And that's either vigilance as well

[00:38:43] that your brain doesn't stop.

[00:38:45] It does not know that you are safe

[00:38:49] that you're no longer in that safe

[00:38:52] and so it continues to react as if you have a very danger.

[00:38:58] And that's part of the healing process as well

[00:39:00] is training your brain to say, hey we're safe now,

[00:39:05] it's okay, we can relax.

[00:39:07] And it's hard to get to that state.

[00:39:10] Yeah, another mention is the urinal cakes

[00:39:14] that the smell of urinal cakes,

[00:39:16] that the avenues and public means rains,

[00:39:18] that is triggering this particular person says,

[00:39:22] yeah, and I was able to use an instrument.

[00:39:25] So that smell is still very tree-wraining

[00:39:29] which makes sense for sure.

[00:39:32] And yeah, just brings you right back there

[00:39:35] to the abuse, those different symptoms,

[00:39:39] those smells, all those things.

[00:39:41] Bring you right back to them.

[00:39:45] So again, what do you do in your face

[00:39:47] with any of these weird symptoms?

[00:39:50] Start figuring out what in your own life

[00:39:53] you may not have even tied to the abuse

[00:39:57] and that's okay.

[00:39:58] And again, the abuse was not your fault.

[00:40:01] This is just,

[00:40:02] trapping all this is other stuff going on

[00:40:05] because the abuse is still happening.

[00:40:09] And worrying about it and saying, oh yeah,

[00:40:12] that was the way to the abuse wasn't it?

[00:40:14] That makes sense.

[00:40:16] And it can help put the pieces together.

[00:40:19] And it also helped me

[00:40:21] because so much of my journey,

[00:40:24] so much of my abuse I was sedated

[00:40:26] to help give more evidence

[00:40:29] that makes things make sense

[00:40:33] to confirm that, yes.

[00:40:36] I was abused and those things did indeed happen

[00:40:41] even though I was sedated

[00:40:42] that I still have such strong reactions

[00:40:45] to these different things.

[00:40:47] So find out what things to trigger again,

[00:40:51] what weird symptoms do you have

[00:40:53] because of your abuse history

[00:40:57] and feel free to reach out and let us know

[00:41:00] either in the comments or you can shoot me a message

[00:41:04] on polarlifeconsolting.com

[00:41:07] and that's it for this week.

[00:41:10] If you guys would join us,

[00:41:12] like, feel free to do so

[00:41:15] and find more information about doing so.

[00:41:17] Pat, polar life, and so on.

[00:41:19] Got palm, we'll see you next time.

[00:41:24] If you would like to learn more about my coaching

[00:41:27] with polar life consulting

[00:41:28] where I provide one-on-one coaching

[00:41:31] and group coaching, both with a focus on healing

[00:41:34] for mail survivors, reach out to me

[00:41:37] at polarlifeconsolting.com

[00:41:39] that is polar spelled,

[00:41:40] E-O-L-A-R.

[00:41:43] I would love to hear from you.

[00:41:44] I want to hear your story.

[00:41:46] If you'd like your story featured

[00:41:48] on this podcast, contact me via my website.

[00:41:51] If you'd like this podcast, please rate and review

[00:41:54] because that's how other people can find me

[00:41:56] and I really want to spread this message

[00:41:58] of healing and hope to others.

[00:42:00] And remember, you are not alone.

[00:42:03] Healing is possible

[00:42:04] and the abuse was not your fault.

[00:42:08] Love you repeat that.

[00:42:09] The abuse was not your fault.

[00:42:12] See you next time on the healing

[00:42:14] for mail survivor response.