CHM144: How Body Image Affects Christian Women with Coach & Author, Heather Creekmore

Welcome to the Christian homeschool Mom's podcast. On this show, the goal is to encourage the Christian mom to homeschool with joy during this limited season of your life and to stay hopeful on your homeschool journey. I also aim to help you apply practical homeschool and life tips that will help you in your everyday life as a mom of faith. So I'm Dmitriya, your host, a veteran homeschool mom of two daughters, one in college, one in high school. I'm really happy to be your host on this show. This podcast is sponsored by Faith Media and Impact podcast Coach, a service that supports women podcasters to boldly share their voices and their powerful messages through the medium of podcasting. You can find out more about podcast coaching services and courses by visiting Impact podcastcoach dot com. And I would love for you to also listen to some of my other podcasts. One in particular that I'm going to share today is the Her Business Elevated podcast, which is dedicated to helping women of faith on your entrepreneurial journey. Join me and my fabulous guests there as we help you discover how to gain Kingdom business clarity and turn your profitable passion into a plan of action. You can find that podcast over in Spotify or Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to your podcasts. One of my latest interviews there is with Latania Moore. She's a life coach and homeschool mom who shared three tips four relaxing into business life as a busy woman. And you can find that interview at her business elevated dot com and also on my YouTube channel which is Mom's Est m O m zest. So those are my plugs for today. I hope that you'll have a chance to tune into some of those. And I also want to share one more thing with you before we hop into our interview today, and I want to share that I have a course available for you if you are to really think about how to plan out your homeschool year next year, I have something for you called the Homeschool Boss Mama Goal Planner. If you're really uncertain about how to plan out your homeschool effectively for your family's goals and according to your lifestyle and your child's unique learning needs, then this goal Planner course is for you. And this is an audio course which includes a workbook and ten modules to help you plan out your homeschool for the year. You can check that out at Christian homeschoolmoms dot com slash courses. So let's introduce our guest. Her name is Heather Creekmore. She writes and she speaks hope to thousands of women each week, inspiring them to stop comparing and to start living. Her first book, Compared to Who, encourages women to uncover the spiritual root of body image issues and to find freedom. Her new release, The Burden of Better, offers women a journey into the depths of God's grace to find a way off the treadmill of constant comparison. And Heather has been featured on Fox News, Huffington Post, Morning Dos, Church Leaders for Every Mom, along with dozens of other shows and podcasts, but she's best recognized from her appearance as a contestant on the Netflix hit show Nailed It. Heather and her fighter pilot turned past her husband Eric, have four children and they live in Austin, Texas. Connect with Heather at compared to Who dot me and now for the interview. Hi, everybody, Welcome to the Christian Homeschool Mom's podcast. I have with me today, Heather creek More, and she speaks hope to thousands of women each week, inspiring them to stop comparing and to start living. So welcome Heather. Thank you so much for being here today. So glad to have you. Oh, thanks so much for having me. It's great to be with you. Yes, Okay, So in your intro I talked about how you speak hope to thousands of women every week and you inspire them to start living their lives and stop comparing themselves to each other. So can you just briefly share with this give an overview of what it is that you actually do to help women. This is so interesting I'd love to hear about. Yeah, so my niche is kind of odd, perhaps, but I help women stop comparing themselves to others, but most specifically in the arena of body image. So my story is one where I struggled with body image and comparison for a long long time. I believe really starting in around third grade, and it wasn't until I was in my late thirties, so you can do the math on that decades. I was in my late thirties when God kind of showed me why I was still stuck there. Why I was still comparing, why I was always trying to look better, and that really is you know, it was a work he did in my heart and I thought that was where the work was going to stay. But his plan was different. And when I I went to write a book a few years later, I tried to write about everything else, and my husband and the Holy Spirit were both whispering like, you should write about body image, and I was like, no, no, no, I'm not going to write about that. No one wants to, No one should hear the crazy that went on in my brain around that. And eventually I did write that book on body image, and since then I've been podcasting and writing other books on the topics of body image in comparison. Wow, so you are a content creator around this topic. So there's obviously a lot to say about body image. You have a book about it, a podcast, and I'm sure that so many women need to hear what you're saying. I have a question for you about that, in particular, so homeschool moms who are listening to this right now, a lot of us have yet still to overcome some of these body image issues and some discomforts we have, and just quirks and things that bother us, right, And so is it really all about eating less and exercising? What is there more to this picture? And what do you have to say about all of this? And you know what kind of like can you bring to it for us? Yeah? I love how you ask that question, because I think that's what most of us believe, right, that there's this magic formula. If I could just eat a certain way, exercise a certain way, just find like the right things, then I could get my body to a place where I wouldn't feel bad about it anymore. I would just be happy and peaceful and rest and all angels would start singing because I wouldn't have to stress over my body anymore. But