32 - Live interview with Mahesh Grossman

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Healing for Male Survivors podcast. This is a podcast for male survivors of sexual abuse and assault, whether as a child or as an adult. Know that you are not alone and the abuse was not your fault. My name is Mike Chapman. I'm a certified recovery life coach and also a survivor. Let's find hope and healing together.

[00:00:30] Welcome to the Healing for Male Survivors podcast. This is Mike Chapman, your host and part of Polar Live Consulting. And glad you were here with us. We have a live audience here today. If you would like to join us live on future podcasts, you can learn more about how to do so on my website. And that's polarliveconsulting.com slash live. And my special guest today is

[00:01:00] Mahesh Grossman. Mahesh is the love heals anxiety guy. He is a somatic hypnotherapist who specializes in overcoming anxiety, depression and trauma, including me too wounds. He is the author of the book, The One Minute Anxiety Solution link will be in the show notes with 57 ways to lower anxiety in a minute. And the creator of the defy trauma

[00:01:29] course link will be in the show notes as well, which features his five step defy trauma process. His unique approach to healing through hypnosis starts with connecting to and releasing the leftover emotional tension we hold in our body and using that as a tool to discover and break free of the old hurts that keep us stuck in habits like overeating and substance abuse or in difficult mental patterns like anxiety

[00:01:59] and depression. And Mahesh is also a survivor of abuse. And he's here to tell his story and share more about what he does to help other survivors. And we will start like we do most episodes with four questions. Now it's time for four questions that part of the podcast when we get to know our guest a bit better by asking a few questions. Let's go.

[00:02:26] So Mahesh, what is your favorite food memory?

[00:02:32] In Lima, Peru, I got a dessert. That was a chocolate guava pie. And I've never had anything like it be since it's the sour and the sweet at the same time. It was pretty awesome.

[00:02:48] Wow, that sounds interesting. Yes, I went to Chile when I was in college. And yes, they had a lot of unique desserts. So I love and different fruits too that are unique like chermoya. So that sounds like an interesting experience. Wow. How did you get a hold of that pie? Was it made for you? Was it at an event?

[00:03:10] I was in a restaurant. I was on a tour of Lima, Peru and Cusco and did the whole Machu Picchu hike for four days around Machu Picchu. A bunch of us skipped out on what was the tour was doing. And went to this restaurant had this very nice fish meal. I don't remember what it was. But I'll never forget the chocolate guava pie.

[00:03:33] Wow.

[00:03:34] And everything was so cheap. And then we ordered some corvoisier. And because that was imported, that was 25 bucks. But the rest of the meal, including dessert was only $14.

[00:03:46] Wow, that's impressive. That's nice. Okay, so what is your favorite Christmas or holiday memory?

[00:03:54] The first year that we had a fireplace in my house, we built a fireplace. My mother, we were Jewish and my mother got Christmas stockings for all of us. Just because she felt like we had a fireplace, we needed Christmas stockings.

[00:04:11] Sounds logical. So did she do anything with the stockings? Did you get stocking stuff?

[00:04:18] I feel like magazines in there and stuff like that.

[00:04:20] Oh, okay. Nice.

[00:04:22] To this day, well not to this day because I don't do stockings for my 34 year old daughter anymore. But till just a few years ago, she always, among the things that I would put in the stocking was a magazine.

[00:04:37] People magazine.

[00:04:39] Right, interesting. Yeah, I never thought about magazines for stocking stuff. But it makes sense because it fits.

[00:04:47] Yeah, roll that up and yeah, that's nice. So what is your favorite church or house of worship memory?

[00:04:57] You know, my Bar Mitzvah. There was some kind of profound, to that point I never felt anything like it before, spiritual energy while I was sitting on the beam on the stage area, you know, the front, the pulpit.

[00:05:13] There was just this kind of what I would call higher vibration, psychic energy, something like that through the whole, you know, the Friday night and the Saturday morning service.

[00:05:23] I can feel something very different than I'd ever felt before.

[00:05:26] Right. Yeah, you felt presence and that's spirituality is so important. It goes beyond ourselves and to something greater.

[00:05:39] So that's wonderful you have that experience. And what is your favorite scripture or any inspirational quote that has helped you on your spiritual journey? And what about it speaks to you?

[00:05:51] I think one of my favorite things is Byron Katie says, you can argue with reality, but you'll only lose 100% of the time.

[00:05:59] I love that. I love that. Yes, because reality is reality.

[00:06:07] Whatever is happening is happening. You can say this is not supposed to happen, but no, it's happening.

[00:06:16] Whether you think it's supposed to happen or not, it's happening. And by the very nature of experience, it's supposed to happen whether we like it or not.

[00:06:28] Our way to because there's no other choice. It's like it's the only alternative is what I have.

[00:06:35] Right. Exactly.

[00:06:36] It could be horrible. It could be wonderful. It is the only thing you can absolutely say about is that it's happening or has happened.

[00:06:44] Exactly. Exactly. It's like trying to argue with gravity.

[00:06:48] But it is. Yes, I love that. So I would like to hear more about your story. I know you are also a survivor and I know different survivors stories can often jump on the timeline.

[00:07:02] So wherever you want to start, that's how my story was because different things were revealed at different times. So I kind of jump all over the place.

[00:07:10] So I would love to hear about your story as a survivor and then up into where you started finding healing and what things worked for you and didn't work for you and then to the present day and what you're doing now.

[00:07:26] Well, for me, none of it was in my conscious memory. So it started with a dream where I had a dream that I was with my boss.

[00:07:37] His name was Ira Marks. We were talking about top secret clearance when he got his top secret clearance.

[00:07:43] I'd been ahead on there and we had placed military people in military companies where you needed top secret clients.

[00:07:51] He said, do you know where I got my top secret clearance? And he said, I said, yeah, New Jersey.

[00:07:56] And Ira represented something. Ira Marks was something that marked me. Top secret clearance was something that was secret that I'd been holding in secret.

[00:08:06] And within 24 hours, I had a really clear sense that I'd been molested.

[00:08:12] As I was driving to my first therapist, it was very clear it happened in kindergarten.

[00:08:17] There's this song and chorus line that either I heard on the radio or I just kind of heard the tune in my head.

[00:08:25] And there's this line, imagine me a kindergarten teacher.

[00:08:28] And I knew it was in kindergarten and clearly it became my next door neighbor had walked into the bathroom and molested me.

[00:08:40] Which explained why I scream all the time when something, when I'm not aware of anybody and they show up.

[00:08:47] As much as I've healed, we have software inside us and the software will go off.

[00:08:55] And if somebody suddenly appears in my consciousness that I wasn't aware was there, I scream.

[00:09:04] And so that was one of them. But there were four other people, my father, my mother, my grandfather and my grandmother all molested me as an infant.

[00:09:13] My grandfather a few more times in my life. None of this was something I knew. This was all a shock to me.

