Money Problems

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to Become A Competent Biblical Counselor. My name is Dr. Dave Jones and today's

[00:00:24] episode is entitled Money Problems. Last broadcast I gave you just kind of a little true to life

[00:00:33] situation and then we talked about it. I'm going to do the same thing again today

[00:00:38] so I think you might find it helpful. I think you may find that some of these situations

[00:00:44] ring bells and bring responses in which you say, yep, he's bowling down my alley or, yep,

[00:00:51] he's rattling the pains in my house, but I know what that means. Okay are you ready?

[00:00:57] Here comes another one. The wife says, but Fred, we can't go on like this, owing everyone in town.

[00:01:06] We've got to start paying our bills. I know that Wilma, but what do you suggest that I do about it?

[00:01:13] Nagging me all the time won't produce more money. I don't know if you hadn't insisted

[00:01:18] on that extensive and expensive vacation last summer. We might have, but Fred, you know that we

[00:01:26] all needed it and we deserved it. After all, you work two jobs and we never see you around here.

[00:01:33] The children hardly know that they have a father. Little help I get in discipline or a little help I

[00:01:38] get, you little thanks I get for working my head off. Why? And so on and on and on

[00:01:47] day after day with these kinds of rubs, Fred and Wilma have their troubles. Now

[00:01:54] you may have responded to some of that. I want to ask you a couple of questions before we dig in.

[00:02:00] Is money their problem? Is that really their basic problem? Of course not. They're having

[00:02:10] problems with money, but the problems they're having with money are problems

[00:02:14] that they've had with themselves. There are complicating situations here that exist,

[00:02:21] but if this isn't checked then checked pretty soon even more serious things are going to happen.

[00:02:29] They're likely to move into financial ruin. They're likely to end up in divorce or

[00:02:34] trouble for the children or personal or physical problems, but the whole marriage

[00:02:40] is coming apart at the seams through faulty attempts to reach a problem that they look at

[00:02:47] as a financial problem, but really turns out to be something even deeper than that.

[00:02:54] Now if you were a Christian friend and you happen to hear this kind of discussion,

[00:03:00] say you're standing right outside the door ready to knock on that screen door

[00:03:05] and out it came right through the screen door at you in the face. And then they saw you there

[00:03:12] and they said in an embarrassed way, oh I want you to come in and they said well this is our

[00:03:18] problem. Can't you help us somehow or another? How would you be able to help them? Would you

[00:03:25] know what to say and would you know how to deal with their problems and how to lead

[00:03:30] them in the right direction so that they can find some kind of solution to these difficulties?

[00:03:36] There's certainly an answer. First of all you'd want to check out to see if there is some love

[00:03:43] of money in their lives. After all this second job may have begun for that purpose

[00:03:50] and it may have complicated a situation or it may have been a way of trying to

[00:03:55] solve the problem of money but really didn't solve the problem at all. And then the desire to have

[00:04:02] a vacation and this idea that they deserved it, you know as the radio and television commercials

[00:04:08] tell you, all of this indicated basic materialistic love of money down deep inside of this couple.

[00:04:17] If that's so then of course 1st Timothy 610 that says for the love of money is the root

[00:04:25] of all sorts of evil and some may by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and

[00:04:33] pierced themselves with many a pang. That verse certainly may have deep relevance in this family

[00:04:41] situation. Certainly money has caused difficulty just the plain love of it difficulty that

[00:04:48] has destroyed marriages and destroyed lives and destroyed relationships and destroyed even

[00:04:53] one's young faith. So the important thing here is to keep in mind that the love of money could

[00:05:01] be a precipitating factor but probably in this situation the main difficulty is a matter of

[00:05:08] priorities and responsibilities before God. You know paying the bills is a very high priority

[00:05:15] and yet they haven't been paid many situations. Owing everyone in town is a situation you don't

[00:05:21] want to be in or allow yourself to drift into even though obviously Wilma is exaggerating when she says

[00:05:30] everyone. If you were trying to help this couple the thing that you need to do first

