CHM177:How to Stay Present as a Parent When Your Kids Are Away At School All Day

Hi, friends, and welcome back to the Christian homeschool Mom's podcast. I'm your host, Demitria, and whether you're new here or you've been part of this community for a while, I'm so glad that you're listening today. This podcast is where we talk about faith, homeschooling, motherhood in all the ways that God grows us along the journey, not just as educators, but as women, as parents, and as followers of Christ. Now, today's topic might hit home for some of you, especially if your homeschooling journey has shifted over time. And maybe you started off homeschooling full time, but now your kids are attending co op classes, doing some hybrid learning, or maybe even enrolled in traditional school part of the week or full time. And with that shift comes a new challenge. How do we stay present as parents when our kids are gone all day? Now, some of you may argue that that's not truly homeschooling if you're not home with your kids, and I personally dared to disagree. I believe there are different ways to homeschool, different models of home education, and all of us who have homeschooled at some point have figured out a way to make things work. For about seventeen years, I homeschooled both of my daughters, and up until that seventeenth year, I had been homeschooling full time. That means my life pretty much revolved around making sure that my kids were receiving a proper education. I didn't put my personal life on hold, though, and I did things that I enjoyed as well. As a serial entrepreneur. I started a few businesses, and I continued on my hobbies like music and other things that I love to do. But for the most part, my life centered around my kids. Later, in that very last year of homeschooling, we went from homeschooling full time to a hybrid mom where part of my youngest daughter's education was at home and the other part of it was at her school at her private school. And now things have really changed our home, and of course over the years, we've had our experiences with different models such as homeschool charters, homeschooling with co ops, all kinds of different ways that we've done home education, both in the state where we now live as well as in other states. So homeschooling looks different depending on where you are in life and also where you are geographically. But back to our question, how do we stay present as parents when our kids are gone all day and how do we stay emotionally connected, not just physically nearby, when those long, cozy homeschool days at the kitchen table are no longer the norm. And that's what we're talking about today. We're going to unpack some practical ways to stay emotionally available. We're going to talk about how to create after school rhythms that foster connection and a few many rituals that help us stay grounded and close to our kids even in the busyness of this season. I'll also share what this looks like in my own home now that my daughter's in school full time, because this one is personal. So go ahead and grab your tea or your coffee, settle in, and let's talk about what it really means to be present, the kind of presence that anchors your child's heart and brings peace to yours. So let's start here. Presence and proximity are not the same thing. So we're gonna talk about why your presence matters and not just being around. So you can be in the same room with your child all evening and still not be present. You can drive them to school, sit beside them at dinner, tuck them in. Hey, you can even homeschool your kids and still feel miles away Emotionally, presence isn't about time, It's about attention. It's about slowing your mind and your spirit long enough to see your child. I really love the conversation I had with Leslie Martino where we talked about the r of slowing down in your homeschool and that could also mean in your family in general, just slowing down. So I'm going to leave a link to that episode, but it is episode number one seventy three, Why slowing Down Helps Kids Thrive with Leslie Martino. I think that's such an important one to listen to, especially in our fast paced world. I know that this is hard in this season of life because when your kids are gone all day, if you're experiencing that right now, you're likely juggling your own work, your errands, your responsibilities, and by the time everyone's home, it's the dinner rush, the homework chaos, and bedtime shuffle. But what I've learned over the years is when we choose presence, even in short bursts, it changes the entire emotional climate of our home. It communicates to our kids, you're worth my time. I want to hear your heart, and honestly, that's what they crave, not perfected meals, not some immaculate schedule, just us. You know, our attention, our warmth, our listening ear. And it reminds me of how God relates to us. Scripture says that he's a manual god with us. He doesn't rush through his time with us. He abides with us, he listens, He's near. And as parents, that's the model that we could follow, not busyness or performance, but just steady presence, no matter what that looks like in your life right now, whether your kids are home with you all day, part time, homeschooling with you, hybridly, going to class some of the day, part of the day at home, or gone all day. Even if we can only give it in small doses, our presence matters, and I believe that that is holy work. Now let's get practical. If your child is in school, hybrid learning or even co op classes most of the day, that after school window is sacred. It's the transition zone between their world out there and home, and how we handle that window can set the tone for the entire evening and listen, I'm walking through this right now myself. My daughter is in school full time this year, and it's been a major adjustment. For so long, a homeschooling meant that we were together all day, learning, side