190:The Burned-Out Mom Conversation We Need to Have, with Homeschool Mom, Jenna Myers

Foreign.

Hi, everyone.

Welcome to the Christian Moms Cafe podcast.

I'm excited because I'm gonna have just a fun, casual, easy conversation about motherhood and about regulation of our nervous system.

We're going to talk about things that moms want to.

To figure out, like be calmer and.

And all the things.

So we have a wonderful guest today, Jenna Lynn Myers, and she is the author of Homeschooling With Purpose.

And she's also a former classroom educator turned homeschool mom to three boys.

And she's the owner of the Sophisticated Teacher.

And so I am so happy to have you here to chat with me today, Jenna.

I'm so happy to be here.

It's so nice to be on your show and I know you have such a do a great job uplifting other, and so I'm happy to be a part of that today.

Thank you.

Yeah, it's exciting to have you.

And so we're all hearing about you and learning about you and just would love for you to share more in depth about who you are and what Jenna brings to the table.

What makes you happy, who's your family?

Just kind of introduce yourself to us.

Sure.

So, like you said, I am a former teacher, so I was a teacher for over a decade.

I was also a technology specialist and part of the admin team in education.

It was my life.

I love teaching.

If you had told me I was going to later homeschool my three boys, I would have thought you were crazy.

But God had a different plan.

He put on my husband and I's heart to homeschool our three boys starting in kindergarten.

And I worked at a homeschool co op and was surrounded by just some great moms there.

And so it's a path we've decided to take for as long as it works for our family.

So I've got three boys, middle school and down, precocious into sports, very dirty around here, you know, outside all the time.

Just life with three, you know, difficult boys.

And yeah, a husband that travels off and on for work, but he's around with us.

And I run a consulting business and so I consult with those homeschooling, private schooling, public school, transferring in between all three of them and just need some more support for kids who maybe have special needs as well.

Well, and then I evaluate homeschoolers and I also offer some online classes.

So kind of a mix of things.

It's.

It's evolved over the years.

Yeah.

Sounds like you have your hands on a lot of things, but it's all kind of bringing it back to your passion and your purpose and.

And serving your community, serving your family, but like helping other families with their children.

And so you have.

You come in with an education background, so you have that aspect of it.

And plus you are homeschooling now, so you have that experience and that's a perfect match.

And so it's worked out well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love, I love all that you're doing.

And then you have also you've written a book, so I'd love to see your book.

So if we're on video right now, for those of you listening, go ahead and check out the video.

What's the name of your book and tell us about it.

So it's Homeschooling with Purpose, and it's candid encouragement for homeschool parents.

So it's a book from my heart.

It's.

It was a labor of love, if you will.

I wrote this because when I was meeting with clients, so many of them honestly just lacked confidence and needed encouragement.

They were all doing great things.

And I felt that I was saying having a lot of the same conversations over and over again.

And so I thought, okay, if I've had this about 2,000 times with clients, then there must be other families that also would like to hear some of these conversations.

On burnout, on curriculums, community clicks.

With homeschooling, things like that happen too.

On motherhood, it's good for dads too.

Not just moms.

Dads can read it.

And then planning your vision, just all types of conversations we've been having.

I covered in this book and it really goes a little bit deeper into some of my own experiences, some of my clients experiences, and it relates to parents.

No matter what part of your journey you're on, no matter if you just started homeschooling or, you know, you're knee deep in it.

Yeah, yeah.

And it's called Homeschooling with Purpose.

Right?

Homeschooling with Purpose.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

So I love that.

I like the.

The fact that you have a book that is just something you can just hand it to someone and say, here, just read this.

Yeah, I can be here to coach you and help you, but read this.

And this is going to help.

So you must have some personal experiences in the book that will also help moms to relate to, to what you've been going through as a mom.

And one of the things I wanted to ask about because I wanted to highlight on this show is how we moms can regulate our nervous system as we're Going through our everyday.

And that's not something that I've ever talked about on this show, I think.

So I'd love for you to just share with me and with us what that means about nervous system regulation and how you came into just your interest in this.

