Pt 2: Darrin Gray + Ministry of Availability

[00:00:02] Welcome to the Ask About My Faith Podcast, where our hope is to inspire everyday faith conversations.

[00:00:09] I'm Jess.

[00:00:10] And I'm Abbey. Welcome back to part two of our conversation with Darrin Gray. Darrin is a dynamic leader in professional sports, ministry, and media, known for coordinating large-scale prayer initiatives across the NFL and supporting Tony Dungy's efforts to inspire fathers and families.

[00:00:28] Darrin dives deep into the Ministry of Availability, the power of being open and ready to serve others even when it's inconvenient.

[00:00:38] He challenges us to ask better questions that spark meaningful conversations from childhood reflections to unique societal burdens.

[00:00:47] Darrin shares how tender availability and staying on assignment for God, whether at work or lunch, can open unexpected doors for faith conversations.

[00:00:59] Darrin Gray Well, Darrin, one of the things that you are passionate about and that you kind of promote and live out is something that you call a Ministry of Availability.

[00:01:16] And I'd love to hear what that means to you and how that looks, how that plays out.

[00:01:24] Darrin Gray Jess, isn't the world moving so fast?

[00:01:28] Darrin Gray Exponentially.

[00:01:31] Darrin Gray And sometimes it really is you got to slow down in order to speed up.

[00:01:38] Darrin Gray And that slow down is the Ministry to the Few before the Ministry to the Many.

[00:01:43] Darrin Gray And I do a lot of things that are Ministry to the Many on grand stages and all of these sorts of things as we reflected in Episode 1 with ProPlayerPrayerProject.com and all of those things.

[00:01:55] Darrin Gray But the Ministry to the One is slowing down with the Ministry of Availability.

[00:02:01] Darrin Gray Some people call it the Ministry of Presence.

[00:02:04] Darrin Gray And hey, how can my presence in your life today leave us both a little better than we were?

[00:02:11] Darrin Gray And so it takes a lot of different forms, but it's trying not to overschedule my day.

[00:02:17] Darrin Gray It's trying to leave windows for the things that matter most.

[00:02:24] Darrin Gray I call it living beyond the superficiality of modern culture.

[00:02:28] Darrin Gray Because if we just stay in the superficiality, hey, how are you doing?

[00:02:32] Darrin Gray I rarely ask that question of people.

[00:02:34] Darrin Gray I get asked it a lot because it's just a natural thing for us to do, but I like deeper questions.

[00:02:41] Darrin Gray Things that really prompt us to share who we really are, whose we are, and why we go about doing the things that we do.

[00:02:52] Darrin Gray And so that's what the Ministry of Availability allows me to do and to be clear with the marketplace that I want your best, and I want to share with you the things that perhaps have inspired me to be my best.

[00:03:08] Darrin Gray I like the thought of asking a deeper question than how are you because it does show that you're available for their answer.

[00:03:16] Darrin Gray Like you have time availability and your heart is open to hearing what they're really feeling.

[00:03:23] Darrin Gray Yeah, I love asking the question.

[00:03:25] Darrin Gray I do it all the time.

[00:03:26] Darrin Gray I don't know if I have my printed list here with me, but I may.

[00:03:31] Darrin Gray Oh, I love a printed list.

[00:03:33] Darrin Gray Yeah, I've got it.

[00:03:35] Darrin Gray I'll find it here.

[00:03:36] Darrin Gray It's in my pile somewhere.

[00:03:38] Darrin Gray We can add it to the notes.

[00:03:41] Darrin Gray There you go.

[00:03:41] Darrin Gray Oh, got it.

[00:03:42] Darrin Gray Oh, it's professionally printed.

[00:03:44] Darrin Gray That's nice.

[00:03:45] Darrin Gray Yeah, yeah.

[00:03:46] Darrin Gray So I start, I start, well, you can start in any order, but the one I usually use

[00:03:52] Darrin Gray What it was like to grow up at about age 11.

[00:03:55] Darrin Gray Hmm, 11.

[00:03:57] Darrin Gray When they tell you about age 11, that's kind of before puberty started to change things.

[00:04:05] Darrin Gray Sure, yes.

[00:04:05] Darrin Gray Like whether it was a great childhood or whether it was a really hard childhood, and I get all kinds of responses because I've asked this question countless times, it creates an opening.

[00:04:16] Darrin Gray Then there's simple ones.

[00:04:18] Darrin Gray Hey, what's your favorite book of the Bible?

[00:04:20] Darrin Gray Hey, what did you listen to in the car on the way to meet me today?

[00:04:25] Darrin Gray Oh, that's fun.