by side, sharing life's little moments. And now she's out all day learning, socializing, managing a full schedule. And I'm learning a new rhythm too. I'm learning how to adapt to her needs, to assist her through her senior year, be her coach, be her cheerleader, be her mentor. And if I'm being honest, I miss her. I miss hearing her laugh in the middle of the day. I miss those spontaneous conversations about life that would just happen while we're baking or doing math, or my favorite, reading a book together. But this new season has taught me something important, that connection can look different and still be deep. Oh. I've had to remind myself of just a few things. When she walks in the door, I try to greet her with warmth and not a checklist. If I can, I meet her at the door with a smile and a hug, or if I'm picking her up. I always like to know what's happening with her day, and just make sure she's okay. And for me, that smile, that hug, that greeting of I'm glad you're here, that moment says more than a thousand questions ever could. And of course I want to know everything right, I want to know how her classes went, what her teacher said, what's happening with her friends. But I've learned that she usually needs a little bit of space before she's ready to talk. She's been on all day long, surrounded by people managing expectations, so she needs time to decompress. So I let her. She eats, she'll rest, she'll scroll her phone a bit, and usually after she's had that space, she'll start talking. Maybe while I'm cooking dinner, she'll share something funny that happened at school. And later that evening, when she's done with her homework, I'll get even deeper elections what went well with school, what didn't. And it's like she unpacks her day in layers, So if I push too early, I miss all the good stuff. So here's what helps us and might help you too, when you're working with children who are in school full time or part time. So one thing that helps me is to reconnect before you redirect. Greet them like you're genuinely glad that they're home, because you are glad they're home, and save all the logistics for later. On. Number two, build a decompression gap, because every kid is different, right Some want to talk right away, and you have to just be willing to set aside what you're doing and actually catch them when you can and listen to them when they're ready to talk. But other kids need to be quiet for longer, so give them that grace. Number three. Create a predictable rhythm, something like snack time, then unwind, then chat, then do homework, then dinner, and then connect again later. It's not rigid, it's just a rhythm of peace that you can use that will help you as you're working with your individual kids. And of course you are mama. You know what your kids need. You know when they need to unwind, and so sometimes talking is the first thing they want to do, but a lot of times they just need that space and something to eat right after you've greeted them, something good to eat. And then number four, invite them into home life again after they've been out all day. They need to decompress. So once they've decompressed, then hop on the whole ideal with you got to help, you know, help with your chores, do your errands, help with dinner, you know, not as a task, but as a chance to reconnect through doing something together side by side. I love that. Sometimes my daughter asks me while I'm in the middle of chopping carrots or making dinner. She'll say, you know, do you need any help with that? And she just got home from school, she just had a snack. I haven't asked her to jump in the kitchen with me and help it, but she sees that I'm tied up, really and I'm trying to get dinner on. And so it's really nice to have a daughter who is willing to help and sees that, you know, mama needs a little support here in the kitchen, can I help you? And I love that about her personality, And she's just a helpful daughter and so proud of her. I love the support that she gives to me. So here's the truth. Connection doesn't require a long conversation or a perfectly structured evening. It's just those micro moments that hug at the door, the shared laughter in the kitchen, the check in at bedtime. Those things build a sense of belonging over a period of time. So let's talk a little bit more about what this mini connection ritual looks like. In my home, I call these connection rituals. They're just basically small, simple habits that help you stay emotionally tied to your child no matter how busy life gets. They don't have to be big or time consuming. In fact, they're often the opposite. They're quick, easy and meaningful moments. So in our home, shared reading happens about once a week, not every night, not perfectly. It's not something that we do religiously, but when it does happen, it is special. So we might read a devotional sometimes a story, a poem, song, lyrics, something that sparks the conversation about life or faith. And those moments always remind me that it's not about the book, it's not about what we're actually reading. It's about the connection we're creating, with that reading being the central piece, or even the spark, the framework, the thing that we use to launch our conversations with. It's about pausing long enough to sit together, share some thoughts and listen to each other. But what happens more often in our home, especially now that my daughter is in her senior year in high school. Those are the one on one moments that are woven into everyday life because we've had to learn to be intentional about these moments. She's so busy, and of course I'm so busy too, so small things like running errands together. You know, when we go in the store together and she's not sitting out the car waiting, she decides to come in the store with me and we walk around together and shop together. That is a moment that we are making. Those are memories that we are