CHM157: Letting our Children Grow Up (it's hard sometimes)

Hi, I'm Demitria, your host. I'm a veteran homeschool mom of two wonderful daughters, one in college currently and one in high school. I'm also a wife and a songwriter and a child of the King, and I am very happy to be your host. Thank you so much for tuning in to episode one fifty seven. Now. A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of interviewing Nicole Kennedy Green about the importance of community in homeschooling. So Nicole is graciously giving away two of her books to my audience, and those books are Homeschool one oh one, Chart the Course and Enjoy the Journey, and the Homeschool Mom's Pray Prayer Journal. So if you're watching this episode on YouTube right now, you'll see our contestants' names as we spin the wheel of names to see who our winner is. And our winner is Rachelle. I hope I'm pronouncing your name correctly. But you should be receiving or have already received an email from us informing you that you've won the contest, so be sure to reply so that Nicole can get her books sent to you right away. All right, So congratulations Rachelle. Today we're going to be talking about a few keys or ideas for letting our children grow up. Homeschooling with joy is not always joyful. That has been my tagline for a long time, helping moms to homeschool with joy. But homeschooling is a rewarding and a challenging journey that often intertwines with the bittersweet experience of watching her children grow up. So in my introduction, I talked about having a college student who will be graduating shortly. Actually, as of this recording, she'll be back in about a month, and so we're excited about having her graduate. We can't wait to attend her ceremony and to just celebrate her. And as my youngest daughter is now finishing up her tenth grade year, she'll be starting her junior year shortly, and it's all a transition. And I talk about transitions a lot on the show because as I go through it, I realize all homeschool moms are going through the same thing when it comes to letting our kids go. And it is a process that we have to go through to accept the changes that are happening in our families. As moms, we invest our time, our energy and our love into nurturing our children's minds and their hearts. But there comes a point where we must face the reality that our little ones are growing up, they're gaining independence, and they're taking steps toward their own futures. So this process can evoke a range of emotions. It can include sadness and also a loss. So in this podcast episode, we're going to explore some tips for homeschool moms and how to navigate these seasons of sadness while supporting our children's growth. And I do have a video for you that you might find interesting to watch. This video is all about this topic as well, and it's called Homeschool Mom Real Talk Working through Sadness and Nostalgia. So if you want to check that one out, I will leave a link in the show note so that you can go check out the video when you get a moment. The first piece of advice I have for you that I am currently working through in my life right now is acknowledging your emotions. So make sure to acknowledge how you feel. It's essential to recognize and to validate your feelings. So not just knowing how you feel and understanding what you're feeling, but accepting and validating what you're feeling, and you can totally accept that it's okay to feel that sense of sadness or loss. As your children grow up, and I think as we parents begin to open up to these feelings and admit them to other moms, that will be more open and will be more authentic with one another and be able to actually help each other out by praying for one another and helping each other through these different stages. Keeping a fake smile plastered on your face when you are feeling at your worst because you are mourning the loss of a stage of life. It's not okay and it's something that I think the homeschool community needs to embrace more. Is being authentic in these areas where we don't always feel happy, We don't always feel joyful. Sometimes we feel sad. So understanding and acknowledging your emotions is the first step in managing and overcoming them. So just be honest with yourself, admit how you feel to yourself. One of the ways that I do that is not only through prayer, but also through journaling, through taking a walk and reflecting. I like talking to a friend when I can, or talking to your spouse, could be something that you do to help you through your emotions, whatever is helpful to you. Do that Acknowledging how you feel is the first step toward working through sadness. And the second thing is to embrace the changes that have happened in your life as a positive force. And then we also want to encourage independence in our kids. So first we want to embrace that what has happened is okay, and it's good. It's a good thing. Change can be challenging, but it's an inevitable part of life. So remind yourself that as your children grow up, they're developing into these unique little individuals that become not so little anymore, and they have their own strengths and their own passions. So embrace that change as a positive force that allows both you and your children to explore new opportunities. So now that child your children are growing up, you can also explore new opportunities for yourself. You can have more time now to do things you didn't have before, and you might have new hobbies or maybe some old hobbies and interest that you can resurrect in your life. Your kids may also, as they're getting older, discover new hobbies and interests that they have that they didn't have when they were younger, So you're growing up together essentially. And also the second part of this tip for you is not only seeing that change as a positive light in your life and reframing it from being something that is loss and grief but as something that is a positive influence in your life, is to also begin to be proactive about encouraging that independence in your children. So part of letting your children grow is encouraging their independence. Provide opportunities for them to take charge of their education, make decisions about their learning path. This is going to help foster confidence in your kids and it also eases the transition for you as a homeschool mom. So be sure to check out the last episode as Nicole and I talk about these things. But some of the tips that Nicole had for us about these transitions were to teach older kids to memorize and properly guard their Social Security number. That's part of growing up. As they're getting older and they're going to be flying the nest soon, they need to start being in charge of that aspect of their life. Helping them to fill out paperwork at the doctor or helping younger kids to even just get established in group classes away from mom and dad. Maybe this is the first time they're doing something as part of a group and doesn't include mom and dad present. So from the time they're young until even they're older, there are positive ways we can look at the changes that are occurring in their life, in their lives, and also in our lives as parents. Another tip to help us through sadness and nostalgia is to focus on the present. So while it's natural to reflect on the past and look toward the future, it's crucial to remain present in the current moment. You know, we hear that often that we need to be in the here and now and not an hour ahead, or days ahead or weeks