Yeah, so I. I came into this interest when mine was very dysregulated.

And I knew because my household was, well, a little bit falling apart at one point, I'm going to be real honest.

So there was a time when my husband was traveling a good majority of the time.

I had little ones.

I was homeschooling older ones, running a business.

I was also taking care of a loved one who was very ill at that time.

So there was a lot of moving factors.

And there came a point where one day I looked around and I was like, no one can get it together.

We can't get out the door.

Everyone is just kind of a mess, right?

Melting down all over the place, myself included.

We're just having a rough time.

And I stopped.

I felt the Lord saying, like, stop.

Just stop in that moment.

And I did.

And I prayed.

It was after maybe I got a little frustrated with a couple kids, right?

And so I was like, okay, this.

This is not working.

And I actually told my kids, I was like, mommy needs to go spend a few minutes with Jesus.

I need.

I need a minute here.

And so I did, and I prayed.

And I remember journaling that day and saying, everyone around me is having a hard time because I'm having a hard time.

But I wasn't willing to recognize that I was, A, a little bit of a problem, and B, that I. I thought I was handling everything right.

I thought I was handling it well.

But.

But I.

My nervous system was shot.

I was frustrated, I was flustered, I was exhausted.

And even though I felt like it probably looked fine to a lot of people on the outside, those living with me, they're going to get the snappiness.

They're going to get that tired version, right?

And so if I'm snappy when I'm responding well, how are my kids going to them respond back?

They're going to be snappy, right?

It's this whole domino effect in your house.

And so it's also when I got diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder, and they said, you need to reduce stress, which.

Okay, that's funny.

Tell a mom.

How are we supposed to do that?

I remember laughing, and he looked at me like I was crazy, and I was like, that's.

That's hilarious.

What Would you like me to do right?

He's like, I don't know, but you have to figure it out.

Your body saying, this is not working.

And so that's when I really started saying, okay, I'm.

I'm dysregulated.

My nervous system is shot.

I'm overreacting to things or not reacting at all.

You know, you can get into that place, too, and things just don't feel smooth and peaceful.

So what can I do to change that?

So my personal experience during a very difficult time is what led me to talk a lot more about burnout and nervous system and white space on our calendar.

Just things that can help your nervous system and the tone of your entire household, quite frankly.

Yes.

Yes.

That is such a needed conversation, because so many of us, we.

I mean, we're.

We're all.

All the moms that I've ever met and ever known is going through something like that where we.

We've had those higher burnout moments or those really stressful periods of life where either we're stuck because our nerves are shot, so we're not moving, we're absolutely stuck in a rut, or we're moving a mile a minute and we're doing too much because we're trying to fix everything all at once.

That control piece is real.

Exactly.

It's like either we're.

Either we're one or the other.

And so that's something that I think needs to be addressed more as.

As moms.

Like, we deserve to take care of ourselves enough to know when something is off, how to get the help we need, and then what types of things we can do and implement in our daily life.

Those roots and to not be ashamed of it.

And.

No, it's normal.

Everyone has these periods.

Not every season is an easy season, and not.

And whether you're homeschooling or your kids are in traditional school, whatever it might be.

Yeah.

There are peaks and valleys in all of it.

None of it is perfect.

And you can't do everything all the time.

It's just.

Just.

It's not possible.

Right.

I love that you talked about white space and, like, having just that extra space in your.

In your time.

How do you do that?

Like, do you factor in that extra on purpose or.

Now I do.

Okay, good.

Good.

I have learned the hard way on more than one occasion when I have not.

So I do now.

I actually do plan it.

It was very hard for me, especially at.

When I was a new mom and a newer homeschooler.

I felt like I needed to fill our calendar a lot.

Yeah.

Whether that was with sports or library activities or friend meetups, whatever it might be, to feel like I was doing enough, to feel like I was being productive, to feel they were getting enough.

Right.

And so I was finding a lot of, I would say, my worth and my busyness, but then I was burning out and that nervous system, I was exhausted.

And then I would get snappy and all those things that we've talked about.