[00:09:20] I discovered my grandfather after my ex-wife had been molested by her father.

[00:09:26] And she found out when he apologized to her and had no idea until that point.

[00:09:32] We talked about it for literally 17 years before I found out.

[00:09:36] And every time I talked to her about that, I would see my grandfather and I'd ask myself, did my grandfather molest me?

[00:09:46] And I kept getting a no until one day in 2012.

[00:09:49] My ex-wife was a psychic and she, I just did ask her why I was staying up at night.

[00:09:54] And she said, well, there's, you know, you don't want to, your dead mother has a message for you that you don't want to hear.

[00:10:00] And I instantaneously knew that my grandfather had molested me as an infant.

[00:10:05] So slowly but surely these other things began to come clear to me at different times.

[00:10:11] Weirdly after that first, you know, the next door neighbor molestation that showed up after I ended therapy with a therapist I'd seen on and off for 15 years.

[00:10:21] So I knew he was the wrong one to work with.

[00:10:23] Right.

[00:10:24] Because, you know, he had 15 years.

[00:10:28] And so it was a very strange thing to go through because I went to five different therapists.

[00:10:33] It's a really interesting thing.

[00:10:35] Working with a therapist who has not done their own work was a terrible thing to experience.

[00:10:41] Yes.

[00:10:42] And one woman said, what kind of inner work have you done?

[00:10:45] She said, I do yoga and meditation.

[00:10:46] I'm like, OK, yeah, that's not inner work.

[00:10:48] And when she took me through a process, which I totally understood the process, I knew a lot about different.

[00:10:53] I'd been trained in something called psychodrama.

[00:10:56] And this was very similar to things I've been trained in.

[00:10:59] But the energetic experience of this kind of the space she held, it felt completely unsafe.

[00:11:08] And then I went to a couple, you know, there were I went to the best known therapist in Santa Cruz for sex abuse.

[00:11:17] About what year was this, Mahesh?

[00:11:20] This was 2007, probably.

[00:11:23] OK, all right.

[00:11:24] Because this was the first one, 2006 or 2007.

[00:11:28] She was like, oh, well, sit here so you can feel young and whatever.

[00:11:32] I'm like, no, this stuff doesn't this is terrible and doesn't work.

[00:11:35] I can't believe she's the best therapist in Santa Cruz.

[00:11:38] So for supposedly the best.

[00:11:42] So I eventually wound up going with this guy who had some training in kind of the same approach that my ex therapist had had, which was Hacombe,

[00:11:50] which is a kind of a connected you connect your mind and your body because I had already done so much work and so many other things.

[00:11:59] All we did at that point was I kind of walked myself through the session and he just watched and every day everyone.

[00:12:07] And then he said, well, I think it was like I needed an observer to do this work.

[00:12:12] Well, that was actually later.

[00:12:13] But actually, no, I think he was it's hard.

[00:12:17] It's hard to remember at this point.

[00:12:20] At some point, I actually know I didn't needed the observer and I worked with him.

[00:12:25] At some point, I wound up being trained in psychodrama by my own therapist.

[00:12:32] I wound up doing a scene about this work also.

[00:12:35] But but basically what happened was, you know, I had developed enough skills that I could do this work.

[00:12:42] I went to a group of male survivors and I was just so far I had already done so much work on myself by the point that this happened.

[00:12:51] I'd been doing therapy since 1986.

[00:12:55] So this is already, you know, 21 years later.

[00:13:00] So it was like, OK, yeah, this is I'm really far ahead of most people when they discover these things.

[00:13:09] And so eventually what happened is after I discovered my father, I went to a therapist for six or seven weeks.

[00:13:17] After I discovered my mother, I went to a therapist for six or seven weeks.

[00:13:22] But I kept finding that the way I already knew how to work, which I later developed into kind of my five step defied trauma process,

[00:13:33] that all they were doing was watching me.

[00:13:36] And it wasn't I didn't need anything else.

[00:13:38] I had one therapist who said, well, when I like after discovering my mother, it was which was a really big deal with my mother.

[00:13:47] I was on the couch for hours every day and kind of got hooked on a hookup app.

[00:13:53] It was like the only relief I had was the hookup app.

[00:13:56] I would spend hours trying to allow these feelings to come through.

[00:14:00] It would work, but it wasn't moving me through it.

[00:14:03] And so did you stay on that app or did you actually go and meet some of these people from the app?

[00:14:11] Yeah, I met people from the app.

[00:14:14] I'm a card carrying sex addict.

[00:14:19] And you know, and I'll tell you something that is, you know, we think addictions can be are terrible and stuff like that.

[00:14:28] But the truth is that probably helped me at that particular time.

[00:14:34] The emotional the emotions I was dealing with were if you understand music, this will make sense.

[00:14:41] I was totally comfortable with everything in the bass clef and I was totally comfortable with everything in the treble clef.

[00:14:50] Except when you got sometimes there's notes that are like three, they're like lines, notes with lines through them like three and four.

[00:14:58] These are like super high pitched kind of notes and emotions.

[00:15:03] And it was really, really awful.

[00:15:06] It was just really hard. It wasn't something I was comfortable with.

[00:15:09] Right.

[00:15:10] So like you say, I know sexual addictions and they talk about it with husband material, the group I'm with as well,

[00:15:17] that whatever the addiction is, they work with Oben working with porn addiction.

[00:15:22] And it's what you needed at the time to get through.

[00:15:27] And it's an honor that it's like it helped you get through to the next step until you could find something where you get a greater level of healing where you didn't need it anymore.

[00:15:40] But yes, that's part of the journey that yes, you needed something to numb the pain until you could find a healthy way to heal the pain.

[00:15:50] Right.

[00:15:52] Right.

[00:15:53] And even though I had a healthy way to heal the pain, it's like it was so incompetent.

[00:15:57] There was just so much.

[00:16:00] Exactly.

[00:16:01] There was just so much.

[00:16:02] I was flooded with so much and there was more.

[00:16:05] I mean, my dad also tried to kill me when I was 30 days old.

[00:16:08] My mother hated me because she was afraid he would abandon her because he hated me.

[00:16:14] So the first time my mother molested me was because she saw my grandfather molesting me and she thought magically that if she did it to me, my father would like me.

[00:16:25] It's all kinds of crazy stuff.

[00:16:27] And so basically I was gang raped one after the other.

[00:16:31] Right.

[00:16:32] At maybe four months old.

[00:16:34] I have no idea exactly what age, but I know it was under six months old.

[00:16:39] She blamed me for my grandfather molesting me because a child on a changing table who can't even crawl yet is very seductive.

[00:16:48] So, but these are all the things.

[00:16:52] But I also developed this profound skill of healing things, partly through things I already knew, partly when I became a hypnotherapist and partly, you know, I work on whatever's up every single almost every single day of my life.

[00:17:09] There's some days where nothing shows up, which is awesome.