ahead, because then we miss out on what's happening today. So enjoy the time you have with your children right now and savor this unique experience that comes with each day that you are able to homeschool them. It's a blessing to be able to educate your children in this fashion and it is a luxury. And so as you have this time, be sure to focus on the present moment. And a lot of times that means that we need to take our cares and our worries to the Lord so that we don't have to be inundated with the things that bring our souls down and are heavy on us. We could be worried about a number of things. Most of us are worried about the cares of this world and the things that we need to do in order to make it in this life. And a lot of times as home school families, we find that finances is a problem, and so financial burdens can be something that weighs us down as homeschool families and keeps us from really enjoying the everyday life that we have with our children. And if it's not finances, maybe it's health. Maybe there's something we're going through health wise, or maybe our spouse is going through something. Maybe our children are needing something that will heal them, that will help them to get better and get better fast, and we are praying for that healing and we are trusting God. But it takes a lot of our energy to devote to praying for a situation that brings worry to us. Maybe it's an unhealthy relationship between us and a loved one, maybe right within our family, and it could be with one of our own kids, or with a spouse, or with someone that's living with us, and so broken relationships, not being in our best health, not being in our best state of mind, not having our finances set the way we need it to be, can all bring a heaviness to our days and a downcastness to our souls, so that we don't feel sometimes that we have the strength to even enjoy the moments. But that's where I want to encourage you, despite what you're going through, to continue to lift your eyes to the heavens and trust the Lord to bring your cares and your worries to the Lord, for he does care for you, the Bible says. And so when we bring those cares and worries to the Lord, it doesn't make the situations immediately disappear in our lives. But what it does is it lightens the load for us, so that we give everything that we can't solve to God, so that we're able to lighten some of that load off of our backs and we're able to at least enjoy some little bits and pieces of the moments that we do have with our kids. We want to be able to enjoy some of that so ask the Lord to lift that heaviness off of you if you're going through this, so that you can take a deep breath and feel again, and breathe again and be again so you can be in the moment with your family. Next, I wanted to share just to reiterate what we talked about on our last episode with Nicole, and that's connect with other homeschool moms if at all possible. Try to make those connections. It may be very difficult, it may not be something that's set up easily for you in your physical community, in your city or state. But do what you can virtually if you can't find anything locally, and share your thoughts and feelings with other homeschool moms who may be going through similar experiences. As you build a support network and you can find that having that network will make it easier to navigate the emotional ups and downs of home education. So be sure to check out Nicole's group if you haven't already, and I will leave a link to that in the show notes. She meets once a month on the first Monday of every month for her event called Homeschool Moms Prey and it's absolutely free. So I just wanted to make sure that you know about that if you didn't hear the last episode. And lastly, I want to share that it's very important to invest in self care. I will continue talking about self care on this show because I know how much homeschool moms have neglected this aspect of home education and of taking care of our kids and taking care of our families over the years, and it has not been talked about a lot in the past, just because it's not been celebrated. It's not been a topic that we considered homeschool worthy. And so the topics that we usually provided on our blocks and or our podcasts and our YouTube channels had to do more with choosing curriculum or time management, or choosing the right planner and choosing just the right products for your homeschool, or creating a homeschool room and showing your homeschool room to everyone on YouTube. So those are the things that as content creators, that we would focus on in the past ten fifteen years. But I think it's very very important as a community of women to be sure that we encourage one another to take care of ourselves as we are going through the homeschool journey. Because if we do not, we will burn out. And homeschooling is no different than any other job that we may take on. And in any job, you do need some time out. You do need time to refresh and recuperate and rejuvenate. So take care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally as well as spiritually. But those three aspects physically, emotionally, and mentally are something that you need to really focus in on and make it a priority. Think about what your body needs to feel better, whether it's exercise, eating right, drinking more water. Think about what you need emotionally from your friends, from your spouse, what you need to be a well rounded emotional human being. And then think about what you need mentally to stimulate your mental juices to make you feel like you are doing what you were called to do, what you were wired to do how you were born. That you just feel like you are operating in your giftings, your callings, the things that God has wired you to be, and you're operating in those activities. So engage in those activities that bring you joy and relaxation. By prioritizing self care, you're going to be better equipped to handle the emotions that arise during your children's growth. For me, taking care of myself means that I've got to get my downtimes in where I am relaxing and you know, just having a cup of tea, reading a book, watching a movie on Netflix. That is my winding downtime. And then my times that are stimulating my mind is when I am inspired to write a song and I bring out my keyboard or I want to produce the song, and so I'm learning more about music production. So as I learn these skills and finding YouTube videos to help me figure this out, it is stimulating my mind. You know, anytime I learned something new, it helps me. So taking care care of your self means not to neglect how God wired you. So in conclusion, as a homeschool mom, embracing the seasons of both joy and sadness that accompany your children's growth, it's a very natural and it's a very important part of your journey. By acknowledging your emotions and celebrating your milestones, focusing on the present, these are all things you can do to navigate the changes in your life with grace and resilience. Remember that letting your children grow is a testament to your success as an educator and a loving parent. Embrace the beauty of every single stage, and cherish the moments that you create along the way. That's all I have for you today. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. I hope this has been a blessing to you, and if you would like to read more and hear more about what we offer, please visit my website at christianhomeschool Moms dot com. Until next time, happy homeschooling.