The husband has a new responsibility to protect his wife from her mother-in-law and vice versa.
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Various content ascribed to Dr Jay E. Adams, Institute of Nouthetic Studies. Additional comments should be directed to Biblehelp4you@gmail.com.
[00:00:03] Welcome to Become A Competent Biblical Counselor. I'm Dr. Dave Jones and today's episode is entitled
[00:00:26] Bless You. And we're talking about 1 Peter 3. We've looked at many things here in Ephesians 5,
[00:00:34] things that we haven't talked about concerning the Christian home before, but things that are
[00:00:40] very vital and very essential to having the right kind of Christian home. We're talking about
[00:00:46] not returning evil for evil or insult for insult. Now we're going to talk about the rest of that,
[00:00:53] the positive side of verse 9, but giving a blessing instead. I think that this is the most
[00:01:00] important thing for us to understand. A blessing is not what a lot of people have turned that
[00:01:06] word good word into in our day. I've heard people say, you know, I'll bless him all right.
[00:01:11] Man, what a perverse society we live in to take such a marvelous word as the word bless and to use
[00:01:18] it to mean just the opposite to mean I'll give him an insult or I'll give him evil in return for
[00:01:23] what he's done. Just the opposite of what Christ is saying. Nope. What does the word blessing mean?
[00:01:31] Giving a blessing to somebody who has done evil to you, to a wife who's done evil to you,
[00:01:37] to a husband who's insulted you. How do you give a blessing instead? And what is this blessing anyway?
[00:01:45] The word blessing, of course, means something that you do for another person that's positive
[00:01:50] and good and wonderful. To speak a word that's good to the other person. Actually though,
[00:01:56] there's a deeper meaning than that too. And all the passages in which we read the words of
[00:02:02] Christ about returning blessing for doing evil and that kind of thing in the gospels,
[00:02:07] we read sometimes the word blessing and sometimes the word praying. Praying for those who despitefully
[00:02:14] use you and that kind of thing, you see, pray for those who have wronged you. So the blessing
[00:02:19] really has two aspects. It is praying that God will do good for the person who has done
[00:02:25] evil toward us while it is also saying something good to the person himself. So it has a God-word
[00:02:32] aspect and it has a man-word aspect. Our words and our attitudes are both included then.
[00:02:39] We say something kind instead of the insult that we leveled against us.
[00:02:45] We say something kind to the person who was insulted us. And we think
[00:02:50] toward God as we pray to God. Lord, help this person. Obviously there's something wrong in his or her
[00:02:58] life that needs help. And in the home, what a difference it would make if we did return that
[00:03:04] kind of blessing instead of insult when we are insulted or when someone who has done us evil.
[00:03:10] Your wife does something wrong to you. Your husband does something wrong to you.
[00:03:16] Instead of getting all furious about it, instead of focusing upon what has happened to you,
[00:03:22] if you put his or her interest first, as we were saying humility means back in verse 8,
[00:03:28] then what you will do is focus on the other party rather than focus on yourself.
[00:03:35] Here's my wife doing something wrong to me. There must be some real problem in her life.
[00:03:40] There must be some real need in her life. There must be something going on in her life that really,
[00:03:47] really needs to get squared away. I better speak exceptionally kindly to her today if she's that
[00:03:53] way and Lord will you help her out? There's something wrong with her when she acts this way
[00:03:59] toward me. You see that's the kind of thing that Jesus is talking about and Peter is talking
[00:04:04] about when they talk about giving a blessing instead. In other words, asking God to help the person
[00:04:12] and do good for the person and saying something kind and sweet is a soft answer to the other party.
[00:04:19] In Romans 12 where we have an echo of this sort of thing we have a very interesting additional
[00:04:25] comment that's made. In that chapter we read that in order to do this we must have to do
[00:04:31] something else. We read in verse 17, never pay back for evil to anyone but respect what is right
[00:04:40] in the sight of all men and the word respect is not a good translation. The best translation is
[00:04:46] planned for what is right and what is fine in the sight of everybody. Now what's Paul saying there?
[00:04:54] Well he's saying in Romans 12 17 that if you really want in the heat of battle when
[00:05:00] somebody has insulted you or done something wrong to you if you really want to obey this
[00:05:05] commandment not to return evil for evil but to do good rather than evil and overcome evil with good
[00:05:11] and to give back a blessing instead of an insult you're going to have to plan ahead to do it.
