Problem People in The Home

[00:00:00] Hello again and this is Dr. Dave Jones and this is Become A Competent Biblical Counselor.

[00:00:28] In today's episode, there is an entire problem in your home.

[00:00:32] From time to time, I've had people call with just that issue.

[00:00:37] There's somebody who lives in the home that's a real problem.

[00:00:40] You know when some of the parties in your home, your husband, your wife, your children, your parents

[00:00:46] are having serious problems whether they're Christians or not.

[00:00:50] One of the keys to really doing something about their problems is for the person who's calling

[00:00:55] a counseling, in this case, as a party close to them, a significant person in their lives is a party who

[00:01:02] brings tremendous influence to bear upon them to live as you should and we're going to talk about how you can do that.

[00:01:09] So for purposes of illustration, let's assume that I'm the counselor and I get a phone call from somebody

[00:01:16] who is having a problem with the person in the home.

[00:01:19] So your counseling situation starts like this.

[00:01:22] You can say, you know the first thing you need is hope and we turn to 1 Corinthians 10-13 to show that God says

[00:01:31] that there is hope for you no matter how bad the problem gets.

[00:01:36] He says in that passage there is no test that has overtaken you but such as his common to man.

[00:01:42] But God is faithful who will not allow you to be tested beyond that which you are able to bear but will with the test make a way of escape in order that you may be able to bear it.

[00:01:53] So there's hope for you and the problem. You don't have to cave in or give up.

[00:01:58] Moreover, in 1 Corinthians 6-9-10 which we should look at, it says that we see there is a reason to hope for your husband or for your wife or for your child or for your parent.

[00:02:11] Some of the terrible things that are mentioned in that passage in 1 Corinthians 6,

[00:02:17] drunkards, effeminate, homosexuals, adulterers, fornicators, swindlers, liars,

[00:02:24] that terrible black list of awful things that we read there can be cleansed because these people Jesus says were washed clean.

[00:02:33] They were sanctified, they were made to be pleasing to God.

[00:02:37] And so we can be extremely thankful that God Himself says that people like this can have their hearts cleansed and their lives changed so that they no longer can be said to be drunkards or homosexuals or whatever it may be that you are facing in your home.

[00:02:52] There is hope, Jesus Christ even changes people like that.

[00:02:57] And this hope for yourself in the situation, if you handle the problem God's way, this hope for your husband, your wife or whoever the party may be in the home, who has the problem, this hope is essential to you.

[00:03:11] Because without it you won't be able to endure. You'll give up and to give up would be sin because God says there is hope.

[00:03:20] Well, when you do endure, what can you do about the problem? You can pray. But you're going to have to pray as a religious person in James 5, 16 and the last part of that verse we read that the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous person avails much.

[00:03:39] But you see it's prayer and it's prayer by a person who's living as he should. It's not that God answers all our prayers even when we ask them in any condition, whatever it's prayer that's asked in accordance with his will and it's prayer that is willing to submit to that will of his to answer in his time and in his way.

[00:04:02] But it's also prayer that is asked by a person whose life conforms to God's word. And so we talk about one way in which a life must conform to God's word, one way that a life must be consistent with the prayer that's uttered and that is the problem of creating the atmosphere in the home.

[00:04:21] So you see, instead of being filled with carping criticism and all sorts of nagging and difficulty and all kinds of things like this that a husband would say he was a rocker, would come home to and only be all the soror that he can come.

[00:04:35] The home should be a place of warm Christian love. A place where Christ has so much influence in the lives of the wife and the children.

[00:04:45] There is in that home everything is done to make it clear that this is the kind of life that Jesus Christ can give to the one who is in trouble as well.

[00:04:55] You know, you're very living of that Christian faith can make all the difference in the world for that other party.

[00:05:02] The very demonstration of the gospel as you demonstrated in the way that you handle the problem from your side of the picture can give the greatest hope and have the greatest effect of all about the problem party.

