So, Now You're In College. How's It Going?

[00:00:18] Hello again and welcome to this episode of Become A Competent Biblical Counselor.

[00:00:23] I'm Dr. Dave Jones and today's episode is entitled, So Now Youre In College, So What Now?

[00:00:32] Something very unusual has been happening the last few weeks in that I've been getting some phone calls

[00:00:39] from a number of first-time college students away from home, in a new environment,

[00:00:46] new responsibilities, not knowing what to do.

[00:00:50] They're scared and just don't know what to do.

[00:00:53] And it's interesting how they present their problem.

[00:00:57] I asked one young lady, I said, so what is the issue that you're dealing with?

[00:01:03] She says, well, I'm depressed.

[00:01:06] I'm anxious.

[00:01:07] I'm discouraged.

[00:01:08] I'm afraid.

[00:01:10] And so I said, okay, I see.

[00:01:12] I said, what class are you in?

[00:01:15] And she says, excuse me?

[00:01:17] I said, well, are you a freshman?

[00:01:19] You're a sophomore?

[00:01:20] What?

[00:01:20] He says, well, I'm a freshman.

[00:01:21] I said, okay.

[00:01:23] A couple days after that, I received a phone call from a young man, same university.

[00:01:28] I said, what's up?

[00:01:30] He said, I've just got a problem with depression.

[00:01:32] I said, okay.

[00:01:35] You're at the university, right?

[00:01:36] Yeah.

[00:01:37] I said, so what are you doing with your time?

[00:01:39] He says, well, I'm just not doing anything.

[00:01:41] I haven't slept for two days.

[00:01:42] And I said, well, why not?

[00:01:44] Well, I'm just too messed up and I can't get things straightened out.

[00:01:49] And I asked him the question, well, what class are you in?

[00:01:52] He says, I'm a freshman.

[00:01:54] Okay.

[00:01:55] I got it.

[00:01:56] So with these two students, I very quickly determined that they're having a problem with

[00:02:02] what I call fear and what you should call fear.

[00:02:06] So I've directed them to the podcasts that I have done over the past a number of episodes

[00:02:14] and help them to identify what things they could listen to and apply to their lives and

[00:02:19] get through these very difficult and uncomfortable situations that they're dealing with.

[00:02:25] But I have this question.

[00:02:27] These students have identified the struggles specifically that are incorrect.

[00:02:35] The problem is that they are afraid of their new surroundings.

[00:02:40] They are afraid of losing the comfortable living style that they had before they came into college.

[00:02:49] Now they've got some responsibilities that they have to assume that they never had to assume

[00:02:53] before.

[00:02:53] They have to take care of their laundry.

[00:02:55] They have to take care of their food.

[00:02:56] They have to take care of the classes.

[00:02:57] They're studying things that are much more easily thought about not doing because you have the

[00:03:05] responsibility.

[00:03:05] If you want to go to class, go to class.

[00:03:07] If you don't want to go to class, you don't have to go to class.

[00:03:10] These are situations and problems that a lot of students just don't know how to overcome

[00:03:15] and they're scared half to death with the situation they have gotten themselves into.

[00:03:20] So I have this question.

[00:03:21] What can they do to overcome the fear?

[00:03:25] Now they have not identified this as a fear episode.

[00:03:29] But if you're going to be talking to somebody similar to what I've just given you the example

[00:03:34] for, think about the fact that they are afraid of their new lifestyle.

[00:03:39] Their fears are debilitating and keep them from living and acting as Christians should.

[00:03:45] Many students have problems with fears and Christians are not immune from this problem.

[00:03:50] That's why one reason the Word of God has an awful lot to say about fear.

[00:03:56] Indeed, God, whenever He comes to man, has to say to man, fear not.

[00:04:02] When the angel appears, when a supernatural manifestation of God takes place in Scripture,

[00:04:07] almost always you see some word like that because man is afraid.

[00:04:13] Man has good reason to be afraid because he is a sinner.

[00:04:17] And so what about this matter of fear?

[00:04:20] Well, fear basically, of course, goes back to the fear of God.

[00:04:24] But let's think about fear in a way in which many students do not think about it.

[00:04:29] Let's contrast and compare fear with love.

[00:04:33] Love looks for opportunities to give.

[00:04:36] It asks, what can I do for another?

[00:04:38] Fear keeps a weary eye on the possible consequences of an action or a situation and asks,

[00:04:45] what will he do to me?

[00:04:48] Love, the Bible said, thinks no evil.

[00:04:50] Fear thinks of little else.

[00:04:53] Love labors doing today's tasks and is so busy that it has no time to worry about tomorrow.

[00:05:01] Because it focuses just upon tomorrow, fear fails to undertake responsibilities today.

