When Obedience to Your Husband Means Sin

[00:00:18] Hello and welcome again to Become A Competent Biblical Counselor. I'm Dr. Dave Jones and today's episode is entitled, When Obedience to Your Husband Means Sin.

[00:00:31] I have often talked in various meetings from time to time about the problem of the authority of the husband over the wife.

[00:00:39] Many things, of course, need to be said about that, which I don't care to say now because I've already spoken on this broadcast many times about the question.

[00:00:48] But let me warn, however, at the outset that those who think that the husband has some kind of tyrannical or absolute authority over the wife do not understand the Bible's position at all.

[00:01:02] The husband's authority over the wife is limited to the authority that God has given him in the scriptures and it does not extend beyond that.

[00:01:13] All authority is limited.

[00:01:15] Every authority given, the authority God gives to the state, the authority God gives to the church, the authority God gives to the husband, the authority that God gives to parents,

[00:01:26] every authority is limited by that which the Word of God says belongs to that authority.

[00:01:33] No one has an authority to ask anything else beyond what the scriptures teach.

[00:01:40] Now, I've said that often on the air and in various other places, and I've said, for example, that a husband has no authority to order his wife to sin.

[00:01:51] Now, that should be obvious.

[00:01:53] God doesn't give anybody authority to tell others to sin.

[00:01:58] That's why, for example, when the apostles were told to sin by the state by refusing to preach or stopping their preaching,

[00:02:07] even though Jesus Christ had sent them out to preach, when the state told them to stop preaching,

[00:02:13] it would have been a sin for them to stop because Jesus had already told them to preach.

[00:02:19] They were certainly right in responding as they did.

[00:02:23] So, we must obey God rather than men.

[00:02:27] And in that interesting statement of obeying God rather than men,

[00:02:31] we have set forth for us a contrast between two authorities,

[00:02:35] the authority of God and a human authority, which man sets forth on his own.

[00:02:41] And in every instance where God has granted authority to the state, to the home, to the church, to a husband,

[00:02:50] that authority is limited to what God said were the particular rules and regulations for the use of that authority.

[00:02:59] So, the state had no authority to forbid the apostles to preach.

[00:03:05] And when the state tried to forbid the apostles to preach in the name of Jesus Christ,

[00:03:11] what was really happening was that the authority that they were using was not from God.

[00:03:17] God's authority does not contradict itself.

[00:03:20] And if he would tell the church to preach,

[00:03:23] and he would tell the state that they could not say no to preach.

[00:03:28] No, God doesn't contradict himself in the granting of authority in two realms that are antagonistic to one another.

[00:03:37] All of God's authority granted in every realm harmonizes with God's authority granted in every other realm.

[00:03:45] No, when they said,

[00:03:47] You may not preach to the apostles,

[00:03:49] the state had gone beyond the authority granted to the state.

[00:03:54] This is not the state's right to make such a declaration.

[00:03:58] The state has no business dealing with the question of whether one should preach in the name of Jesus Christ or not.

[00:04:04] That's why the apostles said,

[00:04:06] We must obey God in the authority that the church has given to them,

[00:04:11] and Christ had given to them in the church as authorities,

[00:04:14] and had told them to preach the gospel to all the world.

[00:04:19] We must obey God in that command,

[00:04:21] which was clearly and plainly given within the scope of the authority of the church.

[00:04:28] And indeed,

[00:04:28] directly relating to its task.

[00:04:31] We must obey God rather than men.

[00:04:34] It was man's authority that the state was asserting at this point,

[00:04:39] and not God's authority.

[00:04:41] The state had gone beyond the divine authority granted to it,

[00:04:44] and had stepped over into a use of its own authority,

[00:04:47] which, of course, was no authority,

[00:04:50] and thereby did not have to be obeyed,

[00:04:53] because it disagreed with God's authority revealed elsewhere.

[00:04:57] Now, I've said that kind of thing,

[00:05:00] and I've said that to a husband,

[00:05:02] just like no state has a right to command his wife to sin,

[00:05:06] to do wrong.

[00:05:07] Then when I say that,

[00:05:08] usually I get a response in a meeting or somewhere else,

[00:05:11] and here is one of them that was written,

[00:05:13] and I'll read it to you.

[00:05:15] Husband's authority over wife.

[00:05:17] It says,

[00:05:19] Abraham ordered Sarah to lie,

[00:05:22] to say that she was his sister.

[00:05:25] How does that fall into the separation of God's authority and man's?

[00:05:30] Now,

[00:05:31] it's a very good question,

[00:05:32] because there are a number of people around today

[00:05:35] who have been citing that particular instance of Sarah

[00:05:39] and her lying or her misrepresentation,

[00:05:42] her attempt to deceive,

[00:05:44] even though she was talking about the truth of being a sister.

[00:05:47] Nevertheless,

[00:05:48] she was using it in a deceptive way

[00:05:51] by trying to throw Pharaoh off from the idea

[00:05:54] that she was Abraham's wife.

[00:05:57] Now,

[00:05:57] it's important for us to recognize

[00:05:59] that even though this is being used,

[00:06:02] it's being wrongly used in that text.

[00:06:05] The passage that refers to it

[00:06:07] is in 1 Peter 3, 6,

[00:06:11] where we read about,

[00:06:12] in that context,

[00:06:14] wives of unsaved husbands

[00:06:15] being submissive to their own husbands,

[00:06:18] so that even if any of them

[00:06:20] are disobedient to the words,

[00:06:22] the scriptures,

[00:06:23] they may be won without a word,

[00:06:26] that is,

[00:06:26] the nagging of their wives,

[00:06:28] by the behavior of their wives

[00:06:30] as they observe their chaste and respectful behavior.

