It's About Time

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to Become A Competent Biblical Counselor.

[00:00:24] I'm Dr. Dave Jones and today's episode is entitled It's About Time.

[00:00:30] In the scripture we're going to use today is Proverbs 14, 23, where it says all hard work

[00:00:34] brings a profit that mere talk leads only to poverty.

[00:00:40] I'm reminded of a time when I first got involved with counseling.

[00:00:43] It was one of my very first sessions.

[00:00:46] I had a man call me on the phone and wondered if he could talk to me about some things

[00:00:51] in his life.

[00:00:52] Sure, well folks he talked and he talked.

[00:00:55] And every once in a while I would grunt here in there and try to butt in and interrupt

[00:01:01] him but he just wouldn't have it.

[00:01:02] He just kept right on talking.

[00:01:04] So keep in mind too that I have no idea why the man is even calling or what his problem

[00:01:09] is that he wants to talk about.

[00:01:11] But anyway he just kept right on talking.

[00:01:14] So after 45 minutes of my listening and not getting anywhere with him, I had to really

[00:01:21] force myself into the conversation and told him that we need to reschedule because

[00:01:26] I had some other responsibilities I had to take care of.

[00:01:29] And then shortly thereafter it could have been a week or two.

[00:01:33] This young woman, college student called me and she was having problems with her boyfriend.

[00:01:39] So we spoke for about a half an hour and she was very happy with being able to talk

[00:01:46] about her problems and I was able to listen and give her some encouragement.

[00:01:51] And it was a successful conversation and I was kind of pleased with how it turned out.

[00:01:58] 45 minutes later she calls me back.

[00:02:00] Now she has other issues she wants to talk about.

[00:02:03] Okay, I have the time.

[00:02:05] I really don't know how this counseling thing works but maybe this is how it works.

[00:02:09] I'm supposed to just whatever.

[00:02:11] So she talked for another half hour and I spoke to her.

[00:02:16] We worked out some things and it went barely well.

[00:02:19] And so she hung up our later she calls back.

[00:02:22] She has some other things she wants to talk about.

[00:02:24] Anyway, to make a long story short she called like this this pattern all day long 13 times.

[00:02:33] She called me little things to do and suggest and clarify and what have you.

[00:02:40] To point I'm trying to make this is something I learned you have to create the groundwork

[00:02:46] the rules the way things are going to work in the very first session.

[00:02:52] You see the Bible demands action demands change demands effort.

[00:03:00] We were getting nowhere in these two examples with respect to creating action steps changing

[00:03:05] steps or getting anything done whatsoever.

[00:03:09] So that's because I did not control the very first session.

[00:03:14] And that's why I want to talk to you about today.

[00:03:16] The first section is particularly important basic trends are set here and initial attitudes

[00:03:24] and decisions as well as relationships are formed by both the counselor and your counseling.

[00:03:30] The notes that you'll take in the first session and perhaps in the next usually will vary

[00:03:36] from those that follow.

[00:03:38] They will much more be copious containing mainly number one detailed factual data number

[00:03:45] two to initial tentative hunches or conclusions that you might have three full agenda of areas

[00:03:53] yet to be explored based upon what you heard and fourth many quotations.

[00:03:59] You're going to have many things in your mind that you've heard the counseling say

[00:04:04] and you're going to be writing those down.

[00:04:06] So a look at such notes perhaps best explains much of what should happen during the session

[00:04:12] beyond gathering such data you will want to accomplish several things.

[00:04:18] The first you will want to establish your leadership in the counseling context and illicit

[00:04:23] commitments from the counseling.

[00:04:26] You're the one that's in charge taking charge.

[00:04:29] This person came to you assuming that you are a professional even though you're not

[00:04:34] you're not and you don't talk about being a professional or whatever.

[00:04:38] You're just an interested person who wants to help them be more in the image of Jesus Christ.

[00:04:44] Number two you will want to center your counseling upon Jesus Christ and His Word from the outset.