[00:17:12] And I wake up with a normal person like a normal person.

[00:17:15] But most mornings there's some kind of tension in my body that's like, OK, you need work.

[00:17:23] Right. Yeah, it's it's a never ending process.

[00:17:27] And I know I've gotten pretty deep levels of healing, but I still get triggered sometimes severely.

[00:17:35] It's OK.

[00:17:36] It's part of the process.

[00:17:37] And then we just continue to heal and find ways to go deeper.

[00:17:43] But no, yeah, it's going to be a process for sure.

[00:17:47] Being triggered is in my mind actually a good thing.

[00:17:52] Yes.

[00:17:53] When you're triggered, you're about to heal something.

[00:17:56] Please note during the following segment, my hash takes me through a few exercises which resulted in long periods of silence.

[00:18:06] To show you how long the process actually takes instead of removing the long periods of silence,

[00:18:11] I fill in the silence with soft instrumental music, though the music was not actually present for the actual exercise.

[00:18:21] And I have a really, really profound process that helps you find out what you're triggered about and begin to heal it.

[00:18:29] Right.

[00:18:30] And these are the first couple steps of my defied trauma process.

[00:18:34] In fact, I give away something called the Emotional Overload First Aid Kit, which includes the...

[00:18:41] Emotional Overload First Aid Kit.

[00:18:44] I love it.

[00:18:46] And everything about me is at anxiety123.com.

[00:18:51] I wanted to make it as easy as 123.

[00:18:54] So you can find this free process at anxiety123.com.

[00:18:59] If you want, I can take you through the process right now.

[00:19:02] I'd love to hear it.

[00:19:03] OK, well, I'm actually going to ask you to do it with me.

[00:19:06] OK.

[00:19:07] So take a moment.

[00:19:08] Think of something that triggers you or upsets you.

[00:19:11] Or if there's nothing going on, we can just notice where you feel tension in your body.

[00:19:15] OK.

[00:19:16] Yeah.

[00:19:17] Yeah.

[00:19:18] Big trigger.

[00:19:19] Yeah, we can go there.

[00:19:20] You got it.

[00:19:21] Good.

[00:19:22] So notice where you feel that in your body and let me know when you notice and where you feel it.

[00:19:33] Yeah, it's head and face and lungs.

[00:19:42] OK.

[00:19:43] Whenever I...

[00:19:44] Do you want me to explain what the trigger is?

[00:19:47] No, no, no.

[00:19:48] We're going to...

[00:19:49] What we're going to do is find the source of the trigger.

[00:19:52] Oh, well, that one I already know the source of the trigger.

[00:19:56] OK, well, that won't help.

[00:19:58] That if I get water up the nose, it's horribly triggering.

[00:20:05] And that's probably...

[00:20:06] There was something that happened to you in the past?

[00:20:10] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[00:20:12] Specifically that.

[00:20:13] And well, my father, when he abused me, it was forced oral sex.

[00:20:19] And I had history of sinus issues, so I literally couldn't breathe.

[00:20:25] So the fact when I think it was like five at swimming lessons and they dunk my head under water

[00:20:31] and the water rushed in, freaked out, had a horrible triggering thing.

[00:20:36] Of course.

[00:20:37] Right.

[00:20:38] Of course.

[00:20:39] Yeah, so...

[00:20:40] But even still, it's like I have to really psych myself out to get my head under water.

[00:20:49] I mean, I take showers and everything.

[00:20:51] I've got to be ready for it or if I wear nose plugs or whatever, then I'm OK.

[00:20:55] But yeah, it's really, really strong even still.

[00:20:58] Give me a second because I've got some ideas as what to do next, but I'm deciding which

[00:21:03] we want.

[00:21:04] So I mean, I can...

[00:21:05] So I'm an empath, so I can feel kind of the tension in your chest a little bit.

[00:21:10] And but there are tears coming with this too.

[00:21:13] Yeah, so I feel the tears and I'm deciding there's two different ways to go.

[00:21:19] One is to just kind of move the energy out.

[00:21:22] The other is to talk to your inner dad, which we...

[00:21:29] Yeah, well, let's do that.

[00:21:31] So just you may not want to picture your dad because he's pretty awful.

[00:21:42] I do have some positive father figure.

[00:21:47] OK, let's see what happens.

[00:21:51] So the dad that you would talk to...

[00:21:54] Well, I work with...

[00:21:55] Here's the thing.

[00:21:56] These people that hurt us don't exist anymore, right?

[00:21:59] Even if your dad's alive, your dad at the age you were when you were five is long

[00:22:08] gone because you're well over five and has had even the cells, you know, that

[00:22:13] you get a whole new body every seven to nine years.

[00:22:16] So even he's had like multiple bodies since then.

[00:22:21] But where he does live is inside you as a part of your mind.

[00:22:26] And that's where he's still hurting you from that period.

[00:22:31] So I have people talk to that dad that lives inside them.

[00:22:35] But when it's difficult, when it's somebody difficult that really hurts

[00:22:39] you a lot and who's really, really etched in stone, I use kind of an

[00:22:44] understudy method.

[00:22:45] And by understudy, I mean someone you know and love.

[00:22:48] We're looking for them to be the good version of your dad.

[00:22:52] So it's either someone you know and love and trust and can put be and

[00:22:56] have them be that person could be a spiritual figure.

[00:22:59] It could be a character from a book, a TV show or movie or comic book.

[00:23:03] Or it could be a celebrity.

[00:23:09] So who would you like to play the good version of your dad?

[00:23:12] In today's perspective of your life, the role of your dad will be played by?

[00:23:17] Now I'm thinking my father-in-law.

[00:23:20] He passed away a long time ago, but I definitely looked up to him.

[00:23:26] I've been using Edith Bunker for my mom.

[00:23:30] She was a great mom.

[00:23:32] I loved Edith Bunker.

[00:23:33] She's perfect.

[00:23:34] It took me a long time to find her and she's really perfect.

[00:23:41] So your father-in-law, what's his name?

[00:23:44] Bobby.

[00:23:46] So in today's performance of your life, the role of your dad will be played by Bobby.

[00:23:52] And so you're going to say, Dad, you're going to picture Bobby and you're going to say,

[00:23:56] Dad, it really hurt me when you made me do those things.

[00:24:06] And you're going to see what Bobby does.

[00:24:09] Not Bobby, but Bobby is your dad.

[00:24:12] Right.

[00:24:13] And when we use the real dad, he usually makes excuses.

[00:24:16] I'm not sure what Bobby Dad is going to do.

[00:24:19] So picture Bobby as your dad and say that to him again.

[00:24:26] Dad, it really hurt me when you did those things.

[00:24:29] Dad, it really hurt me when you did those things.

[00:24:32] Yeah.

[00:24:33] And see what does Bobby do?

[00:24:34] Bobby as your dad do.