the reality is supermodels are among the most obsessed women over bodies. Taylor Swift and her documentary talks about her extensive body image issues, Like I could go through the list of women that our culture recognizes as beautiful or perfectly acceptable of all shapes, sizes, and ethnicities, and among those women you would hear body image story after body image story. So the reality for us is that getting a body that culture tells us will make us happy will not settle this issue. Really, our body image issues are spiritual issues. Yes, for some it's a mental issue as well, right, and I had an eating disorder. There's there's a wide vast of of mental struggles around this body dysmorphic disorder and eating disorders. But beyond that, I think there's a spiritual struggle that many of us have. Many women have. Homeschool moms not excluded because I am one, and and I've been in community with them for a decade now, like like we're just the same, We're not holier than the rest of them in this area. But it's this belief that if I could just a fill in the blind, then fill in the next blank, and it's just not true. The hope is really not found in changing your body. The hope is really found in changing your heart. M That's profound. Yes, the hope is found in changing the heart. So that kind of leads me to my next question. I'm curious about. In today's society, we talk a lot about mindset, mindset shifts, and how to change your mind in order to achieve the things that you want to achieve in life. And so what are your suggestions concerning mindset and how that plays a part in our body image and how we show up every day, how we feel about ourselves. Yeah, so I'm a little bit edgy maybe as the best word in this topic, right because I think as Christians, it can't just be about the mind. It has to be about the heart too, what do we really believe? And so there's a lot in culture that would tell you, you know, you just need to look in the mirror and you just you just tell yourself you're good enough, and you're smart enough, and you know, you just look in the mirror and you tell yourself you're beautiful, and you just go out in the world and you just you know, think yourself essentially better than everyone else, right, Like, that's that's kind of what it's about. But I think it's Christians, like that's not the right approach to take, right in part because there's some pride involved in that, right, Like, we kind of have to puff ourselves up with pride so we can go out and be like, Okay, I'm not ashamed anymore, I'm proud. And that only works really for a short season, right because deep down, I think we still feel this shame. We're just kind of covering it with our pride. But pride doesn't do a very good job of covering shame. Really, the only one who covers shame well is Jesus, right and what he did for us on the cross. So, so back to your question, how do we shift our mindset? I think I think the mindset shift comes after we've had the heart shift, after we've recognized, you know, what I am believing about my value isn't necessarily true, and so and let me let me flush that a little bit more. Right. Culture tells us our value comes from the way we look. Right. Culture tells us you are worthy if you can look like this or if you can accomplish this. Right. It's not just looks, but I think for women especially and maybe even especially homeschool moms, right, Like, there's this this crowning achievement if you can homeschool your kids and we're a certain size, you know, and look a certain way on homeschool community day, right like like that's the that's the pinnacle. Like then you've reached the top. Right. And so we've kind of, I don't know, we've shifted it a little bit, but we've adopted and internalized these messages of culture that tell us that what we look like is really an important part of our identity and value. And then we have the word of God right that tells us like, okay, yeah, embodies the temple right. We can be good stewards of our bodies for certain, But what does God look at He looks at our hearts. And so my personal story is I was a lot more worried about what you saw on the outside when I showed up than I was worried about how you thought about my heart, like or what God. Let me clarify that, what God thought about my heart right, Like, I was more worried about trying to look hot than I was trying to be holy. Wow, to RaSE it like that. And so these mindset shifts, I think come with increasing freedom that comes with changing our hearts around these issues really believing, you know what, I have a choice. I can either believe what God's word says about me or I can believe what the world says about me. And those are two different messages. So every day I have to choose which one I believe, and then that's that's my mindset shift. Right. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow morning and maybe I don't love the way my body feels maybe I don't like the way my clothes fit, but I have a choice to make. I can either believe that my value is less that day because my genes don't fit like they did a month ago, or I can't believe that my value is unchanged, that what my body looks like, how my body appears in the world is not who I am, the whole of who I am. That God still has a good plan for me. He still has a plan, And it's I love that you you've talked about this filter. How we see ourselves through the lens of God. Really, how does he see us? Right? And so's he sees our hearts and so that is the main thing. That that is the thing. And if we can just remember why God created us and how he wired us and what He actually wants us to do while we're on earth, like there's a reason we're here and we shouldn't get caught up in right like, oh, you know, I gained five pounds today. Oh I need to do you know, always working towards what we need to do for the physical appearance, and just you know, even so, yes, we want to want to care for ourselves. We want to do the best that we can to take care of our bodies. But our bodies are temple for God for his use, and so the overall picture is like what you said, it's what our hearts. What's in our hearts? And how are we serving God with the time that we have on this earth. Yeah? Yeah, well I love to say, right, Like, I grew up in church, and so I knew my body was