[00:04:52] This is not about you and it will be to the person who says this is what I think and

[00:04:58] this is what I think you should do.

[00:05:00] No, the Bible is a determination of that.

[00:05:03] I had a man once tell me he said I'm not so sure that I agree with what you're telling

[00:05:06] me.

[00:05:07] I said well wait a minute, I'm not telling you anything.

[00:05:10] This is what the Bible says right here in this verse it says this read this verse this

[00:05:14] is not me this is not the gospel according to Dr. Dave Jones this is what the Bible says

[00:05:20] you constantly have to stand behind that authority.

[00:05:23] And then the third one you will want to determine if possible whether your counseling

[00:05:27] is a Christian.

[00:05:29] If there is serious doubt you will want to present the gospel or you want to set up conditions

[00:05:35] that will lead to such a presentation as soon as possible.

[00:05:40] Number four you will want to establish regular Bible reading and prayer if it does not

[00:05:45] exist already and usually it does not exist so set that up as well.

[00:05:51] Five you will want to give hope and encouragement much has been said already about this

[00:05:57] and other podcasts that we've had but give examples of other counseling that you have

[00:06:03] that have had similar situations and how they have overcome their problems.

[00:06:08] And a lot of times people will then say well if other people have gotten through this

[00:06:12] I can too so examples are very, very important.

[00:06:17] The sixth step you will want to solve some initial problems these will often be small

[00:06:23] but important.

[00:06:25] Big changes in attitude can arrive from small changes in action even small efforts can

[00:06:31] reverse trends and set new patterns all first sessions, all of your first sessions without

[00:06:38] fail should include the assignment of homework no matter how small the assignment may be.

[00:06:44] A worrying husband and wife for instance can be given the assignment to spend the week

[00:06:49] doing all they can for one another.

[00:06:52] Each can keep a record of all of the kindly efforts that he or she has noticed and also

[00:06:57] express appreciation whenever something is done.

[00:07:00] If nothing else these first attempts at expressing love concretely can reverse a past of sinful

[00:07:08] trends.

[00:07:09] You will want to focus on solutions to some problems.

[00:07:13] The presentation issue might be they might have five or six or seven or eight problems

[00:07:18] that they think that they have.

[00:07:20] Don't overload your constantly with answering all of those at the same time you cannot do

[00:07:25] it and they cannot absorb it.

[00:07:28] Number eight, you will want to assign homework designed to bring early success and relief

[00:07:34] growing out of a biblical action.

[00:07:37] Early successes always create future successes.

[00:07:41] Number nine, you will want to work on a listing whatever help is possible and necessary

[00:07:47] from others.

[00:07:48] And yet procedure is underway for encouraging other involved parties to come.

[00:07:52] You see the counseling situation does not stop in the first session.

[00:07:56] Hopefully there might be some other people in the counseling's life that really want

[00:08:01] to help as well.

[00:08:02] I remember a time where a counseling woman was so distraught that she attempted suicide

[00:08:08] and her husband called me on the phone and he says my wife is very very upset.

[00:08:14] She is really in a bad way and she wants to kill herself.

[00:08:18] And I said, where is she?

[00:08:20] And he says, well she's in the kitchen.

[00:08:22] She's sitting on the floor in curled up fetal position in the corner.

[00:08:27] And I said, put your phone on speaker and let me talk to her.

[00:08:31] I asked the woman had she been taking any medication?

[00:08:35] Had she over ghosted on anything?

[00:08:36] She said no.

[00:08:37] I said can we continue this conversation with your husband listening to what we're saying?

[00:08:41] She says yes.

[00:08:42] So at that point in time it was incumbent upon me not only to continue talking to the wife

[00:08:47] but to continue talking with the husband and give him some help and some encouragement

[00:08:51] of what he should do at that point in time.

[00:08:54] This was not a very very serious situation at all.

[00:08:57] She was very cognizant of what she was doing.

[00:08:59] She was very despondent.

[00:09:00] She just needed some hope.

