Self-Pity

[00:00:18] Hello and welcome to this edition of Become A Competent Biblical Counselor.

[00:00:24] I'm Dr. Dave Jones and today's episode is entitled Self-Pity.

[00:00:29] Self-Pity.

[00:00:31] A counselee says, I find myself brooding over what others have done to me.

[00:00:36] It makes me both angry and depressed to do so.

[00:00:40] Then afterwards I feel guilty.

[00:00:43] What should I do about this?

[00:00:45] Well, that's a very good question because this is a problem that many people find themselves involved in.

[00:00:51] First of all, such brooding is a sin.

[00:00:55] Let's get this clear.

[00:00:57] You've got to stop it because you've got to stop sinning by brooding against God and against your neighbor.

[00:01:03] Self-Pity is always counterproductive since it is a sin.

[00:01:08] It consists fundamentally of a concentration upon self and one's supposed rights and usually involves a protest against God's providential workings in your lives.

[00:01:22] Clearly it's a self-destructive sin.

[00:01:25] No wonder then that the psalmist wrote,

[00:01:27] As for me, my feet came close to stumbling.

[00:01:31] My steps had almost slipped, for I was envious of the arrogant.

[00:01:37] Psalm 73, verses 2 and 3.

[00:01:40] Envy, mixed with a brooding self-pity, had almost brought him to deep despair and rebellion against God.

[00:01:46] He explains,

[00:01:48] When I pondered to understand this, that is the prosperity of the wicked about which he was brooding.

[00:01:55] It was troublesome in my sight.

[00:01:57] Verse 16, he also says,

[00:02:00] When my heart was embittered and I was pierced within, then I was senseless and ignorant.

[00:02:07] Plainly, the writer only brought suffering and heartache to himself through these twin sins of self-pity and envy.

[00:02:18] Now, his relief came, fortunately, he tells us about that too, by repentance,

[00:02:23] when he was instructed about the final end of the wicked as he came to the sanctuary of God.

[00:02:29] Look at verses 17 to 21.

[00:02:33] So persons who are caught up in the swirling vortex of envy and self-pity need to hear that same message.

[00:02:42] Counselors, other Christians who are caught in this thing will do well to turn to Psalm 73 and understand what that psalm means.

[00:02:50] You see, what it's saying is that you only look at the wicked today.

[00:02:55] You don't see their final end.

[00:02:58] You don't see where they end up.

[00:03:00] What God is going to do to justify the righteous and to bring recompense in the final outcome.

[00:03:07] The tables will be turned.

[00:03:09] Now, in instances of some people's lives where forgiveness has been granted,

[00:03:14] but despair and depression on the part of the forgiving individual persists,

[00:03:20] there's always the possibility of brooding and self-pity.

[00:03:24] For example, suppose a husband has sinned against his wife by committing adultery and she has forgiven him.

[00:03:31] But suppose she says,

[00:03:34] I've forgiven, yet she still sits around feeling sorry about it and brooding upon it and thinking about what it was like

[00:03:42] when he was in the arms of that other woman, or whatever it is that goes through her mind,

[00:03:47] making herself miserable day after day after day.

[00:03:51] Has she really forgiven?

[00:03:53] You see, the promise of forgiveness is this,

[00:03:57] that I will not raise this sin against you, the one I've forgiven again,

[00:04:02] and I will not raise it to other people about you.

[00:04:05] And third and most important of all,

[00:04:07] I will not continue to raise it in my own mind again.

[00:04:12] I will remember your sin against you no more.

[00:04:16] The person who sits around feeling sad and sorry for herself or himself day after day

[00:04:22] because of what someone has done to them is somebody who is very unforgiving at heart.

[00:04:29] But instead of being forgiving is letting bitterness and resentment and anger grow.

[00:04:35] And so you see, there is a stress on self and stress on anger.

[00:04:39] The promise to forgive is a promise not to allow oneself to continue to think about the sin that was committed day by day thereafter.

[00:04:48] And so it's a sin to prove over what another person has done to you after you have supposedly forgiven him.

[00:04:57] It's a sin to think about it even before you've forgiven him.

