CHM168: Growth Over Grades: Teaching Kids to Love the Learning Process

[00:00:13] Welcome to the Christian Homeschool Moms Podcast. I'm Demetria, your host, a veteran homeschool mom of two with one daughter already off on her own journey and the other one getting ready to prepare for college life and beyond. And after over a decade of homeschooling, I've transitioned into life as an after school tutor. And now I run a boutique podcast agency called Soul Podcasting, where we edit and produce podcasts and offer interview coaching. This show is now dedicated to all parents, whether you're homeschooling full time, navigating traditional school, or whatever.

[00:00:43] or embracing a hybrid learning path who want to be intentional advocates for their children's academic and personal growth. And I'm here to walk with you offering encouragement, insight and practical strategies to help you create the educational path that best fits your family's values and vision. And hey, before we dive into today's topic, I've got some exciting news. The Christian Women Podcasters Network is now open for new applicants. So if you're a podcaster or you know someone who is who shares messages about faith, family health, or even practical

[00:01:13] life wisdom, you can receive a free listing for now at our network site. So just head over to Christian women podcasters.com to learn more and sign up, you'll gain exposure for your podcast, both on our platform and within our community of faith driven content creators. Plus, I'll be featuring some of our members and their shows right here on this podcast. All right, let's get into today's topic, which is encouraging a growth mindset in our kids. So let's start with the basics. A growth mindset is a belief that intelligence,

[00:01:43] talent and abilities can be developed over time through hard work, through good strategies and some input from other people also. So that means someone with a growth mindset is willing to learn from their mistakes or even take constructive criticism. It's the opposite of a fixed mindset where children believe that they're either smart, quote unquote, or they're not and that no amount of effort can really change that. So when kids operate from a fixed mindset, failure feels like a verdict. A bad grade means I'm not smart or a

[00:02:13] hard task becomes I can't do this. And mistakes become really shameful. But a growth mindset flips the script. It teaches our kids that mistakes help them to learn. They could say to themselves, I can improve with practice or effort matters more than perfection. And so I believe that as Christian parents, if you are a Christian parent listening to this, you might have heard this scripture Philippians 1 6, which reminds us that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.

[00:02:40] And I believe that God is always growing us. And I believe that God is always growing us. And that includes our kids always maturing and growing and helping us to reach our full potential. Our potential and their potential is not set in stone. It is constantly unfolding.

[00:02:54] So let's talk about teaching kids to embrace challenges and to problem solve. How do we do that? Because we all know that each of our kids has a different temperament and responds differently to challenges thrown at them. So let's talk about how we help our kids actually live this out, starting with how they approach a challenge. To be honest, no child enjoys being frustrated, just like we adults don't. But frustration doesn't mean failure. It just means that their brain is stretching and it's forming new paths.

[00:03:24] So one of the best gifts that we can give our kids is the permission to struggle without shame. For example, when my youngest was working on multiplication in third grade, there were days when she shut down. She would say, I don't get this. I don't want to do it. And she would run away and run upstairs and be done with school for the day because she was frustrated. Her brain was on overwhelm and overload. And she just didn't feel like taking another step forward.

[00:03:49] My instinct was to jump in, explain it, fix the problem, help her to understand it because my passion in the moment was to make it easy for her. But instead, I started asking guiding questions such as, well, what do you think the first step is? And where do you feel stuck? Can you talk me through your thinking so far? How have you gotten to this point? Even now as I'm tutoring, it's helpful for me to remember that when frustrations arise,

[00:04:15] and I have had sessions where that happens and it's normal. And as I'm tutoring math, I have to remind myself that that type of scaffolding can really help the student to see that they are able to make progress. Can you talk me through how you've gotten where you've gotten so far? So you've done a great job so far. This is what you understand.

[00:04:37] So let's continue to see how we can piece this together and figure this out. When we approach problems that arise with a looser grip, and we're able to show that it's not a life or death situation, that this is something that we can work through, everything is solvable. It helps the student, it helps your child to have a more openness toward what he or she is learning and helps them to develop a growth mindset.

