Gun At My Head

[00:00:17] Hello again and welcome to Become A Competent Biblical Counselor.

[00:00:21] I'm Dr. Dave Jones and today's episode is entitled Gun At My Head.

[00:00:28] Today I'm going to do something a little different.

[00:00:31] I'm going to give you a case that will help you to develop a skill at dealing with problems and problem situations.

[00:00:39] And so many of you who listen are people who are really concerned about helping others,

[00:00:46] not just merely getting help for yourselves.

[00:00:50] And the more you help others, the more you find that people will call upon you

[00:00:54] and often they'll phone you at various times of day or night for help.

[00:00:59] Well, we can't give you a complete counseling course over the broadcast, obviously,

[00:01:05] but we'll give it a shot at real life and prepare you for the inevitability

[00:01:11] that you might have to deal with this at some point in time.

[00:01:13] So there's one situation which we often find people are unprepared for in counseling.

[00:01:19] It may never happen to you, but on the other hand, it may happen.

[00:01:24] And if you have thought it through ahead of time, you may save someone's life.

[00:01:30] So let's think about this case.

[00:01:32] I'm going to read it and then I'm going to make just a few comments.

[00:01:36] I can't give you a full rundown of the case, but just a few comments that might be of help

[00:01:42] to put you in a shape where if this ever occurs, you would know what to do about the problem.

[00:01:49] So here's the case.

[00:01:51] Your telephone rings one morning at one o'clock and you find yourself speaking with Mary,

[00:01:56] a middle-aged married woman, the mother of two teenagers,

[00:02:01] who together with her family is a member of your congregation.

[00:02:04] You have noticed that she has missed services recently,

[00:02:07] but you had no other indication of any difficulty.

[00:02:11] However, there is no doubt in your mind as you listen to her now

[00:02:14] that she has been drinking heavily and worse yet,

[00:02:18] she is threatening to commit suicide.

[00:02:21] You talk, trying to get the story.

[00:02:24] Her response to your questions about how she expects to take her life is both swift and frightening.

[00:02:30] She says,

[00:02:32] The pistol is at my head as I speak.

[00:02:34] You urge Mary to talk over her problem,

[00:02:37] assuring her that the situation indeed is serious and should get immediate attention.

[00:02:42] But she refuses to tell you anything more,

[00:02:45] unless you swear never to reveal to anyone what she tells you.

[00:02:52] So, there is a kind of case that presents us with real sticky problem.

[00:02:58] I hope you never have to face this, but you may.

[00:03:01] You never know.

[00:03:02] So let's think about it a little bit ahead of time.

[00:03:05] Obviously, careful church discipline might have prevented this eventuality

[00:03:10] when somebody recognized that she had been missing services recently,

[00:03:15] if they had gone around and cared for her, as they should have,

[00:03:19] and had visited her or talked to her in some way.

[00:03:22] Perhaps her problems could have been dealt with before they reached this point.

[00:03:27] But here you are at this point instead.

[00:03:29] The first thing that we might ask is,

[00:03:32] Should we accept Mary's condition?

[00:03:34] That is, she says she wants to tell us more,

[00:03:38] but she won't do it unless we swear never to reveal to anyone what she tells us.

[00:03:45] Well, the biblical picture, of course, makes it very clear that we cannot do this.

[00:03:50] We don't make rash vows.

[00:03:53] That scripture warns constantly against them.

[00:03:56] It's possible that what she tells you should be revealed.

[00:04:00] Perhaps she has just used that pistol on someone else,

[00:04:03] and she needs to be dealt with in terms of this and in terms of the law.

[00:04:08] Also, you don't make promises to a drunk.

[00:04:11] The promises that you make are very foolish if they're made to someone who is drunk.

[00:04:17] So what would you do?

[00:04:19] Well, you want to talk around it.

[00:04:22] The very fact that she's drunk will make it easier for you to do that.

[00:04:26] And one of the ways to do that is to say something like this to her.

[00:04:30] You can say, well, I think I have to talk further to you before I can make such a promise.

[00:04:36] Or perhaps you could put it this way.

[00:04:38] Sure, I'll be glad not to tell anyone if what you tell me warrants this.

[00:04:44] If the data warrant it.

[00:04:46] Or say this in words she understands.

[00:04:48] And so you want to try to talk around the problem.

[00:04:53] But how about the other two questions involved?

[00:04:56] The immediate problem of getting that gun away from her head,

[00:04:59] which is one of the things that you want to do on the phone.

[00:05:03] For one thing, you can say,

[00:05:05] you could get her to take some kind of action if possible.

[00:05:09] Possibly you could have her promise to meet you halfway.

[00:05:12] Don't do that if she's drunk and she has to drive.

[00:05:15] If she's walking, it might be all right.

[00:05:18] But better still, perhaps, is to try to find out where she is

[00:05:22] and promise that you'll be there and that you'll go.

[00:05:25] And in a meanwhile, you might say to Mary,

[00:05:29] Now, I want you to get out a pad and a pencil

[00:05:32] and I'd like you to write down every one of your problems in a list

[00:05:36] so that we'll have them on a piece of paper when I get there

[00:05:40] and we won't miss anything.