[00:05:02] Day after day after day, what you ought to be doing is forgiving him.

[00:05:08] Brooding can never be justified.

[00:05:10] As a matter of fact, it destroys your life and makes you a miserable kind of person.

[00:05:17] Well, what can I do to stop, you say?

[00:05:19] It's one thing to say that brooding and self-pity are a sin,

[00:05:22] but I catch myself failing and falling into this all the time.

[00:05:28] Here I am day after day just finding myself suddenly having been sitting here for an hour thinking these thoughts

[00:05:34] and suddenly I awaken to it and here I am in the middle of it again.

[00:05:39] I don't know how to stop.

[00:05:41] I've tried to stop, but I just can't.

[00:05:44] All right, what you really need is the biblical alternative.

[00:05:49] We've talked before on these broadcasts about the fact that you can't simply stop something that's wrong.

[00:05:55] You have to replace things that are wrong.

[00:05:58] It's not a matter of giving up sin or quitting sin.

[00:06:02] It's a matter of replacing sinful practices with biblical practices.

[00:06:08] The Bible speaks about putting off and putting on.

[00:06:10] Now, what you really need is to put on the biblical alternative to brooding and self-pity.

[00:06:17] And that biblical alternative is to occupy your mind with the right kinds of thoughts.

[00:06:23] So, I suggest this.

[00:06:25] Make yourself a think list.

[00:06:28] A think list, you say?

[00:06:29] A think list.

[00:06:30] What's a think list?

[00:06:32] Well, it's a list of items about which you can occupy your mind fruitfully and profitably

[00:06:39] whenever you catch yourself wandering into these wrong areas of thinking.

[00:06:43] For example, if you're ironing your mind,

[00:06:48] it has to be occupied with something else because your mind is not concentrating upon the task which you are doing.

[00:06:55] So, you can occupy your mind with rotten thoughts or you can occupy them with good thoughts.

[00:07:01] Philippians 4 says,

[00:07:03] Let your mind dwell on these things.

[00:07:04] That is, things that are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and of good repute.

[00:07:13] Those are the things you're to think of.

[00:07:16] And if your mind is wandering into sordid and miserable areas,

[00:07:20] if you're becoming more bitter and more sorry for yourself,

[00:07:23] your mind is dwelling on the wrong things.

[00:07:27] So, make a think list.

[00:07:29] And the moment your mind begins to wander into those wrong areas again,

[00:07:33] pull out your think list and say,

[00:07:36] Alright, what am I supposed to think about this time?

[00:07:39] You say, I don't know what to put on this think list.

[00:07:42] Okay, that's the first thing to think about.

[00:07:46] Spend your time thinking about what to put on the think list.

[00:07:50] That's the first profitable thought that you can give

[00:07:53] at the next time you find yourself sliding into self-pity.

[00:07:57] And as you think of things to think about,

[00:08:00] as you begin to think about things to put on your think list,

[00:08:03] write them down.

[00:08:04] Pretty soon that list will begin to grow.

[00:08:06] You'll continue to add items to it.

[00:08:09] You can think about things like your vacation.

[00:08:12] What will I need for the vacation?

[00:08:14] What will I have to take?

[00:08:16] Where should we go?

[00:08:17] How long should we spend?

[00:08:20] What's it likely to cost?

[00:08:22] And so on.

[00:08:24] And you're thinking about a good thing like that,

[00:08:26] your family on a vacation,

[00:08:28] what you can do together.

[00:08:29] Your mind isn't wandering off into these wrong channels.

[00:08:33] My friend,

[00:08:34] you're going to have to learn how to discipline your thinking.

[00:08:38] Learn how to discipline your mind,

[00:08:40] just as you learn how to discipline every other aspect of your living.

[00:08:44] God will bless you if you take your mind off of those things.

[00:08:48] And like Philippians 4.9 says,

[00:08:51] let your mind dwell on these good and lovely and profitable things instead.

[00:08:57] Start your think list right now.

[00:08:59] Do some good thinking today for Jesus Christ.

[00:09:03] Lord,

[00:09:04] help us to put our minds upon the things that are profitable.

[00:09:08] We ask in Christ's name.

[00:09:10] Amen.