[00:05:08] Love leads to greater love.

[00:05:11] Fulfilling one's obligations brings joy and peace and satisfaction and greater love and devotion to the work.

[00:05:18] So there's the part of the solution.

[00:05:20] So many students get into the idea of fearing about what's going on that they get nothing done.

[00:05:28] They do not assume their responsibilities.

[00:05:30] What if they were to change the fear into love?

[00:05:34] The love of being, hey, I'm out of the house.

[00:05:38] I just love being out of the house.

[00:05:40] I just love being on my own.

[00:05:43] I just love being able to meet new people.

[00:05:46] I just love starting to create a new life for myself.

[00:05:51] I just love what I'm doing.

[00:05:53] If they're concentrated on that kind of thought process through the day,

[00:05:58] there is no room for fear.

[00:06:01] They can also think about, I love the idea that I could meet some new people.

[00:06:04] I love the idea that I'm going to learn some things that I never knew before.

[00:06:09] The young man that I spoke to earlier with respect to his depression and not sleeping for a couple of days,

[00:06:14] I said, well, what is your major?

[00:06:16] He says, I'm a music major.

[00:06:19] I said, oh, so what do you play?

[00:06:21] I play guitar.

[00:06:22] I said, when's the last time you played your guitar?

[00:06:24] He said, a couple of days ago.

[00:06:25] I said, why don't you love your guitar more than that?

[00:06:31] He said, well, what do you mean?

[00:06:33] I said, you need to think about the fact that you have a talent.

[00:06:37] You should love the fact that you have a talent to play guitar.

[00:06:41] You should love the idea that you've come to a place where you can learn more about how to play that guitar.

[00:06:48] You're going to meet people that have techniques on the strings that you have never imagined before.

[00:06:53] You should love looking forward to that happening.

[00:06:57] And if you don't find somebody who is like that, you can be that kind of a person to show other people the fingering techniques that you have.

[00:07:05] You need to love the fact that you're in an environment now where you are all involved in your music.

[00:07:11] That young man sat there for the longest silence and he sniffled.

[00:07:15] He says, I never thought of it that way.

[00:07:18] Thanks.

[00:07:19] That's what I needed to hear.

[00:07:21] So you see, instead of being so fearful about where he was and he was fearing the fact that he was going to fail,

[00:07:27] he was fearing the fact he was not going to be as successful as others,

[00:07:30] he was fearing the fact that he was not the kind of a musician that he should be,

[00:07:35] he turned it around.

[00:07:37] Concentrated on his love for music, his love for the opportunity that he had.

[00:07:41] He didn't have any problems anymore with being insecure in school, especially that school.

[00:07:49] Fear, in turn, occasions greater fear.

[00:07:52] The fear cycle is notorious, very difficult to break.

[00:07:57] Since failure to assume responsibilities brings additional fear,

[00:08:01] the consequences of acting irresponsibly will continue.

[00:08:07] Well, you may say, what a strange way to begin a discussion of fear.

[00:08:11] You might think, why contrast love and fear?

[00:08:14] Well, why not fear and peace, or fear and security, or fear and serenity?

[00:08:19] Well, the answer to that question is found in 1 John 4, 17 and 18,

[00:08:24] where John himself sets fear and love over against each other as mutually exclusive.

[00:08:30] While John specifically is concerned about the fear of the judgment to come in that passage,

[00:08:36] and shows how assured love from God and for God erases all such fear of the judgment,

[00:08:42] his words also demand a broader application.

[00:08:46] John seems to be applying a general principle when he says,

[00:08:50] perfect love casts out fear to a specific case, namely, the fear of judgment.

[00:08:56] This is apparent since, as he analyzes the nature of fear and its effects,

[00:09:01] he does so by analyzing them in general.

[00:09:04] He says, fear, not the fear of judgment in particular, but fear involves punishment and so on.

[00:09:11] So we have then a very vital principle that love is stronger than fear, which casts out fear.

[00:09:20] Love is the answer to fear then.

[00:09:22] There's a wall plaque that currently reads,

[00:09:24] The fear of God is the one fear that removes all others.

[00:09:28] The enemy of fear is love.

[00:09:32] The way to put off fear then is to put on love.

[00:09:37] Instead of worrying and getting scared about what the failure is going to look like

[00:09:44] and what the loss is going to look like,

[00:09:47] think about the success, the overcoming of whatever the fear is.

[00:09:53] Counselors who recognize this fact and Christian people who recognize the dynamic of the Word of God

[00:09:58] are well on their way toward reaching the biblical solution to the many problems connected with fear.

[00:10:05] So you say, okay, how are love and fear mutually opposed?