[00:04:26] Darrin Gray What is the most valuable character trait?

[00:04:29] Darrin Gray This is a good one.

[00:04:30] Darrin Gray I love this one.

[00:04:30] Darrin Gray What's the most valuable character trait of your closest, I say male friend, because I'm mostly doing this with guys.

[00:04:38] Darrin Gray Sure.

[00:04:39] Darrin Gray Rarely would I be doing this one-on-one with a female because I'm a married man and I have boundaries around that.

[00:04:45] Darrin Gray But the point is your closest male friend, and that one will stop them in their tracks because many of them don't write the, you know, the research says that the average guy has one half of one friend.

[00:04:58] Darrin Gray In other words, only every other guy has one super close friend.

[00:05:02] Darrin Gray Oh, got it.

[00:05:03] Darrin Gray But the other really good one, and you'll like this one is, you know, what societal problem do you feel uniquely burdened for?

[00:05:11] Darrin Gray Oh, wow.

[00:05:12] Darrin Gray Oh, wow.

[00:05:12] Darrin Gray And when you ask that burdened for question, you know, what are you bringing up?

[00:05:15] Darrin Gray It really can begin to do that.

[00:05:19] Darrin Gray And then, you know, the tapestry of this, what would you rather attend?

[00:05:23] Darrin Gray A music concert?

[00:05:25] Darrin Gray A Broadway musical?

[00:05:27] Darrin Gray A premier sporting event?

[00:05:29] Darrin Gray A mountain hike?

[00:05:30] Darrin Gray Would you rather go hunting, skiing, or boating, or something else?

[00:05:34] Darrin Gray What is it?

[00:05:35] Darrin Gray And then when they stop, and I would say Broadway musical, and you guys are quite super surprised by that.

[00:05:41] Darrin Gray You'd be like, really?

[00:05:43] Darrin Gray And I'm like, yeah, I would rather do that than go to the Super Bowl.

[00:05:47] Darrin Gray Now, if you told me that I could go in the locker room after the Super Bowl, then I would preference that.

[00:05:55] Darrin Gray Backstage tour of the Broadway?

[00:05:59] Darrin Gray What's that?

[00:05:59] Darrin Gray Would you rather do a backstage tour of Broadway or the locker room of the Super Bowl?

[00:06:05] Darrin Gray You know, I probably, because it's in scope for me in the moment,

[00:06:12] Darrin Gray Yes.

[00:06:13] Darrin Gray I would choose the in scope because the stories, whether I'm in the winners, then people then go, because I get asked this question all the time.

[00:06:20] Darrin Gray And then it's winner's locker room or loser's locker room.

[00:06:24] Darrin Gray Oh, sure.

[00:06:25] Darrin Gray And I have a whole rubric around which I would choose, which I'll leave you hanging on that one.

[00:06:30] Darrin Gray What?

[00:06:31] Darrin Gray You've thought about this before.

[00:06:32] Darrin Gray I have thought about this deeply.

[00:06:34] Darrin Gray And in the midst of all that, right, all I'm trying to do is use my simple questions,

[00:06:39] Darrin Gray Yes.

[00:06:39] Darrin Gray And then I would choose my simple questions, which I designed just to get people thinking.

[00:06:42] Darrin Gray And of course, you know, you've got to have access.

[00:06:45] Darrin Gray But if you do that at a lunch, you'd be surprised, you know, hey, you're going to lunch to accomplish some sort of an outcome in the world.

[00:06:52] Darrin Gray People sell heating and cooling, right?

[00:06:55] Darrin Gray They do all kinds of things in the world.

[00:06:57] Darrin Gray But if you ask a question like, you know, tell me what it was like around age 11, and they'll oftentimes go, well, what do you mean?

[00:07:04] Darrin Gray And I'm like, you know, just kind of before puberty set in, like, what was it like?

[00:07:08] Darrin Gray And if you just pause, like everybody wants to fill in and answer it for them, just pause.

[00:07:14] Darrin Gray And then be willing to talk about what it was like for you.

[00:07:19] Darrin Gray And yes, you can ask them what their favorite book of the Bible was too.

[00:07:23] Darrin Gray And yes, you know, I also oftentimes I'll close with the last one, which is, hey, what time do you usually wake up on weekday mornings?

[00:07:31] Darrin Gray Now, what that does is it begins to set the stage for, you know, are they a morning processor?

[00:07:37] Darrin Gray Mm-hmm.

[00:07:38] Darrin Gray That's right.

[00:07:38] Darrin Gray Or are they an evening processor?

[00:07:41] Darrin Gray When do they meet the Lord?

