Mother's-In-Law, Part 2

[00:00:03] Welcome again to this next episode of Become A Competent Biblical Counselor.

[00:00:24] I'm Dr. Dave Jones and today's episode is entitled,

[00:00:28] Mothers in Law Part 2. Well,

[00:00:32] we're coming now to the second of our discussions

[00:00:36] of mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws,

[00:00:39] one of the stickiest problems in the Christian home. One of those problems

[00:00:44] that crops up

[00:00:44] time and time between Christian people and causes more bloodshed and heartache

[00:00:49] and sorrow and difficulty than perhaps

[00:00:51] any other. And yet, there need not be all these difficulties because the Word of God

[00:00:57] as we have been pointing out has already anticipated the possible problems,

[00:01:02] the patterns that would lead one into the wrong relationships

[00:01:05] and is warned against them. We ought to be clear in our thinking that the

[00:01:10] Word of God

[00:01:11] always has the answers to our problems.

[00:01:14] It always has them, there long before the problems ever arise.

[00:01:19] In fact, sometimes you wonder whether some of the problems

[00:01:22] aren't just simply there to fulfill what the words have to say.

[00:01:26] They're so close to the problems as you see them. Of course,

[00:01:30] here we go now on the most important aspect of it all.

[00:01:33] What happens if things are going bad?

[00:01:36] How do you deal with this difficulty if things aren't going as they should?

[00:01:41] Let's suppose your husband, their daughter-in-law,

[00:01:45] isn't being what he should be. And we said he ought to be in the last

[00:01:50] broadcast. Or mother-in-law, let's suppose that boy of yours or that

[00:01:55] daughter-in-law of yours isn't what they ought to be.

[00:01:58] Maybe they're spiteful and maybe they're hurtful and

[00:02:02] maybe they say very nasty things and have alienated you

[00:02:06] rather than simply making a complete break with you.

[00:02:09] Or perhaps daughter-in-law, your mother-in-law can't find anything

[00:02:13] right in what you do. She comes to your house and she criticizes

[00:02:17] your meals. She criticizes the way you set the table.

[00:02:21] She criticizes the furnishings in your home or the arrangements

[00:02:24] of them. Maybe she can't find anything right.

[00:02:27] Everything's wrong all the time. Well, whatever it is,

[00:02:32] you have a nasty mother-in-law, you have a nasty

[00:02:35] daughter-in-law, you have a nasty son or whatever it is. Here

[00:02:39] you are faced with the problems. What can you do about them?

[00:02:43] How can you get along with your mother-in-law or your

[00:02:46] daughter-in-law or those two women or that son or the other

[00:02:49] two? Well, we've talked about the things that you can do

[00:02:53] personally from Genesis 2, 28 depending on which side of

[00:02:57] the relationship you bear. But suppose you've done all

[00:03:00] that. Suppose you've tried to make a clean break. Suppose

[00:03:04] you've tried to be what you ought to be to the other

[00:03:07] parties. Then where do you go from there? Well, I suggest

[00:03:11] this.

[00:03:12] Read Romans 12, 18.

[00:03:15] Let's suppose your mother-in-law or your daughter-in-law is not

[00:03:19] a Christian. Just for the sake of this broadcast for the

[00:03:24] moment. Let's suppose that party won't listen to what the

[00:03:27] Word of God has to say. Let's suppose that the other

[00:03:31] person has no interest in God or the church or any of the

[00:03:34] rest of it, and the authority of the scriptures is just

[00:03:37] not there in that relationship. So you can't appeal to the

[00:03:41] scriptures. You can't go to the church if necessary or even

[00:03:44] seek for help or discipline from the pastor or from any of

[00:03:47] the elders in the church. And there you are, just on your

[00:03:51] own with God and the scriptures and those people to deal

[00:03:55] with. And suppose that mother-in-law, that daughter-in-law

[00:03:59] does everything possible to be nasty and mean to you. Let's

[00:04:03] suppose your daughter-in-law tries as much as possible to keep

[00:04:06] you from seeing your children. Or your mother-in-law does all

[00:04:11] of those critical things at your home. How do you handle that?