[00:06:34] Now,

[00:06:34] we have an example

[00:06:36] in verse 6,

[00:06:38] Thus,

[00:06:38] Sarah obeyed Abraham,

[00:06:40] calling him

[00:06:41] Lord.

[00:06:43] Now,

[00:06:44] you see,

[00:06:44] that seems to be an example

[00:06:46] of this kind of thing

[00:06:47] that's being talked about

[00:06:48] in the first verse.

[00:06:49] And so many people say,

[00:06:51] Aha!

[00:06:52] So Abraham ordered Sarah to lie,

[00:06:55] and she followed him

[00:06:56] and obeyed him,

[00:06:57] and thus,

[00:06:58] she becomes a good example for us.

[00:07:00] We can lie if our husband says to,

[00:07:02] and it is not sin.

[00:07:05] No,

[00:07:05] that is wrong.

[00:07:08] Notice verse 6,

[00:07:10] Thus,

[00:07:10] Sarah obeyed Abraham,

[00:07:13] but it doesn't say how

[00:07:14] or in what instance

[00:07:16] or that it has any inference whatsoever

[00:07:18] to the lying

[00:07:20] that is all read

[00:07:22] in the passage,

[00:07:23] and that has nothing to do

[00:07:24] with it.

[00:07:25] The one point that's being made

[00:07:27] is that she was willing

[00:07:29] to obey him,

[00:07:30] that she was an obedient person,

[00:07:32] because she called him

[00:07:34] her Lord.

[00:07:35] Thus,

[00:07:36] Sarah obeyed Abraham,

[00:07:39] calling him Lord.

[00:07:40] That is,

[00:07:41] she recognized that he had authority

[00:07:43] over her from God,

[00:07:45] and that is what is being commended.

[00:07:48] And notice the rest of the verse,

[00:07:50] which is usually forgotten

[00:07:51] in all of this discussion.

[00:07:53] And you have become her children.

[00:07:55] That is,

[00:07:56] you're like her

[00:07:57] if you do what is right

[00:07:58] without being frightened

[00:08:00] by any fear.

[00:08:02] So,

[00:08:03] very plainly,

[00:08:04] the writer of 1 Peter

[00:08:05] is telling us

[00:08:06] that it is not

[00:08:07] obedience to God

[00:08:09] when one obeys

[00:08:10] a husband

[00:08:11] who tells one

[00:08:12] to do what is wrong.

[00:08:14] It is obedience

[00:08:15] we're talking about

[00:08:16] in doing right.

[00:08:18] One becomes

[00:08:19] a child of Sarah

[00:08:19] only when she obeys

[00:08:21] a husband

[00:08:21] in doing

[00:08:22] what is right.

[00:08:24] And notice,

[00:08:26] also it says

[00:08:27] without being frightened

[00:08:28] by any fear.

[00:08:30] What would ever bring

[00:08:31] the fear about anyway?

[00:08:33] What is this business

[00:08:34] of doing right

[00:08:35] and not being afraid?

[00:08:37] Which actually

[00:08:38] is the whole theme

[00:08:39] of 1 Peter.

[00:08:39] doing right

[00:08:40] in the face

[00:08:41] of persecution

[00:08:42] and not being afraid?

[00:08:45] Well,

[00:08:46] the fear would come

[00:08:47] from the things

[00:08:48] that you refuse to do

[00:08:49] that are wrong.

[00:08:51] Throughout 1 Peter,

[00:08:53] you're told about

[00:08:54] not running

[00:08:55] to the same kind

[00:08:55] of evil excesses

[00:08:57] that unbelievers do

[00:08:58] and receiving all kinds

[00:08:59] of persecution

[00:09:00] as a result.

[00:09:01] No,

[00:09:02] we must learn

[00:09:03] to resist evil.

[00:09:05] We must learn

[00:09:06] not to do evil.

[00:09:08] We must learn

[00:09:09] even in the face

[00:09:10] of a wrong command

[00:09:11] given by a husband

[00:09:12] to respectfully

[00:09:13] say to him

[00:09:14] in a matter

[00:09:15] that recognizes

[00:09:16] his rightful authority

[00:09:17] but also distinguishes

[00:09:19] it from a sinful

[00:09:20] use of that authority

[00:09:21] and say to him,

[00:09:22] Honey,

[00:09:23] I cannot obey you

[00:09:25] because you're

[00:09:25] asking me

[00:09:26] to violate

[00:09:27] a commandment

[00:09:28] of God.

[00:09:29] And then

[00:09:30] without fear

[00:09:30] to say this

[00:09:32] and to stand

[00:09:33] for this

[00:09:33] even though

[00:09:34] it may bring

[00:09:35] further difficulty

[00:09:36] or hardship.

[00:09:38] 1 Peter

[00:09:39] teaches exactly

[00:09:40] the opposite

[00:09:41] of what some

[00:09:42] have thought.

[00:09:44] So Lord,

[00:09:45] help us

[00:09:45] to obey God

[00:09:46] always

[00:09:47] rather than men.

[00:09:49] We pray in his name.

[00:09:51] Amen.

[00:09:52] So I hope

[00:09:53] that clears up

[00:09:53] any issues

[00:09:54] you might have

[00:09:54] relative to

[00:09:55] this particular topic.

[00:09:57] And from time to time

[00:09:59] it is difficult

[00:09:59] to understand

[00:10:00] that's also important

[00:10:01] to obey God

[00:10:03] rather than men.

[00:10:05] And there are

[00:10:06] some men

[00:10:06] and some women

[00:10:07] who need to be

[00:10:08] very aware

[00:10:09] about that.

[00:10:11] Make it a blessed day

[00:10:12] and we'll talk

[00:10:13] to you later.

[00:10:14] Bye.