And so I learned if I didn't have one or two periods throughout the week, even just an hour where we didn't have to rush, or a day of the week where it was like, okay, however our day went, it would go.

Then I would get burned out.

So that's what we plan for now.

So for us, this year, it looks different every year depending on, you know, our schedule and what's going on in our life.

But this year, Mondays have been a protected day, as I call it.

So on Mondays, we don't make a lot of plans.

We might do something last minute with a friend or something.

But in general, Mondays are our productive day.

We are home.

Since I homeschool, we are home.

We can do other experiments.

We can go off on a tangent or a rabbit trail if we want.

Or I can say, okay, we've done school.

I'm feeling pretty tired.

I'm going to take an hour and I'm going to go read.

I'm going to go lay down.

That does not make you a lazy human.

I think we have this stigma around moms taking a break like reading a book or watching a show or baking something or doing something fun for themselves or, gosh forbid, taking a 20 minute power nap.

Right, right.

None of those things are bad.

They're all needed.

You know, you have to decide what that looks like for you and what fills you and rejuvenates you.

And that can vary with your season.

But so we do have a protected day.

And during that day, I also mute my phone.

So I put it on silent.

That's I brick it.

I don't know if you've heard of, like the bricks.

You can, like block apps.

So I'll break it.

So I not on social media.

I'm not even tempted.

So you might just, you know, you automatically pick up your phone and things might be like, oh, I'm going to just look real quick.

Well, I can't even do that on my blocked it.

And it's formed habits.

The whole point of that is to form better habits.

Right.

So just having periods like that, it Might not be a whole day for you.

It might be, you know, on Tuesday evenings we're blocking off some time and, you know, phones are away or distractions are away and maybe, maybe it's like playing games as a family.

Maybe it's you going on a walk by yourself.

Walks are my favorite thing.

I put my ear pods in.

I don't always listen to something I.

Put them in and nobody has to know what's going on.

You're just in your own world.

Yes.

And I love my neighbors and I love chatting with them, but once in a while, I just need to be out there.

I'll bring the dog.

She's in talk, so we're good.

But, you know, having that white space on the counter used to stress me out and feel like, oh, I should fill it.

But once you get used to it, once it becomes a habit to have that quiet time, you're going to crave it more and you're actually going to crave to do a little less.

And you're going to realize you feel a little bit more centered and your house is a little bit more peaceful.

It's also a great model for your kids.

I think that, you know, we're living in an age where we feel like our kids always have to be busy and have to do more and we're creating really anxious kids.

And so I think modeling rest for them, modeling breaks, modeling not having something to do and being a little bored, all of those are healthy things that as a society I think we're trying to get back to.

I hear it, I see it happening, but it's hard because it's.

You're pushing back now from what we've been doing for quite a while.

But I think once you start doing it, you see the fruit and you feel the peace in your heart and that's encouraging itself.

But it takes time, it's uncomfortable at first to have that space.

It is.

Especially when you're like you said that mindset of I must be productive.

And the thing is that even in just in corporate, right, I mean, Silicon Valley, the whole idea of, okay, wait a minute, maybe this five day work week doesn't work as well.

Starting to reel it in and say, maybe four days is better.

And it's not something that is, you know, prevalent yet.

I mean, that still has to take off.

And the idea of it is becoming more and more.

But I think in every aspect, people are beginning to realize that having that sacred Sabbath, whether it's in the secular world or, you know, in a spiritual context, is super important for the well being of our minds and our soul.

And as women, I see how that we, since we are nurturers and we are, we, we take on the emotional climate of what's happening around us and we are givers.

And so there's so much that can be taken from us strength wise and if we don't, you know, replenish that, then it's, you know, we're, we're not going to be good for anyone because we're not filled up.

We need to have our cups field.

Yeah, I totally agree.

I, you know, and then I just, I love what you said about just like all the things that we're doing to have self control in that area.

Like what you're doing with your bricking your phone.

Like I hadn't heard that term before, so maybe something I need to be doing.

My husband made fun of me at first and then he noticed like I, it was lighter and he was like, it just takes it away from you.

It's like if you had a kid and there's a bowl of candy and they want that candy, right.

