Understanding Your Wife

[00:00:03] Welcome to Become A Competent Biblical Counselor.

[00:00:23] I'm Dr. Dave Jones and today's episode is entitled,

[00:00:26] Understanding Your Wife. Did you ever hear anyone say something like this?

[00:00:33] I'll never understand a woman. Well, I suppose that's the cry of every man

[00:00:37] at some time or another. But you know, have you ever thought

[00:00:41] seriously about that question? Is it really possible to understand

[00:00:46] a woman? Well, listen to these words from 1 Peter 3,

[00:00:51] verse 7. You husbands likewise live with their wives in an understanding way.

[00:00:58] There you have it. Not only is it possible to understand a woman but indeed

[00:01:03] God says that this is a duty that He imposes

[00:01:07] upon us. Now I don't know how many men may be listening this morning

[00:01:13] but I'm sure that if you wives are listening you're going to tell your

[00:01:16] husband about this and there may be a few men writing around in the

[00:01:20] automobile or listening down at the office or shop or someplace.

[00:01:25] So one way or another, I expect what I have to say is going to get back to

[00:01:29] you guys. But what the word of God is very

[00:01:33] plain about is this. That husbands are expected by

[00:01:37] God to live with their wives not just in some makeshift as it

[00:01:42] happens way but in a way that requires understanding.

[00:01:47] That is the husband as the head of his home has a lot

[00:01:52] of responsibilities laid upon him and one of those responsibilities is to come

[00:01:58] to an understanding of his wife. Now I counsel with a lot of men and a

[00:02:04] lot of women and as their marriages come in on the rocks

[00:02:07] in bad shape all shaken to pieces one of the clear cut causes of the problem

[00:02:13] seems to be time and again that husbands have never made a genuine

[00:02:19] effort to understand their wives. Well you say I sure like to

[00:02:25] understand mine but I don't know where to begin.

[00:02:28] If you had a wife like mine now wait a minute all women are complex just as

[00:02:33] all men are complex but it's still your job to understand your

[00:02:37] wife and then to live with her in a way that grows out of that

[00:02:41] understanding. Now the first thing I think to begin

[00:02:46] to enter into this passage a little bit is to understand what the passage is

[00:02:50] saying to live with the wife in an

[00:02:53] understanding way literally in the greek reads this way

[00:02:57] live with your wife according to knowledge that is the understanding that

[00:03:04] you have of her will be based on facts on knowledge

[00:03:08] on information on data you have to accumulate that data

[00:03:14] you have to dig in a little bit make a study

[00:03:17] you have to find out the facts and I don't find one man and a dozen who

[00:03:22] comes in for counseling who's made much of an effort to

[00:03:25] gather the data about his wife well you say all right

[00:03:29] I like to understand my wife but boy I don't even know where to begin

[00:03:35] let me give you a couple of suggestions about how to understand your wife

[00:03:40] first of all you can gather this kind of knowledge basically and primarily from

[00:03:45] the scriptures because your wife isn't all that much

[00:03:48] different from otherwise that we read about in the scriptures

[00:03:52] I wonder how many men have ever made a study of women in the scriptures and in

[00:03:56] particular wives in the scriptures come on now admit it you had have you ever

[00:04:03] really studied the issue well if you have it maybe that's a

[00:04:07] good study for you over the next six months to take the word of god and

[00:04:11] your incoordination and find out every passage that you can locate

[00:04:15] that has to do with women and in particular with

[00:04:18] wives you could start right here in the verse before

[00:04:22] the one we're considering in 1 Peter 3 that talks about Sarah

[00:04:26] who obeyed Abraham and called him Lord and then to read about the

[00:04:31] implications of what she did in the latter part

[00:04:34] of 1 Peter 3 6 but let's get it very clear

[00:04:38] that women can be understood first and foremost

[00:04:42] by a study of women and wives in particular in the scriptures and what

