Are We Setting Up Pastors and Church Leaders To Fail? Part I

[00:00:19] Greetings and welcome to this episode of Become A Competent Biblical Counselor. I'm Dr. Dave Jones.

[00:00:27] And today starts a new direction that I want to lead you into that's different from the previous episodes.

[00:00:35] You'll recall that in all those previous episodes, the role of the counselor was one of defense, one of waiting for someone to come to you with a problem that's been identified by the Holy Spirit.

[00:00:49] And directed by that same Spirit to come to you for relief from Scripture.

[00:00:55] Now I want to shift gears a little bit and talk to you, the counselor, on being aggressive and going to people that the Holy Spirit has convicted you of that they need your help, they need your encouragement.

[00:01:09] And I want you to take on that mantle of responsibility to be directed by the Holy Spirit to go to people that you know and you sense need God's help through you.

[00:01:22] And there is a group of people that I want you to be sensitive to in the next three episodes, including this one.

[00:01:30] And that is the pastors and the church leaders.

[00:01:34] And with that in mind, I want to title this episode and the two episodes following this one as such,

[00:01:41] Are We Setting Up Pastors and Church Leaders for Failure?

[00:01:45] And to that end, the subtitle is Who Counsels Ministers and Other Church Leaders When They Have Problems?

[00:01:53] To that end, I want to convince you, counselor, to be that person.

[00:01:57] So let's get into it.

[00:01:58] The problem is not our church leaders, but the unhealthy expectations we have of them.

[00:02:06] This is a summation from a book entitled The Power of Team Leadership by George Barna.

[00:02:12] And he makes some very compelling arguments with respect to just that.

[00:02:16] We are putting entirely too many expectations upon our pastors and church leaders.

[00:02:22] In his book, George says that we have been taught that leadership is about one individual performing all of an organization's critical tasks,

[00:02:31] motivating, mobilizing, directing, and resourcing people to fulfill a vision at a level of excellence and influence that separates him or her from the bulk of humanity.

[00:02:44] The combination of skills and abilities required to be a great leader has caused many people to lament the absence of leaders in our society.

[00:02:54] He goes on and says,

[00:03:11] Here's the profile.

[00:03:12] 87% expect leaders to motivate people.

[00:03:17] 78% believe leaders should negotiate.

[00:03:21] 77% look to leaders to determine and convey a course of action.

[00:03:27] 76% rely on leaders to identify and implement courses of action.

[00:03:32] 75% expect leaders to invest their time and energy in training.

[00:03:37] Another 63% want leaders to communicate vision.

[00:03:40] 61% say leaders are responsible for the direction and production of employees.

[00:03:45] Another 61% think leaders should analyze situations and create the strategies.

[00:03:51] And lastly, 56% hold leaders responsible for managing the day-to-day details of the operation.

[00:03:57] Oh, and don't forget, in addition to all of that, he has to prepare for his sermon.

[00:04:02] He has to prepare for taking care of his congregation.

[00:04:06] But the list goes on.

[00:04:08] But it clearly shows that we have developed an unreasonable notion of what a church leader should do.

[00:04:15] Look at the breadth of tasks and abilities demanded by the expectations reflected in that survey,

[00:04:22] and realize, of course, that most people hold additional expectations beyond those listed.

[00:04:27] Would you agree that a person would have to be superhuman to accomplish all of these tasks?

[00:04:32] Yet that's what we expect a leader to do.

[00:04:35] No wonder we are consistently disappointed by church leaders who seem to hold such promise

[00:04:41] before they assume positions of significant authority and responsibility.

[00:04:45] Our surveys have shown that during the past two decades,

[00:04:49] there has been a continual decline in satisfaction with leadership in churches,

[00:04:54] government, nonprofit organizations, schools, businesses, and families.

[00:04:58] So we set people up for frustration, disappointment, and failure by basing their present and future well-being

[00:05:05] upon the capacity of the individual leader whom they most closely follow in any given dimension of their lives.

[00:05:12] Another writer by the name of H.B. London Jr. in his book Pastors at Greater Risk

[00:05:18] has gone farther to say that the pastor has an incredibly significant and difficult job.

[00:05:24] The implications and ramifications of his responsibilities at church are more extensive than most parishioners realize.

[00:05:32] The strong church is the first line of defense for healthy families,

[00:05:36] and healthy families are the building blocks of stable communities.

