Love=Submit=Lead=Respect

[00:00:00] Welcome to this newest episode of Become A Competent Biblical Counselor.

[00:00:25] I'm Dr. Dave Jones and today's episode is entitled Love Equals Submit Equals Lead Equals

[00:00:35] Respect.

[00:00:36] The two verses of Scripture we're going to use today is Ephesians 5 verse 25, where it

[00:00:42] says, Husbands, Love Your Wives even as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself for

[00:00:48] it.

[00:00:49] And the second verse is in 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 1 where it says likewise, ye wives,

[00:00:56] be in subjection to your own husbands that if any obeying not the word they also may without

[00:01:02] the word be one by the conversation of the wives.

[00:01:07] So in this episode I want to talk about something that comes across my desk many many times

[00:01:13] and that is the responsibilities and the roles of husbands and wives.

[00:01:19] A lot of people are not totally aware of what that means scripturally so I want to go

[00:01:23] through that to begin with.

[00:01:25] And I'm going to start off with asking you to create a little graph on a piece of paper

[00:01:31] if you will.

[00:01:32] It's a grab, a piece of paper and on the upper left hand corner.

[00:01:36] I want you to write the word husband and under the word husband in the next line I want

[00:01:41] you to write love, loe.

[00:01:44] In the upper right hand corner of that same page write wife and underneath that write

[00:01:51] the word submit.

[00:01:53] So we're going to start first of all with looking at the husband his first and only as

[00:01:59] seems responsibility that the husband has is to as the verse said, Husbands, Love Your Wives.

[00:02:08] No where in the Bible does it say that the wife should love her husband but the husband

[00:02:13] love your wife.

[00:02:16] What does that mean?

[00:02:17] Well really the definition billically of love is giving and if you look at John 3, 16

[00:02:26] the verses very clear when it says for God so loved the world what did he do?

[00:02:34] He gave.

[00:02:36] So the emphasis on the attitude of love is followed by the action of giving and if we look

[00:02:45] into that action deeply in a different way, we actually have to consider that in any organization

[00:02:54] especially in a business organization or community organization or charitable organization

[00:03:00] there has to be someone who's responsible for making decisions could be the chairman

[00:03:04] of the board could be the president whatever the organization agrees that in this grouping

[00:03:10] of people someone is responsible to make the decisions.

[00:03:15] Bidically that person is the husband and it is the husband therefore that is going to

[00:03:21] be judged by the decision that he's making for this organization called the family and

[00:03:26] other adjectives that we might use with respect to this responsible person.

[00:03:30] He is the decider.

[00:03:32] He is the one that's going to be held responsible for the decisions that he makes.

[00:03:37] He's the authority, moral authority, the biblical authority everything with respect to what

[00:03:43] happens with the family.

[00:03:46] He is the spiritual leader if you've got a situation where the husband is taking his family to

[00:03:52] church but he's not the spiritual leader the wife is taking on that role that's a misguided

[00:03:58] definition of the husband's role.

[00:04:00] The husband being the leader is the protector, the protector of everything and anything that

[00:04:05] might come into place of harming or doing damage to his family is also the provider.

[00:04:13] So those are kind of a different definition of what a lot of people think that the role

[00:04:18] of the husband is but if you look at it from the biblical point of view the husband is

[00:04:22] going to be judged based upon how he is being responsible for that family unit.

[00:04:29] So now let's look over at the other side of the page with respect to wife.

[00:04:35] The Bible said, the verse just said by the way, why submit yourselves into your own husbands

[00:04:41] submission does not mean that you are less in importance than your husband.

[00:04:48] One does not mean that you do not have a voice in things that happen within that organization.

[00:04:55] Submission means that you are agreeing to let the husband be the one who is going to

[00:05:02] be responsible for the decisions of this family unit but you are right alongside him with

[00:05:09] the role and responsibility of being a help meet for which you were created in the first

[00:05:15] place.

[00:05:16] The wife is not to be ignored.

[00:05:18] The wife has opinions that should and must be considered in decisions involving the family.

[00:05:26] You husbands might think, well she knows nothing about the issues that I'm struggling with.

[00:05:31] It doesn't matter the point is she has to be involved in your life to understand and

[00:05:37] give you comfort and support and knowing that somebody is there with you and not going

[00:05:42] through this by yourself but you have a help meet that might come up with something that

[00:05:46] you never thought of and quite possibly it could be the Holy Spirit that's giving her

[00:05:50] some information that she's forgotten long, long time ago.

[00:05:53] Now he is bringing back to her consciousness that might be appropriate for this particular

[00:05:58] discussion.

[00:05:59] And if the wife is felt to be a contributor and a supporter of the decisions that you

[00:06:04] are responsible for, Mr. Husband, she is going to be more excited about being involved

[00:06:11] in your life because it's her life as well.

[00:06:13] So you must, from the biblical point of view, include your wives.

[00:06:17] She's here in your life to help you to encourage you to support you.

[00:06:22] Let her do so.

[00:06:23] Now on the left side of the page under the husband's column go down about three or four inches

[00:06:28] and write the word lead, led, and underneath the wife's column on the same line but the

[00:06:35] very right, right the word respect.

[00:06:40] Let's talk about leading.

[00:06:43] Leading means that the husband has got to be in a place where he feels very confident

[00:06:47] that he can lead.

