Praying Properly

[00:00:18] Greetings and welcome to this current episode of Become A Competent Biblical Counselor.

[00:00:23] I'm Dr. Dave Jones and today's episode is entitled Praying Properly.

[00:00:30] Praying Properly.

[00:00:31] So, on one of our last broadcasts we were talking about how to handle problems at home,

[00:00:36] particularly when they're with your spouse or your children or with your parents,

[00:00:41] particularly also when one of those parties at home is himself or herself the problem.

[00:00:48] Somebody who's tied up in drugs or somebody who's in difficulty with drunkenness or homosexuality or whatever the problem may be.

[00:00:56] It's not the problem that we're concerned about so much in these broadcasts.

[00:01:01] We've talked about those matters on other broadcasts and will continue to do so from various angles in the future.

[00:01:07] But what we're concerned about right now in this series of discussions on how to handle those problems and those people in your home,

[00:01:15] the people you must live with day by day who brings difficulties and heartache and sorrow to you.

[00:01:22] Last time we were trying to say that in order to do so, the first thing that you need is hope.

[00:01:28] The Bible encourages you, indeed urges you and commands you to be expectantly hopeful.

[00:01:35] First of all, we saw last time that there is hope for you.

[00:01:39] You can handle whatever that difficulty may shape up to be.

[00:01:44] 1 Corinthians 10, 13 makes that very clear.

[00:01:48] We discussed that a bit last time where God says that no trial overtakes you except those which are common to other people.

[00:01:57] So you're not the only one who's ever had to face them.

[00:02:00] And others have faced these problems successfully with Christ.

[00:02:05] He goes on in that passage to say that God is faithful and he will not allow you to be tested beyond that you are able to bear up under.

[00:02:14] That's a wonderful promise that God always suits the difficulty, no matter how serious it may seem, to where you are if you are his child.

[00:02:24] That that difficulty never gets beyond you.

[00:02:27] That it's always something that you can handle if you handle it in his way and his strength according to his word.

[00:02:35] And then secondly, we saw that there is not only hope for you in the problem and handling it, but there is reason to hope for the counselee.

[00:02:44] Now, we know that even the most serious problems according to 1 Corinthians 6, 9-11,

[00:02:51] drunkards, homosexuals, fornicators, adulterers, and so on,

[00:02:55] people who are in the most serious of life's difficulties, tangled up in these life-dominating problems,

[00:03:02] even those people can leave these things behind when the grace of God gets a hold of their lives.

[00:03:08] So you must not give up hope on your spouse, or your parents, or your children,

[00:03:14] or whomever these close persons are in your home, in your family.

[00:03:18] You must continue to hope.

[00:03:20] And that's where we left off last time.

[00:03:22] The importance of hope, because hope leads to endurance,

[00:03:26] and without that hope, you will give up.

[00:03:29] You won't hang in there, and you won't continue to do the things that God wants you to do.

[00:03:35] Now, we want to discuss what God wants you to do when there's somebody like that in your home.

[00:03:41] The first thing, of course, that you already know about,

[00:03:44] and probably already are engaged in, is to pray.

[00:03:48] We know plainly, according to James 5-16,

[00:03:51] that the effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

[00:03:56] Now, God does not promise that he will answer all of your prayers your way or in your time.

[00:04:02] He does promise to answer all of his children's prayers.

[00:04:06] Sometimes his answer is no, but that's a perfectly acceptable answer.

[00:04:12] And at other times he says,

[00:04:14] You're not ready for it.

[00:04:16] Nor are the circumstances ready for it.

[00:04:19] Nor am I ready for it.

[00:04:21] I'm not answering this prayer the way you want now.

[00:04:25] Sometimes he changes the answer.

[00:04:27] We want one kind of an answer,

[00:04:29] but he gives us an entirely different sort of answer,

[00:04:32] or a slightly different sort of answer.

[00:04:35] And then sometimes he gives us precisely what we ask for.

[00:04:39] And of course, it's dangerous to get precisely what we ask for at times.

[00:04:45] Sometimes we want something that we shouldn't want.

[00:04:48] But in this matter,

[00:04:50] praying for the salvation or for the change or the alteration of a loved one's life,

[00:04:55] we surely cannot be praying for something that we ought not to pray for.

[00:05:00] And so our prayer is valid as far as what we pray for.

[00:05:04] But we must go to God with the attitude that his will, not ours, must be done.

[00:05:10] There have been wives who have prayed all their lives for the husband's salvation,

[00:05:15] and yet those husbands have never come to know the Lord,

[00:05:18] except at the funeral of the wife.

[00:05:21] But God answered the prayer.

[00:05:23] God answered it, yes,

[00:05:25] but he didn't answer it in the time that the wife would have liked to have seen that answer.