And they're going after it and they can't quite control it.

It's not because they're being bad, it's not because it's this terrible thing, but just, it's a habit.

They're just used to getting something every time they walk by.

Well, phones can be like that too, right?

Or it's habitual.

Yeah.

Yes, yes.

So, and I love that you mentioned how our children are watching us.

And so we're modeling the way that they should also learn to take breaks and treat themselves with honor and respect.

I mean, God created us in a certain way, so I love that he already wanted to factor in the Sabbath for us and we need to create that and keep it going.

So.

Yeah, so that's just really good.

I wanted to get into your.

I think you talk a bit about your vision, like vision for families.

And so can you share a bit about why it's important to create a family vision and then where can a mom start with that if, especially if things are like right now.

So in my household we do a family vision and we do a homeschool vision.

So if you do end up picking up my book, there's a whole template for homeschool visions, but for family visions, I don't do a template.

It's simple, it's not complicated.

Guys, we do ours every January.

We don't do resolutions in my house.

We do a vision instead.

And you can do this any time of the year.

But we have an ice cream sundae party.

Just our little family, all the toppings.

It's a lot of fun.

And I have a construction sheet of paper and a marker.

That's all you need.

Okay.

And maybe the ice cream sundaes, but that's all you need.

We sit and we talk about what we have loved about the past year, what we want to do more as a family, what the kids wish we did more together.

So we talk just about what is our family looking like?

Because every year it changes.

Your kids are in different stages.

There's different responsibilities, jobs change, all those types of things.

And so we talk about individually, what we really would like to spend more time doing the next year and what we want to work on for ourselves.

Like I said, not a resolution, just a. I really want to spend more time on reading and having that quiet time.

I want to spend more time.

One of my kids this year, he was like, we used to do family game night twice a week.

And we kind of.

We barely do it because we got in a really busy season.

I want to bring that back.

So different things like that.

And we write them on this construction sheet of paper.

That's all.

It's not fancy.

It's markers.

And we just write down a few different things.

And we normally pick a verse and something that represents where we want our family to be over the next year.

And we display it in our kitchen.

It is just taped up.

And when we are having, like, an off week or if we have been really busy or I'm feeling like we're a little disconnected, because that happens from time to time.

We kind of will go back to it at dinner time, and we'll say, what did we.

We say we were going to work on as a family?

What did we say we wanted to spend our time doing?

Are we.

Have we been doing that?

And typically, when we're feeling disconnected, we probably haven't, right?

And so it helps to focus us back in and to make our family a priority.

One thing we always say in our house, we have tons of great friends and people nearby, but we say our family has to come first.

So I always tell my kids, family before friends, we love them, but family before friends.

So if we are arguing too much with each other, if we're not getting good quality time with each other, if we're too busy for the people in this house, then our focus is not what it needs to be, and it's not what God intended it for it to be.

So that vision Just helps bring us back.

And it will look a little different for every family this year.

Each of my boys wanted to put a little bit more of their own goal.

One has an orthographic dyslexia, and so he wanted to put something about just reading more together on there.

Another one, two of them actually are working on baseball.

They're new to it, so they're like, we want to play catch more, dad.

So it's something for them, but it's still something we're doing together and that's been nice.

And then sometimes we'll put a goal that we want others to keep us accountable with.

And mine was my phone because unfortunately, with a lot of the work I do, I am on my phone a lot.

And it's a double edged sword, right?

And so it's like, we need it,.

But you know, but we need to be without it for a bit too.

100%.

And so they've kept me accountable.

They'll be like, mom.

They point, we said we were doing that.

We saw you, mom.

Yeah.

And the kids love to call, call you out.

So that is super fun for them.

But it helps keep each other accountable.

But it also just helps us focus on our family.

Like I said, family first, before friends, before sports, before all the other things.

It's so easy to get caught up in the rest of life and then feel like, do you know the people you're living with?

Are, are my boys getting along?

Are they forming deeper bonds?

Do.

If someone asks me, you know, a specific question about my kid, can I answer that right now?

Have we had one on one time?