the temple, but I think I got it confused thinking like that it was the temple that needed to be worshiped, right. But you don't stand outside of church worshiping the temple, right like, oh, what a beautiful temple we have, you know, like, oh look love, No, the temple is to be used for worship, right, And I think even in church circles we can get that confused, right, like, oh, my temple needs to look good so it can be worshiped. No, no, No, your temple just needs to be fit for worship. Worship. I love that fit for worship. That's awesome. And if we're taking care of it and doing the things that we know is going to please our Savior. Because we're taking care of it, we're giving it the nutrients it needs, and we're moving as much as we possibly can, right, And all those things are important, but I'd love for you to share about how when we have a body image that demoralizes who we are because we're looking at that extra five ten pounds that we can't seem to get rid of, how that affects our families? Right when we're talking about how much we hate our body and how we're not fitting into our clothes anymore, how awful we feel, How does that affect our children? How does that affect our marriage? Yeah? Oh goodness, I mean I could talk to you about this for an hour and let me broaden it, right, Because I think culture tells us that women should look a certain way, right. Culture tells us that you should be able to fight the signs of aging, you shouldn't look old like. Culture tells us a lot of things that aren't true about our bodies. So it might not just be five or ten pounds, It might be a lot more. But God made us all different, right, We all have different life experiences that change the way our bodies show up in this world. And for some of us that normal is going to be a lot different than for others of us. But I think our inability to recognize that God made my body on purpose, for a purpose. That definitely translates to our kids, right because I know, and I go and speak to women all the time, and you know, they always ask this question, like what do I tell my daughter? What do I tell my son? Here's what I tell her, and they say things like, well, I tell her that God made her beautiful and it's you know, what's on the inside that counts. And then I stop them after they say that legitimately do this, and I say, okay, did that work on you? And they're always like, well, no, like I don't believe that my mom said this because things like right, right, like it's not enough, Like yet that doesn't mean we stop saying those things. Right, Those are true things, So we should reinforce them with our children, absolutely, But the story can't stop there or our girls and even our boys boys are struggling at outstanding rates right now, they're going to still struggle. And my punchline is, really, you have to see that the body size, that beauty is something that we can easily create into an idol in our lives. And that's really what changed everything for me. And so when I talk to my kids, and when I talk to women about talking to their kids, I encourage them to talk talk to them about the idolatry of beauty that we see in our culture and how, yes, we are a culture that it's like, oh, you know, beautiful men, beautiful women, you can do no wrong. We follow you on Instagram, we watch every movie you put out. You know, you are our heroes. But I think it goes beyond heroes. It goes to you, our idols. And then it's like, well, tell me how you eat, tell me how you exercise, because I want to be just like you. I want to look just like you. And that's not how God designed us. We are not designed to worship creation. We are designed to worship the Creator. And so that's just that's one way it affects our parenting marriage. So you know, this is a whole different realm right where where the insecurities that we have around this really can affect our intimacy with our husband. And one I'll just I'll just give you a real quick illustration. So I've got I deal with a lot of women. I coach women in this topic, and I deal with a lot of women that are like and I'll ask them I'll say, you know, well, what does your husband say about IRRODDI? Is your husband, you know, displeased? And almost always know there are there are some exceptions, but almost always will be like, no, he's fine with my body, like he thinks I'm beautiful, like he tells me I look good. And I'll be like, okay, so what do you say back to them back to him when he says that? And usually it'll be something like, well, tell him like that can't be true, or he's just being nice, or he's just saying that because he has to say that, And so I question them furthert so you're doubting his credit ability. You're kind of accusing him of lying, right, and you know, and they're kind of like get a little embarrassed, like, well, yeah, kind of, but he is lying. He has to be lying because I don't like my body, so he can't like my body either. And then I take them to this illustration about ice cream. Okay, now follow me here. You're like, how there's gone wild? Follow me here? And I say, okay, do you and your husband like the same flavor of ice cream? And it's it's almost unanimous that husbands and wives do not like the same favorite. They don't have the same favorite flavor of ice cream. I don't know why. It's just it works, especially for this illustration. And so so the woman will say, you know, well, I really like chocolate with like lots of good things in it, peanut butter and you know, all the good stuff. And my husband, you know, he's just like a strawberry guy, or he's like a vanilla guy, like he just likes it plain and son I asked him, I said, well, do you believe that that's his favorite kind of ice cream? Or do you think when you go get ice cream he's just getting that kind you know, kind of to annoy you because he really knows that your flavor is the best, but he's going to order his flavor just to be stubborn or and she's like, no, no, I really believe that his favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla. And then I kind of carry the illustration a little bit further, like, well, can you really believe that you're his favorite flavor that he believe does thank You're beautiful? Yes, there are other beautiful women in this world, no doubt, But can you believe that he's