[00:05:18] You know that's so true. What we do on the spur of the moment what we do in the
[00:05:24] heat of the battle is usually very poor. It usually comes out the wrong way. You know how many times
[00:05:31] you kicked yourself afterwards for what you said quickly on the spur of the moment or what you
[00:05:37] didn't say or how you said something or how you failed to say it. You know those spur of the
[00:05:44] moment decisions those spur of the moment words are really very poor. How are you going
[00:05:49] to go overcome that? There's only one way. You've got to sit down and take the time and the effort
[00:05:58] and think through what it is you're going to say when you get into the clinch the next time
[00:06:05] that's the only way that you're going to make a difference when you do. The only way to come
[00:06:09] up with good solutions is to plan them plan them ahead of time. That's the way it is you know
[00:06:16] with child discipline. Here's a little child comes walking in over your newly waxed floor with muddy
[00:06:21] feet and you get all upset and you scream and you said you're not going out of this house for a week.
[00:06:28] Well now who in the world have you punished? You haven't punished that child you've punished
[00:06:33] yourself and you're going to give in within two or three days and let the child out anyway
[00:06:39] because it was a bad decision a bad punishment and it came out of the heat of the battle.
[00:06:45] It wasn't well thought through but if you have your rules your regulations all thought through
[00:06:52] and your discipline all thought through ahead of time for that child you're going to know what
[00:06:57] you're going to say at the next time. You're going to say this was thoughtless on your part
[00:07:03] and you know what happens when you're thoughtless bend over and then you're going to go get a
[00:07:08] switch and you're going to give it to them or whatever it is that you determined to do
[00:07:12] at that point and it may be you have to even write out those rules at times in order to remember them
[00:07:20] until they become a part of you instead of the foolish things that you might do otherwise
[00:07:25] out of the heat of the battle. The same is true in answering another person back.
[00:07:30] You may even have to think it through write it down keep it in your pocket and pull it out
[00:07:36] on a piece of paper if necessary and you read it to yourself before you say what you're
[00:07:41] going to say but you think through what you're going to say ahead of time. There's nowhere the
[00:07:48] way to make the change because at that time when the emotions ride high when your anger flers up
[00:07:55] when you respond emotionally in such a violent way violent things are going to come out unless
[00:08:01] you know how to respond differently but you know you won't even begin to have the violent
[00:08:07] emotion anymore if you begin to think this way and you begin to do things you begin to focus on
[00:08:12] the other person rather than the hurts that have been centered toward you and you say there's
[00:08:17] something wrong with that person there's something wrong in that situation and there's something
[00:08:22] wrong there what can I do to be a blessing in it and ask God to bless that other party
[00:08:29] and then try to say something kind and conciliatory or loving to the other party
[00:08:35] realizing there's something wrong there it's going to make a tremendous difference in the
[00:08:41] relationships at home all right wife you're listening at home right now your husband's
[00:08:47] going to come home tonight maybe he'll come in out of all that traffic and all that fuss and
[00:08:53] fuming that he's had to do on the way home or that he hasn't had to do but it's done
[00:08:59] and then you're ready to get your head bit off the minute you open your mouth all right
[00:09:04] what are you going to do if he bites your head off what are you going to do if he says some nasty word
[00:09:11] or husbands when you come home tonight your wife's had a rough day with the kids maybe she's had her
[00:09:17] period just came yesterday and got all kinds of problems from that and you've got all kinds
[00:09:21] difficulties and you're going to walk into that house like going into a lion's den
[00:09:29] and what's she going to do she's going to growl at you like a lion how are you going to respond
[00:09:35] you think it through in traffic coming home tonight instead of getting all upset you think about
[00:09:41] how you're going to respond to her and you have something ready and nice to say hey it would be
[00:09:47] great if both of you did that if you're both listening in and nobody said anything wrong
[00:09:52] because you've been concentrating on how to say something nice and you know the more you do it
[00:09:59] that's exactly what's going to start happening when both parties start doing it in the home
[00:10:05] one of the additional things is true in a discourse like this is that we get into habits
[00:10:11] of responding we get involved with the triggering mechanism that causes us to blow up
[00:10:18] well the way to overcome that the way to change the way in which you are responding is to rehearse
[00:10:24] you know what you anticipate that he or she's going to say you rehearse if they do that
[00:10:30] important thing to understand too is don't be so concerned how your spouse is supposed to
[00:10:36] respond you concentrate on you you shouldn't say well if i do this he's still going to do that
[00:10:43] he's still going to complain he's still going to do one on and on and on doesn't matter you do what
[00:10:51] you should do so many times we'll say i'm not going to do that because if i do that he's going
[00:10:55] to do that she's going to do that that's not the point the point is what does god want you
[00:11:00] to do in a situation like this how does he want you to respond you respond the way that god
[00:11:05] wants you to respond god will take care of the response from the other person which you just
[00:11:10] honor god first i hope that helps we'll talk to you soon bye