[00:04:15] In Romans 12, 18 we read, if possible, and I like the

[00:04:19] tenet is of that statement, the realism with which Paul

[00:04:23] writes, because he's writing here about the relationship of

[00:04:27] the believer to an unbeliever. And you may have that problem if

[00:04:30] possible. And so he's assuming it's not always possible and

[00:04:35] there are good reasons why it's not always possible. But if

[00:04:38] possible, so far as it depends upon you, be at peace with all

[00:04:43] men. And of course, that means all women too. It means

[00:04:47] everybody. Now did you get what he says? So far as it

[00:04:52] depends upon you, be at peace with everybody. In other words, it's

[00:04:59] not your responsibility to bring about peace. It's your

[00:05:04] responsibility to try to bring about peace by doing everything

[00:05:08] that God requires of you to bring about that peace. In

[00:05:13] other words, there will be times when the other party

[00:05:16] refuses and you can't do anything about that. If the

[00:05:20] other party is a Christian, of course, you can take to a

[00:05:23] Christian brother and go and try to have some counseling and

[00:05:26] get some reconciliation of which Matthew 18 speaks. Or if that

[00:05:30] doesn't work, you can eventually take it to the church and

[00:05:33] bring church discipline to bear upon this question. But here

[00:05:37] we're talking about an unbeliever, someone who doesn't

[00:05:40] respect another Christians judgment, who doesn't submit

[00:05:45] himself or herself to the word of God, and who has no

[00:05:48] respect or acknowledgement of the churches or acknowledgement of

[00:05:52] the churches for acknowledgement of the church's authority at

[00:05:56] all. So if you've got an unbeliever, what do you do? You are

[00:06:01] sure, Paul says, that as far as you are concerned, there is no

[00:06:05] occasion for hostility or difficulty that has arisen

[00:06:08] as a result of your sin. In other words, if that other

[00:06:12] party won't have you, won't listen to you, won't be at

[00:06:15] peace with you, be sure it's 100% the other party's fault and

[00:06:19] not yours. Now that can be a very subtle thing. You can

[00:06:25] rationalize. You can always blame the other party and say

[00:06:28] it's his fault. But you think of a few moments now. Are

[00:06:34] there words that you've spoken, that you've never really

[00:06:38] apologized for, that you've never sought forgiveness for? Are

[00:06:42] things that you have done? Are the things that you have said to

[00:06:45] your husband or said to your son about the mother-in-law or

[00:06:48] about the daughter-in-law that really weren't true in which

[00:06:52] you were trying to prejudice the other person, him against the

[00:06:56] other person? Have you done something or said something? Has

[00:07:01] your attitude been proper? Or have you in some way created

[00:07:07] by your attitudes a barrier between you and the other

[00:07:10] party? Are you always stiff, informal? Are you always

[00:07:14] huffy? Are you always looking for something wrong that you

[00:07:18] could criticize? Are you always on the edge when you're in

[00:07:22] the other person's presence, never being relaxed and giving

[00:07:26] the other person a chance to get through to know you? There

[00:07:31] may be many things that you're doing that don't fit in

[00:07:34] with Romans 12, 18. This says, if possible, and you are to go

[00:07:40] every possible biblical limit and extreme to make it possible,

[00:07:45] if possible, so far as it depends upon you be at peace with

[00:07:51] all men. You are to pursue peace, as Paul says elsewhere,

[00:07:55] with everybody. Now have you really pursued it? Have

[00:07:59] you really worked at peace with this mother-in-law or

[00:08:02] this daughter-in-law? What have you done? How about baking a pie

[00:08:06] or taking it around to her? Not if she's on a diet, of course,

[00:08:10] but something that you really can do. If it's not something

[00:08:14] she can eat, if she's on a diet or with only an insult

[00:08:17] injury and you crochet a little something and take it

[00:08:21] around to that daughter-in-law or you make some kind

[00:08:23] of a needle point affair that can hang on the wall

[00:08:25] or stick on a chair bottom or whatever you do with these

[00:08:29] things. You ladies know what you do with these things and

[00:08:32] take it around to her, but do something for that other party.

[00:08:36] That is what the Word of God tells you to do in this situation.

[00:08:40] Actively pursue peace and be sure passively that there's nothing on your

[00:08:46] side that gets in the way of peace. There may be some people out there

[00:08:50] today who have some matters to deal with. I say don't wait another day.

[00:08:55] Think prayerfully about what you're going to do and then start doing it right

[00:09:00] now. Get on the stick, get with it, get started,

[00:09:04] move. Don't let another hour go by without taking

[00:09:07] the first step. Lord bless those today who are listening.

[00:09:11] May they realize that their sin often separates them from others, not just

[00:09:16] the sin of others but thrown sin as well.

[00:09:19] And there's never a place where we can say, well she did this so I did that.

[00:09:24] No, it's always to be if possible that we are to be at peace so far as it

[00:09:30] depends on us with all other persons including mother-in-laws

[00:09:35] or daughter-in-laws. So Lord help this series. I pray and

[00:09:39] help a number of mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws and sons and husbands

[00:09:45] to be what they ought to be before each other and before you as a result of

[00:09:50] what they have heard from your word. Thanks for listening. Make it a great day.