Listening To Help

[00:00:01] Today's episode is entitled Listening To Help. And what I'm going to get into today is a discussion if you will on the question of how to help others who are having problems. There's much misinformation about the value of listening and counseling, and since you're

[00:00:45] probably going to talk to somebody somewhere someplace about his life and try to help some other Christian or other person somewhere, you probably need to know something about this question of listening. Chances are that you've heard said a hundred times over and over again that you can do

[00:01:04] a lot of good for somebody just by listening to him, just by being in listening ear, someone to whom he can take his cares and his troubles and share them with him. Well, of course.

[00:01:19] There is a place for listening of that sort, but you know there isn't really very much that gets done when we listen that way. As a matter of fact, so much has been said about the value of such listening that I'm going

[00:01:33] to have to say some things about the dangers of such listening. There's a lot of misinformation about this question. Now, all counseling involves listening. Don't misunderstand me. Unless you listen, you're not going to get the information you need to help another person.

[00:01:53] But while listening is a truly vital aspect of counseling, it is but one aspect. It is not the all and all of counseling, as some seem to claim. Listening is but a means to an end. It's sort of like a battery in a car.

[00:02:11] Now the battery is not the only thing. Nobody ever drove a battery down the street, but without a battery, of course, the car is not going to run either. So it's vital, but it is only one part of the car.

[00:02:25] And it's important that you use this listening in the proper way. The battery is of no value in and of itself. The battery must be connected to the rest of the car and must produce the results in

[00:02:39] the car that it can produce so that the car can run. And so it is with listening. Listening in and of itself is but a dangerous kind of thing when it is isolated and abstracted from the purposes that the Bible gives us for listening.

[00:02:59] So we're going to talk about listening now for a little while. Today I'd like to turn to Proverbs chapter 18 verse 13. And I'm reading from the Berkeley translation, which is an excellent modern translation of the Old Testament. And here is what we read in Proverbs 18. 13.

[00:03:19] He who answers before he hears it is a folly to him and a reproge. The text suggests that we are often too anxious to speak. Have you ever thought about this? Maybe that's the way you are. Maybe you are much too ready to speak.

[00:03:39] Somebody says, oh, I've got a problem. You say, well, I know the answer to that. He had even heard the fact that this verse not only suggests that we can be too anxious to speak without really hearing first.

[00:03:54] He who answers before he hears but it also suggests that we need to hear in order to answer that it is that we need to listen for information, for facts. Why are people too anxious to speak as this suggests? Well, I'll give you a few answers to that.

[00:04:15] Certainly, I couldn't give all of them to you. Some people have a few pad answers or a few pad solutions for everything. Life was a lot more complex than that. The Bible makes that abundantly clear to us. Men's problems are different. There are diversity of problems.

[00:04:33] And there are diversity of biblical solutions to those problems. But there are some people who think that one answer meets every need. Usually, these are people who say things like, well, let's pray about it. Let's just pray about it.

[00:04:51] Very often, these people will assume that praying is going to solve all of the problems. The trouble is that I have people calling me weak after weak after weak. For counseling who tell me that they have prayed about the problems, but they didn't get answers.

[00:05:08] So prayer alone is not usually the way that God says that a problem is solved. I'm not speaking against prayer, but very seldom does prayer stand by itself in the scriptures. For example, in Philippians 4, there are so many people read the verse that says,

[00:05:27] don't be worried about anything, but it everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving. You'll let your requests be made note unto God. And the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds like a Sentinel in Christ Jesus. They stop right there.

[00:05:48] They say, see, it says, if you want to stop worrying and you want to have the peace that passes all understanding to guard your hearts and minds then you just have to pray. But that isn't where the verse ends. It goes on to talk about your thoughts.

[00:06:06] And it says to think on those things that are lovely and pure and true and honorable. So on, if a person wants peace he not only prays but he gets his mind fixed on the right things, on the biblically acceptable things. But not even then does it stop.

[00:06:29] The passage goes on to say, and those things which you have both learned and seen and heard in me do. And then the God of Peace will be with you. So the passage suggests three things are necessary to deal with this question of worry and to bring peace.

[00:06:50] Perfile, thankful laying of the problem before God, putting it out of our minds and putting it in the right kinds of thoughts into our minds, the ones that God wants there focusing on the right things and then following his will in the Scriptures.

[00:07:07] So people who say, I pray about it. And even right there, usually have forgotten that the Bible says more than just pray. Very seldom is prayer alone, the only answer to our problems.

[00:07:21] It is never the answer to our problems alone when the Bible tells us to do something else about it. So people who have a few bad answers or bad solution to everything like, let's pray about it. There are people who often are too anxious to speak.

[00:07:41] And so they don't listen enough to hear what the real dimensions of the problem may be. Then there are people who don't listen enough because they fail to recognize and distinguish the true diversity. They stereotype everything.

[00:07:56] Oh, this is just like the thing that I saw last week in such and such life, and so in so's case and so forth. And they just put everything that seemed to be alike in the same basket, but things deceive us. Things that sound alike. Look alike.

[00:08:13] That seem alike or not always alike. Underneath of all the superficial similarities, often there are great differences. And even the same results come sometimes from different causes. And a person may have a red nose because he fell asleep under a sun lamp because he's

[00:08:33] drawing the pimple on it because he's boozing or because somebody puts him in it, but you see, it's the same effect from four different causes and perhaps a hundred different causes possible for red noses. And these are some reasons why people do not listen enough.

[00:08:51] They move on because they put all things in the same basket. And then there are some people who fail to distinguish the levels of response. Sometimes they see that a person is nervous and so they say, well, if you're nervous,

[00:09:07] let's just take a pill and get rid of that. But he may be nervous about the fact that he's evading his income tax and he may be evading the income tax because he has a life of lying and a life of evasion in other areas.

[00:09:24] So who's the level are we working on? These are the kinds of things that a person needs to listen for. And so in this first talk on listening, biblical listening, let's remember Proverbs

[00:09:37] 18 says he who answers before he hears is a folly and shame to him, regarding to learn how to listen as we continue in other series of biblical listening to help others in problems listening to your children, to your husband, to your wife, to your neighbor,

[00:09:58] to your friend, to a fellow member of your church. Let's learn to listen God's way. So I hope this helps and remember the next time that you listen to someone talk to you about their issues, make sure you listen in the present.

[00:10:17] Don't anticipate what you're going to say in the future based upon what you've already heard continue listening. There are many times in which I will start a counseling session not having any idea

[00:10:28] of what's so ever on how I'm going to try to help this person, but the Holy Spirit will cause me to listen in a different way that I would have thought about before and he

[00:10:40] will give me the answer and it only comes as a result of careful listening. Don't be in a hurry, take your time, but listen. Have a great day and be blessed.