[00:24:38] He's still Bobby and he's got tears in his eyes.

[00:24:41] And at the pain that he knows that he feels from what I experienced.

[00:24:50] Yeah.

[00:24:51] So does he feel sorry?

[00:24:55] Yes, my father, yes.

[00:25:04] Yes, he is sorry for what happened.

[00:25:07] Yeah.

[00:25:08] So let him say, I'm sorry.

[00:25:09] I love you.

[00:25:10] You're a great kid.

[00:25:11] I never should have done that and I'll never do that again.

[00:25:14] Yeah.

[00:25:15] Yeah.

[00:25:27] And notice how that feels.

[00:25:29] Notice how your body feels now.

[00:25:32] You mentioned your face and your nose and your lungs.

[00:25:36] Does that feel the same, worse or better?

[00:25:39] Oh, better for sure.

[00:25:40] Yeah.

[00:25:41] Yeah.

[00:25:42] Like a little wave of calmness.

[00:25:45] Yeah.

[00:25:46] And so what this does is all of our trauma that we're never,

[00:25:54] we're not being traumatized in any given moment.

[00:25:57] We are just having an experience from the past that we haven't processed yet.

[00:26:04] So that's only existing within us.

[00:26:07] So the goal is to heal in several different ways.

[00:26:11] One is to heal, is to just connect to whatever the original cause is,

[00:26:15] which you did, which you already knew intellectually.

[00:26:18] Sometimes you don't.

[00:26:19] One is to release the emotions on an energetic level.

[00:26:26] I do this through simple visualizations and we could have,

[00:26:31] I could have taken you through a path where you unzip that part of your body

[00:26:35] and you saw what was inside and maybe you'd see snakes or maybe you'd see rocks

[00:26:39] or maybe you'd see sludge and we take that out.

[00:26:42] And that's one way of doing it.

[00:26:43] But the most conscious way of doing it is to work with kind of the part of you

[00:26:47] that has beliefs that are connected to the experience.

[00:26:52] It's still where your dad is still kind of ready to do that at any given moment.

[00:26:58] Right.

[00:27:00] And so that's where I work in kind of a deeper way.

[00:27:04] What we do when I work with people is I just have them go back and forth to their,

[00:27:08] you know, you keep going to your body and you notice where there's tension.

[00:27:12] And what we're trying to do is relieve the beliefs, the leftover beliefs,

[00:27:16] the leftover inner conflicts, the leftover emotions and release them.

[00:27:21] And that's how you heal from virtually any kind of trauma.

[00:27:25] But in particular, you know, trauma that's, you know, sexual abuse related.

[00:27:31] This works really, really well.

[00:27:33] Sometimes we'll use different imagery depending on what goes on

[00:27:36] and sometimes there's little blocks.

[00:27:37] The other thing that happens is we squash a part of ourselves when these things happen.

[00:27:42] In order to stay safe, we push down on some part.

[00:27:47] Right.

[00:27:48] Yeah.

[00:27:49] I attended one workshop they call it, we smallify ourselves to make ourselves safe.

[00:27:54] Yeah.

[00:27:55] It's not just smallifying.

[00:27:58] It's just cutting off our joy, our sense of safety, our confidence,

[00:28:03] our creativity, whatever it is.

[00:28:06] But it's something that's smashed down.

[00:28:08] Right.

[00:28:09] And there's a technique that I've changed completely from the original version,

[00:28:13] but in native cultures they have something called what they call a soul retrieval

[00:28:17] where they feel like, you know, you've lost a part of your soul

[00:28:20] and you need to get it back.

[00:28:21] I don't, I always think that's a bad name for it

[00:28:23] because what you're really doing is you're finding something

[00:28:26] you squashed inside yourself and you're unsquishing it.

[00:28:30] I have another technique that I do for people that I think you're going to enjoy.

[00:28:35] Are you willing to do it?

[00:28:36] It's very simple.

[00:28:37] Sure.

[00:28:38] Okay, great.

[00:28:39] So just picture yourself in a library.

[00:28:42] Okay.

[00:28:43] Oh, I love libraries.

[00:28:44] Yeah.

[00:28:45] Actually, it's funny you said that.

[00:28:46] That was like one of my safe refuges.

[00:28:49] Oh, that's terrific.

[00:28:50] I ride my bike to the library.

[00:28:53] It was very safe.

[00:28:54] And that's how my mother gave me my first sex ed lesson.

[00:28:57] It's like, tell me about the birds and bees.

[00:28:58] Got a library, get a book.

[00:28:59] Oh boy.

[00:29:00] Yeah.

[00:29:01] So I did.

[00:29:02] They were really nice about it.

[00:29:03] Oh yeah, card catalog.

[00:29:04] There it is.

[00:29:05] Okay.

[00:29:06] That's great.

[00:29:07] So yeah.

[00:29:08] Yeah.

[00:29:09] Okay.

[00:29:10] So it's funny.

[00:29:11] I had a client, I used to ask people for a beautiful place

[00:29:13] and you know, mostly people, mountains and beaches and desert gardens

[00:29:18] and her place was the library.

[00:29:21] And I was like, oh, this is so cool.

[00:29:24] This was the library.

[00:29:25] And I was like, oh, this is so much easier

[00:29:28] because everybody can see a library instantaneously.

[00:29:31] Right.

[00:29:32] And I know what they're thinking.

[00:29:34] So with the exception that younger people will hear

[00:29:37] click clacking in the background

[00:29:38] and older people, you know, computers

[00:29:41] and older people will not

[00:29:42] because their childhood libraries were before computers.

[00:29:46] At any rate, so you're going to see this library.

[00:29:49] There's a few tables in the front.

[00:29:51] There's a bunch of bookshelves

[00:29:53] and then there's some more tables in the back.

[00:29:55] Right.

[00:29:56] So walk over to the tables in the back

[00:29:59] and you'll notice a beautifully wrapped present

[00:30:03] on one of the tables.

[00:30:04] Okay.

[00:30:06] And what color is the wrapping paper?

[00:30:09] Green.

[00:30:11] And does it have a ribbon?

[00:30:13] Yes.

[00:30:14] What color is that?

[00:30:16] Red.

[00:30:17] Okay, great.

[00:30:19] So open the present however you do it.

[00:30:22] You know, some people were super neat

[00:30:24] and some people were like dig in.

[00:30:26] Yeah, the dig in tear apart.

[00:30:28] Yes.

[00:30:29] So what kind of box is it?

[00:30:34] It's rectangular, maybe about

[00:30:38] two to three inches high

[00:30:40] and about four or five inches, four or five.

[00:30:47] I guess that's about two feet.

[00:30:51] Two feet by one feet.

[00:30:54] Does it have a lid?

[00:30:56] Yeah, well it's a box, but yeah.

[00:30:58] Yeah, it's kind of like

[00:31:00] a large size of a box.