[00:05:30] Now, of course, going to be with the Lord,

[00:05:33] seeing things as he sees them,

[00:05:36] understanding why God waited,

[00:05:38] willing to accept God's will now and understand what God's will later,

[00:05:43] that believer who has gone to be with God

[00:05:46] knows that this was best because all things that God does are best.

[00:05:51] Now, the second thing you must do

[00:05:53] is to develop the right sort of atmosphere in the home.

[00:05:58] You see, if you have a highly critical attitude,

[00:06:02] if you have a miserable gloomy attitude,

[00:06:05] if you have an attitude of impatience and criticism,

[00:06:09] you're only going to create more problems rather than solve them.

[00:06:13] A person who, let's say, is involved in drinking,

[00:06:17] when he comes home and gets a lot of criticism,

[00:06:20] a lot of nagging,

[00:06:21] and a lot of trouble at home,

[00:06:23] will only run away to drown those troubles in the bottle once more.

[00:06:29] Not that this, of course,

[00:06:31] is the fault necessarily of the person who criticizes.

[00:06:33] There could be constructive criticism at times,

[00:06:36] but it is the fault of the drunkard

[00:06:38] that he goes and tries to solve his problems

[00:06:41] in a way that doesn't solve it at all

[00:06:43] by running to the bottle.

[00:06:45] But if your criticism is other than constructive,

[00:06:49] if it's not truly helpful,

[00:06:51] if it does turn to nagging,

[00:06:53] and it does turn into carping criticism,

[00:06:56] or it does turn into impatience and all the rest of this,

[00:07:00] if the atmosphere in the home is not pleasant

[00:07:03] and not Christian

[00:07:04] and not cheerful and not positive,

[00:07:07] then the drunkard coming home

[00:07:09] will want to get away from that

[00:07:11] and will, and very soon,

[00:07:13] will be running off to his buddies

[00:07:14] and to the bottle again.

[00:07:17] You see, the atmosphere that you create in the home

[00:07:20] is altogether very important.

[00:07:23] In fact, if you have a comfortable home

[00:07:26] for your husband, let's say,

[00:07:28] and he comes home and recognizes how wonderful,

[00:07:31] how comfortable, how warm and wonderful it is

[00:07:33] to be at home,

[00:07:34] there's going to be a lot going on

[00:07:37] for trying to help him to move out of that sin,

[00:07:40] particularly if he's a believer who's caught in a sin.

[00:07:45] Even, however, if he isn't a believer,

[00:07:48] according to 1 Peter 3,

[00:07:50] the wife who lives this way

[00:07:52] in a quiet and peaceful manner,

[00:07:55] not nagging her husband,

[00:07:57] will do a lot toward winning him for Jesus Christ.

[00:08:00] So I think you need to work hard

[00:08:02] on developing the right kind of atmosphere,

[00:08:05] not only putting matters in God's hands,

[00:08:08] knowing that the effectual prayer

[00:08:10] of a righteous man can accomplish much,

[00:08:12] but realizing that you must be righteous

[00:08:15] when you pray,

[00:08:16] that the home must really conform

[00:08:19] to the will of God when you pray,

[00:08:21] that you can't ask God to bless

[00:08:24] through your life

[00:08:25] and through an answer to your prayers

[00:08:27] when you are unwilling to do things

[00:08:30] that are in harmony with those prayers.

[00:08:32] So look around your home today.

[00:08:34] Get yourself ready.

[00:08:36] If your husband is going to come home tonight,

[00:08:38] get yourself ready for him.

[00:08:41] Figure out how to do some pleasant

[00:08:43] and really kindly and loving things for him.

[00:08:47] Figure out how to have an atmosphere

[00:08:49] with the children and with yourself

[00:08:52] that's going to be warm and congenial,

[00:08:55] one in which Christ is going to stand out

[00:08:57] as the head of his home,

[00:08:58] one in which he is going to protrude

[00:09:01] as the one that the husband

[00:09:03] must really grapple with

[00:09:04] rather than with you

[00:09:06] and your nastiness

[00:09:07] or the children and their problems.

[00:09:10] Why not go to work

[00:09:11] on creating the kind of atmosphere

[00:09:13] that is consistent with the prayer

[00:09:15] that you have so often uttered

[00:09:17] that God would save your husband

[00:09:19] or change his life?

[00:09:21] Let's talk to God

[00:09:22] about this matter right now.

[00:09:24] Lord, you know that there are wives

[00:09:26] and husbands and children

[00:09:28] and parents,

[00:09:29] all of whom have prayed,

[00:09:30] but they have not lived consistently

[00:09:33] with those prayers.

[00:09:34] Help, Lord,

[00:09:35] the righteous atmospheres

[00:09:37] and homes to develop

[00:09:38] around the people who pray

[00:09:39] that their prayers may be effective

[00:09:41] because they are the prayers

[00:09:44] of righteous people.

[00:09:45] We ask in Christ's name.

[00:09:47] Amen.