[00:05:40] But there's a complicating catch.

[00:05:42] The pastor, in addition to carrying out this heavy responsibility for the church and society,

[00:05:48] usually has a family of his own at home.

[00:05:51] All too often, time spent in ministry equals time away from spouse and kids.

[00:05:57] If family stability isn't attacked and eroded at one end of the scale, it seems it will be at the other.

[00:06:04] This is a serious, delicate situation.

[00:06:07] And caught in the middle of it all, trying frantically sometimes to keep both ends of the candle burning,

[00:06:14] is that person we know as the professional minister,

[00:06:18] a human being like the rest of us who increasingly finds himself working against a legion of obstacles,

[00:06:25] unrealistic expectations, and stresses and strains unique to his position in the world.

[00:06:31] The struggle takes a terrible toll as pastors wrestle with crammed calendars,

[00:06:37] hectic homes, splintered dreams, starved intimacy, and shriveled purpose.

[00:06:43] Some quit in other hopelessness.

[00:06:46] Others lapse into passivity.

[00:06:48] And many of the rest just hold on by their fingernails.

[00:06:52] The goal is for them to become whole individuals who balance being and doing,

[00:06:57] family and church, person and profession, worship and work,

[00:07:03] wounded healers who allow themselves to be healed.

[00:07:07] In his book, Pastors at Greater Risk, H.B. London Jr. goes on further to say,

[00:07:12] 50% of all congregations in the United States are either plateauing or declining.

[00:07:19] 33% of pastors confess inappropriate sexual behavior with someone in the church.

[00:07:25] 90% of pastors work more than 46 hours a week.

[00:07:30] 80% believe their pastoral ministry affects their families negatively.

[00:07:35] 33% say that being in ministry is an outright hazard to their family.

[00:07:42] 75% report they've had a significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry.

[00:07:50] 50% feel unable to meet the needs of the job.

[00:07:54] 90% feel they're inadequately trained to cope with ministry demands.

[00:08:01] Another 40% report a serious conflict with their parishioner at least once a month.

[00:08:08] And lastly, 53% of Americans say the nation's moral problems are greater than the nation's economic problems,

[00:08:15] while 78% of Americans rate the state of moral values in the United States as weak or very weak.

[00:08:23] These numbers totally rocked my foundation and shocked me to utter dismay.

[00:08:29] And yet further evidence from Erwin Lutzer in his book, Pastor to Pastor, Tackling Problems of the Pulpit,

[00:08:35] he says,

[00:08:36] Pastors are constantly open to public evaluation.

[00:08:41] Preach nine good messages in one blooper, and some will remember only the one that bombed.

[00:08:47] Walk past a deacon without acknowledging him, and you might hurt his feelings.

[00:08:52] And if a disgruntled church member begins some gossip, a little leaven could leaven the whole lump.

[00:08:58] We're also under pressure because few members of the congregation know the demands of our schedules.

[00:09:05] One pastor asked his deacons to outline how they thought he spent his time.

[00:09:10] They had difficulty coming up with a 40-hour week, though he was working 70.

[00:09:15] What I have told you so far has been a very, very, very brief overview of what's expected,

[00:09:22] what goes on in the pastorate.

[00:09:24] And if it continues going on, and it is going on right now,

[00:09:28] with the expected causing pastors to experience something called burnout.

[00:09:33] A church janitor was heard to say,

[00:09:35] The blower still works, but the fire has gone out.

[00:09:38] He was discussing a problem with the furnace,

[00:09:41] but the parishioner who overheard him thought he was speaking about the pastor.

[00:09:46] One definition of burnout is a syndrome of emotional exhaustion,

[00:09:52] depersonalization, and reduced personal accomplishment

[00:09:55] that can occur among individuals who do people work of some kind.

[00:10:01] Its symptoms include increased fatigue,

[00:10:04] feeling tired even after a good night's sleep,

[00:10:07] losing interest in your work,

[00:10:09] and a pessimistic, critical spirit,

[00:10:11] often accompanied by withdrawal, depression, and feeling of futility.

[00:10:17] One study indicated that one-third of the pastors surveyed

[00:10:20] had considered leaving the ministry because of burnout.

[00:10:24] Although it can occur in all professions,

[00:10:27] ministers are particularly vulnerable.

[00:10:30] One reason may be the conflict of roles.