[00:07:43] Darrin Gray Because they're more likely to do it, although His mercies are fresh every morning.

[00:07:47] Darrin Gray My wife doesn't do mornings very well at all.

[00:07:50] Darrin Gray And so, you know, I'm not probably going deep in things of faith, but I am.

[00:07:55] Darrin Gray That's how when I meet with the Lord, do my reading, but it allows me to know when their best time is to ask the deeper questions in the future.

[00:08:04] Darrin Gray So those are just a few little things I do.

[00:08:08] Darrin Gray Ministry of availability.

[00:08:10] Darrin Gray Ministry of availability.

[00:08:11] Darrin Gray Okay.

[00:08:12] Darrin Gray Now, one of the other questions that I had, because really practically, you know, it is hard for, it's hard to prioritize what's important versus what's urgent.

[00:08:22] Darrin Gray And I think in being available, if you're bouncing to the things that's on fire, right?

[00:08:30] Darrin Gray The things you've got to do now, otherwise the world's going to crumble.

[00:08:33] Darrin Gray You know, how do you prioritize the things that are important so that you can leave room to be present and available when it's most important, when you might not even be able to anticipate those moments?

[00:08:47] Darrin Gray Hey, I need to talk to you today about something.

[00:08:50] Darrin Gray But before I do, can I ask you, you know, it's using simple things that I used to train my staff to do.

[00:08:58] Darrin Gray Remember, I used to work in big media, 40 million on budget, lots of employees.

[00:09:02] Darrin Gray How do I get them to prioritize years ago?

[00:09:05] Darrin Gray And that made them more effective in what it was they were trying to do, which was to sell advertising and sponsorship and all that stuff.

[00:09:12] Darrin Gray Because they realized that when there's a thread of human connection and trust, that their ability to sell or to advance whatever it is that, you know, whatever category, whether that's in HVAC or in media or anything at all, it all, it all goes.

[00:09:29] Darrin Gray And not to be manipulative, but to be real.

[00:09:32] Darrin Gray And then you have a thread of understanding about who they are.

[00:09:35] Darrin Gray And it's not just, hey, tell me your kids' names.

[00:09:37] Darrin Gray Because people do that, or like they're in their office and they're like studying their walls to find threads of, look, I get it, but just let them share from their own experience before I do.

[00:09:50] Darrin Gray And then they know that you do need to get to that thing.

[00:09:52] Darrin Gray And it's hard sometimes just to, you know, prioritize all of those things.

[00:09:57] Darrin Gray And sometimes it's assuming a future relationship.

[00:10:03] Darrin Gray So the idea is asking for permission to ask.

[00:10:06] Darrin Gray Like, hey, that thing that I wanted to talk about, we didn't even really get to.

[00:10:10] Darrin Gray Could I ask you for permission to come back again and to have another conversation, assuming a future forward relationship?

[00:10:18] Darrin Gray That's the ministry of availability, that it's not one and done, transactional, it's transformational.

[00:10:23] Darrin Gray And it just sort of changes the nature of things, and that's the nature of ministry.

[00:10:28] Darrin Gray It's many, many, many conversations over many years going deep.

[00:10:32] Darrin Gray That's called discipleship.

[00:10:34] Darrin Gray That's a little different than evangelism, right, which is also really important as well.

[00:10:40] Darrin Gray But how do we go deeper?

[00:10:41] Darrin Gray And usually that has to be done with fewer, but there are mass mentoring techniques that can be employed.

[00:10:47] Darrin Gray That can allow you to kind of do those in some larger context.

[00:10:51] Darrin Gray Yeah.

[00:10:52] Darrin Gray Okay, that's so good.

[00:10:53] Darrin Gray I know you have a few stories that you call dungy assignments.

[00:10:59] Darrin Gray Can you share some of those with our listeners?

[00:11:02] Darrin Gray Yeah, remember I live in Indianapolis, and while Tony did live in Indianapolis, he now lives in Tampa, Florida.

[00:11:10] Darrin Gray That's widely known.

[00:11:12] Darrin Gray And so there would be things from time to time.

[00:11:17] Darrin Gray That'd be hard things that would need to be addressed in Indianapolis in particular.

[00:11:23] Darrin Gray And I think of a couple, and you've got to remember I stood in, you know, receiving lines with 10,000 more, so many people like coming to have their moment to get an autographed book or to, you know, just hundreds of different times with him and many other NFL players, coaches, alumni.

[00:11:43] Darrin Gray But just thinking of Tony because of that abiding relationship.

[00:11:49] Darrin Gray And I think of one young man named Darian, and Darian was in a hard place.

