What Kind of Heart?

[00:00:19] Good morning and welcome to Become A Competent Biblical Counselor. I'm Dr. Dave Jones and today's episode is entitled, What Kind of Heart? What Kind of Heart? And what I want to start with is 8th verse, 1 Peter 3. And today come to those words, kind-hearted. And then go on to the words, humble in spirit.

[00:00:43] By the way, I've been reading from the New American Standard Version. If yours doesn't quite read this way, that's why. Let me go back and read a little bit of this section. We've been talking here about wives in verse 1, being submissive to their own husbands so that even if any of them who are disobedient to the word, that they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.

[00:01:09] And we're talking about submission, what it meant. Then the section went down, of course, to verse 7, where it mentions about the husbands that says,

[00:01:19] You husbands, likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way. That is to use, rather than to be ignorant about their wives, to live with them according to knowledge.

[00:01:30] And in order to get that knowledge, to do some real research about your wife.

[00:01:36] And then to live with her as a weaker vessel. That is, one who is to be treated as a fragile vase, with tenderness, with care, with kindness, and with consideration.

[00:01:49] And then we come to verse 8. That's kind of a summary of the marriage relationship, where he says,

[00:01:56] To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind-hearted, and humble in spirit, not returning evil for evil or insult for insult,

[00:02:08] but giving a blessing instead, for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.

[00:02:16] Now we come to the words, kind-hearted.

[00:02:20] How's that needed in a marriage? Harmony?

[00:02:23] Oh yeah, we need a standard that will bring the two of us into agreement.

[00:02:28] That's the scripture. Without the scripture, there can be no harmony in a marriage.

[00:02:34] Sympathy?

[00:02:35] Oh yeah, we need sympathy, so that we can enter into another person's joys, enter into another person's sorrows,

[00:02:43] and enter into them deeply enough to minister to them at that point by bringing some kind of new insight into the picture from the word of God that says,

[00:02:54] Yes, there is hope even when the other person thinks there isn't.

[00:02:59] Brotherly, to look at one's gifts and to see that they have a place in the full church of Christ,

[00:03:06] not just to be used only in the home, even though that is a prime concern,

[00:03:11] and takes place of precedence in a marriage.

[00:03:16] And brotherly, in that we are to treat one another not only as we would treat not only husbands and wives,

[00:03:22] whatever that means, but that means that we are to treat them also as Christians, as brothers and sisters are treated.

[00:03:31] Sometimes some of those things we do for others, that we recognize our brothers and sisters,

[00:03:36] we fail to do even for our own husbands or wives,

[00:03:40] so that we have to recognize that our husbands and wives are brothers and sisters too in Christ,

[00:03:48] and to treat them as we would treat brothers and sisters.

[00:03:51] But kind-hearted, there comes so much.

[00:03:55] There is so much in that word that we can't even begin to unpack it.

[00:04:00] Kind-heartedness.

[00:04:01] Well, we are hard with each other, hard-hearted toward one another so often, aren't we?

[00:04:07] Instead of being tender-hearted or kind-hearted,

[00:04:10] instead of being kind, we are cruel.

[00:04:13] Hard and cruel is what we see so often as the rule in a Christian home.

[00:04:19] It's a tragedy because it ought not to be known even among the Gentiles,

[00:04:24] but it's known even among Christians.

[00:04:27] There are Christians who lose their tender-heartedness and their kindness for one another.

[00:04:32] They kind of grow flat in that thinking and in their feeling toward one another.

[00:04:39] But this word speaks about an emotional response that grows out of an understanding of the other's needs,

[00:04:45] that grows out of that sympathy,

[00:04:48] that grows out of understanding that the other person is a brother or sister in Christ,

[00:04:53] and trying to treat that other one as a brother or sister would be treated.

[00:04:58] It grows out of trying to bring harmony into the home

[00:05:02] by confronting one's own wishes and desires and interests to what God says in His Word,

[00:05:08] rather than trying to conform a partner to what one wants that other one to do for him

[00:05:14] or to be for him or her.

[00:05:17] Kind-heartedness comes out of these things,

[00:05:19] but it's a little bit different from any one of them.

[00:05:23] It means to be alive to the other person.

[00:05:26] It means to have a real concern that's constantly there,

[00:05:30] aware of the other person,

[00:05:32] not just simply taking the other person for granted.

[00:05:36] You know, sometimes familiarity breeds contempt,

[00:05:40] but even when it doesn't breed contempt,

[00:05:42] it often breeds a kind of nonchalant attitude toward the other person,

[00:05:48] and probably that's more frequent than the contempt.

[00:05:52] Familiarity, you see, can take the edge off of a kind-hearted attitude.