[00:10:33] We are expected to be good preachers,

[00:10:36] what counselors said.

[00:10:37] We're supposed to be counselors and organizers.

[00:10:40] We must know something about publicity

[00:10:42] and have the fine art of loving people and showing it in our relationships.

[00:10:47] When not accompanied by rewards,

[00:10:49] the pushes and pulls of those expectations

[00:10:52] can lead us to a sense of futility and despair

[00:10:55] because people come to the pastor to get rather than to give.

[00:11:00] His emotional resources can easily become depleted.

[00:11:04] The pastor is often alone in his struggles.

[00:11:07] Though the members of the church can speak freely to him about their problems,

[00:11:12] he is not free to reciprocate.

[00:11:15] Pastors wonder who is going to pull the supports out from under them if they open up,

[00:11:19] if they are honest about the tensions of the pastorate.

[00:11:23] Consequently, in too many cases,

[00:11:25] it is very hard for the minister to discover a partner in ministry other than the spouse.

[00:11:31] If we preach one poor sermon, everyone knows it.

[00:11:35] If we get indignant at a board meeting, word gets around.

[00:11:39] Soon we think we are unappreciated.

[00:11:42] If we are particularly sensitive to criticism,

[00:11:45] we will try to overachieve to please everyone.

[00:11:48] If we don't receive adequate emotional and spiritual compensation for our efforts,

[00:11:53] we will be left wondering if it's all worthwhile.

[00:11:56] So in this very short episode, what do we do?

[00:12:00] What do we do to alleviate the expectations and the stress

[00:12:05] put up on our pastors and church leaders and their families?

[00:12:10] Well, understand this.

[00:12:11] Every pastor should have several people,

[00:12:14] perhaps outside the congregation or within the congregation,

[00:12:18] with whom he can be honest about his struggles.

[00:12:21] We all need the acceptance and confidentiality of friends

[00:12:25] who will listen carefully and pray fervently.

[00:12:28] During days when the pastor is unsteady emotionally,

[00:12:32] everything is distorted.

[00:12:34] They need desperately the perspective of those

[00:12:38] who have maintained their emotional equilibrium.

[00:12:41] And blessed is the pastor who can be open with at least a few friends

[00:12:44] during his emotional blackouts.

[00:12:47] So counselor, how about you?

[00:12:50] How about you being that person that can walk up to the pastor and say,

[00:12:53] Pastor, I want you to know I'm praying for you.

[00:12:56] I'm serious.

[00:12:57] I'm praying for you.

[00:12:58] And I know what your stresses are.

[00:13:00] Not in detail, but I have an understanding and appreciation

[00:13:03] for all that you go through.

[00:13:05] Why can't you be a close friend to the pastor or the church leader?

[00:13:10] They do not have close friends that they could share things with.

[00:13:14] Doesn't mean they're going to share with you either.

[00:13:16] But at least they know someone is showing some appreciation for what they do.

[00:13:20] It's not enough, by the way, to say, good sermon today, pastor.

[00:13:25] No, understand that the pastor, a lot of times, I'll ask a pastor sometimes,

[00:13:29] I'll say, when is your Sabbath?

[00:13:30] And they look at me.

[00:13:32] I said, you plan all week to prepare your sermon.

[00:13:36] And everybody else comes to church on Sunday.

[00:13:38] That's their Sabbath.

[00:13:39] You don't have one.

[00:13:40] And when Monday comes, you have what we call adrenaline letdown.

[00:13:46] You've gotten yourself all worked up all week long.

[00:13:49] And Sunday to prepare that sermon on Monday, boom, you have nothing to work on.

[00:13:55] And it's that tremendous letdown of, well, now what?

[00:13:59] Now I have to get ready for next Sunday.

[00:14:02] They never have an opportunity to have their own Sabbath.

[00:14:06] So I want to encourage you, counselor, be more sensitive and be frequently sensitive

[00:14:13] to the church leaders and tell them that you're praying for them.

[00:14:17] And make sure that you do that many, many, many times because they need it.

[00:14:23] Nobody else is doing it.

[00:14:24] So I know you've heard some new statistics, some new things that you hadn't heard before.

[00:14:30] Think about it.

[00:14:30] And prepare for the next episode, this three-part series entitled,

[00:14:35] Are We Setting Up Pastors and Church Leaders for Failure?

[00:14:39] Have a blessed day.