[00:11:54] Darrin Gray And he went to a school here in town.

[00:11:57] Darrin Gray And I won't say last name or school to triangulate the truth of that, but what he really needed was the ministry of availability for me to be physically present with him in ways that it was his grandma that reached out, got a hold of Tony through a set of circumstances.

[00:12:14] Darrin Gray And realized that's really in the world we live in, especially in the hard places that oftentimes his grandma because mom and dad might be absent and not engaged.

[00:12:26] Darrin Gray And so I entered in another time it was an ex-felon that had just got back from prison.

[00:12:32] Darrin Gray And this is the craziest story, you guys.

[00:12:35] Darrin Gray And he had gone to a receiving line that was publicly promoted with Tony at a Barnes & Noble.

[00:12:41] Darrin Gray And he was in line, he had his book, and it was a little rushed.

[00:12:47] Darrin Gray And sometimes it can be that way, right?

[00:12:50] Darrin Gray Sometimes you only have 20 seconds, sometimes two minutes.

[00:12:54] Darrin Gray And Tony is so good about making you feel, and Lauren too, of making you feel like you really matter when you have that special moment to get an autograph.

[00:13:03] Darrin Gray And I've seen that happen in countless ways.

[00:13:06] Darrin Gray And in this case, he kind of got ushered through, and while he got an autograph, he missed his moment.

[00:13:12] Darrin Gray And he had just gotten out of prison.

[00:13:14] Darrin Gray And he looked at the next tour stop, and it was in Dallas.

[00:13:21] Darrin Gray And so he rented a car with money that he didn't have.

[00:13:24] Darrin Gray He drove to Dallas.

[00:13:25] Darrin Gray He got back in line, went to the public event, got back in line.

[00:13:33] Darrin Gray And walked all the way through the line again, but this time there was something different.

[00:13:37] Darrin Gray Tony recognized him.

[00:13:40] Darrin Gray And he said, didn't I just see you in Indianapolis, whatever, three days ago, whatever it was.

[00:13:48] Darrin Gray That's remarkable that Tony would even remember, right?

[00:13:50] Darrin Gray Yes, it is.

[00:13:51] Darrin Gray And so in the midst of that, at that moment, Brashan was able to share.

[00:13:56] Darrin Gray This gentleman was able to share with him how his books, as Tony Uncommon, you know, Tony has over 20 books out now, Uncommon, Uncommon Life, Uncommon Default, Uncommon Marriage, Mentor Leader, Quiet Strength, all these.

[00:14:12] Darrin Gray But how those books in many ways had really touched him deeply as he had plenty of time to read when he was incarcerated.

[00:14:20] Darrin Gray And so Tony was faithful because he lived in Indy to connect him to me.

[00:14:27] Darrin Gray And then I brought him to Bible study and took him into places and to the Colts Comp.

[00:14:31] Darrin Gray But just began again, the ministry of availability imperfectly so, like imperfect.

[00:14:37] Darrin Gray And the stories don't all end perfectly.

[00:14:41] Darrin Gray And yet in the moment, how do we prioritize our neighbor's children?

[00:14:47] Darrin Gray And how do we prioritize people in hard places?

[00:14:51] Darrin Gray And that really is, those are just two simple ones.

[00:14:57] Darrin Gray But the one I'll leave you with is on many occasions, my phone, because people have, they want to talk to him but can't really give him telephone number.

[00:15:10] Darrin Gray So I'll be my, I'll call the person, Tony sitting while we're driving from here to there for the next event.

[00:15:17] Darrin Gray And on my phone, I've heard just a lot of suicide, just hard parents that have been in really hard places.

[00:15:31] Darrin Gray And how Tony so artfully has that conversation.

[00:15:35] Darrin Gray And just as I bear witness and listen to a really man of God, a pastor.

[00:15:40] Darrin Gray Tony is in many ways a pastor at his own church in Florida.

[00:15:46] Darrin Gray And so I just have a lot of admiration and just to get to play a tiny little part because he has so many people around him serving in roles like me.

[00:16:00] Darrin Gray And yet, my role is just one of tender availability in whatever the place might be.

[00:16:08] Darrin Gray And from that, hopefully find time to be present for all those people that we encounter.

[00:16:16] Darrin Gray Even when we're not on assignment from somebody, our senior, hey, we're always on assignment from the Lord.

[00:16:24] Darrin Gray And so I just think about that each day.

[00:16:27] Darrin Gray What's my assignment, Lord?

[00:16:28] Darrin Gray What should I look to accomplish today?