[00:05:42] This, of course, if you can get her to do it,

[00:05:45] would get her to do some meaningful activity in the meanwhile

[00:05:48] and would get the gun out of her hands while she's doing something else.

[00:05:52] If she doesn't sound like she's in a condition to do much writing,

[00:05:57] you might say something to her like,

[00:05:59] Would you put on some coffee and make some sandwiches on the way while I'm coming over?

[00:06:06] Whatever you can do.

[00:06:07] In other words, tell her to get out the Bible and read a passage.

[00:06:11] Get out a pad and pencil and write down something you're going to tell her.

[00:06:15] Whatever it may be,

[00:06:16] you want to get her moving and get her active

[00:06:19] between the time that you talk to her

[00:06:22] and the time that you see her

[00:06:23] and you'll want to get that gun out of her hand.

[00:06:25] The second thing you want to do is to get on your way over there.

[00:06:30] But in the meanwhile, before you actually arrive,

[00:06:33] the police should be called.

[00:06:36] Anyone who has a gun is a dangerous citizen.

[00:06:40] He's a criminal at this point who is breaking the laws

[00:06:42] and who may actually endanger not only your life but the lives of others.

[00:06:46] And if you have not taken proper precautions to do something about it,

[00:06:50] then it's time for you to do so.

[00:06:52] So you want to call the authorities and go

[00:06:55] and perhaps take an elder or some other Christian person

[00:06:58] that you trust along with you

[00:07:00] who's available to help you deal with her.

[00:07:04] When you get there and you get that gun away

[00:07:07] or the gun is gone

[00:07:08] or the authorities have arrived and taken the gun from her

[00:07:10] and you start to talk to her,

[00:07:13] once you've gotten enough coffee down

[00:07:15] or to sober her up,

[00:07:17] you need to make clear that you take her suicide attempt seriously,

[00:07:20] that this is not something that you can be laughed off

[00:07:24] or that problem can be minimized,

[00:07:27] but rather you realize

[00:07:29] that the kind of life that she's been living isn't worth living,

[00:07:32] that the kind of problems that she has faced

[00:07:35] or the way in which she's faced them

[00:07:38] are not being faced adequately.

[00:07:40] And so she goes on living as she does.

[00:07:43] It isn't worthwhile.

[00:07:44] And that she was right about wanting to take this kind of life

[00:07:47] and to get rid of it, but she was wrong

[00:07:49] about how to rid of that kind of life.

[00:07:52] We get rid of the kind of life that is wrong

[00:07:55] not by putting it out of the way through suicide.

[00:07:58] We get out of that kind of life

[00:07:59] by bringing it to Jesus Christ

[00:08:01] and asking Him to forgive

[00:08:03] and to change that sort of life.

[00:08:06] And so you want to get commitment from her

[00:08:09] to meet with you in days to come

[00:08:11] or to meet with some other Christian

[00:08:13] who can deal with her more thoroughly.

[00:08:14] But the key things you want to keep in mind

[00:08:18] is if anyone ever calls you and threatens suicide,

[00:08:21] get the threat dealt with as quickly as possible.

[00:08:25] Then try to meet the person

[00:08:27] or go to the person as quickly as possible.

[00:08:30] But if there is a lethal weapon involved,

[00:08:33] be sure also to call the authorities.

[00:08:36] And may I say to anyone out there

[00:08:38] who's thinking of suicide himself or herself,

[00:08:41] you may have been a failure thus far in life.

[00:08:44] Don't end life by the greatest

[00:08:46] and most colossal failure of all,

[00:08:48] by suicide.

[00:08:50] Suicide solves no problems.

[00:08:53] A man who has to face men

[00:08:55] finds life serious enough.

[00:08:57] But one who has to go and face God

[00:08:59] as a result of his suicide

[00:09:01] will not find it any easier.

[00:09:03] God knows your problem.

[00:09:05] He has an answer to it in Jesus Christ.

[00:09:08] That's the way to end the problem.

[00:09:10] Not by ending your life.

[00:09:12] What you need to do

[00:09:14] is to put an end to the kind of life

[00:09:16] that you have through faith in him

[00:09:19] and following his word.

[00:09:21] Lord, help us to help others.

[00:09:23] And help us to know what to do

[00:09:25] when we are faced with great problems ourselves

[00:09:28] by trusting in Jesus Christ as we should

[00:09:30] and by following his word prayerfully

[00:09:33] to do those things that he has made requisite for us.

[00:09:37] Lord, we pray in Christ's name.

[00:09:39] Amen.

[00:09:41] Suicide.

[00:09:42] It's important for you to rehearse

[00:09:45] now some things that may happen.

[00:09:49] And when you rehearse the possibility

[00:09:52] of a scenario that may happen,

[00:09:55] you stabilize your emotions

[00:09:57] in the event that something close to what you've rehearsed

[00:09:59] actually does happen.

[00:10:02] And you'll be able to respond

[00:10:04] more affectionately,

[00:10:06] more emotionally,

[00:10:07] more genuinely and prayerfully

[00:10:09] if that situation ever arises.

[00:10:12] I hope this helps

[00:10:14] and you never have to go through this,

[00:10:16] but in the case you do,

[00:10:17] so be it.

[00:10:18] Be blessed.