Have we had that white space to have a conversation about what's going on with them and for there just not to be like a time limit on it.

So your vision should really just reflect what you want for your family and involving your kids, even little kids.

We've done this since my kids were toddlers and you know, they didn't always have input, but they, we always talked about together and said, okay, what, what do we want to do more?

And when they were little, a lot of time it would be family walks, like every evening.

That was something that was on there.

And it just helped us to refocus and feel confident in where we were moving as a family.

And more like we had a strong base at home.

Because also as your kids get older, there's gonna be disruptions and things they go through or your marriage goes through.

So if you've already created that strong base or if you can start creating it now, even if you're late to the game, so to speak.

It gives your kids a place to fall back on and to feel secure about.

And I feel like that that's so important.

That really is.

And I love that you guys are creating that, like you said, that safe space for your kids as they get older because they will always remember these times that you connected as a family when they were younger.

And it just, it gives them a sense of security.

It's something that our family also practiced throughout the years.

And now my kids are older, so they have that memory and they're like, oh, I remember that when we had those, you know, those vision boards and the things we did every year, you know, as a family.

But I just believe it's almost like that same adage that the family that prays together stays together.

Yeah.

I think that the family should plan together.

And, and I love what you're saying about creating those goals so that everyone's on the same page, even if they're tiny, itty bitty kids, like they can contribute in some way and you make it fun.

Like with the ice cream.

Yes.

It's become a tradition, you know, that's like, you don't have to have a hundred traditions.

You just need to have a few things that bond your family.

Like you said, that the memories for them to come back to and that they'll talk about for years and maybe continue in their family one day.

Yeah, yeah.

It's a good example for creating that unit.

Yes.

And you know, it's just, I, I love, I love all that we're talking about today.

I'm wondering if all of this is also in your book.

This.

There is some in your book about.

In my book about that.

It's geared a little bit more towards homeschooling in terms of the vision for that.

But we do talk a lot about that family time and prioritizing it and prioritizing what matters in your home and not focusing so much on what everyone else is is doing.

I talk about that a lot as well, because that's really good.

That's a hard one.

That is a hard one.

Yes.

Looking at other families doing it your way.

And your family is unique and you have to do your, your family life your way, carve your own path.

But I love that.

Where can our readers, listeners, viewers, where can we grab your book for our family?

You can grab that on Amazon.

I have ebook and paper book there.

And at Barnes and Noble they have it as well.

Oh, wow.

Awesome.

On always at Barnes and Noble.

I'll be Looking for it.

It's not in every store, but it's online, so some stores have it, some stores don't.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's so good.

I'll see if.

If we don't have it at ours, we'll see if we can request it, so.

Oh, yeah, that would be great.

Yes.

Yes.

So, okay, now my last question for you is more of an encouragement for mamas, whether homeschooling or not.

Right?

So we just want to think about, like, if we were in a cafe together having a cup of tea or coffee.

What if, you know, we're.

We're just talking about how exhausted we feel, and we're maybe feeling behind, feeling chaotic.

Our nervous system is shot.

As we talked about earlier, what would you say to that mama who is sitting in front of you with that cup of coffee and is just like, I can't handle this anymore.

Yeah.

Oh, it's so hard.

But what I would first say to them is to breathe, first of all, and to pray.

I would.

I would just stop and pray with them for a moment.

I would ask them to pray, pray, and then to sit in that quiet.

Sometimes you also just need a moment of quiet to then be able to reflect appropriately.

Because if you are in a frazzled state, you can't even reflect on what's happening because you are too heightened.

Right?

So I would say to just take a minute.

I would probably just sit in silence with them for a moment, which is so hard for so many people.

I mean, clearly, I'm a talker, but I would say, let's sit in just a moment or two of silence, and then let's talk and reflect on what's going on.

Because a lot of the time, what I notice is everyone feels like they're not doing enough.

Right?

And so then I'll say, tell me.

And normally I would take notes.

A lot of the time I do this with my clients.

I'll.

Normally I'm typing because I type faster than I write, but I will say, what have you done in the past week with your kids around your house?

And I'll write it down.

What have you done this school year?

