Grief

[00:00:18] Good day and welcome to become a competent Biblical Counselor. I'm Dr. Dave Jones, and today we're going

[00:00:25] to be talking about that unpleasant topic of grief. How do you handle grief? And how

[00:00:33] are you going to handle it? If somebody calls you on the phone and they want to get some

[00:00:37] help and some counseling on behalf of grief? So let's get started as well know grief is a life

[00:00:45] shaking sorrow. It takes a person and shakes him from head getoes. It has a part of his

[00:00:52] life patterns. It says to him things can never be the same in the future as they were

[00:00:58] in the past. Grief comes when we recognize that there must be radical change in our life

[00:01:05] experience. We know that there are two kinds of grief that grief is perfectly right

[00:01:11] when it's biblioclue expressed over the proper biblical matters. We must grieve

[00:01:17] over the right things and we must grieve in the right wave. It's right to grieve over

[00:01:23] the loss of a loved one. Description themselves make that clear and best low onions for

[00:01:29] 13 were Paul. There's not tell us not to grieve, but he tells us that with proper biblical

[00:01:36] information we can learn to grieve in a different way. So it's proper to grieve over the

[00:01:43] loss of a loved one but it is improper to grieve in a despairing way. The world that does not

[00:01:49] have hope disperse over the loss of a loved one. But the believer grieves not as others who

[00:01:56] have no hope because he does have hope. He has a hope that there is in Jesus Christ the hope

[00:02:04] of eternal life. The hope of the resurrection of the dead, the hope of the resurrection of the

[00:02:10] body, the hope of a new life where there is neither pain or sorrow nor tears nor even death

[00:02:17] itself. The hope of being with God forever and ever which comes and is fulfilled through our

[00:02:23] Lord Jesus Christ. Well I'll tell you grief is not the same for a believer then that is it is for an

[00:02:34] not a believer and you don't have hope then you need to come to that God of all hope and find the

[00:02:40] hope that there is in Jesus Christ who came into this world to shed His blood in the place of sinners

[00:02:46] to die on the cross bearing the penalty that they deserve for their sins so that everyone who trusts

[00:02:53] in Him might have everlasting life and be sure of His eternal destiny. That's the hope

[00:03:01] that's what I'm talking about when we talk about hope being a difference in grief.

[00:03:07] So the emotion of grief is not a simply motion rather it is an emotion that very often has

[00:03:14] filled with complexity, it is mixed and mingled with other problems on other emotions. There are

[00:03:21] emotions that are aroused in us at death, or at the loss of a loved one that often involved

[00:03:27] anger or involved fear or involved guilt. If there has been a certain kind of relationship

[00:03:33] to that loved one which was tense and difficult and that never had been ironed out often,

[00:03:40] deep senses of guilt may remain. If one is left behind at a time when he doesn't want to be

[00:03:45] left behind, he may be angry at God or even angry at the loved one who went through so quickly

[00:03:51] and so unexpectedly, he would automobile accident, angry that he or she was not more careful

[00:03:57] about the way that he drives, or it may be a matter of fear. Here I am, there's only widow,

[00:04:04] not knowing which way to turn and not knowing how to take care of the future or the business.

[00:04:10] All of these can be dealt with in Jesus Christ. He has answers to our sinful anger,

[00:04:15] he has answers to our guilt, he has an answer to our fears, he himself is the answer to each

[00:04:23] of these and of course in the Word of God those answers in specific ways are pointed out.

[00:04:30] But the point is that grief cannot be dealt with simply as a process that needs to be followed

[00:04:36] as Eric Lindemann and the grief work people will tell us. It is a matter of far more individual

[00:04:43] complexity than that. Each person must be dealt with individually to see the complex of emotions

[00:04:50] that well-up together in him at a time like that from the various sources of difficulty

[00:04:56] that they emerge. But now there are two factors in grief that we ought to recognize,

[00:05:03] since grief is a life-shaking sorrow that says the future can never be the same as it was in the past,

[00:05:10] then there must be change. Grief comes at a time when change is essential and change must take place.