[00:16:30] Darrin Gray Even as I go to lunch with my dad in a little bit, being present for him since the loss of my mom, and prioritize my own family on that assignment, which will happen a few hours from now.

[00:16:44] Darrin Gray Yeah, that's so good.

[00:16:45] Darrin Gray Being on assignment in everything you're doing.

[00:16:50] Darrin Gray So you're punching into work and you're on assignment for the Lord.

[00:16:53] Darrin Gray You're going out to lunch with your dad, you're on assignment for the Lord.

[00:16:56] Darrin Gray Maybe it's for your dad, maybe it's for the waitress, maybe it's for someone struggling with homelessness right outside the restaurant.

[00:17:02] Darrin Gray But yeah, always being on assignment throughout our entire day.

[00:17:07] Darrin Gray Yeah, I love that.

[00:17:09] Darrin Gray All right.

[00:17:11] Darrin Gray Well, as we wrap up, Darren, is there anything?

[00:17:14] Darrin Gray I mean, goodness, this has been such a fun conversation around the ministry of availability and being present.

[00:17:21] Darrin Gray Is there anything that you would add?

[00:17:23] Darrin Gray Maybe it's along those lines, maybe it's totally different just as a takeaway.

[00:17:27] Darrin Gray Maybe something actionable, you know, for our listeners, if they were to go out and do something a little different today or the rest of this week, what might you encourage them to do?

[00:17:38] Darrin Gray Opportun Opportunity favors the prepared mind.

[00:17:41] Darrin Gray Well

[00:17:42] Darrin Gray You know, so, you know, these opportunities that you guys are so faithful, Abby and Jess, to use your own giftedness.

[00:17:50] Darrin Gray And I love the exchange between the two of you, what a tender media platform that you've built to bring out the best in others around sharing their faith.

[00:18:03] Darrin Gray But, you know, the opportunities that people have, I don't think most people recognize.

[00:18:09] Darrin Gray I've seen the Barna research around willingness to share their faith, and it's actually pretty low.

[00:18:16] Darrin Gray Yeah.

[00:18:16] Darrin Gray It's not great.

[00:18:17] Darrin Gray So how do we encourage people?

[00:18:19] Darrin Gray Well, first of all, to be in the Word, because the new research that's out, and you guys may have seen this, but people that read the Bible three times a week, two times a week, or one time a week, they are a little bit, have more wholeness in life.

[00:18:36] Darrin Gray But it's at four days.

[00:18:38] Darrin Gray It's at that tipping point.

[00:18:39] Darrin Gray Four or more life wholeness rates begin to go up, and there's multiple measures of that.

[00:18:46] Darrin Gray But I say that to say, start with the Word and the decision.

[00:18:50] Darrin Gray Once that's in place, then how do we sort of just continue to prepare ourselves so that when the opportunities present themselves, because they're all around us, that we can be prepared for those appropriately, as imperfect as we are.

[00:19:07] Darrin Gray Humble and strong confidence that the Lord will sort it out.

[00:19:10] Darrin Gray We don't do the saving, right?

[00:19:12] Darrin Gray Always remember, right?

[00:19:14] Darrin Gray The Lord does, but a kind word at the right time can do a whole lot of good in the world.

[00:19:21] Darrin Gray I love it when science finally catches up with what the Lord is doing.

[00:19:27] Darrin Gray Right.

[00:19:27] Darrin Gray It's like the Bible clearly says the Lord has said over and over again, like, be in relationship with me, spend time with me.

[00:19:35] Darrin Gray And now research is like, oh, if you spend time in your Bible, you know, your life is going to be more on fire for Him.

[00:19:42] Darrin Gray And yeah, I love that you brought that statistic up.

[00:19:46] Darrin Gray Thank you.

[00:19:47] Darrin Gray So prepare and be observant.

[00:19:49] Darrin Gray Be ready for those opportunities.

[00:19:52] Darrin Gray They'll be there.

[00:19:53] Darrin Gray All right.

[00:19:54] Darrin Gray So good.

[00:19:55] Darrin Gray Darren, thank you so much.

[00:19:57] Darrin Gray Thank you for listening to the Ask But My Faith podcast.

[00:20:01] Darrin Gray We'd love your support in continuing to bring you encouraging and inspiring stories.

[00:20:05] Darrin Gray Please subscribe, rate, and review wherever you're listening.

[00:20:08] Darrin Gray And you can learn more about us and donate at askbutmyfaith.com.

[00:20:13] Darrin Gray God bless you this week as you go out and share your faith.

[00:20:17] Darrin Gray And you can learn more about us and donate more to us and subscribe to our channel.