being sincere and can you get over this desire to make your opinion of yourself more important than his opinion of you, and and really to take this even on step further more important than God's opinion of you. And that's where we have to challenge this, this whole idle thing, right, It's like, oh wait, my opinion of me is not what's most important. And that's kind of the crux of our where we get stuck in body image issues. Believing that that is a powerful illustration, and it just really hits home when you when we think about the fact that you know everybod he has, you know, especially with our spouse, like we married them because and they married us because they love us. They love who we are, what we bring to the table, the whole package. They love the whole thing. So when we doubt that, it's demoralizing to us. And it's also saying that our spouse lacks that credibility. We don't believe them because we're so busy worried about how we're not measuring up to that standard that we think we're supposed to meet, and we're comparing ourselves to other women and other other people that we feel like, well, they're my height, then I should have this tiny way store. I should have whatever their measurements are. Why don't I look like that? But it's so not what God wants for us. It's such a waste of time and energy. And so you've written some books about helping women to overcome this comparison trap. So I would love for you to tell us about your books. Tell us also about your coaching programs and all that you do to help women with this. Yeah. Yeah, So my first book is called Compared to Who. It came out a couple of years ago, and that book is really my body image story. So for your listener, that's like I have struggled the body of Mission's third grade. I get what she meant, you know, like where I started struggling in high school. I did the you know, trying not to eat, all the diets, all those things. Like for your listener who, that's where she's at today, Like that would be a really great, great resource. It just talks about I just I share all my ugly all the mess of kind of where I was at and the journey that got took me on. And then a few years later I wrote another book on comparison that's a little bit broader, and not just body image, but the other ways we compare ourselves. And really that book is a deep dive into grace because God showed me that the cure for comparison is really a deeper understanding of His grace for us in every arena. And that might sound a little disconnected at first, I mean it did to me. When God show him to me, I was like, really, Grace, Okay, I don't know that I get it good. But it comes together and it's just a really great book. A lot of science in the beginning around like why comparison is really harmful us for us, you know, and then the biblical truth as well, and then I dig into grace in that book. And then I have a podcast called Compared to You. I do two episodes a week and it's kind of like having a coach for free. A lot of my episodes are just encouragement, like this is stuff you can use to help you with your struggle right now. Today. I do a lot of interviews with any disorder experts and non diet dieticians and people that are in that world to kind of inform some of the things A lot of us that have struggled with body image, have gone through and then I have Yeah, I coach women one on one. I do groups a couple times a year, but year round I'm working with women one on one and hour by hour basis, just to kind of have someone to walk through your body image struggles with. That's that's my role. I really we look at where you're stuck spiritually. So it's not a program where I'm you know, telling you to you know, run more and count your calories. It's a program where we're figuring out how are you stuck spiritually? What are you believing? Why did you decide in childhood that is you're still believing today? Like how how can we get you unstuck and get you free? So, yeah, those are just some of the things offer that's awesome. It sounds like a lot again of mindset shifting and using the Word of God and using those tools to that help us to figure out where we got stuck in thinking the way we thought. I talk a lot on this podcast about homeschool moms comparing ourselves to other homeschool moms in terms of educational options and that kind of thing. But this is so profound because we sometimes fail to forget how we really are doing the very same thing, but just in a different way. We're comparing ourselves to other people, other women, how much money other people make, how other people look, you know, and that comparison trap is what keeps us held down for so long mentally, emotionally, and it, like you said, it affects our families. And so when we're confident in who we are and who God created us to be, nothing matters anymore. We can just be happy and live our life and do but do the things that God has called us to do without reservation. And so you help women with this in particular, And I would love for you to share your website address so that we know how to find your coaching, how to find your books, and get involved with what you're offering because you're you're doing so much for women. Oh thanks, Yeah, it's it's compared to who dot m e so ww dot compared to who dot me is my website, and you can find links to coaching. I've got some free reading plans on you version the Bible app, so you can actually read like little taste of my books compared to when the burden of feeder are both on you version. So I've got plans there for free and there's links to all of that. And I also have five day Body Image Challenge on my website, so if you get a website, you can sign up for that and you'll get five five days of emails to kind of help start shifting that mindset. As he said, yes, that's very exciting. I do believe I'm on your mailing list for the challenge right now, so you'reful. Yeah, So I encourage everybody listening to get involved and to sign up at compared to who dot m E with Heather Creek more. And yes, I'm just happy. I'm encouraged because now I don't have to worry so much. I can just think about what does God want me to do and just feel free to take care of myself but not compare. So thank you so much. Yeah, you're welcome, my pleasure. Thanks for having me. You're welcome.