[00:05:20] The future cannot be the same now that John is dead in God,

[00:05:24] the future cannot be the same with him no longer in the house,

[00:05:27] with his paycheck not coming in week by week, and only now some kind of survivor's benefit coming.

[00:05:34] The future cannot be the same when only one person sits down to the table

[00:05:38] and the other chair is empty. The future cannot be the same when a word of comfort or

[00:05:45] chair is needed and there's nobody to give it in the bed alongside at night.

[00:05:50] No things have got to be different when there's a loss of a close loved one. There must

[00:05:57] be change, and that is what takes place during the process of grief. It is a process of change

[00:06:03] in which the old patterns are disorganized, the old ways of living come apart.

[00:06:11] The old ways of doing things must be broken down and new ways, new reorganization of one's life

[00:06:16] must take place. This is the opportunity for a Christian, an opportunity to reexamine

[00:06:22] every phase and every aspect and every part of his life so that he may now in the future.

[00:06:29] So we organize his life that the future life puts he lives is more pleasing to Jesus Christ

[00:06:35] than even the past one. If there must be change and there must be a period of grief,

[00:06:41] then let us see to it that these new changes that take place are changes that are consciously

[00:06:47] made in order to honor Jesus Christ. So that is called Colossians 35 and 312 Tell Us.

[00:06:55] We must put off the old ways and we must put on the new ways. And that of course is the key to

[00:07:02] making grief and opportunity for growth and opportunity to honor Jesus Christ and opportunity

[00:07:08] to develop such a radical change in our lives that we can really serve him as we will never have

[00:07:15] in the years past. A person in the death of another can really die has Colossians 35 says

[00:07:21] to his old ways as well and he could come to newness of life to new ways that so

[00:07:28] honor the Lord Jesus Christ that his future life can be a great joy and a great blessing and a great

[00:07:34] honor to that Lord. Are you grieving right now? Well maybe not but maybe no someone who is.

[00:07:43] Who knows whether you won't be through reason now or even too. Death can come suddenly and

[00:07:48] expect it late. When that time of grief rolls around when that loved one is taken away so

[00:07:54] swiftly and so unexpectedly will you know how to grieve? Or will you be like C. S. Lewis who once said

[00:08:02] if someone had only told me I've been telling you during these last number of episodes on

[00:08:09] the podcast about God expects you to grieve but not as others who have no hope.

[00:08:17] Indeed in this period of grief you can so turn the loss to an asset that your whole future life can

[00:08:24] be affected for good to so honor Jesus Christ by the new patterns that must be developed that your

[00:08:32] life will become a deep blessing. In closing let me give you an example of what all this

[00:08:39] can sum up to be and that is identify a positive characteristic that the person who has passed away

[00:08:49] exhibited in their life were they patient were they humorous were they careful you can fill in

[00:08:58] various adjectives to define the characteristics and the mannerisms of the person

[00:09:03] that is no longer with you and how you would have liked to have had that one or that

[00:09:09] series of personality traits that this person had. Well if you were so attracted to those

[00:09:17] characteristics why not try to develop that characteristic or those characteristics in your own life

[00:09:24] in other words take a part of that person that you so loved about them and make it a part of your

[00:09:31] life use their life as an example on how you should live maybe this person was very, very

[00:09:38] religious and very disciplined with Bible study or going to church or whatever and you really

[00:09:46] appreciated that well why not do that yourself and you're doing that as an example that for

[00:09:51] remembering the person that you lost and then recognizing how wonderful that person's life was

[00:09:58] and perhaps identifying that characteristic in your own life could help you passing on to someone else

[00:10:05] I hope this episode on grief gives you a different kind of clarity just to how you can handle

[00:10:12] grief and how you can help other people handle grief make it a great day and thanks for listening we'll talk to you later