Are You Your Husband's Helper?

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the 53rd episode of Become A Competent Biblical Counselor. My name is Dr. Dave Jones

[00:00:27] and today's episode is entitled Are You Your Husbands Helper? In Genesis 2 18 there was one word

[00:00:37] that we have not used in any of the topics on marriage so far and that word is helper or as it says

[00:00:45] in the old King James I will make a help meet for him. I don't know if you've ever thought about

[00:00:52] it very much but this word help meet is a word that we come across often. Actually there's no such

[00:00:59] word as the word help meet. Often the husband might say let me introduce you to my help me. Of

[00:01:06] course it means his wife and everybody understands that what that's what he means. But if anybody

[00:01:12] were asked to define what a help meet is they couldn't define it because there is no such thing

[00:01:18] as a help meet. What happened is that two words that were two words in the King James of verse 18

[00:01:27] which happened two of Genesis have been we might say must together to form a single word.

[00:01:34] The King James it reads I will make a help that's one word meet for him. Now those are two different

[00:01:42] words. Not the same word and they've just been brought together and formed a single word that

[00:01:47] has no meaning really except as a synonym for the word wife but in the original those were

[00:01:55] two words and two very critical words. We studied a few bit broadcast to go something

[00:02:02] of the meaning of Genesis 2 18 which it says I will make a help meet for him or suitable for him

[00:02:10] or approximating him or corresponding to him at every point. So when God made a woman he brought

[00:02:18] into Adam's life when he made Eve that which approximated him every point so that the two would

[00:02:25] form a bigger and richer and fuller whole of one person then they could be separately. That's what

[00:02:34] the word meet actually means but now what about this word help well back in 1611 when the King James

[00:02:42] version was translated. The word help meant exactly our word helper means today and so what he's

[00:02:50] really saying here is in the modern translation it would read that it is not good for the man to be

[00:02:57] alone. I will make him a helper who is suitable for him and who approximates him. So the wife's

[00:03:04] fundamental role in relationship to her husband submission is not a role that's an attitude or

[00:03:11] place where she should stand a position in which she stands in an attitude which she should

[00:03:16] assume in a relationship to that position but a submission which we often think about is not

[00:03:22] her role. This isn't her role in life to be subject to her husband that's ridiculous to think

[00:03:28] of that as a role. Her role in life is to be her husband's helper. Now I don't know whether you

[00:03:35] have thought about that in quite that same way before because if you were to look at the last chapter

[00:03:40] of the book of Proverbs you would find that that's exactly how the excellent wife who was described

[00:03:47] in Proverbs 31 is looked upon as a tremendous helper to her husband. Her fulfillment of her life

[00:03:55] is in helping her husband and her family notice what it says as it begins an excellent wife who can

[00:04:04] find for her worth as far above jewels then it says the heart of her husband trusts in her.

[00:04:13] He will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life so her

[00:04:19] orientation is toward her husband. A wife who decides that she's going to be married and not

[00:04:26] be husband oriented in this life misses the whole purpose and key to her role in life.

[00:04:33] She probably, if that was her attitude before she was married, should not have been married.

[00:04:38] She probably should have looked forward a single life of certain Jesus Christ in some other way

[00:04:45] if she was not willing or anxious to orient herself toward her husband. But when a woman is married

[00:04:52] she finds that the answer to her life calling and that the role that she takes

[00:04:57] is to work with her husband as his companion. As he indeed tries to please her and do those things

[00:05:04] which are for her blessing and for her joy and for her benefit. As we saw in our last broadcast

[00:05:10] when we talked about the husband having the role of the one who heads or leads his wife in a

[00:05:17] manner, in a manner in which Jesus Christ heads up his church, a manner which requires him to bring

[00:05:23] his wife into every decision, every thought, every consideration that he makes in the marriage

[00:05:32] just as Christ has head over all things for the sake of his church. We read in Ephesians

[00:05:37] the last part of the first chapter. Now the wife's role then is to be her husband's helper. She

[00:05:44] is to be there to help him in every respect. But notice that means every respect, that does not mean

[00:05:51] that she is to help him merely by washing the dishes or keeping his house clean or getting his clothes

[00:05:57] iron or wash to her something of that sort of course, that's part of it. But it means that she

[00:06:03] is to help him in every respect. She is to be a helper who is suitable for him or who corresponds

[00:06:10] to him at each point. Men need a lot more help than sometimes they are willing to admit. They need

[00:06:18] a lot of help in thinking. They need a lot of help in decision making. They need a lot of help

[00:06:24] in terms of being corrected about the things that are wrong in their lives.

[00:06:30] And the whole idea of submission of a wife does not mean that she cannot

[00:06:35] rebuke her husband if she does it in a submissive and loving manner. Let me stop right here and repeat

[00:06:43] that again in a submissive and loving manner. Ladies, you cannot rebuke your husband with a bitter

[00:06:53] attitude with ugly words and a mean disposition. The idea here is to rebuke your husband in a submissive

[00:07:01] and loving manner. To do otherwise is going to get a response that you're not going to want

[00:07:06] to hear. So be very, very careful on how you rebuke your husband as the Bible says, do it in a

[00:07:12] loving and submissive manner. In fact, as a point of reference in 1 Peter 3, this is likewise,

[00:07:19] you wives be in subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word, they also may be

[00:07:25] without the word be one by the behavior of the wives while they hope to hold your chased conversation

[00:07:34] coupled with fear. So you see rebuke your husband as you're right to do so. Be careful how you do

[00:07:42] that that you don't trigger an attitude that you don't want to have to deal with. So having said that,

[00:07:49] but you certainly must rebuke him when it is necessary in order to help him to straighten out

[00:07:55] his life in some way. It doesn't mean for her to be subjective to her husband that she can't have

[00:08:02] a thought anymore in her head or make a suggestion to her husband. Indeed, if she doesn't bring the best

[00:08:08] of her persuasion and the best of her ability to win him to a viewpoint that she believes is

[00:08:14] correct before God, she doesn't really help him when he is making decisions. A wife to be her

[00:08:20] husband's helper, to truly be his counterpart and to truly be a companion every sense of that word

[00:08:27] must give him the fullest and deepest help possible that she can give to that husband.

[00:08:33] And that means that she's going to bring all kinds of questions to him and all kinds of information

[00:08:39] and to make every kind of suggestion to him possible, all of course in a manner which is

[00:08:45] constant with respect for the position that God has given him in the home. The key word there is

[00:08:53] respect. At some point you may not respect him as a person, but from God's point of view,

[00:08:59] you must respect him as his role in the person who's responsible for making that decision.

[00:09:04] But help on the one hand means full help in every area of his life. And on the husband's side,

[00:09:12] the other hand, it means that he should be willing and able to receive that rebuke or that help,

[00:09:19] whatever it may be that she brings to him, and that it means he should even solicit it.

[00:09:25] He should ask for his wife's help. It just might be a case to where the Holy Spirit

[00:09:32] is moving the wife to approach the husband with something that the Holy Spirit has placed

[00:09:37] upon the wife's heart, and it's up to the wife to be obedient and to follow that command.

[00:09:44] Headship of the husband does not mean some kind of autonomous attitude toward his wife,

[00:09:49] or he makes all the decisions and lets her in on them here and there. It means that with her help,

[00:09:56] he makes the decisions that with her help is finally responsible for them.

[00:10:02] And that with her help, even if it has to go against that help which she offers,

[00:10:07] he is the one who has looked into it fully before making that decision. How wonderful

[00:10:14] for us men that we have wives with all the wisdom that God has given to them to help in these ways.

[00:10:20] Thank you for listening, and I look forward to our next episode.