[00:09:02] And the thing that I had her husband do was please get her up

[00:09:06] and I want you to clean her off and get her dressed appropriately.

[00:09:10] I want you to take her either for a walk or take her for a ride in the car.

[00:09:14] It was some nice music on and change her environment.

[00:09:17] And something as simple as that certainly helped a great deal.

[00:09:20] And number 10, you will want to determine what the main problem is

[00:09:24] and work on that as soon as possible.

[00:09:27] Now having done some or all of these exercises that I just gave you

[00:09:33] creates an opportunity for the council to realize

[00:09:36] this person, this councilor is serious.

[00:09:40] This counselor has their act together with respect to listening to me.

[00:09:44] It's serious about helping me.

[00:09:46] It's going to walk in the trenches with me.

[00:09:49] It's going to get involved with my side of the fence

[00:09:52] and it's really serious about helping me.

[00:09:55] I better be too.

[00:09:56] Your task in proportioning the session among these purposes is difficult

[00:10:01] since you may find that in order to do some you must neglect others.

[00:10:05] Priorities in each case must rule.

[00:10:08] If for instance hope is the most vital need perhaps one half of the session

[00:10:13] or more must be devoted to that.

[00:10:16] The tendency for inexperienced counselors will be to spend the entire time

[00:10:21] and data gathering.

[00:10:23] This often is a serious mistake that is easy to fall into.

[00:10:27] Yet the most comfortable way for you to become acquainted

[00:10:31] in the first session is to be relatively passive,

[00:10:35] spending most of your time asking questions and listening

[00:10:38] to the council's story.

[00:10:40] Yet often that can be the least productive thing to do.

[00:10:44] When what is needed is hope.

[00:10:46] Telling the story again will not do.

[00:10:49] Counselors must not fall into the temptation

[00:10:53] to retreat into data gathering alone.

[00:10:56] And yet sometimes the counselor will find it necessary to tell the council

[00:11:00] that there is much yet to be done.

[00:11:03] Even explaining what he would like to have done had there been more time.

[00:11:08] Laying out the agenda for the next session in this way is often

[00:11:11] the best way to encourage the counselor to return.

[00:11:15] Also it encourages the counselor to see that there is much more to be done

[00:11:20] and encourages the counselor to see that the counselor has a plan

[00:11:24] and a program that you move thoroughly not rushing things through

[00:11:28] in order to get them done.

[00:11:30] And that you care enough to explain what you are doing when and why.

[00:11:34] At this point it's important to try to see life

[00:11:37] from the counselor's point of view.

[00:11:40] They've come to you scared, concerned, given up desperate.

[00:11:45] And the main thing that they want is hope.

[00:11:48] Hope that there can be an answer.

[00:11:50] Hope that other people have gone through this as well.

[00:11:54] I'm not the only one going through this.

[00:11:56] That realization that if they can go through it and be successful,

[00:12:00] then I can too.

[00:12:02] And especially if the example that you're giving to the counselor

[00:12:05] with respect to past successes with other people,

[00:12:08] how important it was to involve Jesus Christ, prayer, and the Bible.

[00:12:13] The more attentive they will be in what you have to say

[00:12:17] and helping them with this problem.

[00:12:18] It's all about time.

[00:12:20] Don't waste your time.

[00:12:22] You don't have that much time.

[00:12:24] And you don't need to give them a lot of time.

[00:12:27] And perhaps the best thing to consider and stick to is make sure in the first session

[00:12:32] and every session after your time is an hour.

[00:12:37] The more time you spend with your counselor,

[00:12:39] the more information you're going to give them

[00:12:42] and the more confused they're going to be.

[00:12:44] A lot of times forgetting the very important things

[00:12:48] that you've discussed because there have been

[00:12:49] so many other things surrounding what's important in the session.

[00:12:53] Be careful with your time and use it to the glory of God

[00:12:56] and helping this person overcome what they are struggling with.

[00:13:01] So it is all about time,

[00:13:02] and it's about time for us to end this episode.

[00:13:04] Thanks for listening and use your time wisely.