[00:06:49] He feels that he is assured that he is not doing this on his own, that he has a help mate

[00:06:55] somebody who was right alongside him that's not making the decisions for him but is helping

[00:07:00] him to make the decisions.

[00:07:02] Because she's somebody who is allowing the husband to be more cautious and more inclusive

[00:07:10] in the decisions that he is making for the family unit.

[00:07:13] Now if you move over to the right hand side of the page where we're talking about respect,

[00:07:18] the wife needs to feel respectful of her husband but to do that she wants to feel safe.

[00:07:26] She wants to be considered a part of the equation of this family.

[00:07:31] She's got to feel that she's involved, that her opinion matters, that her contributions

[00:07:37] are appreciated, that she's determined to help you and the kind of a person that God

[00:07:43] wants you to be and the kind of a person that she wants to be.

[00:07:46] I understand this with respect to all these other things under the husband's column.

[00:07:53] The wife is not the decider, the wife is not looked at as the authority or the spiritual

[00:07:58] leader or the protector.

[00:08:00] To many times in our families and nowadays the husbands have receded into the background

[00:08:08] and the ever-vessant, formidable wife has taken over his responsibilities many times because

[00:08:15] the husband just won't.

[00:08:17] The husband does not know how to take on these responsibilities.

[00:08:20] It's important for the wife also to help her husband learn how to lead, to help her husband

[00:08:28] learn how to love her, to help her husband learn how to be the decision-maker in this family

[00:08:35] unit.

[00:08:36] Having said that, let's look at the four different topics that we have on our page.

[00:08:44] We have love, we have submit, we have lead, we have respect.

[00:08:52] Let's draw some arrows, some lines that are arrows to each of these particular topics.

[00:08:59] Underneath husband is the husband's responsibility to love and we went through what all that

[00:09:05] means.

[00:09:06] It's a giving mentality, it's a right.

[00:09:08] The more the husband loves, draw an arrow to the right to submit.

[00:09:16] The more the husband shows that he loves his wife, understand this John 3.16 for God's

[00:09:23] love of the world, hey we're talking about an action step now, he gave, God gave.

[00:09:31] So the husband has to develop an attitude of giving to his wife, the more he loves, the

[00:09:37] more she submits.

[00:09:41] Because now she knows that this man loves her, this man is concerned about the family

[00:09:46] unit that she is a part of.

[00:09:49] She is also comfortable with the fact that she's alongside him, she's not below him, she's

[00:09:55] not above him, she's alongside him, she's appreciated, she's honored, she's adored, she

[00:10:01] will submit them or he loves and shows that love.

[00:10:05] Understand this then.

[00:10:07] Let's move the line in the arrow from the words submit down to lead.

[00:10:14] The more the husband loves, the more the wife is going to submit.

[00:10:20] The more the wife submits, the more the husband is confident to lead.

[00:10:26] The more the husband leads, draw a line over there to the right, the more the wife respects.

[00:10:33] We're not finished.

[00:10:35] So are the two blooms slash the clearest dish in the eye.

[00:10:58] …

[00:11:01] more she respects the more he loves in the process goes around again.

[00:11:06] So having shared this little dynamic with your with your couple, it courage them to re-evaluate

[00:11:14] who's the leader and who's the submitter, who's the provider, who's the one who's providing

[00:11:21] the most love.

[00:11:22] There's an opportunity for this endeavor to create some conversation and communication

[00:11:29] that may have never happened before.

[00:11:31] We assume the roles that we've been accustomed to watching our parents.

[00:11:36] Well, my dad was now the leader so I'm not going to be a leader either.

[00:11:40] Well, we're talking about not only what your dad or your mother did, but what the Bible

[00:11:47] says that you must do.

[00:11:49] Husbands love your wives.

[00:11:51] That's your very first responsibility and the example for doing so is love your wives

[00:11:57] in the way that Christ loved the church and get this and gave himself for it.

[00:12:02] So husbands, do you live your wife enough to give yourself for her to die for her?

[00:12:08] That's how incredibly important it is for you husbands to love your wives as Christ

[00:12:12] loved the church because you know why?

[00:12:14] You're going to be held accountable for what happens in this organization called the family.

[00:12:19] She's here to help you let her do so.

[00:12:22] The more you let her do so and she's participating in the decision process that you're going

[00:12:27] to be held accountable for.

[00:12:29] The more that she's going to love you, the more she's going to submit to you and the more

[00:12:32] you're going to feel comfortable in leading because she's not second-guessing you anymore.

[00:12:37] She's a part of the decision process of what happens with this family and the more you feel

[00:12:42] comfortable and the more you feel confident and comfortable in making those decisions,

[00:12:46] the more she's going to respect you because she's involved in the process and the bottom

[00:12:51] line here are counselors to convince your counselors that this is not a theory or a concept

[00:12:57] to practice and to try and see how it's going to work for you.

[00:13:00] No, it's a command.

[00:13:02] Husbands love you, wives whether you like it or not.

[00:13:05] Wives submit yourself to your husbands whether you like it or not.

[00:13:09] Those are the rules.

[00:13:10] Let's live with the rules and create, develop and grow this organization called the family

[00:13:17] unit.

[00:13:18] Thanks for listening today.

[00:13:19] I hope this was helpful and I'll look forward to talking with you on our next episode.