[00:04:45] the scriptures say about them indeed everything else that you learn

[00:04:50] about women has to be interpreted by the scriptures because

[00:04:54] that is your basic and primary standard for understanding all of life now

[00:05:00] let's take an example in the scriptures the very beginning

[00:05:06] at the creation of the woman and at the point where Eve became the wife of

[00:05:10] Adam we read that it was not good for man to

[00:05:14] be alone so God created a helper for him

[00:05:19] now there was the woman's role to be a helper

[00:05:23] who was appropriate to her husband or meat or fitting or suitable

[00:05:30] to her husband and then Paul comments on this in the New Testament he says

[00:05:35] man was not created for the woman but the woman for the man

[00:05:42] all right now right there you have one very important principle in understanding

[00:05:47] a woman one of those principles that seems to be very

[00:05:51] prominent in those two verses is the order of creation and its purpose as

[00:05:56] expressed by the order of creation that is as Paul says man was not

[00:06:03] created for the woman but the woman for the man

[00:06:07] and we read that he was created in order to fill that vacuum

[00:06:11] to meet that need to fill that void that existed before

[00:06:15] her creation that aloneness of which God speaks

[00:06:19] in Genesis 2 18 that means that a wife is unhappy that she will never be

[00:06:26] satisfied unless she can help her husband that is unless she can

[00:06:31] really become his helper that's a very important insight

[00:06:36] into a woman that the scriptures have to give to us

[00:06:39] that means also that if she is forced into places of leadership

[00:06:44] if she finds a vacuum of headship in her home

[00:06:48] that she can't really be satisfied and happy either

[00:06:52] the man is the head of the home and the wife must be oriented toward him

[00:06:58] according to the word of God now if that's the way that God created

[00:07:03] woman and if that's the order and if that's the

[00:07:06] situation that exists in the world today women are never going to be happy

[00:07:12] wives are never going to be happy unless they find

[00:07:15] that created order in their homes so if you want to live with your wife in an

[00:07:21] understanding way one of the very important facts that you

[00:07:25] need to keep in mind is that you must take the leadership

[00:07:30] you must be the one who takes those responsibilities

[00:07:33] for the home upon yourself responsibilities before society

[00:07:38] and responsibilities before God you must truly effectively become the

[00:07:44] responsible leader in head of your home otherwise

[00:07:48] your wife can't and won't be happy also you must let her help you

[00:07:57] the woman was created to be a helper to her husband

[00:08:01] if you try to do everything yourself never call upon your wife for help

[00:08:05] never let her enter into thinking never let her help you make your decisions

[00:08:10] never let her help you by criticizing you if you just block her out of your

[00:08:15] life she's going to be a very unhappy person

[00:08:20] a wife is to be a helper she will not be a happy

[00:08:25] or profitable person otherwise so you can grow from there

[00:08:30] but this example i think is a typical of the kind of thing that you can find as

[00:08:34] you study the word of God husbands live with your

[00:08:37] wives with an understanding way that is according to knowledge

[00:08:42] knowledge primarily from the word of god but then as that word of god applies

[00:08:47] to her life day by day as well let's pray that the lord will

[00:08:51] help you husbands to really be concerned about living with their

[00:08:55] lives in this way i think at this point there

[00:08:58] is something else to take into consideration too with respect to

[00:09:02] a husband who listens to this and realizes he must take

[00:09:06] responsibility for what god has given him to be responsible for

[00:09:11] but i think there's been a template that a lot of these men

[00:09:15] have been raised in women dominating households their fathers were not

[00:09:23] the leaders so a lot of times men today just don't know how

[00:09:27] to be leaders how to take that responsibility especially

[00:09:31] if they're a married to a woman who's a type A personality who wants to take

[00:09:35] charge as well that's the subject matter for another

[00:09:38] episode and we'll get that so stay tuned and

[00:09:41] beyond the lookout it's coming in the meantime thanks for listening

[00:09:45] and we'll talk to you soon