[00:05:03] I learned that when I shifted from sort of being that fixer to being a coach, my daughter or even the kids that I tutor will show more confidence. So my daughter would start to own the process, even if it meant working through some of the tough stuff. So some simple phrases that you can use when your child hits a roadblock is, okay, this looks really tricky, but I know you can work through it. Or something like, you've solved problems like this before. And how did you approach those problems?

[00:05:30] When I'm tutoring a child, I will always ask, how does your teacher approach this situation? What has your teacher taught you? What do you remember from your classroom instruction? And then they will then show me what they know, which helps me to further explain where their gaps may be and kind of fill in those missing pieces. Or we might say, let's try a different strategy together. So problem solving builds more than academic skills. It develops character, patience, perseverance, humility, and resistance.

[00:05:58] So here's one big one, which is praising the effort and progress of your child rather than their grades. And I think that's a big one, especially in today's test focused world. We know that testing is something our kids end up having to do a lot of, especially if they are transitioning to a standard school, a typical school setting, or if they're going off to college. Testing is big and it's easy to celebrate the A plus on a test. And of course we should celebrate, of course.

[00:06:24] But if we only praise the end result, we miss the deeper victories because real success isn't measured by a report card. It's measured by growth. And instead of saying, you're so smart, we can say things like, I'm proud of how hard you worked on this, or you didn't give up even when it got hard. I can see how much you've improved since last week, that kind of thing. So kind of that measurement of the experience of growth, not so much you're smart or you're not.

[00:06:49] Those labels are not what we want to place on our kids because it kind of sets a limited mindset for them that either they are, either they have it or they don't. And that puts a cap on their growth. So this encourages intrinsic motivation, that inner drive to learn, grow and keep trying when you're helping them to see the progress they made. So it teaches your child that their value isn't tied to a grade, but to their effort, their progress and their persistence.

[00:07:17] And one thing I love to do is create a growth wall or I used to when my kids were younger in our homeschool space. So even just a binder where we track their progress over time, not just the high scores, but signs of growth like neater handwriting or more focused work, deeper thinking and writing assignments. So this is part of celebrating the journey. So now here's the truth that might sting a little. Our kids learn more from what we model than what we say.

[00:07:41] If they see us avoiding the hard things, criticizing ourselves harshly or giving up when things get messy, they absorb all of that. But if they watch us stumble, reflect and pray and then try again, they learn that growth is a normal, healthy part of life. Let them hear you say, I didn't get it right today, but I'm going to learn from that. I'm learning how to be more patient and it's not easy. I made a mistake. That's OK. I'm growing.

[00:08:05] And don't forget to let them see you trying new things like learning a new hobby or picking up a book, explore a new course. It kind of sends that message to your kid that we never stop learning because they are watching us. This also opens the door to talk about God's grace in our growth, like how he walks with us, how he refines us and strengthens us when we feel weak. So here's the takeaway today. When we encourage a growth mindset in our kids, we're giving them the tools to face life with confidence.

[00:08:32] We're teaching them how to persevere, how to think critically, how to handle setbacks with grace and most importantly, how to believe in their God given ability to grow and thrive. And mama, your voice and your mindset are powerful. The words you speak into your child's life shape the way that they see themselves and the world. And you're doing a sacred, beautiful work, whether in your homeschool, around the dinner table or in that homework help moment at eight o'clock at night.

[00:08:58] I pray that this episode gave you some tools and some encouragement to keep walking this journey with hope and with intention. And before you go, don't forget to visit a couple of different places, ChristianWomenPodcasters.com. If you're a faith-based podcaster looking for community and stability, if you know someone podcasting about faith, family or life, just send them our way. You can find more homeschool support and resources and encouragement at ChristianHomeschoolMoms.com.

[00:09:26] And don't forget about our podcasting agency where we edit and produce videos at SoulPodcasting.com. That's S-O-U-L Podcasting.com. And until next time, my friends, stay encouraged, stay faithful and keep building up your child's heart and mind one moment at a time. We'll have an awesome interview lined up for you next time. And until then, happy homeschooling.