[00:05:37] is to take such exaggerated terms like everyone in town owing everyone in town and trying to

[00:05:44] find out what that truth behind those words is. Is there really a large sum of money that's

[00:05:49] owed? Is it to a number of different people in town or is this really an exaggeration that's way

[00:05:56] beyond the facts? Could there be a simple consolidation alone that would get this couple out of difficulty

[00:06:03] and give them a little breathing space for a while if they tighten their belts could pull themselves

[00:06:10] out of it and never get back again into that situation if they once structured their lives

[00:06:15] properly or are they really in a desperate circumstance where the only way out would be to declare

[00:06:24] bankruptcy and then continue as Christians even though that option is given to them before the

[00:06:30] law eventually to pay off that sum of money. You see the Bible says oh no man anything except

[00:06:38] love and that doesn't mean we should never take a loan but it means we should never get into a

[00:06:44] position where we can't repay a loan where we continue to owe somebody something that we cannot pay

[00:06:51] and so here we have a circumstance where first of all the exact facts need to be determined.

[00:06:59] I have had people come to me in counseling who have said I'm ruined everybody in town is after

[00:07:05] me they're breathing down my neck they're calling me day and night they're at the front door

[00:07:11] and they're at the back door demanding money I've had people actually talk like that and I've

[00:07:17] said to them at the end of that kind of discussion now wait a minute just how much do you owe

[00:07:24] and they've said things like well I don't know exactly but I know it's a lot I know it's

[00:07:30] more than I could pay then I ask another question how many have really called you at night

[00:07:38] well nobody's called me at night actually you know how it is they call during the day

[00:07:45] but when I said day and night I was just using the expression uh huh yeah I know what you mean

[00:07:51] well how many have really appeared at the back door and the front door and so on and when you

[00:07:57] begin to boil down the facts and get to the real facts and put it all down on paper maybe it

[00:08:03] isn't so unmanageable after all maybe the real problem is that they have never learned how to

[00:08:11] do a responsible job of managing their money so often this is the case and I would suspect

[00:08:18] that's true in this situation also the two jobs would probably be a frustration answer

[00:08:25] which has created new and more difficult problems than that the wife says we never see

[00:08:30] you around anymore the children hardly know you as their father and get no help and discipline

[00:08:38] and so on of course she has to be the helper she shouldn't just think about getting help

[00:08:45] and then he I get no praise for working my head off the whole question of priorities you see

[00:08:52] needs to be dealt with here in this family but what is most important where are the priorities

[00:08:58] what is the real situation in other words a whole detailed ordering of the family situation

[00:09:06] is up for grabs we don't know here enough in this situation exactly what is wrong but there are going

[00:09:12] to have to be exact details laid out on paper and then each one is going to have to be examined

[00:09:19] in the light of true biblical priorities enough time spent with a husband and wife together

[00:09:25] with the family together and the job first putting the wife first the children second and the job last

[00:09:33] the job third the job whenever and when a person begins to do that and to build his whole new life

[00:09:40] around that a lot of things come from God to straighten this matter out it may even mean

[00:09:46] selling a home selling the third car getting out of a high priced community and moving to a

[00:09:53] cheaper community but getting one's priorities straight can make a tremendous difference in one's

[00:09:58] whole lifestyle so that's the episode today and the point that I want to make too with respect to

[00:10:05] finances it's very very important to put it on paper have your friend in this situation

[00:10:13] write out exactly what's new and when it's new they need to see where their money is going

[00:10:19] how they are spending their money and they need to really reevaluate the justification for their

[00:10:25] expenditures they know what the revenues are they know what the income is exactly how are you spending

[00:10:31] your money anyway is it important and can there be some changes but starting with putting it on

[00:10:38] paper where they can see it will actually bring things to a clearer visibility

[00:10:44] than just how their life is structured so I hope that helps you to make it a better business

[00:10:49] quite to me to be having my new comment and making sure these ideas are happening

[00:10:54] in a little while we'll talk about it in the next episode so make it a blessed day thanks