[00:05:14] So if you're filled with self pity, if you're filled with resentment, this must go.

[00:05:21] It must be eliminated. The scriptures constantly speak against such things.

[00:05:27] Any kind of discouragement any kind of depression any sort of guilt.

[00:05:32] If you let your responsibility slide if for example you're tired and so you say I'm just fed up with making meals for a man who doesn't appreciate it, half up my burn anyway.

[00:05:42] He doesn't come home in time and then when he does come home, he's drunk and he just sort of pushes us around.

[00:05:49] If then you just let up on your meals and you don't really care about your person, you don't really have a nice home.

[00:05:56] And when your husband does come he has to make his own meals or you slop some old thing in front of him.

[00:06:02] You say that's what's fit for him. That kind of response to the problem is one that is not going to encourage him.

[00:06:09] I want to encourage you instead to be a responsible maintenance of your home and a responsible maintenance of all of the obligations of your home.

[00:06:18] All of the obligations that you know that God has laid upon you. A responsible, continual, willing attitude that says I'm going to carry on and we're going to have a happy and nice home and wonderful home in spite of that other person.

[00:06:34] It's not going to stop us from doing what God wants us to do even though this other person may not always participate.

[00:06:41] This then can make a tremendous difference in what this person returns to after the problem has occurred. It stresses the contrast. There can be no excuse making.

[00:06:52] There was nothing but a continual pricking of that other person's conscience as he sees the gospel and demonstration in this home.

[00:07:00] It's like I said in previous episodes, I'd much rather see a sermon than hear one any day.

[00:07:05] And God may use this to bring this party to repentance or to make the change that is so needed.

[00:07:11] You see the biggest thing we need to see in your attitude and in your life in this circumstance is one in which you are participating with the gospel, one in which you are in harmony with the gospel,

[00:07:24] one in which you seek in every way that you cannot throw the monkey wrenches into the way of bringing this party to repentance and to change.

[00:07:35] So your active step is needed daily in encouraging your spouse, your child, your parent, whoever by the way that you live.

[00:07:45] Talk is not enough. What you need to do is really get to work on the biblical solutions that are essential.

[00:07:53] And of course, if you really want to help that other person, you will make sure that your life is where it ought to be first because the Bible continually says that you should not take the spec out of the other person's eye until you have removed the log from your own.

[00:08:09] So what we are trying to say is that there are parties who often disrupt homes quite seriously with their drunkenness, with their attitudes of anger and disruption or whatever it may be.

[00:08:22] But this is no reason why those who know the Lord and who truly serve Him should themselves give up and give in.

[00:08:30] You must work all the harder by the grace of God to meet those needs. Your children will need you more perhaps, or the parties in the home will need you more as well.

[00:08:40] You need to produce twice as much and the agony will not make it easy but you will be a happy and fulfilled person and a joyous Christian if you do what you know God wants you to do regardless of whether anyone else appreciates it or not.

[00:08:55] Because you know the Lord will say to you someday, well done, you good and faithful servant.

[00:09:02] You do these things not for the sake of your husband or for your wife or for your child or for your parent fundamentally but do them for the sake of the Lord Jesus Christ

[00:09:12] and you can continue to maintain a cheerful happy attitude that is when some for the gospel.

[00:09:19] So you see this is a biblical response to how you should handle those problem people that you have to live with and your attitude is based upon the vertical response instead of the horizontal response.

[00:09:32] You respond the way that God wants you to respond, don't be concerned about responding to the horizontal.

[00:09:39] Break that habit and create a home situation that God would prove of if the other person who's causing their problems is now appreciative of that then let them just over time get used to it.

[00:09:53] I hope that helps and if you know anybody that's having problems in their home, hopefully they can make sure that they're being responsible to God in his word.

[00:10:02] Thanks for listening. We'll talk to you later.

[00:10:09] Thank you.