making, you know, grabbing a coffee or a tea together, watching our favorite shows. Again, she is a K pop K drama girl, so she gets me into these little segues in life, and she has me watching and hooked on K drama series. So these are our little connection times that I've learned to enjoy with her over the past four or five years. And sometimes we laugh, sometimes we talk about her future, and sometimes we just be just hang out and relax. Those moments have become sacred because we built that rhythm over years of togetherness, and now as she's getting ready to launch into the next stage of life. I can see how all those small moments, those car rides, those TV nights, they laid foundation of trust. They've given her space to open up just because she knows. I'm not waiting to pounce with a lecture or advice. I want to give her advice, but I'm not lurking around the corner waiting for the best moments to slide that advice in. I want to just be there, to be available, safe and present for her, and when she needs the advice, I'm more than ready to offer. I'm more than ready to help her and to guide her on her path. But if your kids are younger, I recommend start now, build those habits early, and if they're teens, it's not too late. They still need you that they just need you differently. They might act like they don't want to talk, but deep down, your steady presence tells them that home is safe. And so I have a few ideas for you to spark your own rituals. You can do a walk and talk where you pick them up after dinner and take a short stroll. If that's your thing, that's your thing, you know, because moving side by side opens up the conversation in a way that sometimes sitting face to face doesn't, and it just makes it less intimidating for them to talk when you're walking with them. Another idea is just bedtime depbriefs, a quick five minute chat right before bed. Sometimes, though I'll warn you that five minute chat can turn into an hour because we know with our teens they like to talk at night. They get their recharge at night because they tend to be night owls, or at least that's been my experience with both my daughters. But a quick five minute chat, you know, a short chat of how was your day, what was hard today? You know, let them talk and resist the urge to fix anything. Just let them feel free to share with you what's on their heart. Shared media, you know, if you enjoy watching shows with your child, that's something that you can have in common together. Also, it helps you to see what kind of stuff they're into and be involved in their world and if necessary, influence them positively, helping them to choose media that is appropriate, of course and healthy for them. But watching something that they love together with them, asking questions, laughing together, let them see that you're interested in what they enjoy and then also, prayer moments, even a short Lord, thank you for this day, can ground both of you and invite God into those ordinary moments. These little rituals don't just connect us with our kids. They also remind us that parenting is a ministry. It's the daily, unseen work of building trust, faith and love through ordinary moments. And if you're in a season like mine, watching your child get ready to launch, I invite you to treasure that season because every drive, every laugh, every conversation counts. One day, they're going to carry those memories with them and they'll remember not just what you taught them, but how it felt to be loved by you. Now, I know some of you listening might be feeling weary. You want to connect, but life feels too fast. You're working, you're managing schedules, keeping the house afloat, and by the end of the day you're just done. And I get it, but I want you to hear this clearly. Presence is not perfection. Even if all you manage today is just a few minutes of real eye contact or a quick I love you before bed, even that matters, Every little bit matters. Your child doesn't need a perfectly scheduled, emotionally polished parent. They just need you. They need your laughter, your hugs, your steady love. In a busy world. You don't have to have it all together or have all the parenting ideologies and philosophies out there memorized and put into action in your home. You just need to be yourself, love your child for who they are, and accept and embrace each other. The beauty of grace is that it fills in the gaps where we fall short. Right. God never asked us to be flawless. He just wants us to be faithful, faithful, to show up, to love, to listen. So take the pressure half of yourself today. You're doing way better than you think, and friend, my encouragement for you today is simple. No matter what your schooling setup looks like, full homeschool, hybrid, co op, traditional, no longer homeschooling. Kids are back in traditional school and you see them after school, you can still build a home rooted in connection. Presence isn't measured in hours, It's measured in heartbeats. I love that saying, and I thought it was really cool when I heard it, so I just wanted to throw that in there. But it's the small, steady moments of attention that remind your child that you were seen, you were loved, and you belong. So this week, I want you to try one small thing. Greet your child with a hug at the door, or go for a walk together, or share a story, just listen without rushing in to fix everything. And as always, if this episode encouraged you, would you please share it with another mama who might need this reminder to Let's keep building a community of moms who choose connection over comparison and present over perfection. And I want to thank you for spending this time with me today and keep showing up, my friend. Keep loving your kids well, and keep creating a home where peace and love flow freely. And remember that being present is the best gift that you can ever give your child. And until next time, Happy homeschooling.