[00:31:02] Because a lot of people are getting

[00:31:03] Amazon boxes these days.

[00:31:04] Right, right.

[00:31:06] It reminds me of the larger size

[00:31:09] of the two piece shirt box

[00:31:10] you'd get at the department stores.

[00:31:12] Got it.

[00:31:13] Okay, great.

[00:31:14] Like that where you just slide it off.

[00:31:16] Still open the box?

[00:31:17] Yeah.

[00:31:19] Okay.

[00:31:20] And let me know what's inside.

[00:31:31] Does it have tissue paper?

[00:31:33] Yes.

[00:31:34] Those boxes always have tissue paper.

[00:31:37] Yeah, yeah.

[00:31:54] Do you see something inside?

[00:31:58] Notice how it feels when you put your fingers in.

[00:32:05] It's suddenly, it's very scary.

[00:32:08] I don't know why.

[00:32:09] Well that's interesting.

[00:32:10] But it's very scary.

[00:32:12] And it's like just since like darkness in there.

[00:32:21] Okay, well let's do this.

[00:32:23] Let's ask that box if it's something to keep

[00:32:26] or something to get rid of.

[00:32:27] Is the box holding something to keep

[00:32:38] or something to get rid of?

[00:32:39] Ask it.

[00:32:40] Yeah, it's something to get rid of.

[00:32:51] But it was, yeah, actual present.

[00:32:56] I don't know why I went there, but yeah.

[00:32:59] That I was thrilled to get it

[00:33:02] as a boy Christmas present.

[00:33:04] It was a big giant hairy gorilla

[00:33:08] with big arms, almost as big as me.

[00:33:11] And I thought it was the coolest thing.

[00:33:13] I could hug it, sleep with it.

[00:33:17] Then looking back at my story,

[00:33:22] because yeah, like you,

[00:33:24] I had repressed memories till I was like 30.

[00:33:26] And then the fact that I was trafficked

[00:33:29] came out in 2019.

[00:33:31] But he was a scapegoat.

[00:33:36] So if I had a bad dream,

[00:33:39] oh, someone's attacking me.

[00:33:41] Oh no, that's just your gorilla.

[00:33:44] Yeah, let's get rid of him.

[00:33:45] That's just your gorilla.

[00:33:47] So yeah, and that's just probably

[00:33:50] the last couple years I put that together.

[00:33:53] Yeah, let's let Superman come in

[00:33:56] and just take the gorilla

[00:33:57] and throw it into the sun.

[00:33:59] Yes.

[00:34:00] He's so big.

[00:34:01] It was Christmas colors.

[00:34:03] It was a Christmas present.

[00:34:05] It was a Christmas present

[00:34:06] and the wrapping paper with Christmas colors.

[00:34:09] I was excited to get it

[00:34:10] and then it's like, yeah,

[00:34:11] there's like this darkness.

[00:34:14] So yeah, gone, yes.

[00:34:17] Do we have time for you

[00:34:18] to open another present?

[00:34:20] Yes, I'm in charge of time.

[00:34:22] Okay, well, another table in that library

[00:34:25] is another box with wrapping paper.

[00:34:28] Okay, okay.

[00:34:32] This is yellow paper, blue ribbon,

[00:34:36] not a Christmas present,

[00:34:37] probably a birthday present.

[00:34:39] Okay, good.

[00:34:40] Well, it's just a present.

[00:34:41] But before it was like a Christmas present

[00:34:44] because it was a Christmas present.

[00:34:45] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:34:46] I understand them.

[00:34:47] Yeah, yeah.

[00:34:48] So this is very clearly not a Christmas present.

[00:34:51] Open it again.

[00:34:52] Okay.

[00:34:53] And again about the same size.

[00:34:56] About the same as the other one,

[00:34:59] about the same size.

[00:35:00] You see what happens when you open that.

[00:35:02] Okay, tearing through it.

[00:35:06] Yeah.

[00:35:25] Let me take a second.

[00:35:26] It may...

[00:35:33] Okay, yeah, it's a microphone,

[00:35:35] like one of those big radio microphones.

[00:35:37] So ask the microphone

[00:35:39] if it's something to keep

[00:35:40] or something to get rid of.

[00:35:41] Oh, it's something to keep.

[00:35:42] I already know.

[00:35:43] Yeah.

[00:35:44] I know, but you know,

[00:35:45] I have this ritual

[00:35:46] because I have to ask.

[00:35:47] Okay, okay, okay.

[00:35:48] All right.

[00:35:49] Sometimes I'm fooled.

[00:35:50] Sometimes I'm shocked

[00:35:51] that it's something to get rid of.

[00:35:53] So something to keep.

[00:35:55] Ask the microphone what it represents.

[00:36:00] Yeah, yeah.

[00:36:02] Something to keep and yes,

[00:36:07] a way to encourage me

[00:36:09] to share my story,

[00:36:11] to have a platform like this podcast

[00:36:15] and continue to share with

[00:36:19] and for other survivors.

[00:36:22] Yeah, and I would just say

[00:36:24] it represents expression to begin with.

[00:36:26] Yeah, yeah.

[00:36:28] Right?

[00:36:29] All of this is expression.

[00:36:30] It's not as...

[00:36:31] Usually these things

[00:36:32] are not as specific as that

[00:36:34] because it's what was squashed

[00:36:37] inside you as a kid.

[00:36:39] Right, finding my voice.

[00:36:41] Yes, allowing your voice.

[00:36:43] That's the big picture

[00:36:46] is finding my voice.

[00:36:48] And I know most people

[00:36:49] when they hear the recordings

[00:36:50] of themselves,

[00:36:51] they hate their voice

[00:36:52] and that was always me.

[00:36:53] Hated the sound of my own voice.

[00:36:55] Now, as I started to share my story,

[00:36:57] I love my voice.

[00:36:58] I love hearing my voice,

[00:36:59] especially when I'm sharing my truth.

[00:37:01] So ask the microphone

[00:37:03] if it's willing to become a part of you.

[00:37:05] Yes, yes.

[00:37:07] And ask yourself

[00:37:08] if you're willing to allow

[00:37:09] the microphone to become a part of you.

[00:37:11] Yes.

[00:37:13] Great.

[00:37:14] And then just put it in your body

[00:37:15] and notice if you feel

[00:37:24] a sensation from that.

[00:37:27] Yeah.

[00:37:28] Great.

[00:37:29] What kind of sensation

[00:37:30] do you feel since we're doing this

[00:37:33] with an audience?

[00:37:38] I've got in my head

[00:37:41] basically a giant blackberry

[00:37:44] and it's when my own PTSD therapist

[00:37:47] does any of these things

[00:37:49] and we kind of

[00:37:50] any of your learnings you put in

[00:37:51] and it's like this little store warehouse

[00:37:53] and each of the little containers

[00:37:56] of the berry are a new thing

[00:37:58] that I'm learning.