If we're talking about homeschooling, I'll write it down.

And then I pause, and I'm like, I want you to read this.

And they'll look at this list, and they'll come back and they'll say, I didn't realize how much I was doing, because you don't a lot of the time.

And if you don't have someone to talk to about that.

You can just sit if you, you have to have that quiet first.

You have to be calm enough to, and have the headspace that you can actually reflect on the things that have been going on.

Right.

And you can just make a list and say, these are the things I'm doing.

I normally it's, I'm doing a lot.

And whether that a lot is, is keeping that little baby fed and on a, you know, schedule and having the toddler not, you know, be outside naked every morning, whatever it is, right?

Or the teenagers helping with their meltdown and their homework or schoolwork, whatever it is, those are all emotional things.

They take a lot out of us emotionally.

They are all physical tasks.

They take things out of physically and they're all time consuming tasks.

So when you look at those and if you added up the amount of time you're spending on those things, even those trivial things, you would realize you are just doing so much more than you ever thought.

And I would also say, you know, whether it's motherhood or homeschooling or career, if God called us to it to do something, he will equip us.

So if we are feeling that frazzled, then we need to pray and ask for his help because we're probably trying to do too much on our own, right?

Yes, for sure.

And that's, that's, you know, something that I think every woman kind of falls into.

I have to do it myself.

I like you might kind of be praying about it or kind of talking to your spouse, but you're taking it all on, whether it's emotionally or physically or both.

And I would say you need to pause and lay that at the feet of Jesus and just say, lord, I'm weary.

I am weary.

And I need you and I need you to show me what I can maybe cut out or cut back on.

And I need you to give me peace.

And I think just spending that time as well and handing some of those things over to him and knowing that you don't have to have it all figured out right now.

If you're in a hard space right now and you're feeling like I'm not enough and my teen is really having a hard time and my toddler's not sleeping, then you can't control those things.

First of all, you can help.

But if God gave you these children, first of all, he didn't make a mistake.

He knew who their mama was going to be.

And he, he will equip you.

But if you are trying to do it without him, you're gonna be tired.

Exactly.

Yeah.

So I feel like all that's really important.

Yes.

Yes.

That is so, so good.

I love that.

I just feel like, you know, having someone sit in front of you and encourage you is the very thing that mamas need.

The thing that a lot of times we're deprived of.

If we are in a chaotic situation and we just don't have time, you know, we're busy with our kids.

Right.

We don't have time to, you know, be with other people or maybe sometimes just hang out with other moms.

And so when we do have that time to be with other moms, I think it's important that we encourage each other and have that just, you know, woman to woman, mom to mom chats and just really be that source of inspiration for each other.

And so, you know, and I.

That's what I love doing on this podcast.

And so I'm.

I'm just so happy that you're here to just share that joy with us and to encourage us to find peace in God.

And so that's so good.

I would love to know how we can reach you.

You have a website.

We know where to find your book on Amazon, but also what's your website that we can visit as well?

Yeah, so my website is thesophisticatedteacher.com the sophisticated teacher is also my Instagram and Facebook and, you know, threads, all the.

All the social media, if you will, handle.

So you'll find me there too.

I, you know, try to share positive things on there in real life, too.

I'm.

I always say I don't want to be an influencer.

I want to be an encourager of moms.

I want to show you glimpses into real life.

You're not going to find a bunch of links to things.

You're going to find a lot of coffee cups and messes and come as you are.

Because I feel like we need more of that as moms.

Yep.

Yep.

For sure.

And so that.

That makes us even more want to follow you on Insta because that's the kind of.

The kind of vibe that I think a lot of moms are looking for today.

Just, you know, as a cozy space to see the reality of motherhood and yet also get encouragement and support.

So.

Yeah.

Thank you, Jenna.

This is.

Thank you for having me.

It's been so great to talk with you today.

You're doing a great job with your podcast.

I love just all the encouragement you are providing to mamas.

It's just heartwarming.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And I appreciate your being on the show today.

You were so encouraging and a breath of fresh air.

So thank you for being on the show.

Yeah, thanks for having me.