[00:05:58] Instead of growing kinder every day and more understanding

[00:06:02] and more willing to give and more willing to do things

[00:06:05] to be a blessing and a help to the other,

[00:06:08] sometimes we begin to just forget.

[00:06:11] We just forget what the other person is like

[00:06:14] or what the other person's needs are.

[00:06:17] We take them for granted.

[00:06:19] We become hard-hearted toward them

[00:06:22] so that we don't hear what they are really saying to us.

[00:06:26] We only hear the words,

[00:06:27] and we take them simply at face value.

[00:06:30] We don't hear the deep undertones

[00:06:32] or the overtones that are being echoed around the words

[00:06:36] that are being spoken.

[00:06:38] So often, one party will say something and mean a great deal more,

[00:06:42] but the person who is flat,

[00:06:45] the person who is lethargic toward the other,

[00:06:47] the person who no longer has his sensitivities

[00:06:50] tuned in to the other person,

[00:06:52] will not hear it.

[00:06:53] And that's part of what not being kind-hearted is all about.

[00:06:58] And being kind-hearted conversely means

[00:07:01] to be well-tuned to the other person's needs and concerns.

[00:07:05] But it also means that when a problem arises,

[00:07:08] that there is a willingness to solve it.

[00:07:11] Probably that's the basic and fundamental meaning of the word.

[00:07:15] The word here is that here are two people

[00:07:17] and something happens and a difficulty arises between them.

[00:07:22] Instead of hard words being spoken

[00:07:24] and nasty attitudes accruing

[00:07:26] and failure and unwillingness to forgive,

[00:07:30] the person is to be ready to forgive,

[00:07:32] ready to understand.

[00:07:34] A kind-hearted person is one who puts

[00:07:36] the best construction upon another's words and acts,

[00:07:41] rather than the worst construction upon it.

[00:07:43] A kind-hearted person is the one who is willing to be reconciled quickly

[00:07:48] and sues for reconciliation,

[00:07:52] makes every attempt to pursue peace in the marriage,

[00:07:55] instead of carrying it on and on and on

[00:07:58] and not giving in,

[00:07:59] even when the other is willing to admit his or her sin

[00:08:03] and failure and seeks forgiveness.

[00:08:06] Not willing to forgive,

[00:08:07] not willing to be tender and kind-hearted about such issues.

[00:08:11] How about you?

[00:08:12] Your heart grown kind of hard and crusty?

[00:08:15] Think about your heart.

[00:08:17] Where are you going to see what your heart is like?

[00:08:21] Well, one of the best ways to learn about your heart

[00:08:24] is through your words.

[00:08:26] Your words.

[00:08:28] Jesus said,

[00:08:29] Out of the heart comes,

[00:08:30] and then he spoke about all the horrible things

[00:08:32] that a person does and says.

[00:08:34] You look at your words,

[00:08:37] and then you look at your actions.

[00:08:40] How have you been treating your partner in your marriage?

[00:08:45] Said some pretty hard things to him or to her recently.

[00:08:48] Some of those words had a kind of knife-like edge on them.

[00:08:52] Some of your tones of speech being anything but loving.

[00:08:56] How about some of those things you've neglected to do

[00:09:01] that you used to do for one another

[00:09:02] that you have just kind of grown out of the marriage

[00:09:06] that really you ought to continue doing so again?

[00:09:10] How about some of the things that you ought not to be doing that you've done in order to get even,

[00:09:16] to be spiteful or nasty?

[00:09:19] Here's where you're going to find out whether you're kind-hearted or not.

[00:09:25] The heart is the source of actions and words.

[00:09:28] The heart is the source of those things that you continue to wallow around in your mind.

[00:09:34] Maybe you've even said to yourself at times,

[00:09:37] I could just wring his neck off,

[00:09:40] or boy, I was somehow,

[00:09:42] she'd get hit in an automobile accident,

[00:09:44] and that would be the end of her.

[00:09:46] That is not kind-heartedness.

[00:09:50] And that kind of thing needs to be repented.

[00:09:53] Lord, we pray that there should be true repentance

[00:09:56] and a tender, kind spirit in many homes

[00:09:59] as a result of hearing this word from your scripture.

[00:10:04] For Christ's sake, amen.

[00:10:07] So think about your kind-heartedness.

[00:10:11] Look at life from the other person's point of view.

[00:10:15] And we're not talking just about marriage,

[00:10:17] even though this is a very, very important segment of a marriage relationship.

[00:10:22] Everybody that you come in contact with,

[00:10:25] try to see life from their point of view.

[00:10:29] And in so doing,

[00:10:30] you become tender-hearted, kind-hearted.

[00:10:34] Have a great day, and be blessed.