[00:37:59] So yes, the microphone went

[00:38:00] right into there.

[00:38:01] Okay.

[00:38:02] So this is very important

[00:38:06] and it's a sensation kind of thing.

[00:38:08] So maybe put it in your chest.

[00:38:10] Well, no, and it's there

[00:38:12] so I know it's there

[00:38:13] but yeah, I felt it in my chest.

[00:38:15] Okay, tell me about

[00:38:16] the feeling that you have.

[00:38:17] The sensation,

[00:38:21] is there a sensation?

[00:38:23] Is it warm?

[00:38:24] Is it...

[00:38:27] It's like my lungs

[00:38:29] when you're really congested

[00:38:32] or having an attack

[00:38:34] and you take an inhaler

[00:38:36] and that opens up your lungs

[00:38:38] and expands your lungs.

[00:38:39] So it feels like that.

[00:38:40] That's awesome.

[00:38:41] So it's kind of an opening sensation.

[00:38:43] Right, yeah.

[00:38:44] So let that feeling

[00:38:45] spread through your whole body.

[00:38:47] Okay.

[00:38:48] And then put your hand where you...

[00:39:06] Well first, what's the word

[00:39:07] you would use to describe the feeling?

[00:39:13] Goodness.

[00:39:14] Expansion.

[00:39:15] Expansion, beautiful.

[00:39:16] Put your hand

[00:39:17] where you feel the most expanded

[00:39:19] and every time you say

[00:39:21] the word expansion

[00:39:22] and put your hand there

[00:39:24] you can feel this way again.

[00:39:29] And it's something to practice

[00:39:32] first thing in the morning

[00:39:33] or when you wake up

[00:39:34] when you go to bed

[00:39:35] before each meal

[00:39:37] just put your hand there

[00:39:38] and say expansion

[00:39:40] and you'll feel that way again

[00:39:41] and it has to be lodged

[00:39:42] in your memory

[00:39:43] because otherwise

[00:39:44] you'll forget to do it

[00:39:45] and it doesn't do anything then.

[00:39:47] So I did this with a woman

[00:39:49] whose husband had been murdered

[00:39:51] by someone they knew

[00:39:53] and who had been depressed

[00:39:54] for 20 years.

[00:39:55] Wow.

[00:39:57] And what she got was rubies.

[00:40:00] And I had her ask the rubies

[00:40:02] what they needed from her

[00:40:04] in order to stay with her forever

[00:40:07] and she said

[00:40:08] she needs to allow loving.

[00:40:12] And I said, are you willing to do that?

[00:40:14] And she said no.

[00:40:15] I said great, I love no.

[00:40:16] So I took her through this...

[00:40:19] Because no means you're gonna

[00:40:20] break through some kind of resistance.

[00:40:22] Yeah, yeah.

[00:40:23] So when we did that

[00:40:27] she got to the point

[00:40:28] where she was willing to allow love in.

[00:40:30] She looked very peaceful

[00:40:31] at the end of the session.

[00:40:33] Nothing different from any

[00:40:34] of my other sessions.

[00:40:35] The next week she came back in

[00:40:37] and after weeks of coming to me

[00:40:39] in a gray sweatshirt

[00:40:41] and a gray sweater

[00:40:43] you know, a gray sweat top

[00:40:44] and a gray sweat outfit

[00:40:47] suddenly she was wearing a pink top

[00:40:49] and brand new blue jeans.

[00:40:52] I was like, oh this is really different

[00:40:53] and I realized

[00:40:55] oh, she probably wears this gray sweatshirt

[00:40:57] everywhere she goes

[00:40:58] seven days a week, every day

[00:41:00] and suddenly she's wearing

[00:41:01] this colorful outfit.

[00:41:03] Then she said to me

[00:41:05] I had dinner with my son

[00:41:06] who was 29

[00:41:09] he didn't recognize me.

[00:41:11] She had been depressed

[00:41:12] for 20 years.

[00:41:14] Wow.

[00:41:15] And the first time

[00:41:16] since he was nine years old

[00:41:18] she was a normal

[00:41:20] relatively happy person

[00:41:22] when she had dinner

[00:41:23] and the depression left

[00:41:25] Wow.

[00:41:26] All through this one exercise

[00:41:30] I mean we've done other things

[00:41:31] through sessions

[00:41:32] things like that

[00:41:33] but this was kind of

[00:41:34] the turning point.

[00:41:36] Right, fascinating.

[00:41:38] So these are a few of the steps

[00:41:39] of the defy trauma process

[00:41:41] I put together

[00:41:43] and it works incredibly fast

[00:41:45] as you can see

[00:41:46] you had a fairly big shift

[00:41:48] it seems like.

[00:41:50] Right, yes.

[00:41:52] Now I want to remind our

[00:41:53] audience members

[00:41:54] if you want to

[00:41:56] ask Mahesh a question

[00:41:58] go ahead and put that into

[00:41:59] the Q&A

[00:42:01] and we can be as

[00:42:03] anonymous as you would like

[00:42:04] we will only state your name

[00:42:05] if you manually put that in

[00:42:07] with your question.

[00:42:09] No questions yet.

[00:42:11] So

[00:42:12] I know this is part of your practice

[00:42:14] what other things

[00:42:16] have you tried?

[00:42:17] Have you been successful?

[00:42:18] I know you mentioned several things

[00:42:20] that have not worked in the past

[00:42:21] and what you're currently using

[00:42:23] but has been effective

[00:42:24] for your own healing

[00:42:25] because I know you don't

[00:42:26] necessarily see yourself

[00:42:27] as a therapist

[00:42:28] you probably go to someone else.