[00:10:10] How does this work out in an actual experience situation?

[00:10:13] Well, notice this.

[00:10:15] Love is self-giving.

[00:10:18] Fear is self-protecting.

[00:10:22] Love moves toward others.

[00:10:25] Fear shrinks away from them.

[00:10:27] Love, however, is the stronger since love is able to cast out fear.

[00:10:33] Fear.

[00:10:34] It's a simple formula.

[00:10:36] Think about it.

[00:10:37] Love moves toward others.

[00:10:39] Fear shrinks away from them.

[00:10:42] Love is the stronger since love is able to cast out fear.

[00:10:46] In dealing with your fear then,

[00:10:48] God says that you must use the stronger power of love,

[00:10:52] the expulsive force of love,

[00:10:55] which can drive out that fear.

[00:10:56] Now, under other circumstances,

[00:10:59] a woman might be frightened by a mouse,

[00:11:01] but that very same woman will not be immobilized by the fear of a wild tiger

[00:11:06] if that tiger is running after the child that she loves.

[00:11:11] Foolishly or otherwise,

[00:11:12] her love overcomes her fear,

[00:11:15] casts it out,

[00:11:16] and she throws herself between that tiger and her child.

[00:11:19] Love is greater than fear.

[00:11:22] A woman paralyzed by a mouse stands in front of a tiger because of love.

[00:11:26] A man with a phobia for crossing bridges upon hearing of an automobile accident

[00:11:31] and involving his own children drove heedlessly over two bridges

[00:11:35] that he would not have gotten anywhere near otherwise

[00:11:39] in order to reach those children experiencing absolutely no fear,

[00:11:43] whatever in the process.

[00:11:44] Just a few days before,

[00:11:46] he had refused to cross those very same bridges.

[00:11:49] What made the difference?

[00:11:51] Well,

[00:11:52] love for those children cast out the fear.

[00:11:54] So fear and love vary inversely.

[00:11:58] The more fear,

[00:12:00] the less love.

[00:12:01] The more love,

[00:12:03] the less fear.

[00:12:04] The more responsibility you take on,

[00:12:06] the less failure that there's going to be.

[00:12:10] They tend to seesaw.

[00:12:12] But the encouraging fact for all of us to remember is that love is the heavier of the two,

[00:12:18] for love can cast out fear.

[00:12:21] And so your task,

[00:12:23] according to 1 John,

[00:12:25] is to see that your love for God and your love for your neighbor is perfected,

[00:12:28] as he says.

[00:12:30] For perfect or perfected love casts out all fear.

[00:12:35] The more you love God and seek to do what he wishes you to do in that situation,

[00:12:40] the less you will fear the situation.

[00:12:41] In other words,

[00:12:43] the more you love your responsibilities,

[00:12:45] the more you love the gifts that God has given you,

[00:12:47] the more that you love the place where he has put you in,

[00:12:50] the more that you have been accepted with where you are,

[00:12:53] the more you see things from that point of view,

[00:12:57] the less you will fear failing,

[00:13:01] the less you will fear anything.

[00:13:04] The more you love the person for whom you are doing it in that situation to the honor of God,

[00:13:09] whether it be your husband,

[00:13:11] your parents,

[00:13:11] your another believer,

[00:13:13] or even your enemy,

[00:13:14] the less you will fear.

[00:13:17] I don't know what your situation is,

[00:13:19] but I know this.

[00:13:20] If you begin to give of yourself in love,

[00:13:23] instead of sitting around thinking about all the fearful consequences of what might happen,

[00:13:28] and spend your time thinking about how can I give more of myself,

[00:13:32] what can I do?

[00:13:34] What does God want me to do for him or for the other person involved?

[00:13:38] The fear will soon evaporate.

[00:13:42] Get that.

[00:13:43] What does God want me to do for him or for her or the other person involved?

[00:13:48] What does God want me to do in this situation?

[00:13:51] I have this opportunity.

[00:13:53] He's put me here for a person.

[00:13:54] I have been accepted by this university to come and study here.

[00:13:58] The more that you're content and grateful for where God has put you,

[00:14:04] the less fear that there will be.

[00:14:07] And the fear will soon evaporate.

[00:14:10] Well,

[00:14:11] Lord,

[00:14:11] take fear out of our hearts of your children as they turn with hearts of love to the tasks

[00:14:16] that you have laid before them.

[00:14:18] We pray in Jesus' name.

[00:14:20] Thanks for listening.

[00:14:21] And I hope that this will help you as well as the person that you're talking to

[00:14:26] that's having a problem with making decisions and things pertaining to their life.

[00:14:32] It all involves love.

[00:14:34] Thanks for listening.