[00:42:30] No, no

[00:42:32] you get to a point

[00:42:33] absolutely

[00:42:34] it stops working

[00:42:35] other people can't do

[00:42:36] what I can do

[00:42:38] the whole point of a good therapist

[00:42:41] especially when it comes to trauma

[00:42:43] is to help you be able to connect

[00:42:46] to the subconscious mind

[00:42:48] and heal that

[00:42:49] and what I've done

[00:42:50] is I've developed this

[00:42:51] five step defied trauma process

[00:42:54] which is

[00:42:55] I have a whole course

[00:42:56] that you can go to

[00:42:57] if you go to anxiety123.com

[00:42:59] you'll find

[00:43:00] the whole course there

[00:43:02] it's a daily practice for me

[00:43:04] I just

[00:43:05] I would go to therapists

[00:43:06] and they would tell me

[00:43:08] I can't do what you can do

[00:43:10] I can't take you to those places

[00:43:11] in the same way

[00:43:13] the practice that got me started

[00:43:15] was Hakomi

[00:43:16] and I was trained

[00:43:17] by that

[00:43:18] Hakomi therapist

[00:43:20] in psycho drama

[00:43:21] which influenced me

[00:43:23] and

[00:43:24] I became a certified

[00:43:25] hypnotherapist

[00:43:26] I call myself

[00:43:28] a somatic hypnotherapist

[00:43:29] because

[00:43:31] the whole point of

[00:43:33] hypnosis is about

[00:43:34] moving into a state

[00:43:36] where you're connected to your subconscious

[00:43:38] and what I found

[00:43:39] is the fastest way

[00:43:40] to get someone to connect

[00:43:41] to their subconscious mind

[00:43:43] is to have them notice

[00:43:45] where they feel things

[00:43:46] in their body

[00:43:48] and

[00:43:49] if that doesn't work

[00:43:50] I have more traditional hypnosis things

[00:43:52] but it works about 90% of the time

[00:43:57] but no

[00:43:59] I don't look at

[00:44:00] because my subconscious

[00:44:02] is giving me all these answers

[00:44:04] and all these

[00:44:05] techniques

[00:44:06] there are more techniques

[00:44:07] that come

[00:44:08] and when I work with clients

[00:44:09] sometimes new techniques show up

[00:44:11] because the client

[00:44:13] subconscious mind

[00:44:14] does something

[00:44:15] I'm like oh

[00:44:16] that's usable

[00:44:17] right

[00:44:18] yeah it's interesting

[00:44:19] I know

[00:44:20] my own therapist

[00:44:21] he had several different kind of

[00:44:24] somatic therapies

[00:44:25] that he has used

[00:44:27] with me as well

[00:44:29] a lot of the same techniques

[00:44:31] that you described today

[00:44:33] he has used

[00:44:34] and yeah you're connecting

[00:44:35] to your subconscious

[00:44:36] you're visualizing things

[00:44:38] and all of these techniques

[00:44:40] and a lot of them

[00:44:42] are newer techniques

[00:44:44] but it's kind of

[00:44:45] similar very parallel

[00:44:47] methods

[00:44:48] in a lot of these

[00:44:50] modern methods

[00:44:51] it's all

[00:44:53] coming down to getting in touch

[00:44:55] with your subconscious

[00:44:57] and I like the concept

[00:44:59] of neuroplasticity

[00:45:01] retraining your brain

[00:45:03] forming new synapses

[00:45:05] and helping it

[00:45:07] respond in

[00:45:09] new ways

[00:45:10] especially for a traumatized mind

[00:45:12] that experienced

[00:45:13] a trauma

[00:45:15] and for me

[00:45:17] that's so scientific

[00:45:19] I'm not a very scientific person

[00:45:21] so I talk about

[00:45:23] what we do is

[00:45:25] we take the things

[00:45:27] that are etched in stone

[00:45:28] in your brain

[00:45:30] and we erase them

[00:45:32] and so that they know

[00:45:34] neuroplasticity

[00:45:36] that's exactly what it is

[00:45:38] but yeah

[00:45:40] I don't like

[00:45:41] neuroplasticity

[00:45:43] because I've been doing it

[00:45:45] for many many years

[00:45:47] so I have learned

[00:45:49] to take difficult concepts

[00:45:51] and make them as simple

[00:45:53] as possible

[00:45:55] because

[00:45:57] just learning the thing

[00:45:59] is so

[00:46:01] the weight is so heavy

[00:46:03] of just lifting

[00:46:05] kind of the understanding

[00:46:07] of the process

[00:46:09] but yeah

[00:46:10] it's basically

[00:46:12] our mind is clay

[00:46:14] and it's not etched in stone

[00:46:16] and you can reshape it

[00:46:18] like play-doh

[00:46:20] right so I'm erasing

[00:46:22] what's in the play-doh

[00:46:24] yeah exactly

[00:46:26] so those are the kinds of things

[00:46:28] you know one thing that I do

[00:46:30] that I've added in over the years

[00:46:32] that I found really

[00:46:34] helpful and unusual

[00:46:36] that I don't see a lot of

[00:46:38] in most therapies

[00:46:40] is something called

[00:46:42] epigenetic psychology

[00:46:44] which you may have heard of

[00:46:46] your parents and your grandparents

[00:46:48] traumas passed along through the sperm and the egg

[00:46:50] oh yes

[00:46:52] so all these people who abused us

[00:46:54] had their own trauma

[00:46:56] that they were acting out

[00:46:58] plus

[00:47:00] when we interact with people

[00:47:02] we pick up their stuff

[00:47:04] I mean my dad was molested

[00:47:06] as an infant by his father

[00:47:08] way more than he

[00:47:10] because his father had like constant access

[00:47:12] in fact I feel like the reason he molested me

[00:47:15] was to get rid of the energy he was carrying

[00:47:17] he didn't

[00:47:19] I mean this is not conscious

[00:47:21] this was

[00:47:23] you know just secret software

[00:47:25] that was running for him

[00:47:27] so one of the things I like to do with people

[00:47:29] often in my first session

[00:47:31] is to have them get rid of the stuff

[00:47:33] that doesn't belong to them

[00:47:35] and so I have this technique

[00:47:37] and if you want to try it super fast

[00:47:38] you can picture your dad

[00:47:40] or you can use your

[00:47:42] if your dad is

[00:47:44] uncomfortable you can use Bobby

[00:47:46] your father-in-law

[00:47:48] have him hold a giant red magnet

[00:47:50] with silver tips at the end

[00:47:52] okay

[00:47:54] yep just like Wiley Coyote

[00:47:56] oh I didn't know he had magnets

[00:47:58] yeah Acme brand

[00:48:00] yes of course

[00:48:02] oh cool

[00:48:04] well that's great

[00:48:06] you're the first one to mention it

[00:48:08] I have a lot of fans in my client base

[00:48:10] I guess not

[00:48:12] so let the magnet just pull something out of you

[00:48:16] and it could be that you'll get a visual image

[00:48:20] it could be that is more of an energetic thing

[00:48:23] but if it's visual

[00:48:25] if it's like crap or magnetic filings

[00:48:27] or one woman had daggers

[00:48:29] then if the magnet fills up

[00:48:33] just have him toss it into the sun

[00:48:35] and a new one

[00:48:36] a clean one will magically appear

[00:48:38] if it's energy or if it's just

[00:48:40] kind of a sense of a knowing

[00:48:42] of something coming out

[00:48:44] then you have forever with that magnet

[00:48:47] it's never going to get full

[00:48:49] well it might who knows

[00:48:52] it probably won't

[00:48:54] never happened so far

[00:48:56] so is something coming out

[00:48:58] yeah nothing specific

[00:49:00] but yeah like shards of darkness

[00:49:02] kind of representing

[00:49:03] the problem in general

[00:49:05] yeah so if they fill up

[00:49:08] if the magnet fills up

[00:49:10] have him toss it into the sun

[00:49:12] but you can let it keep going until there is no more

[00:49:14] yeah

[00:49:16] or until you can't take it anymore

[00:49:18] until you know it's alright

[00:49:20] this is enough

[00:49:22] but that's how that works

[00:49:24] and what I have people do is

[00:49:26] work with all their grandparents

[00:49:28] their parents and if they had step parents

[00:49:30] to include those

[00:49:31] it's not important sometimes they're not

[00:49:33] but what happens is

[00:49:35] people feel significantly more relaxed

[00:49:37] and different

[00:49:39] because they're not carrying other people's stuff

[00:49:41] right

[00:49:43] I mean it's not a one and done thing

[00:49:45] you can do it again other times

[00:49:47] right

[00:49:49] but sometimes you sit there

[00:49:51] and you're feeling angry or hurt

[00:49:53] or scared

[00:49:55] and a question I have people ask

[00:49:57] is does this belong to me or someone else

[00:49:59] and sometimes they get a real clear answer

[00:50:01] of me

[00:50:03] and sometimes they don't know

[00:50:05] and if they don't know

[00:50:07] then chances are it belongs to someone else

[00:50:09] because we only have the one body

[00:50:12] so we don't have a lot of experience

[00:50:14] determining what's happening in our body

[00:50:16] that belongs to someone else

[00:50:18] right

[00:50:20] interesting I do have a question from our audience

[00:50:23] this is from Dan

[00:50:25] he says thanks for your information

[00:50:27] I have aphantasia

[00:50:29] a-p-h-a-n-t

[00:50:31] yeah I know that

[00:50:33] I got it

[00:50:35] well I was saying that for my audience

[00:50:37] so I can't visualize things in pictures

[00:50:39] are you able to do this visualization process

[00:50:43] with someone like me

[00:50:45] so someone who can't visualize

[00:50:47] understood

[00:50:49] I've had clients like that

[00:50:51] so the answer is

[00:50:53] sometimes yes sometimes no

[00:50:55] depending on the type of person

[00:50:57] but I worked with one woman

[00:50:59] I was like shocked

[00:51:01] at how profoundly

[00:51:03] I've worked with a few people

[00:51:05] with aphantasia

[00:51:07] it's about 5% of people

[00:51:09] don't see things

[00:51:11] first off you can use other channels

[00:51:13] and there's a sense of knowing that happens

[00:51:15] so you can know something is happening

[00:51:18] you don't have to see it

[00:51:20] that's what he described as well

[00:51:22] when I talked to him about this

[00:51:24] yeah

[00:51:26] sometimes you can also use hearing

[00:51:28] and sensation

[00:51:29] but if those things don't work

[00:51:31] these things tend to work with

[00:51:33] on a psychic level

[00:51:35] it's called clairsentience

[00:51:37] where this sense of knowing

[00:51:39] a clear sense of knowing

[00:51:41] and you can know

[00:51:43] like if you were to do the magnet technique

[00:51:45] you may not see all that stuff

[00:51:47] but you can have a kind of a knowing

[00:51:49] that is happening

[00:51:51] and it's kind of an aha knowing

[00:51:55] there's that intellectuality

[00:51:57] there's that aha moment

[00:51:59] the moment you experience

[00:52:01] with your father-in-law

[00:52:03] playing the role of your dad

[00:52:05] being so sad

[00:52:07] when you told him

[00:52:09] all these things are happening

[00:52:11] in what I call the aha space

[00:52:13] that happens with aphantasia too

[00:52:15] that makes sense

[00:52:17] that makes a lot of sense

[00:52:19] it's a lot of sense

[00:52:21] it's a lot of sense

[00:52:23] it's a lot of sense

[00:52:24] that makes sense

[00:52:26] that makes a lot of sense

[00:52:28] thank you for that

[00:52:30] any closing thoughts

[00:52:32] sure

[00:52:34] the big thing in terms of hypnosis

[00:52:36] is that hypnosis is a very normal state

[00:52:38] we all are hypnotized

[00:52:40] thousands of times

[00:52:42] in our life

[00:52:44] without ever going to a hypnotherapist

[00:52:46] if you ever go to a movie

[00:52:48] and if you're the visual kind of person

[00:52:50] if you ever read a novel

[00:52:52] and it says she saw a grey rock castle

[00:52:54] with a cherry red door

[00:52:56] and you see that castle in door

[00:52:58] guess what

[00:53:00] I would just say

[00:53:02] picture a grey rock castle with a cherry red door

[00:53:04] so you're being hypnotized

[00:53:06] anytime you read a novel

[00:53:08] if you watch a movie

[00:53:10] and you feel sad when bad things happen to the main character

[00:53:12] and you feel good when good things happen to the main character

[00:53:14] you're hypnotized

[00:53:16] this is all happening in your imagination

[00:53:18] right

[00:53:20] even if

[00:53:22] or if you've ever played a video

[00:53:24] game and somebody called your name

[00:53:26] and you didn't hear them

[00:53:28] you're being hypnotized by the game

[00:53:30] or missed your exit on the freeway

[00:53:32] because you were lost in thought

[00:53:34] hypnosis is concentration, imagination

[00:53:36] and connection to the subconscious

[00:53:38] we've had those moments all along

[00:53:40] frankly the best things that happen in therapy

[00:53:42] for most people

[00:53:44] are really these aha moments

[00:53:46] which come from a form of hypnosis

[00:53:50] whether you realize you're hypnotized or not

[00:53:52] right

[00:53:54] thank you so much for being here Mahesh

[00:53:56] and sharing your story

[00:53:58] and sharing these techniques

[00:54:00] and if you want more

[00:54:02] he mentioned several links

[00:54:04] and I'll have more in the show notes

[00:54:06] yeah well the best link where you can get everything

[00:54:08] is anxiety123.com

[00:54:10] anxiety123.com

[00:54:12] as easy as 123

[00:54:14] that's right

[00:54:16] thank you so much Mahesh

[00:54:18] and again if you would like to join us on future episodes

[00:54:21] you can find the information on

[00:54:25] polarliveconsulting.com slash live

[00:54:29] and thank you so much for joining us

[00:54:31] for the healing for male survivors podcast

[00:54:37] if you would like to learn more about my coaching

[00:54:39] with polar live consulting

[00:54:41] where I provide one-on-one coaching

[00:54:43] and group coaching

[00:54:45] both with a focus on healing

[00:54:47] for male survivors

[00:54:49] reach out to me at

[00:54:51] polarliveconsulting.com

[00:54:53] that is polar spelled P-O-L-A-R

[00:54:55] I would love to hear from you

[00:54:57] I want to hear your story

[00:54:59] if you would like your story featured on this podcast

[00:55:01] contact me via my website

[00:55:03] if you like this podcast

[00:55:05] please rate and review

[00:55:07] because that's how other people can find me

[00:55:09] and I really want to spread this message

[00:55:11] of healing and hope to others

[00:55:13] and remember

[00:55:15] you are not alone

[00:55:17] healing is possible

[00:55:19] and the abuse was not your fault

[00:55:21] see you next time on the healing for male survivors podcast